


Finding Happiness

by Atlanta18



Series: The Girl Who Lived and the Winter Soldier [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BAMF Harry Potter, Bittersweet Ending, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Captain America Steve Rogers, Captain America: The First Avenger, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, Female Harry Potter, Flashbacks, Harry Potter is called Helen Potter, Hopeful Ending, Kind Harry Potter, Language of Flowers, Love Letters, POV Bucky Barnes, POV Harry Potter, POV Steve Rogers (briefly), Post-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Red-Haired Harry Potter, Romantic Bucky Barnes, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Gestures, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Sweet Bucky Barnes, Time Travel, Time Travelling Harry Potter, True Love, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:20:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 114,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23519080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atlanta18/pseuds/Atlanta18
Summary: Helen Potter is feeling depressed and guilty after the death of her godfather Sirius Black and the aftermath of Voldemort’s defeat. Unable to sleep she makes a wish one night to find love and be happy. She expects to find herself in an alternate universe where her parents are still alive, but to her surprise she’s in 1940s Brooklyn. After blending in she meets Steve Rogers and his friend Bucky Barnes. What follows is a journey of love, joy, grief and friendship. But can Helen really stay here when she doesn’t actually belong in this time period? Will she find everything she wished for only to have it ripped away? Well they do say that the course of true love never runs smooth and when has anything in Helen’s life been easy?
Relationships: Harry Potter & Other(s), Harry Potter & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Harry Potter, Peggy Carter & Harry Potter, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Series: The Girl Who Lived and the Winter Soldier [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692388
Comments: 132
Kudos: 555
Collections: Harry_PotterxMarvel_xSC





	1. A Fateful Wish

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick but important note, take note of Helen’s final age in the story, it’s important for a future one. Also I’m British so there will be British spellings used instead of American ones.
> 
> Ps- The timeline of Harry Potter is pushed forward ten years so to fit in with the Avengers and Captain America movies timeline.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the story :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen makes a wish, ends up in the 1940s and meets Steve and Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has now been edited to fit with the changes I’ve made to the plot as of 22nd June 2020.

* * *

  
Moonlight streamed through the small window of a young woman’s bedroom. It was the middle of the night and the other occupants of the house were all fast asleep. But the young lady who was leaning against the cool glass of the window was not. Sleep did not come easy to her. Recent events meant that she was plagued by insomnia and on the rare occasion she did manage to fall asleep nightmares ripped her from her slumber. So instead of sleeping she sat on the windowsill and looked up at the stars.

Stars now had a new meaning for her. They brought a comfort that nothing and no one else could bring. It was not their bright light or delicate beauty, though she has always thought the stars had a certain charm about them. No it was because of the constellations, or rather one particular part of a constellation. Sirius, the Dog Star, the brightest star in the constellation Canis Major. For Sirius Black, the deceased godfather of Helen Potter, was very important to this girl. After all the girl sitting at the window was Helen Potter.

The death of her godfather still haunted Helen even though it had happened a few years ago. She couldn’t close her eyes without seeing Sirius fall through the arch on the dais. Guilt tore through her like a violent storm because Sirius wouldn’t be dead if it wasn’t for her. Despite what everyone told her Helen could not help but feel that it was all her fault. Sirius was in the Department of Mysteries because Helen had stupidly allowed Voldemort to plant a vision of her godfather being tortured there. Unable to let Sirius die she dragged her friends to the Ministry to save him but he wasn’t there. Helen and her friends were ambushed by Death Eaters who wanted a prophecy and Sirius had come to rescue them as part of the Order.

Yes, Helen thought miserably, it was all because of me. Hermione warned me that it might be a trap and I didn’t listen. Sirius is dead because I was so stupid.

Sighing, Helen tried to think of happier things. Thankfully it would be her birthday in the morning and as well as receiving cards and gifts from the likes of Ron, Hermione and Hagrid and the rest of the Weasleys, she knew that Mrs Weasley had planned a birthday party for her. She was enjoying her current stay at the Burrow and Mrs Weasley was already fussing over her and cooking wonderful meals for her. And who knows perhaps the joy of the occasion would banish dark thoughts about Sirius’ death and the awful memories of the war to the back of her mind.  
  


But even the warm atmosphere of the Burrow and the caring presence of those she loved could not cheer her up. She hadn’t slept in three days. She just couldn’t fall asleep without a nightmare happening. All that had happened in the last ten years was haunting her mind. She had witnessed too many deaths to be able to sleep the whole night. First Cedric, then Sirius and finally Dumbledore. She was sick of seeing those she loved did every time she closed her eyes so she did everything in her power to stay awake. Hermione was not happy about this latest development but she tried not to mention it too much. The brunette knew more than anyone how much Helen had struggled these last few years so instead she said nothing and let Helen share the bed with her and Ron whenever it got too much.

Except this time she wasn’t platonically sharing the bed with her two romantically involved best friends. Mainly because she wasn’t in the room they were sharing. Why? Because she wasn’t at the Burrow at all. She was at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, Sirius’ childhood home and former headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix.

Helen knew that it was wrong to leave the Burrow without telling anybody but she was honestly too sleep deprived to realise that she had left without anyone knowing until she had actually arrived at Grimmauld Place.

Right now she was currently in Sirius’ old room sitting by the window. She knew that she really shouldn’t be here but she just had to be in a place that reminded her of her godfather and his childhood room that was filled with all his stuff just seemed like the only logical place for that.

Sighing softly, Helen glanced back up at the stars. She smiled sadly when she caught sight of the Dog Star. A faint memory of Aunt Petunia telling Dudley about wishing on a star entered her mind. Dudley had only been four and had lapped it up eagerly. He had wished for a new bike for his birthday and sure enough on his fifth birthday his wish had been granted. Helen knew that it wasn’t the star that had given Dudley the bike but Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon, yet the thought intrigued her.

Would she feel better if she gave into the childish game of wishing upon a star? Helen thought it was unlikely but perhaps it would be fun. And feeling like something would be fun was probably the best feeling that she felt in a while. Turning back to the window she saw that the stars twinkled and it seemed that the Dog Star did so the brightest.

Taking this as a sign, Helen looked up at the star version of her godfather and thought of something to wish for. It was at this moment that she felt confusion. What was she supposed to wish for? The thing she wanted the most, Sirius to be alive, was an impossible wish. Dumbledore had once said that nothing could bring back the dead and though her faith in him had been shaky for a short while she still trusted her headmaster implicitly. Because in the end Dumbledore had come through for her and was still very much the man she had known for six years. She would do anything right now to get some of his advice. He always knew what to do.

So what should she wish for?

And then as the stars continued to twinkle an idea struck her. What if she wished to be happy again? This feeling of hopelessness was really starting to get annoying and she didn’t want to return to the Burrow all depressed and angry. It was worth a shot. And despite it being a simple form of entertainment for children Helen started to really believe in the idea.

Clasping her hands together she focused on the Dog Star and whispered, ‘Starlight, star bright, the first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight...’

Helen took a deep breath and uttered her wish.

‘I wish that I could be happy again. That I might find true love and happiness.’

Hopping down from the windowsill Helen climbed into bed and settled into the covers. Wishing on a star did help some. She almost wanted to laugh at indulging in such a frivolous thing. Thinking what Hermione would say caused a true smile to stretch across her face. Something that she had been lacking for the last few days.

Closing her eyes, she let out a sigh. She just hoped that it was enough to stop dreaming about Sirius’ death and the war for one night.

But then as she turned over she felt the strangest sensation in her stomach. Her eyes flew open in alarm. It was almost as if she had grabbed onto a Portkey and was now spinning to its set location.

But that couldn’t be right. Unless her sheets had somehow been turned into a Portkey then it was impossible for her to have grabbed onto a Portkey. Biting back a scream she scrambled around for the lamp on the bedside table. A crashing sound came from her left and she jumped at the sudden noise.

A blinding light soared across her vision and she couldn’t hold back her scream this time. Feeling as if she was spinning out of control Helen’s vision blackened and she was falling... falling... falling...

And then she felt herself crash back down. Except instead of feeling the soft comfort of Sirius’ bed she felt as if she had landed on cold hard concrete. But unless she had somehow managed to fall out the window then surely she was still in her bed. After all if she had really fallen out of the window then she had to be seriously injured and apart from feeling a little dizzy she felt completely fine.

Slowly Helen opened her eyes and looked around her. It turned out that she had landed on cold hard concrete. Shivering slightly due to the fact she was in a thin pair of pyjamas, Helen got up and dusted herself off. Thankfully it was the middle of the night so no one would see her wandering the streets in her pyjamas trying to find Sirius’ old house again.

If she had indeed fallen out of the window then she wouldn’t have to go far to get back inside the house. But as she walked around the side of the house she realised that somehow she was not in Grimmauld Place. Sighing she searched around for a sign of anything familiar, knowing that if she recognised something that it would give her a rough idea how far away she was from number twelve, Grimmauld Place. But she spotted nothing that was familiar. In fact the whole street seemed unfamiliar and Helen was pretty familiar with everything surrounding Grimmauld Place, having spent quite a bit of time here over the years.

But maybe you’re not in Grimmauld Place or even London, a dark voice said in her head. Could it be possible? Had she somehow managed to end up somewhere else in the country? No, a Hermione sounding voice said, it can’t be possible, you were in bed, you can’t have left all of a sudden.

Knowing she wouldn’t get any answers standing in one place, Helen began to walk around. As she did, the buildings were just as unfamiliar as the side of the house she just left. A sense of foreboding washed over her. None of these buildings looked anything like she had ever seen before, not even in the wizarding world.

Knowing from experience that panicking would get her nowhere, she took a Hermione approach and started searching for clues that would tell her where she was. Unfortunately all the street names she saw were completely unfamiliar. Well at least she now knew she definitely wasn’t in Grimmauld Place. Moving along further she saw a small row of shops. Thinking this was the best way of finding out where she was, Helen edged closer and read the names on the signs.

Greengrocers, butchers, bakery, flower shop....

Helen sighed defeatedly. None of the names gave away any sign of where on earth she was. Exhausted, she slumped down on the edge of the pavement. Figuring it was better to wait until morning to ask someone what this town was called, she curled up and rested her eyes.

* * *

‘Miss? Miss? Are you alright, dear?’

Startling at the sound of the voice Helen opened her eyes and looked around. An elderly lady with a kind face peered down at her with concern.

‘Uh, yeah, I’m fine, ma’am. Just fell asleep for a moment.’

The elderly lady put a hand on her shoulder and smiled gently. ‘Perhaps you should come inside, dear. You look frozen. Come on in and get warmed up. My husband and I own the flower shop, you can join me in there while you get back on your feet.’

‘Oh no, I couldn’t possibly. I mean, it’s very nice of you to offer, but I really should be getting back to my aunt and uncle’s house. Do you have any idea how I get to Grimmauld Place?’

The woman looked confused. ‘Grimmauld Place? Where’s that, dear?’

‘It’s in London. Have you never been?’

‘We really should get inside, love. You’re confused, the cold certainty wouldn’t have helped. Why, you’ve forgotten where you are!’

She held out a wrinkled hand and Helen, not wanting to be rude, took it.

‘There you go, dear. Let’s go inside now.’

Helen let herself be led inside the small flower shop. It was rather cramped and not very warm but she supposed that the lady didn’t really live here.

‘Are you feeling better now, dear?’ The old woman asked once they were both seated.

‘A little. So how come you’ve never heard of Grimmauld Place?’

The old woman frowned. ‘My dear, do you still think you’re in England?’

Helen frowned too, confused by the woman’s answer. ‘Yes, why wouldn’t we be? Unless we’re in Scotland?’

‘No, love, we’re not in any of those countries. Now I understand from your accent that you’re British and perhaps you haven’t been here long. Of course sleeping on the street must have confused you so it’s understandable that you’ve forgotten where you are.’

‘Excuse me, ma’am, I don’t mean to be rude but I have no idea what you’re talking about. If we’re not in Britain then where are we.’

‘We’re in Brooklyn, dear.’

‘Brooklyn? In America?’

‘Yes, dear.’

Helen tried not to feel too panicked in case it showed on her face and further alarmed the woman. But it was hard. She was in Brooklyn, a place she had only heard of in name. It never occurred to her until just now how much of a sheltered life she had led. She spent ten years at the Dursleys and then went back and forth from Hogwarts to Privet Drive, on occasion heading to the Burrow and Grimmauld Place. And not much changed after the war. She only really went from her little flat in London to Ron and Hermione’s house or the Burrow. She hadn’t even left the country before and it scared her that suddenly she had.

Helen knew a lot about America, in part due to Dudley’s excessive TV watching and partly because Hermione read everything. But very few things were written about Brooklyn. It was mostly about New York. Brooklyn was mentioned in passing but as far as knowing enough about it to live there until she was able to get back to Grimmauld Place and then the Burrow, she knew next to nothing. Hopefully this woman would be kind enough to help her further.

‘Are you sure you’re alright, dear?’

Helen nodded. ‘Positive. It’s just I’ve never been here before and I have nowhere to stay. It’s all a little overwhelming, I guess.’

The woman gently patted her hand in sympathy. ‘It’s alright, dear. I’m sure once you get settled somewhere everything will feel better. There’s a woman’s shelter down the road where you can stay. Do you have any clothes, love?’

‘Uh, no. I don’t, actually. These are my pyjamas. Is there anywhere I can buy clothes?’

‘Of course, my dear. I have some spare that my daughter left that you can borrow just now. I’ll give you some money to buy more. Just you wait right there.’

‘Oh no, ma’am. Please, I couldn’t take your money. You’ve done enough for me.’

The woman shook her head. ‘Nonsense, dear. I wouldn’t feel right if I let you leave without doing everything I could to help you. Anyway I have some savings that I can spare. Please don’t fret.’

Helen smiled and nodded. Satisfied, the woman turned around and went through a door that seemed to lead to accommodation. While she was gone Helen took the opportunity to look around.

It seemed fairly typical for a flower shop. Rows of different kinds of flowers ranging from common flowers like roses and rarer flowers like acacia littered the storefront. Examples of arrangements you could get were on display on the counter. A brass till sat at the end of shop. The daily newspaper was sitting on the counter.

Curious, Helen picked it up. And what she saw caused a trill of shock and fear to go through her. The date was August 1, 1941.

Was this an old newspaper? Did the woman perhaps collect old newspapers? But then again apart from the year the date seemed pretty accurate. When Helen made her wish it was the night before her birthday, July 31st. The paper said the date was August 1st, the day after. Maybe a couple of days had passed without her realising it.

But the year, the year couldn’t possibly be right. 1941. As far as she knew it was 2011. There was no way she could be seven decades in the past. Time travel was possible of course, but the maximum you could go was around five hours with a time turner. This was way more than that.

Just then the old woman came back down the stairs with a small suitcase in her hand. ‘Here you go, dear. That should do you for a week.’

Helen took the suitcase and thanked the woman. Then as casually as she could manage she asked about the newspaper, ‘Is that today’s paper?’

‘Yes, of course. Would you like to read it?’

Helen shook her head. ‘No, ma’am. But it definitely is 1941?’

‘Yes, dear. What year did you think it was?’

‘1941. I was just checking.’

The old woman nodded. ‘Yes, I imagine you would be confused after spending all night in the cold. You’re lucky it’s not wintertime, it gets positively frosty.’

‘Yeah, it was not my best moment.’

‘Don’t you worry, dear. It happens to us all.’

Helen nodded absently. ‘Is there somewhere I can change?’

‘Oh yes, dear. Just head on upstairs and you’ll find the washroom on your left.’

‘Thank you, ma’am. You’ve been most kind.’

‘Oh, stop with all this ma’am nonsense. Call me Mrs King if you must be all formal. But never mind with the ma’am.’

‘Of course, Mrs King. Thank you again.’

Mrs King gave her a warm smile. ‘Off you go, dear. And be sure to pop in every now and then. I’d like to know how you’re doing.’

Helen nodded once more and climbed the stairs. She found the bathroom with ease. Closing the door she opened the suitcase and found seven outfits neatly packed on top of one another. It was strange seeing the old fashioned outfits in front of her and even stranger that these seven decade old outfits were the latest fashion right now.

She quickly glanced in the mirror and what she saw startled her. All of her scars were gone. The lightning bolt scar on her forehead, the small cut on her left forearm from when Wormtail had sliced her arm in the graveyard. The writing on her hand that that toad Umbridge caused with the blood quill. And the worst one of all: the long jagged cut up her right arm that Bellatrix Lestrange had carved with her knife in Malfoy Manor. That one was a reminder of something that she would rather forget. Glancing at her reflection again she marvelled at the lack of scars. It was almost as if they had never been here at all, which she supposed made sense. The years that she had got all of her scars hadn’t happened yet so it was understandable that they weren’t there yet, even if it was a little weird. 

Turning back to the suitcase she selected a simple pink dress with eyelet detailing she put it on and pulled out pinkish red shoes to match. Looking in the mirror and feeling as if she was in an old photo she headed back downstairs.

Mrs King smiled when she saw her. ‘Oh my dear, you look lovely. Simply stunning. Now come sit down and I’ll do your hair.’

Helen obliged and sat perfectly still as Mrs King pinned and curled her hair into an elegant hairstyle she had only seen in old war movies.

‘There, dear. What do you think? You have such a lovely hair colour that you didn’t need much done to stand out.’

‘It’s lovely. Thank you, Mrs King.’

‘You’re very welcome, dear. Now you run along and get yourself something to eat. And remember to come visit one day.’

‘Thank you, I will. Uh, my name is Helen, by the way.’

‘Oh, such a beautiful name. I apologise, I forgot to ask for it. I was just in such a hurry to make sure you were alright that it must have slipped my mind.’

‘It’s alright, Mrs King. I’ll come back soon, I promise.’

‘Goodbye, Helen. Be sure that you do.’

With one last wave goodbye Helen walked out of the flower shop. It was odd how rapidly her life had changed. One minute she was gazing at the stars and making a wish and the next she was seventy years back in time. Well, she couldn’t say that strange things didn’t happen to her.

But the question was why was she here? Surely she couldn’t have just landed so far in the past by accident. And as Hermione said time travel was dangerous, you could change something and accidentally cause the whole future to change. That’s why the Ministry of Magic had set a five hour time limit on time turners. Any further back and the results could be catastrophic. Which was why she had to remain hidden, she couldn’t be seen by a lot of people. She might bump into somebody important and undo an important event that would define the future.

Luckily she wasn’t in England. There was little chance of bumping into a relative here. It was highly unlikely she was going to bump into her great grandmother or grandfather and mess things up.

But that brought her to another question. Why was she in Brooklyn? The place had no significance to her family and she herself had only heard of it in passing. Why would she be sent here?

Helen tried to think back to her last night in what was now the future. She couldn’t sleep so she gazed at the stars. And then she made a wish and got into bed. It was then that strange things started to happen. And then before she knew it she was spinning out of control and found herself in the past.

Nothing she had done had seemed out of ordinary. It was becoming her usual nightly routine in fact. The only thing different was the fact that she made a wish. A wish to find true love and happiness...

And then it hit her. That was why she was here. She had made a wish to find true love and happiness and it was being granted. It was strange but it made sense. It certainly made more sense than some of the other things that have happened to her. But why 1941 Brooklyn?

Who or what was here that was so significant that it was going to cause her to find true love and happiness? If Helen was honest then she had always pictured going back in time and meeting her parents. If excessive time travel was possible then she always pictured herself going back to a time when her parents were alive and getting to know them.

But maybe that would change too much. Her parents might remember knowing a girl called Helen and then having a daughter called Helen who looked a lot like this girl they once knew would raise their suspicions. Or maybe they would figure out that she was their daughter. After all she did look so much like her parents and someone was bound to notice that two people who said they weren’t related had the exact same eyes. Yeah, it would definitely change too much. Helen could already hear Hermione’s rant about meddling with time.

This was better. She would just stay out of sights and hope for the best. It couldn’t be too hard. She wasn’t famous here. She would be able to go out places without being recognised. This would be easy.

A scream broke her thoughts. It sounded pained. Was someone hurt? Then she heard voices. One sounded angry, the other scared yet defiant. Was there a fight going on? The noise traveled further and she was able to detect it was coming from the alley in front of her.

Deciding to check it out she quickly ran and stopped dead in her tracks at the sight at the end of the alley.

Two men were leaning against the brick wall. One was tall and muscular, he reminded Helen of Crabbe and Goyle, if they had muscles instead of being fat. He had an iron grip on the other one and was drawing back his fist to punch him in the face.

Helen couldn’t take it anymore. The punch landed hard and broke the poor man’s nose. He looked like he couldn’t take much more of this. He was rather small and frail looking, he didn’t stand a chance against this giant of a man. She felt sick to her stomach, she had to stop this.

‘Leave him ALONE!’

The two men turned to locate the noise and looked mildly surprised to see that it was a woman who shouted.

The taller man dropped the smaller one and he landed into a heap on the ground. ‘Hey, toots. This is none of ya business. So why don’t ya get outta here?’

‘Don’t talk to her like that!’ The smaller man yelled.

The taller man turned to face him. ‘You better shut up before I break your leg, pal!’

‘I don’t care what you do to me. You can’t talk to a woman like that!’

The taller man didn’t give a verbal response, he punched the smaller man hard in the jaw instead. He landed on the ground with a groan.

‘Stop that right now!’

‘I told ya, it ain’t none of ya business.’

‘What’s he done to you that causes you to treat him like that?’

‘This one decided to be a smart one and talk back to me. I don’t like ta be insulted so I had ta teach him a lesson. You understand, don’cha?’

‘No, I don’t understand! I don’t care what he said to you! It doesn’t give you the right to treat him like that!’

‘Listen here, little miss Britain. Don’t you think that you can come over here and start telling us what to do in your posh little accent!’

‘Who do you think you are? You can’t treat people like that! Now leave him alone! Haven’t you caused him enough pain?’

‘No, I haven’t. And now I’m thinking you need to be taught a lesson too.’

He stepped forward as if he intended to grab her but before he could take another step a loud voice rang out behind her.

‘Hey! The lady said to leave him alone!’

Helen turned around and saw a tall dark haired man standing with a threatening scowl on his face.

‘I’m not gonna tell ya again, buddy! Leave them both alone and get outta here!’

The brute made his way forward and attempted to punch him but the newcomer seemed to have anticipated this and gave a punch that sent him reeling. The man soon ran off, leaving Helen standing there with the two men.

The dark haired man stepped closer to her. ‘Hey, thanks for stepping in there. That was a brave thing to do, especially for a lady like yourself.’

‘Oh, it’s alright. I couldn’t just stand there and let him get beat up like that.’

The dark haired man smiled. ‘Well, we’re both thankful anyway.’

‘No problem.’

The smaller man had gotten up now. Without the tall man standing in front of him, Helen managed to get a good look at him. He had blond hair and bright blue eyes. He was very skinny. It showed in his face especially, his cheek bones jutted out a lot. He was also rather small, he was shorter than Helen by a few inches.

The dark haired man rushed over to make sure he was okay and after a few minutes of fussing they both made their way over to her.

‘Thanks for helping me there. It was really nice of you.’ The blond said, smiling shyly.

‘Oh, it’s no trouble.’

‘I’m Steve. Steve Rogers.’

Helen smiled and shook the offered hand. The blond, Steve, gave her hand a gentle shake.

‘Nice to meet you, Steve.’

His friend stepped up next. ‘James Barnes. But everyone calls me Bucky.’

When Helen took his offered hand, she was surprised to find him bring it up to his lips and softly kiss it. But perhaps it was normal to greet women that way in this time period.

Realising she hadn’t introduced herself back, she quickly said, ‘My name is Helen. Helen... Evans.’

She hadn’t expected to use her mother’s maiden name but after seeing Snape’s worst memory a few years ago the name was burned into her mind. And it would be nice to not be Helen Potter for once in her life, even if she wasn’t famous in this time it was still a burden to be Helen Potter. Yes, Helen Evans would do nicely.

‘Nice to meet ya, Helen.’ Bucky said, smiling.

‘Are you from England?’ Steve asked quietly.

‘Yes. I just moved here yesterday.’

Well it wasn’t exactly a lie. She had come here yesterday even if it wasn’t in the way that they were probably thinking she did.

‘A British gal, are ya? How are you likin’ Brooklyn so far?’

Bucky’s question was a perfectly normal one to ask but she hadn’t been expecting it so it took a couple of minutes for her to come up with a response.

‘Oh, it’s nice. I’ve never seen a place like it.’

‘Yep, there’s no better place than Brooklyn, right Stevie?’

‘There sure isn’t, Buck.’

‘So, you settled into your new place yet?’

Helen looked into Bucky’s pale blue eyes and found that she couldn’t lie to him. ‘Actually, I don’t have a place yet.’

Both Bucky and Steve looked shocked and appalled by this.

‘How come you don’t have a place to stay?’ Steve asked, concerned.

‘Uh, well, I just got here yesterday and I haven’t had the time.’

‘You can come and stay with us.’ Bucky offered.

Helen shook her head. ‘No, I couldn’t. It’s fine. I’ll just go to the woman’s shelter.’

Bucky frowned. ‘You ain’t going to the woman’s shelter when we’ve offered ya a place to stay. Okay, it’s a little small but there’s plenty room for the three of us. Come on, doll. I insist.’

Steve nodded earnestly. ‘Absolutely. It’s no trouble. Come stay with us.’

‘Well, if you insist.’ Helen said reluctantly.

‘We do.’ Bucky said firmly.

Helen sighed. ‘Then I guess I don’t have a choice. Lead the way.’

Helen followed Bucky and Steve to their apartment. It seemed that she had thrown the idea of staying quiet out of the window. Staying with two strange men definitely wasn’t staying hidden. But they seemed nice enough and she didn’t recognise them at all so she wouldn’t be affecting much.

Perhaps it was time to stop worrying about changing the past and just go with the flow. Hermione wasn’t here to nag so it seemed like a good idea.

Yes, Helen thought as she followed a smiling Bucky up the stairwell, that’s exactly what I’ll do.


	2. Lost in the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen begins to adjust to living in the past and is enjoying Steve and Bucky’s company. Meanwhile Bucky is attracted to Helen and intends to woo her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has now been edited to fit with the changes I’ve made to the plot as of 22nd June 2020.

* * *

  
A few days had passed and Helen had settled fairly well into the past. It was easy living with Bucky and Steve. They were respectful and kind. But being so far in the past was hard, especially when her two roommates had no idea that to her 1941 was the past.

  
Emerging from her makeshift bedroom she found Steve and Bucky sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast.

  
  
‘Mornin’ doll.’ Bucky said, lifting his hand in greeting.

‘Good morning.’

Steve has his mouth full so opted to simply wave his hand instead of speaking.

‘I’m going in the shower. I’ll be out soon.’

‘Okay. We’ll be here, doll.’

Bucky watched her go with a longing expression. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and he had seen a lot of girls. Her hair was a vibrant shade of red and her eyes sparkled in a lovely way, likeemeralds glinting in the sun. She was stunning and Bucky was hit with a wave of feelings he never thought he’d experience.

‘What’s with the look?’ Steve asked curiously.

Bucky turned to him with a frown. ‘What look?’

‘What d’you mean what look? The look you just gave Helen.’

‘I didn’t give her a look. What you on about, Stevie?’

Steve snorted. ‘Yeah, right. That’s not the look you get when you’re thinkin’ of goin’ after a dame. My mistake.’

Bucky hit him on the arm. ‘Quit it with the sarcasm, punk. You don’t know nothin’. I just think Helen’s pretty.’

‘I ain’t denyin’ that, Buck. I’m just sayin’ be careful. It might get messy with her livin’ with us an’ everythin’.’

Bucky glared at Steve and opened his mouth to retort, but at that moment Helen walked out of the bathroom looking put together in a simple long sleeved mint green shirt dress, hair curled perfectly and lips a rosy red.

‘Good morning, boys.Sleep well?’

‘We slept fine, right Stevie?’

Steve cast a searching look at Bucky before turning to Helen and nodding. ‘Yeah, it was great. How bout you?’

‘Oh, I slept fine. Any plans for today?’ Helen asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

‘Not really. Anything you want to do, since you’re, ya know, new in town?’ Bucky said, unconsciously running a hand through his hair.

Helen paused. Was it acceptable for a woman to go out with two men that weren’t her husband or fiancé? She silently shrugged. It must be if Bucky was asking if she wanted to do anything. It obviously wasn’t a big deal, she just needed to shut up that Hermione sounding voice in her head.

Realising she had taken too long to answer she hurried to say, ‘I’d like to go shopping if that’s okay. I only have seven outfits with me and I want to buy some more. I can go alone if you don’t want to come. I know shopping isn’t exactly the ideal past time for men.’

Bucky chuckled. ‘No, I’m more than happy to take you shopping. Steve’s staying in ‘til his nose heals. I can’t trust him not to get in another fight and I’d prefer his nose not to be broken when that happens. So, anyway, uh.. when’d you wanna go?’

‘Right now?’

Bucky nodded. ‘Yeah, that’s fine, doll. Just let me get ready and we’ll go.’

He hurried off to his bedroom and shut the door.

‘Is your nose alright?’

Steve looked up from his toast to see Helen looking at him in concern.

‘Uh yeah. In a few days it’ll be as good as new, I just need to ice it and try not to jostle it too much.’

Helen nodded. ‘If you’re sure. You don’t mind being left here alone?’

‘’Course I am. I’d be lost in a shop full of women’s clothes anyway.’

Helen laughed. ‘Yeah, I know the look. I’m sure you’re not that bad, but clothes shopping isn’t for everyone.’

Steve smiled. ‘Oh, it’s definitely not my thing. I, um, talking to girls isn’t exactly my strong suit.’

‘You’re talking to me just fine.’ Helen pointed out.

Steve shook his head almost sadly. ‘Well, you saved me from getting beat up. My ma would never forgive me if I didn’t thank someone properly. Anyway, you’re easy to talk to.’

‘How come?’

‘I guess there’s just no pressure ‘cause I don’t have to try and impress you. We’re not on a date, I can just relax instead of worrying.’

‘You go on a lot of dates?’

‘Just double dates that Bucky sets up.’

‘Ah, and he’s popular with the ladies and so your date ends up ignoring you and tries to flirt with him.’

‘Pretty much.’

‘Yikes. Well, I’m sure the right girl is just around the corner.’

‘How will I know she’s the right one?’

‘She’ll ignore Bucky and flirt with you the whole time.’

‘I’d like that.’

‘It’ll happen, trust me.’

‘Thank you. That’s nice of you to say, even though it’ll never happen. No girl will ever see past all this.’ he said, gesturing to his skinniness.

‘The right one will. Love is blind as they say.’

‘You’re lovely.’

‘And you’re a gentleman.’

Just then Bucky came out of his room, fully dressed and looking at Helen expectingly. ‘You ready to go, doll?’

Helen nodded. ‘Yes, let me just get my purse.’

* * *

Twenty minutes later Bucky led Helen to the nearest clothes shop and they both went inside.

‘So how many outfits are you thinkin’ of buyin’?’ Bucky asked as he gently threw a chosen dress over his arm.

‘I don’t have an exact number. I just want enough in my wardrobe so I have options to wear on laundry day.’

‘Good idea, doll. What about this one?’

He held up a red cotton dress and showed it to her. Helen examined it critically. ‘I like it. Add it to the pile.’

‘Your wish is my command.’ Bucky said, exaggerating a bow so Helen would laugh.

‘So, why do people call you Bucky if your first name is actually James?’ Helen asked after a few moments of silence.

‘Well, James is such a common name, ya know. I had four other boys in my school called James and people had to come up with a stupid nickname to differentiate us. Like ‘Tall James’ and ‘Blond James’. And nobody wants that so Steve came up with Bucky.’

‘And why did he choose Bucky of all things?’

Bucky chuckled. ‘My middle name is Buchanan so Steve just shortened it. It stuck I guess.’

‘I like it. It’s unique.’

‘Thanks, doll.’

Helen smiled but said nothing in response. Up close she could see why Bucky was popular amongst girls. He was handsome, almost unfairly so. Eyes an icy blue, hair a dark brown, with a chiseled jaw. If Helen actually belonged in this time she might have considered dating Bucky herself. But she didn’t and she couldn’t start something with the man only to have it ripped away when she got sent back to her own time. The thought of him being heartbroken over her was something she couldn’t stand. It wasn’t possible for them to be together.

‘You okay, doll?’ Bucky asked, frowning at her in concern.

‘Oh yes, I’m fine. Why?’

‘You looked lost there for a minute. Just wanted to make sure nothing was wrong.’

‘You’re sweet, Bucky. I’m just thinking about home.’

‘Oh. What about it? You miss it?’

‘No. I haven’t been away long enough to miss it, I suppose. It’s so different here though and I was comparing it.’

Bucky smiled. ‘Oh? What things are different then?’

Helen returned the smile, her mind immediately going to Ron and Hermione. ‘Well, different people for a start. And the buildings, they’re nothing like I’ve ever seen before. It’s strange but in a good way.’

‘A good way, huh? Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying it, sugar.’

‘Sugar?’

‘Yeah, I think it suits you. ‘Cause you’re, ya know, sweet an’ everythin’.’

Helen didn’t think the expression ‘melt your heart’ had any kind of truth to it, but Bucky’s words certainly made her question it. She had never felt so touched in all of her life.

‘You think I’m sweet?’

‘Sure I do. Really, I mean it. I heard all that stuff you said to Stevie about finding the right girl and I know I wasn’t supposed to overhear, but _god_ doll, that was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.’

Helen blushed. Well, her heart had certainly melted now. In fact she was sure it now lay in a puddle at her feet.

‘Oh Bucky, that- that’s so _nice_ of you to say. Thank you.’

Bucky flashed her a dazzling smile. ‘Ain’t no problem, doll. All I’m doin’ is speaking the truth.’

‘Well truth or not, it was kind of you. You didn’t have to say all those things but you did. So thank you, _really_ .’

‘You’re welcome. You ready to pay?’

‘I am. You can wait outside. I’ll just be a second.’

‘No, no, no. I’m not waiting outside. I’m helping you carry all these clothes to the till. Can’t have you struggling when I could easily help.’

Helen chuckled and shook her head. ‘Bucky, I’ll be fine. I’m stronger than I look, don’t worry.’

Bucky gave her a crooked smile. ‘I don’t doubt that, doll, but I insist. I’m a gentleman and a gentleman always helps a lady.’

‘Alright, if you insist. Lead the way, Mr Barnes.’

Bucky took the clothes from her arms. ‘After you, Miss Evans.’

After paying for the clothes Helen and Bucky began to head back to the apartment.

‘So, any plans for tonight?’ Helen asked as they walked up the street.

‘No, I’m planning on staying in. Why? Is there some place you’d like to go? ‘Cause I can take you if you want.’

‘No, I don’t want to go anywhere. I just thought you might be going out with a girl, that’s all.’

Bucky’s brows furrowed in confusion. ‘A girl? Why would I be going out with a girl tonight?’

‘For the usual purposes. You know, dating.’

‘Dating? I’m not dating anyone. Why would you think that?’

‘I didn’t mean that kind of dating. I meant like a first date or something like that.’

‘Oh. I see. Well, I’m not interested in anyone so no, I’m not going out on a date of any kind tonight.’

‘Oh. Alright then.’

Nothing was said after this and Helen couldn’t help but feel that she’d said something wrong. Maybe it wasn’t acceptable to talk about dating this casually. Well, she’d apologise in the morning if that was the case.

* * *

The next morning, Helen dreaded coming out of her room. She had spent all night worrying that she’d greatly offended Bucky and that she was going to be asked to leave because of it.

Well sitting here worrying about it won’t help, the Hermione sounding voice said, go out there and face it. Stop hiding away.

Knowing Hermione was always right, even if it wasn’t really her talking, Helen got up off the bed, put on an pink checked dress and opened the door.

Stepping out into the hallway she noticed that Bucky was sitting alone at the kitchen table. Determined, she walked up to him to apologise.

‘Hey, doll. Have a good sleep?’ Bucky said, smiling widely.

Huh, maybe she didn’t need to apologise after all.

‘Hello, Bucky. I slept good. You?’

‘I slept alright. You hungry? I made eggs. You want some?’

‘Yes, I’d love some. Thank you.’

She went to sit down and was surprised to find that Bucky had already pulled out a chair for her. Shrugging internally she sat down and couldn’t help but smile when Bucky pushed her in closer to the table.

‘Thank you. You really are a gentleman.’

‘I try. Here, doll. Eat up.’

Bucky placed a plate of scrambled eggs in front of her and she dug in gratefully.

‘These are amazing, Bucky. Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome, darlin’.’

Just then Steve came in and noticed Helen eating eggs at the table while Bucky washed the dishes. It all looked rather domestic. He frowned and turned to his best friend.

‘Hey, Buck? Can I talk to you for a minute?’

Bucky nodded and followed Steve to his room.

‘Alright, what’s going on?’ Steve asked after Bucky closed the door.

‘You’re gonna have to be more specific, punk.’

‘Fine, I’ll cut right to it then. Why are you making Helen eggs?’

‘Uh, because it’s a nice thing to do.’

‘Bucky, you hardly ever make me eggs and I’ve been your best friend for over ten years. You’ve known Helen for a week. Why would you go through all the trouble of making eggs for someone you barely know?’

‘Stevie, drop it please.’  
  


  
Steve folded his arms across his chest. ‘No, I’m not dropping it.’

Bucky let out a harsh sigh. ‘Fine! If you’re gonna be all stubborn about it, I’ll tell you.’

‘Well?’ Steve asked impatiently when Bucky stayed silent.

‘I, uh... I’m trying to woo Helen.’

‘You’re trying to woo her? For what?’

‘So that when I ask her out on a date she knows I like her.’

‘Bucky, if you want a one night stand then ask someone else. I’m sure there’s plenty of girls who’d like the chance to have you.’

Bucky looked at him, offended. ‘What? A one night- Steve! Who do you think I am? D’you really think I’m that shallow that I’d use a girl whose living with us just ta get off?! Are you crazy?!’

‘Whoa, easy Buck. You know I don’t think that about you. I’m just sayin’ that you gotta make sure that you’re serious before you go and ask Helen out. If you’re not then you need to find someone else.’

‘I hear ya, Stevie. I know I gotta be careful, trust me, I do. I can’t stand the thought of hurting her but I am serious. I want to be with her. Hell, I can even see myself marrying her. So yeah punk, I’m sure.’

Steve smiled. ‘You want to marry her, huh? I can see why. She’s amazing, so kind and loving. Pretty too. You’d have the most beautiful babies, I’m sure of it.’

‘Yeah, our babies would be as beautiful as she is. _God_ Stevie, when I saw her standin’ there defending you, I swear I fell in love right there. She looked like a goddamn _angel_ in that dress. I nearly died when she turned around. _Dear lord_ , those **eyes**! I could drown in them. They’re so captivating.’

‘I’m happy for ya, Buck. Really. You deserve to be happy. And I’ll help any way I can. If you need me to subtly ask her if she’s interested in anyone, then I’m your guy. I will, I promise. Anything you need.’

‘Thanks, pal. Right now I got a plan but I need to make sure that she likes me before I ask her. So maybe ask in a few days.’

‘Anythin’ for you, Buck.’

Bucky smiled gratefully as the two of them headed back into the kitchen. Helen had just finished her eggs and was standing at the sink about to wash her empty plate.

‘Wait, doll! I’ll do that. You sit down.’

Helen turned around and looked confused. ‘Do what?’

‘Wash your plate. Go on, sit down. I mean it, doll.’

Helen obliged after a few moments and watched Bucky wash her plate with a bemused expression.

‘Why did you insist on washing my plate?’ She asked after Bucky had finished washing her plate and sat down beside her.

‘I wanted to. I made your eggs, it’s only fair that I wash your plate.’

‘Oh. Thank you. You’re very kind.’

‘You’re welcome, doll.’

* * *

A few days had passed since the breakfast incident, as Helen had taken to call it in her head. Hermione would probably scold her for calling it an incident since nothing bad actually happened. Ron would most likely be just as confused as she was. Oh, how she missed them.

It wasn’t the fact that Bucky had done something nice for her that had her stumped. It seemed perfectly in character for the man to do nice things for the people he really cares about. And that is what had her confused. The fact that Bucky seemed to care about her a lot despite only knowing her for a week. The only person who ever made her food right after meeting her was Mrs Weasley and the woman was only giving into her motherly instincts and being nice to her son’s friend. After a while the two of them genuinely cared for each other and Helen was treated as if she was one of Mrs Weasley’s children.

Even Ron who she had instantly become friends with hadn’t gone out of his way to be nice to her. It was only at Christmas time during their first year of Hogwarts that Ron went out of his way to show her that he cared. Helen smiled as she remembered Ron being embarrassed that he’d told his mum that she wouldn’t get any presents and so Mrs Weasley sent her a jumper and a box of homemade fudge. It was so touching.

But Helen didn’t need Ron to do that in order to show her how much he cared. She knew way before then. In the little things that he did, like joking around with her and calling her ‘mate’. He didn’t have to do anything big because she knew how he felt.  
  


Which brings her back to the question surrounding Bucky’s behaviour. Surely he must know that she cared about him. Of course they hadn’t known each other long and that care was only so deep, but she was growing fonder of both him and Steve each day that passed.

Steve didn’t go out of his way to show he cared. Their relationship was a lot like her friendship with Ron in the easy way that they could talk to each other, although no one would mean as much to her as Ron did. Bucky and Steve were rather similar and her relationship with Bucky had been easygoing and natural in the beginning. Now it seemed to be strained as if there was something unspoken between them that was dying to burst out.

But why was this the case? Did Bucky think that she didn’t know that he enjoyed her company? Was he going out of his way to prove that he cared? And why was he doing this? Did he think that she didn’t like him? She couldn’t think why, she had done nothing to warrant him suspecting that she didn’t like him. Was it because of the time she asked about dating? Did he think that she was somehow trying to get rid of him or didn’t enjoy his company?

Well, if that was the case then she had to apologise. It wouldn’t be right if someone who had so selflessly offered her a place to stay think that she didn’t like him.

Sighing, Helen opened her door and went to find Bucky to apologise and tell him she liked him as much as Steve.

She found him talking to Steve on the couch. Figuring they didn’t want to be interrupted or overheard she quietly went back to her bedroom.

Meanwhile Bucky was too deep in conversation to notice that Helen had entered the room and backtracked the second she saw them talking.  
  


‘I don’t know what to do, Stevie. She doesn’t seem to get it and I don’t want to say anything in case it gets awkward.’

‘You want me to ask her if she likes anyone?’

Bucky sighed. ‘No, that won’t work. She hasn’t met any other guys but us. She might figure out why we’re asking.’

‘Well, you might have to take that risk.’

‘I can’t, Stevie. I don’t want to do anything that will hurt her.’

‘Tell you what, why don’t we all go out together.’

‘How will that help me?’ Bucky asked in confusion.

‘It will, trust me. You get to spend time with her in a date like setting and then we can figure out if she likes you back. If she doesn’t then we can easily say that we’re just hanging out as friends.’

‘That sounds okay. Are you sure you want to watch me with a girl all night? I know you don’t like it.’

‘This isn’t just some girl from a random double date you set up. I don’t mind, really. Helen could be the one for you and I’d do anything to make it possible. Even watching you be better at flirting with girls.’

‘Thanks, pal. I owe you one.’

‘You owe me nothin’, Buck. To the end of the line, right?’

‘Right.’  
  


* * *

Half an hour later Steve and Bucky were taking Helen on a tour of Brooklyn, stopping at their favourite places.

‘And this is the cafe we like to go to. They serve the best burgers.’

‘This is the our favourite sandwich shop. You have to try it one day.’

‘That’s the pawn shop over there but I doubt you’d want to go in.’

‘Oh, look, the bakery. When we can afford it we like to buy ourselves a little feast: bagels, pastries, you name it.’

‘Come on, we’ll go to the park next.’

Helen smiled at Steve and Bucky’s introductions of places. It was obvious they knew Brooklyn well and the underlying affection in their voices as they talked about it told her how much they loved the place. She could only hope that she’d come to love it too.

‘Okay, we’ve done all our favourite spots. You wanna get somethin’ to eat?’ Bucky asked, interrupting Helen from her thoughts.

‘Sure. You know the best places to eat after all.’

‘Let’s go to the deli.’ Steve suggested.

‘Good idea. We did promise we’d take you there one day.’  
  
  


‘You won’t regret it, Helen. They do the best sandwiches in the world.’

Bucky smiled fondly at Steve’s words before turning to Helen. ‘You ready to eat, doll?’

‘Lead the way.’

Ten minutes later, the three of them were sitting at a small table inside the deli, their sandwiches, which Helen found out were the famous New York subs, lying in front of them. She had no idea what to order but since Bucky and Steve were regulars she just ordered what they did.

‘You enjoyin’ your sandwich, doll?’ Bucky asked after taking a bite of his own.

Helen nodded. ‘It’s good. Definitely not like the ones back home.’

‘What are the ones back home like?’ Steve questioned curiously.

‘Well, you know, we just have regular sandwiches. Bread, butter, the filling of your choosing. My aunt makes ham sandwiches for my uncle’s lunch. And my friend used to have corned beef sandwiches when we were at school. Certainly not anything like this.’

‘Just plain ol’ sliced bread, huh? Sounds nice. What’s your favourite filling, doll?’

‘Usually I just have cheese. What about you?’

‘Stevie likes ham and lettuce and I don’t mind what I have.’  
  


  
‘I can speak for myself, Bucky!’ Steve said indignantly.

‘Oh, really? Maybe you should actually try it one day.’

‘Shaddup, you jerk! I can too speak for myself!’

‘You shaddup, you little punk. Have some respect for the lady at the table.’

‘I have plenty of respect for Helen. You have some respect!’

If Helen thought that one day she’d be in 1941 eating sub sandwiches with two men who were playfully arguing over who had more respect she would have told herself she was dreaming.


	3. Friends from the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen has completely settled into living in the past and is feeling hopeful about the days to come. There’s just one problem: ever since Steve and Bucky took her on a tour of Brooklyn, Bucky has been acting strange. Helen fears that it’s her fault that he’s all sullen and withdrawn. They grow closer after she decides to talk to him about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick thank you to those who commented and left kudos! I really appreciate it and I’m glad you like the story so far.
> 
> This chapter has now been edited to fit with the changes I’ve made to the plot as of 22nd June 2020.

* * *

Two weeks had past since her tour of Brooklyn and Helen was feeling settled in the past. She had a good feeling about it. In fact she was almost certain she could enjoy living here, except one thing stopped her from being completely sure. Bucky had been acting weird ever since they got back from the tour. It was almost as if he had done a complete 360 in personality. He was quiet and almost sullen like.

It was very strange and she was determined to get to the bottom of it. Hermione would probably scold her for being nosy and normally she would agree. Bucky had a right to be himself without her prying. But she just had a bad feeling that it was somehow her fault that Bucky was so withdrawn.

She tried to think back to two weeks ago when this all started. The three of them went on a tour of Brooklyn and they all had a good time. When they were walking back to the apartment Helen thanked Steve andBucky for taking her out and told them they were good friends. They both seemed happy enough. The next morning however Bucky came out of his room in a bad mood. He didn’t speak to anyone, not even Steve.

It was bizarre. Helen had always gotten the impression that Bucky was confident and completely sure of himself and Steve had implied that he was popular with girls so obviously he wasn’t always so miserable. So what was it that had him so withdrawn?

‘Morning, Helen.’

Helen smiled at Steve as he sat beside her. ‘Morning.’

‘Did you sleep okay?’ Steve asked.

‘I did. You?’

‘Fine.’

‘Where’s Bucky?’

‘Oh, uh, he’s not feeling very well.’

‘Is he sick?’ Helen asked worriedly.

Steve shook his head. ‘No, he just needs some rest.’

‘Oh.’

Steve emptied his coffee mug and headed off to the bathroom without another word.

Well, that was odd, Helen thought. Why was Bucky staying in his room and why was Steve being so vague about it?

She heard the shower being turned on and resolved to go and see Bucky. If Steve wasn’t going to tell her why Bucky was staying in his room then she was going to find out herself. What if Bucky really was sick and he lied to Steve? If he was then somebody had to go check on him.

Bucky’s bedroom door was slightly ajar and she peered through the little crack to see if he was asleep or not. He was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the wall. Well, he wasn’t asleep.

Raising her hand she gently knocked on the wood. Bucky’s head snapped up as she knocked and he gave her a small smile when his gaze landed on her.

‘Hey doll. What’s up?’

‘Steve said you weren’t feeling very well so I thought I’d come and make sure you were okay.’

Bucky’s smile widened. ‘That’s sweet of you, doll. Come on in.’

Helen edged through the small opening and sat down on the bed beside him. ‘Are you feeling okay?’

‘I’m fine, doll. I’m just feeling a bit tired.’

‘Maybe you should have a nap then.’

‘Doll, I’m fine. Don’t you worry about me.’

‘But if you’re tired then you should sleep.’

‘Sugar, it’s awfully nice of ya ta worry ‘bout me but I’m really okay. I promise.’

‘Well, if you’re sure.’

‘I am.’

‘Okay. I guess I’ll leave you then.’

She stood up and was about to walk away when Bucky called her back.

‘No! Don’t go, doll. You ain’t botherin’ me and I’d like you ta stay.’

Helen nodded and sat back down again.

‘Are you okay, doll?’

‘Why are you asking me if I’m okay?’

‘Doll, don’t look so confused. I just want ta know how you are.’

‘I’m fine, Bucky.’

‘Sweet thing, don’t lie to me. I can tell that you’re missing home.’

‘How did you figure that out?’

‘Sometimes you get this look in your eyes and I know that it’s because you’re missin’ home. It’s okay to miss it, doll. I get that it can’t be easycoming to a whole new country. You look so lost sometimes, it’s as if you feel like you don’t belong here. And I know that this isn’t your home but I want you to know that I love havin’ you here.’

Helen replayed the words back in her mind. _It’s as if you feel like you don’t belong here_. Had Bucky figured out that she wasn’t from this time? She began to panic. What if she changed too much? Surely someone from the forties discovering time travel would radically alter the future.

‘What do you mean?’ She stammered.

‘I just mean that this is a new place and you’re bound ta feel homesick. You okay, doll? Ya look kinda pale.’

Helen nodded, feeling a sense of relief now that she knew Bucky hadn’t figured out she had time traveled. ‘I’m fine.’

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah, I’m sure. I just miss my friends. That’s what I’m thinking about when I look lost. They mean everything to me.’

‘Oh. Why didn’t they come with you?’

‘They couldn’t. They wanted to but they didn’t have enough money. I only just managed to afford coming here myself.’

‘Do you write to them?’

‘When I can. It takes too long for a letter to get all the way to England so unless it’s really important it’s not worth sending one.’

‘That’s a shame, doll. I’m sure you’ll see them again though.’

‘One day I will. But I’m not totally alone. I’ve got you and Steve.’

‘Yes you do. We care about you and we don’t want to replace your friends but we’ll always be here for you.’

‘Thanks. I think they’d like you.’

‘Really? Tell me about them.’

Helen smiled. ‘Okay then. Well, I met them when I was eleven. I was on a train to London and a boy came in and asked if he could sit in my compartment because all the other ones were full. I said yes and he sat down. We introduced ourselves and got to talking. We hit it off right away and have been best friends ever since. So that’s how I met Ron. I met my other best friend, Hermione, the same day. She came in and asked us a question, I can’t remember what it was now. Anyway we spoke for a few minutes and we became friends too. We got off the train and it turned out we were all going to the same school. We were all really excited and after our first day we became inseparable ever since.’

‘They sound wonderful, doll.’

‘They really are. Ron is funny and kind. He’ll stand up for you even if it gets him hurt. He’s a football fanatic, though I think you call it soccer here. He has a lot of siblings so going to his house was always fun. Hermione is studious and more reserved than Ron is. She loves to read and it’s rare to see her without a book in her hand. She was always top of our class. Even though sometimes she could be bossy she was the greatest friend you could ask for. She would help you if you got stuck and was there to give you advice. If you needed a shoulder to cry on she was the one to go to. She was the best. They both were. Ron couldalways make me laugh. If I was upset or stressed he would make a joke and it would always cheer me up.’

‘They really do sound like good friends. I’d love to meet them one day.’

‘I think they’d like that. They approve of anyone who is nice to me and you’ve certainly been kind to me. Not everyone would offer a stranger a place to stay.’

‘Doll, if you know people who wouldn’t help a lady like you I don’t want to meet them.’

‘You’re sweet, Bucky. I’ve never met anyone like you.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. Don’t act so surprised. I think you’re wonderful.’

‘Thanks, sweet thing. You’re pretty wonderful yourself.’

‘See, a complete gentleman.’

‘I try.’

‘Are you feeling better now?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine. Just let me get dressed and I’ll join you in the kitchen.’

Helen nodded and walked away. As she entered the kitchen she contemplated this weird feeling inside her. She had gone to find Bucky with the intention of making him feel better. Instead he had reduced her insides to mush by calling her sweet thing. What was happening to her?


	4. The Language of Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frustrated that his attempts at asking Helen out are failing Bucky decides to use a different method on the advice of Steve. Will Helen finally understand what he’s trying to tell her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has now been edited to fit with the changes I’ve made to the plot as of 22nd June 2020.

* * *

  
A few days had passed since Helen had come to visit him in his room and Bucky was feeling hopeful. He was almost certain that she liked him back and now all he had to do was make sure that she definitely did. So he continued with his plan of subtly wooing her.

Today he planned to make her a breakfast fit for a queen. Scrambled eggs, buttered toast, freshly squeezed orange juice. The whole shebang. If Helen liked him too then this would surely tell him. Once he had his answer then he would go to the next stage of his plan: blatantly woo her.

Smiling to himself he headed through to the kitchen and turned on the stove. Steve came in just as he was whisking the eggs and the blond gave him a look.

‘Shut up, Stevie.’

‘I never even said anything, Buck. Relax.’

‘Then what was that look just there?’

‘I was just wonderin’ if it’s all for Helen or if I can have some too.’

‘Yes, it’s all for Helen. Now go away, you punk.’

‘Alright, alright. I’ll be in my room. Let me know how it goes.’  
  
  


‘Yeah, yeah. Now clear outta here ‘fore Helen comes in.’

By the time Helen came in the kitchen Bucky had her breakfast ready. He turned to look at her and his breath left his lungs. How could someone look so beautiful in such simple clothing? Her hair wasn’t elaborately done, the colour of her dress was dull and yet somehow she looked absolutely stunning. She really was the most beautiful girl in the world.

‘Mornin’, doll. You sleep well?’

‘Good morning, Bucky. I slept fine. You?’

‘I slept perfect. You hungry?’

‘Yes. Is there any coffee left?’

‘Actually, I made you breakfast.’

Helen’s brow furrowed and god wasn’t that adorable. ‘Why?’

‘Wanted to do somethin’ nice for ya.’

‘But Bucky... this is too much. You shouldn’t have made all this just for me. What about you and Steve?’

‘Doll, you have such a kind heart and that’s one of the things I like about you. But don’ worry ‘bout me and Stevie, we’ll be okay. I want you to have a nice meal. Come on, I insist.’

‘Okay then. As long as you and Steve have something too.’

‘We will, doll. But remember this is all for you. No sharin’.’

Helen nodded and tucked into her breakfast. Bucky watched her with an adoring expression. She was breathtaking. And she wasn’t just a pretty girl, she was unbelievably kind as well. She was perfect.

‘How is it, doll?’ Bucky asked once she was halfway through eating.

‘It’s good. Thank you, Bucky. It was really nice of you.’

‘No problem, love.’

‘You’re too kind.’

‘I try. So, uh, any plans for today?’

‘Not really. What about you?’

‘Oh. Well, I can take you anywhere you want. Just say the word.’

‘Maybe later. I’ll be in my room. Thanks for the meal.’

And she hopped off the chair and walked back to her room. Bucky watched her go with a sigh. He was now completely sure that she liked him back but when he tried to ask her out she blew him off. Did she not get it? Did he need to be more obvious? Well, one thing’s for sure, he would never give up on her.

* * *

  
The next morning started off similar to the last. Bucky was sure to compliment Helen at every opportunity and he turned up his charm. He pulled out her chair for her, he held doors open for her, and he accompanied her to places she wanted to go.

  
Which brought him here, to the bakery. Helen wanted to go food shopping and Bucky, wanting to impress her, offered to take her. Knowing what he was up to Steve stayed behind, and Bucky would be eternally grateful for his support.

He waited by the door as Helen paid, never taking his eyes off of her. He smiled in greeting when she made her way towards him, clutching a brown paper bag, which contained her purchases, to her chest.

‘Hey, doll. You ready to go?’

‘Yeah. Can we go to the butchers next?’

‘’Course, doll. Whatever you want.’

‘Thanks, Bucky. You’re the best.’

‘Only for you.’

‘Charmer.’

‘Like I said, doll, only for you.’

‘Well, lucky me.’

Helen’s tone was sarcastic but Bucky heard the underlying fondness in it. He hadn’t run out of luck after all.

Bucky took Helen to several more shops before they were heading back to the apartment. They were walking side by side and if they weren’t holding shopping bags their hands would be close enough to brush against each other.

‘Bucky?’

‘Yeah, doll?’

‘Do you like chicken?’

‘Yeah, I do. Why you askin’, sugar?’

‘I was thinking of making something with chicken tonight.’

‘That’d be nice, doll. Stevie’ll love it.’

‘And you’ll love it too, right?’

‘You betcha, doll. I’ll love anything you make.’

‘Charmer.’

‘You love it.’

‘Perhaps.’

Bucky let out a sigh as he followed Helen up the stairwell. She kept giving him signals that she liked him but then she’d say something that made it seem as though she just viewed him as a friend.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

* * *

  
A few days had passed since he had taken Helen shopping and Bucky was close to giving up. He felt like whenever he got anywhere he would end up right back where he started. Helen seemed to be confused by his flirting one minute and loving it the next.

Perhaps they did things differently in England and Bucky was being too forward. Maybe he was freaking Helen out and he needed to try a gentler approach. Because whatever he was doing now certainly wasn’t working in the slightest.

‘Hey, Buck.’ Steve greeted from his place at the kitchen table.

‘Mornin’, punk.’

Steve frowned. ‘What’s wrong, Buck? You sound... off.’

Bucky sighed. ‘I’m just frustrated, I guess. I’m not gettin’ anywhere with Helen and I just ... it’s not a good feeling.’

‘Well, maybe you need to try somethin’ diffr’nt.’

‘What you on about, Stevie?’

‘I’m just sayin’ if Helen isn’t gettin’ it then you need to do somethin’ that you’ve never done before.’

‘Like what?’

‘Well, I learned somethin’ new in art class yesterday and I think it might help you out.’

Bucky scowled. ‘How th’ hell is whatever junk you learned in art class gonna help me out with Helen?’

Steve gave a scowl in return. ‘Just listen, you jerk.’

‘Alright, punk. I’m listenin’.’

‘Okay, well, we were drawin’ flowers and the teacher gave us an assignment to draw flowers that showed how we were feeling. It turns out that the Victorians used flowers to convey different meanings and had their own language for it. You could use it to tell Helen how you feel.’

‘Okay, um, I’m confused. I’m going to tell Helen I like her by using a language the Victorians made up. How is that going to help me?’

‘No, no, you don’t get it. The Victorians assigned flowers different meanings so when they gave someone flowers they would know how they felt without them having to say it. Like a red rose means true love and a lily means innocence. So you give Helen flowers that tell her you like her. She’s bound to have heard of the language of flowers, she’s classy like that.’

Bucky’s face brightened. ‘Oh, I get it! So there’s like a flower that says I want to date you or somethin’ and I get Helen a bouquet of those flowers and then she’ll know. Stevie, that’s genius!’

‘I just want to help. I know how much you like her.’

‘I know, punk. Thanks. So how do I find out the meanings of these flowers?’

‘Well, my art teacher had a book on the language of flowers, so maybe go to the library. Or you could ask at the flower shop.’

‘Yeah, but they might not know at the flower shop. I’ll go to the library. Hopefully I can find the book I need.’

‘Good luck, Buck.’

‘Thanks, pal.’

* * *

  
Bucky had spent the past few days at the library, trying to find the right book. He found that there were several books on flowers but very few of them contained any reference to this language of flowers. Following Steve’s advice he had written a list of things he wanted to convey and tried to match them to different flowers. Unfortunately he hadn’t found the right book yet. Still, he wasn’t giving up hope. If they taught it at an art class then surely the library must have something on the language of flowers that the Victorians supposedly created.

  
It was on his fourth day at the library that he hit the jackpot. He was carefully combing the shelves of the botany section when he spotted a book squashed between two others. Curious he picked it up and to his immense relief and joy discovered it was exactly what he was looking for.

It turned out that the language of flowers was a lot more complicated than he thought. There were flowers for conveying things like longing and fidelity and then there were flowers that symbolised things such as marriage, womanhood and long life. Countries had their own flowers and even religions used flowers as symbols.

Bucky glanced down at his list and then cast his eyes back to the book. He wanted to pick flowers that accurately conveyed what he wanted to say. He had to get this right or else he would be out of ideas on how to woo Helen.

After half an hour he had his flowers. He wrote them down next to the meanings, folded the list and put it back into his pocket.

He quickly left the library and headed down the street to the florist. His nerves were frayed and his heart was beating wildly. It wasn’t the first time he had gotten a girl flowers but it was the first time he would be giving flowers to a girl who meant everything to him. The dates that Bucky had been on weren’t all that serious. The girls were nice but he didn’t like them enough to even want a second date. The very few that got a second date were given flowers but it was only a generic bunch, bought very cheaply and with very little meaning.

Before he knew it he was standing in front of the flower shop. Taking a deep breath he pulled the door open and entered. The shop was very small but it was filled with different kinds of flowers. An elderly woman stood behind the counter and she gave him a smile as he wandered around.

Pulling out his list he scanned the shelves to see if he could find the ones he was looking for.

‘Are you alright there, young man?’

Bucky spun around and came face to face with the old woman.

‘Uh yeah. I’m looking for specific flowers.’

‘Specific flowers, eh? Not many young men come in with a list like the one in your hand. Most of them ask for either roses or lilies.’

‘Uh, well, this bouquet has to be special, ma’am.’

‘Special? These flowers wouldn’t happen to be for a girl, would they?’

‘Yes, ma’am, they are. This girl is really special to me and I want to tell her how I feel and my friend told me that flowers can do that.’

‘Oh, you know about the language of flowers. This girl of yours is very lucky. Not many men bother to figure out why us women like flowers so much. Now, why don’t you give me that list and I’ll see if I can help you?’

Bucky handed over his list and watched anxiously as the woman cast a critical eye over it.

‘Oh my, aren’t you sweet? The flowers you’ve chosen and the meanings behind them, oh wow. I wish my husband put this much thought in buying gifts for me.’

Bucky blushed. ‘Thank you, ma’am. Do you have these flowers in your shop?’

‘Of course, dear. Let me just get them. You wait here.’

She handed his list back to him and walked off to the shelves. She immediately began pulling handfuls of Bucky’s chosen flowers off them and brought them over to the till.

Bucky looked back down at his list. The woman had gushed over it so he hoped that it would mean a lot to Helen.

He read it with a nervous smile:

“Acacia yellow: concealed love

Camellia pink: longing for you

Carnation pink: I’ll never forget you

Carnation red: admiration

Chrysanthemum white: truth

Forget me nots: true love

Hyacinth blue: constancy

Lily of the valley: you’ve made my life complete

Rose red: love

Tulip red: believe me

Viscaria: will you dance with me

Heartsease: you occupy my thoughts.”

He hoped that Helen liked the flowers and he prayed that she understood the meaning. If she did then it wouldn’t be long before he would be able to hold her in his arms.

Bucky was snapped out of his thoughts by the woman calling him.

‘There you go, dear. A bouquet made with all your chosen flowers.’

Bucky went over to the till and gave her the change necessary for payment. She smiled at him, wished him good luck and handed him the bouquet.

‘Thanks for your help, ma’am.’ He said before swiftly leaving the shop.

Clutching the bouquet in his hand Bucky slowly made his way home. Suddenly he was nervous. What if Helen didn’t like the flowers? Or what if she did like the flowers but just didn’t like him?

He stopped for a moment and let out a deep breath. There was no use in getting panicked now. If he didn’t tell Helen how he felt then he would regret it for the rest of his life. And plus there was a good chance that she did like him. He had to try. He had only his pride to lose if she said no and it was a small price to pay if it meant he could finally let his feelings out.

All too soon he reached the doorway of his apartment. Steeling himself he walked all the way up the stairwell without stopping once. He finally reached the apartment and he took a deep breath before opening the door.

Steve was sitting on the couch with his sketch pad on his knees. He raised a hand in greeting, gave him a small smile and mouthed ‘good luck’. Bucky gave him a grateful smile in return before looking across the room for Helen.

He found her in her bedroom, which he was a little relieved about because Bucky didn’t know if he could handle Steve seeing his possible rejection.

He moved further into the room and saw that she was sitting cross legged on the bed. She was wearing a sky blue dress with flowery embroidery, which Bucky found a little ironic. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and he could see her stockinged feet peeking out from under the hem of her dress. It was all very intimate and Bucky swallowed nervously.

‘Hey, Bucky! You’re back!’

Bucky returned Helen’s bright smile. ‘Hey, doll.’

‘Where have you been all day?’

Bucky let out a nervous breath. ‘Uh, well, I’ve been to the shops.’

‘The shops? What did you buy?’

‘I, uh, actually bought something for you.’

Helen looked surprised. ‘For me?’

‘Yeah, doll, for you. I’ve been wanting to tell you something for ages so I, um, I got you flowers.’

Bucky handed Helen the bouquet and watched her face as she examined them. A light blush crossed her cheeks making her even more beautiful.

‘Bucky, thank you. This is so sweet. And they’re beautiful, oh god.’

‘Just like you, doll.’

‘You are just the sweetest.’

Before Bucky could reply Helen had jumped off of the bed and wrapped her thin arms around him in a hug. Smiling Bucky returned the hug, relishing every second that Helen was in his arms.

Helen released him after a few seconds, much to Bucky’s disappointment. ‘I’ll go and put these in water!’

And with that she ran off, presumably to find a vase.

Later that night after they all had dinner Helen and Steve were washing the dishes. Bucky had gone to take the rubbish out. Helen was elbow deep in soapy water when Steve began to speak.

‘So, I heard Bucky got you flowers.’

Helen smiled. ‘Yeah, he did. It was so sweet of him.’

‘Yeah well, Bucky’s great like that. You like them?’

‘I love them. It was so thoughtful and there were so many different kinds too. I never would have thought he would have known that many flowers. He’s so sweet.’  
  


‘Well, maybe he picked those flowers for a reason.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘It’s just flowers have meanings. You know like, red roses mean true love and stuff like that. Maybe Bucky is tryna tell ya somethin’.’

‘Maybe.’

* * *

  
Helen was so intrigued about Steve’s opinion on the flowers that it practically kept her up all night. She only got to sleep because the Hermione sounding voice in her head told her it could wait till morning. And well Helen always listened to Hermione’s advice.

So in true Hermione fashion she got up early the next morning and headed off to the library. Being friends with Hermione for five years had taught her that sometimes the library did have the answer. And there was no other way to find out information in this time. She couldn’t use magic, she was living amongst Muggles, so she had to use the library. She smiled as she imagined Ron’s eye-roll when Hermione would always tell them to go to the library. She missed them so much.

Pulling herself out of those melancholic thoughts she put her coat on and left the apartment. Twenty minutes later she was at the entrance to the library. Hermione would love to visit a library in a brand new city, nomatter how small. And as she entered the library she thought that it certainly was much smaller and less grand than the library at Hogwarts. Fortunately this library lacked the presence of Madam Pince, whose strict rules and unpleasant demeanour made visiting the library even more tedious.

Hermione’s persistent nagging of going to the library had finally paid off. Though Ron frequently criticised Hermione’s love for the library, calling it stupid and unnecessary, Helen wasn’t petty enough to admit that the library was helpful. And this was one of the occasions that the library was helpful. Thanks to Hermione’s precision Helen was able to find the book she was looking for with ease. Flipping through it the answers were most telling.

The flowers Bucky had chosen certainly conveyed a strong message. Pink camellia: longing. Yellow acacia: hidden love. Blue hyacinth: constancy. White chrysanthemum: truth. Red tulip: believe me. Forget me nots: true love. Every single flower that Bucky had chosen all pointed to one thing: he liked her and wanted to date her.

Helen knew that she felt the same way as Bucky did but she didn’t know if she could tell him. What if she did and then the next day she woke up in her own time? She couldn’t do that to Bucky.

But then the Hermione sounding voice in her head began nagging in a true Hermione fashion. _Don’t be ridiculous, Helen. You need to stop thinking about other people for once and start thinking about your own happiness. That’s what your wish was, wasn’t it? To find true love and happiness? Bucky is all of that. Take a chance._

Then to top it all off, a Ron sounding voice followed. _Hermione’s right, mate. You’re always thinking about other people and we love that about you. But it’s time for you to be happy. Tell him how you feel._

  
Even though they weren’t really her best friends Helen knew them well enough to know that that is exactly what they would say. So taking their advice she looked through the book on the language of flowers and carefully picked the flowers that would tell Bucky that she returned his feelings.

Half an hour later she had her list and she gave it a quick once over:

“Jonquil: affection returned

Rose yellow with red tips: falling in love

Forsythia: anticipation

Myrtle: love, symbol of marriage

Ivy: wedded love, fidelity

Forget me nots: true love.”

With her list complete she headed off to the florist. Mrs King would be pleased that she was visiting again. She had not been for a couple of weeks and she had missed the elderly woman. She reminded Helen of a less strict McGonagall and the familiarity helped ease her. That wasn’t to say that she didn’t like Mrs King for who she was, she did, but having someone who reminded her of home helped a great deal.

Mrs King greeted her happily as she walked in, engulfing her into a hug.

‘Oh, my dear! You’re back. I missed you. I was beginning to think you would never come back.’

‘Oh, Mrs King, no matter how busy I am, I’ll always find time to come visit you. You helped me out after all.’

‘What a sweet girl you are. Tea?’

‘Yes, please.’

Mrs King went through to the little kitchenette area and set about making the tea. A few minutes later she came back and placed the teapot and two cups on the table.

‘There you go, dear. Now I know it won’t be the same as your tea back home but it’ll do, I hope.’

‘It’s more than enough, Mrs King. Thank you.’ Helen said as she poured herself a cup of tea.

‘So, how have you been, dear?’

‘Well, I’ve been rather busy. It’s actually why I came in here. I told you about the two men that let me stay with them, didn’t I?’

‘Yes, dear. What gentlemen. I was afraid that good manners were becoming extinct. Are they treating you well?’

Helen nodded. ‘Yes, they are. In fact one of them gave me flowers. It was very thoughtful and sweet. It turns out that he used the language of flowers or something to tell me how he felt.’

‘Dark hair, blue eyes? Tall?’

‘Yes. But how did you know that?’

‘He came in here to get his bouquet, dear. We’re the only florist around here, you know. Anyway he came in with a list and he had the message written next to the flowers. Things like forget me nots: true love. It was all very sweet. You’re a very lucky lady.’  
  


‘Yeah, he’s wonderful. I actually made a list of my own. I was hoping you could help me. I want to tell him how I feel.’

Mrs King smiled. ‘Of course, love. Give me that list here.’

Helen handed over the list and watched as Mrs King’s smile widened.

‘Oh, how lovely. You’ll make such a wonderful couple.’

‘I hope so.’

Mrs King gave her another smile before she bustled about the shop, gathering the flowers for Helen’s bouquet.

After paying for the flowers Helen left the shop, Mrs King wishing her good luck as she exited.

Half an hour later Helen was back at the apartment. Bucky was at work and Steve was at art class so she was home alone. Bucky wouldn’t be back until later so she had time to prepare.

She headed to her room and got changed into a nice blue floral dress before making herself lunch.

It was late in the afternoon when she heard the front door open and saw Bucky walking through it. Jumping up from her seat she went to her room, grabbed the flowers and went to stand in the living room.

Bucky looked confused when he saw Helen standing there alone.

‘Hey, doll. What are you doing? Is something wrong?’

  
Helen smiled. ‘No, nothing’s wrong. Everything’s actually the opposite of wrong, it’s just perfect.’

‘Perfect, huh? Care to share what makes it so?’

Helen didn’t reply. Instead she brought the bouquet from behind her back and held them out for Bucky to take. He did so after a few seconds.

‘You got me flowers?’

‘I did and I know that girls don’t really get boys flowers but I wanted to do this for you. I hope that’s okay.’

Bucky smiled. ‘It’s more than okay, doll. I can’t believe you did this. It’s so sweet of you. Thanks, darlin’.’

‘You like them?’

‘Yeah, I do. They’re beau...’

Helen saw the exact moment that Bucky realised her intentions with the flowers. With an excited expression he eyed each flower and after a few moments he looked back up at her.

‘Do you really mean it?’

Helen nodded and before she knew it a bright smile crossed Bucky’s face and she was being swept up into a hug.

‘Oh, doll. I can’t believe it. Oh, you’re so beautiful.’

He eventually released her but he kept his arms loosely wrapped around her waist. ‘So, uh, you wanna go dancing tomorrow night?’

‘I’d love to.’

Bucky gave a brilliant smile before he hugged her again.


	5. First Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen and Bucky have their first date.

* * *

  
The next day couldn’t come sooner for both Helen and Bucky. Both could hardly contain themselves at breakfast, much to the amusement of Steve. Nevertheless Bucky still cooked Helen breakfast and the routine was pretty much the same. Well except for the fact that Bucky kissed Helen on top of the head before heading off to work, saying a ‘Bye, Stevie. See you tonight, sweet thing.’ over his shoulder.

Helen turned back around in her chair, having been watching Bucky go over her shoulder, and saw Steve giving her a giddy look.

‘What?’ She said flatly.

Steve gave her an innocent look. ‘Nothin’. It’s just... I’m glad you and Buck are happy together. It’s nice.’

‘Well, I wouldn’t say we’re happy together. I mean we haven’t gone on our first date yet, but yeah, I suppose after a while we could be really happy together.’

‘Bucky really likes you, ya know. I’ve never seen him like this before. I mean he’s usually the confident one around the ladies, but with you it’s like he became me all of a sudden. You know, completely at a loss at what to do and completely hopeless at flirting.’

‘Well, I’m glad he managed to get his point across. He wasn’t that bad though and I’m sure you’re not as terrible with girls as you think you are. Don’t be so hard on yourself.’

‘I can’t help it though. I get all nervous on these dates that Bucky sets up and then I’m a mess when I talk to her and then she takes one look at me and decides I’m not worth her time. I mean, I’m not exactly a catch in the looks department and my flirting is awful so I’ve got nothing to offer. I know you believe I’ll meet the right girl one day but I saw howBucky was with you. All nervous and stuff and if Bucky gets nervous after meeting the right girl how nervous will I be?’

Helen sighed. ‘Oh Steve, I’m so sorry. I know things haven’t been easy for you regarding girls but one day it’ll work out. I’m telling you that the right girl won’t care about your skinniness and your bad flirting, she’ll appreciate who you are on the inside because that’s what counts. And you’ve got a good heart, Steve, you do. I promise you the right girl will see that.’

Steve blushed. ‘Thank you, Helen. You’re sweet. But I don’t see that ever happening, no girl will ever see me for who I am.’

Helen frowned. ‘Steve, don’t ever say that about yourself again. You’re kind and sweet and brave. Girls should be lining up to date you. One day you’ll find the right girl and she’ll see all that. I promise.’

‘I sure hope so. It’d be nice to actually have a girl see me, y’know. The only girl to ever see me is you and you belong with Bucky.’

‘It will happen, Steve.’

‘Maybe but as long as you and Buck are happy then that’s all that matters right now. Your chance is now so follow your own advice and take it.’

‘Yeah, I will. It’s nice that you want Bucky to be happy. It couldn’t have been easy watching him get all these girls and yet you still want him to be happy. See, I told you that you were sweet.’

‘Well as sweet as you think I am, I’m not going on a date tonight.’

‘True.’

‘So where’s Buck takin’ ya?’

‘We’re going dancing. He said that there’s a dance hall down the road so he’s going to take me there.’

‘That’s great. Bucky’s a good dancer, y’know.’

‘And I’m guessing that you think you’re a terrible dancer?’

Steve chuckled. ‘I don’t think I’m a terrible dancer. I know I’m a terrible dancer. But this isn’t about me anyway. Are you excited?’

Helen nodded. ‘Yes, I am. I’ve never been on a dancing date before so I’m excited to try it.’

‘Well, I hope you have fun.’

‘Thanks, Steve.’

* * *

  
It was mid afternoon and Helen was in the middle of picking out her outfit for tonight’s date. Steve had assured her that Bucky would think she looked beautiful in any outfit she chose but Helen wanted this one to be special. It was their first date and such an occasion had to be marked with a memorable dress.  
  


Steve didn’t understand why she insisted on choosing her outfit so early, especially since Bucky wasn’t even home yet. His cluelessness about fashion reminded her of Ron and though she was used to missing him and Hermione by now it didn’t do anything to dull the ache she felt at their absence.

It was precisely the absence of her two best friends that had propelled her to rake through her wardrobe hours before the date. Without Hermione’s advice and Ron’s humour it was hard to squash her nerves. It was rare that she ever did anything life-changing without them. When she went after the Philosopher’s Stone in first year they were there, Ron accompanied her into the Chamber of Secrets and Hermione’s brains helped them figure out the mystery, and in third year when she learned the truth about her parents’ murders Ron and Hermione were standing by her side. During the Triwizard Tournament they supported her and helped her train with it, though they weren’t allowed to be by her side. And in fifth year they fought with her in the Department of Mysteries. And they never left her side when she was hunting for Horcruxes. So in all things that counted her best friends were always there.

In the rare times they weren’t there they were always waiting at the other side for her. It was the sight of Ron and Hermione that helped calm her after the graveyard incident. It was the knowledge that Ron was waiting for her and Hermione needed her that gave her the courage to confront both Tom Riddle and the Basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets. But now they wouldn’t be there. In this time they didn’t even exist yet.

There was no chance of seeing Ron and Hermione before the date and no way of telling them about it afterwards. She didn’t know how she could do this. It was only through Hermione’s encouragement that she ended up going on that disastrous date with Cho. And the thought of that made her feel worse. How was she supposed to feel ready for this date when the last time she went on one she ended up making her date cry and storm out?  
  


Closing her eyes she focused on the memory of one of her many conversations with Hermione. Come to think of it she was sure it was about that date with Cho.

-Flashback-

_It was the last day of term. Classes had already ended, much to Hermione’s disappointment and Ron’s delight. The exam results would come in a few weeks which gave Hermione something to look forward to and Ron something to groan about. Helen herself was indifferent about it. She hasn’t cared much for anything since Sirius died._

_Helen was in the girls’ dormitory with Hermione, both of them packing the rest of their belongings into their trunks. Ron had opted to leave his packing to the very last minute, something which annoyed Hermione to no end. In an attempt to stop an argument from breaking out Helen had suggested that Hermione come and pack with her. Thankfully Hermione agreed and any conflict that might have occurred had been avoided._

_‘I never realised how many textbooks we need for class. My trunk weighs a ton.’ Helen muttered._

_‘Oh, there’s not that many, Helen. Besides I’ve got much more books than you and I can manage.’_

_‘That’s because you have more books than clothes so you’ve never noticed the difference.’ Helen replied, rolling her eyes._

_‘I don’t have more books than clothes, Helen. Don’t be ridiculous. And even if I did then they’re are charms for that.’_   
  


‘ _Like what?’_

_‘Well, there’s a charm that makes even the heaviest items as light as a feather. I often use it on my book bag.’_

_‘Okay then.’_

_A beat of silence passed over them before Hermione got that look on her face. The look that couldn’t mean anything good._

_‘What, Hermione?’_

_Hermione pursed her lips. ‘I just wanted to know how you’re doing.’_

_‘How I’m doing? That’s it? Really?’_

_‘Well, no, that’s not it. I mean how are you coping with Sirius’ death?’_

_Helen sighed. ‘I can’t say I’m surprised that you asked. Well, I keep thinking about how it’s my fault so I try not to think about it too much.’_

_‘It’s not your fault, Helen. You need to stop thinking that.’_

_‘I know I do but I can’t help it. Can we talk about something else?’_

_‘Okay. Did you make up with Cho?’_

_‘Well, she keeps avoiding me and honestly I don’t care.’_

_‘You don’t? Why?’_

_‘It’s just I think that I never really liked Cho in that way. I think I only liked her because she was Cedric’s girlfriend and I was associating her with him. I mean it’s the only thing we have in common besides Quidditch.’_

_‘It’s possible that could be the reason. Or it could be that you just don’t like girls in the romantic sense.’_

_‘You know what? I think, no I know you’re right. As always.’_

_‘Glad I could help.’_

_‘You always do.’_

-End flashback-

In the end they never made much progress with packing but they did figure out a lot of other things. The lack of Hermione’s presence was troubling but she was never far away. The rational voice in her head had morphed into Hermione, signifying that she would always be there.

Remembering Hermione saying she looked good in red she selected the fanciest red one she had. Satisfied she hung it on the back of the door and headed off to the bathroom to use the shower.

* * *

Bucky came home when Helen was halfway through her shower and he, too, was a bundle of nerves. It was no secret that he had been on a lot of dates before but this one was special, and it was because of its significance that Bucky was sweating with anxiety.

He went into the kitchen and found Steve making a sandwich.

‘Hey, Buck.’ the blonde greeted.

‘Hey, Stevie. Where’s Helen?’

‘Getting ready for your date. She’s in her room.’

‘Oh. Did she seem okay?’

‘Yeah, she was fine. Why?’

‘I just thought that maybe she changed her mind.’

Steve frowned. ‘Why would she change her mind? She wouldn’t have said yes if she didn’t like you, Bucky.’

‘But what if she was just being nice, y’know? What if she doesn’t like me but didn’t know how to say it so she just agreed to a date?’

‘James Buchanan Barnes, you stop that right now! She likes you and you like her and that’s all there is to it! Stop being so stupid!’

‘Alright, alright. Stop full naming me, Stevie. I’ll try to relax.’

‘Good. Now go get ready.’

‘Fine. I’ll go.’  
  


Bucky headed off to his room and closed the door. Rummaging through his closet he pulled out his Sunday best but left the jacket. He laid it out on his bed and then headed off to the bathroom to take a shower.

  
Twenty minutes later he was freshly showered and fully dressed. He had planned to take Helen dancing in an hour. Hopefully she wouldn’t change her mind and bail on him. It would break him because he was pretty sure he was already in love. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself and went to wait for Helen in the kitchen.

  
Meanwhile, Helen was still in her bedroom, putting the finishing touches on her outfit. She couldn’t help but let her mind wander and she began to contemplate just how long she would be living in the past. Her wish was to find true love and happiness, and while she was sure that those things lay with Bucky, it was hard not to think about how she never specified a time period. She didn’t say that she wanted to find true love and happiness forever and it worried her. What if suddenly she was transported back to her own time? She was definitely needed there. After all, Voldemort wouldn’t defeat himself.

So would she be sent back after living a lifetime with Bucky or would their time be cut short simply because she did not ask for one?

Taking a breath, she shook herself out of these thoughts. This was no time to be thinking such thoughts. It was a happy occasion. This was her first proper date after all. She had decided in her head that her date with Cho wasn’t really a date. It was a disaster anyway and she hadn’t actually liked Cho in that way. After the graveyard incident her mind was a mess and any feelings she had right after couldn’t be trusted.

But the way she was feeling right now, that was most certainly real. There was no doubt in her mind that what she was feeling for Bucky was pretty close to being in love. She wished more than anything that Ron and Hermione were here because she knew that all they wanted was for her to be happy and they would be thrilled to see her with Bucky.

But sadly they weren’t here and hopefully one day she would able to tell her two best friends about the wonderful lifetime she had spent with Bucky. It saddened her that they wouldn’t be there for her wedding or play with her children, but she supposed you couldn’t have everything you wanted in life. She just hoped that she would see them again.

A knock to her closed door startled her out of her thoughts. Knowing it was Bucky, she smiled and put the finishing touches on her outfit before turning to open the door.

She was greeted with the sight of a beaming Bucky, dressed in his finest outfit and holding a bouquet of red roses in his left hand.

‘Hey, doll. You ready to go?’

‘Yes, I am.’

Helen moved to join Bucky in the hallway and as soon as she did the dark haired man’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened.

‘Doll, you look... you look so beautiful. Stunning. Wow.’

Helen blushed. ‘Thank you, Bucky. You look nice too.’

Bucky chuckled nervously. ‘Thanks, doll. Uh, these are for you.’  
  
  


Smiling, Helen took the bouquet of roses that Bucky held out to her and went to the kitchen.

‘Thank you. They’re beautiful. I’ll just put them in some water and then we can go.’

‘Absolutely. I’m glad you like them, though. I get that they’re a bit cliche but I thought that they went well with your hair and I want you to know that I really do like you.’

‘I know you do, Bucky. I really like you too and I love roses, so don’t worry. My favourite flowers are lilies, just so you know. Not that I don’t love roses, I just think that lilies are nicer.’

‘Lilies, huh? I’ll keep that in mind.’

‘I have no doubt that you will. You’re always so thoughtful.’

‘I only do this for you, darlin’.’

Helen laughed. ‘You’re so sweet, I can’t believe how sweet you are. It makes me want to hug you so tight.’

Bucky smiled crookedly. ‘Well, I wouldn’t be opposed to that, doll. But we better get goin’ if we want to spend the night dancin’.’

Helen gave a small smirk. ‘Yes, we better go. After all, if we’re dancing then there’s plenty of opportunity for us to hug each other real tight.’

Bucky laughed loudly. ‘I love your mischievous side. Not many girls have them and if they do then they don’t show them.’

‘Well, I’m not like other girls.’  
  


‘Oh believe me, sweetheart, I know that. Without a doubt I know that.’

‘Shall we go then?’

Bucky smiled and held out his arm for Helen to take and feeling his insides fill with joy when she took it without hesitation.

‘To the ball, fair lady.’

‘Lead the way, Prince Charming.’  
  


* * *

  
The dance hall was not at all what Helen was expecting. It was rather small considering it was supposed to be a hall large enough to dance in. Truth be told Helen had been anticipating the hall to be akin to the Great Hall back at Hogwarts. Vast and airy, with enough room for the hundreds of students that Hogwarts had as well as all the staff. But this hall was half the size of the Great Hall. If it were to be given a similar name it would probably be called the Small Hall or something along those lines. Well, it was the 1940s and there probably wasn’t enough money around these parts for a hall as grand and magnificent as the one she knew and loved.

Helen held on tight to Bucky’s arm as they navigated their way through the mill of people, trying to find a secluded spot for themselves. Bucky had not stopped smiling since they left the house and his happiness wascontagious, and anyway it wasn’t like she was miserable going on a date with the man that she was sure she was going to fall deeply in love with.

‘Is here good, doll?’ Bucky asked, breaking Helen out of her thoughts.

Helen glanced where he was gesturing and saw a small table situated away from all the hustle and bustle.

‘Of course. Should we sit down or do you want to dance first?’

Bucky pursed his lips, looking thoughtful. ‘Let’s sit for a bit. I’ll get us some drinks and later we’ll dance. Sound okay, darlin’?’

‘Of course, honey. I’ll wait here while you get them.’

Bucky nodded, a blush on his face at the term of endearment.

Helen sat down and waited while Bucky went over to the bar to get drinks. He came back a few minutes later with two bottles of coke in his hands.

‘Thank you. You’re sweet.’ Helen said when Bucky handed her a bottle.

‘You’re welcome, doll.’

Helen smiled and blushed when Bucky gently took her free hand in his. She couldn’t believe it. They really were on a date.

‘So, uh, what exactly do you do on a first date?’

Bucky’s brow furrowed at her question. ‘What d’ya mean?’

Helen felt her face heat up in embarrassment. ‘Well, I just meant that, uh, I haven’t really done this a lot so I’m kind of at a loss at what to do.’

Bucky tightened his grip on her hand. ‘Oh, doll, don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s sweet that you haven’t done this a lot. And I know I’ve done this quite a few times but I swear, sweet thing, you’re the only one I want. For now, let’s just talk. Don’t worry, love, you still mean a lot to me. I promise you.’

Helen smiled, sending Bucky a grateful and adoring look. ‘What should we talk about then?’

‘Each other. I want to get to know you, doll. Tell me something about yourself that I don’t know.’

‘Something you don’t know. Alright. Well, I grew up in Surrey. That’s a county in England, kind of like states but not really.’

‘Surrey, huh? Interesting. Where about in Surrey?’

‘I’m sure it will be unfamiliar to you, but I grew up in a small town called Little Whinging. In Surrey, of course.’

‘Is it nice in this Little Whinging?’

Helen thought about the Dursleys and how unpleasant they made her life but then again Little Whinging actually was a nice place when the Dursleys weren’t breathing down her neck. ‘Yeah, it was.’

‘That’s good, doll. Where did you go to school?’

Helen chuckled. ‘Bucky, stop! Even if I told you it wouldn’t mean anything to you. Anyway, we’re supposed to be learning about each other, not just me. Tell me about you instead.’

‘It would mean something to me because it’s you. But if you insist I’ll tell you something about myself.’

‘Go on then.’

Bucky chuckled. ‘Okay, okay. Uh, I have three younger sisters. I was born in Brooklyn and I’ve known Steve since we were five.’

‘Three sisters? What are their names?’

‘Rebecca, Mary and Charlotte. What about you, doll? Any siblings?’

Helen shook her head. ‘Nope. I’m an only child.’

‘Only child, huh? Must have been nice.’

‘It wasn’t really. Kind of lonely.’

Bucky frowned. ‘Well, that’s not good, sweetheart. Was it really lonely?’

‘Oh, it wasn’t bad. I mean, I had a cousin growing up so I wasn’t completely lonely. And I ended up with the best kind of friends so everything worked out okay.’

‘I guess so. I just don’t like thinking of you all sad and lonely.’

‘I was fine, Bucky. And even if I wasn’t, I have you now.’

Bucky smiled. ‘Yeah, you do. As long as you want me.’

‘I’ll always want you.’

‘And I’ll always want you too.’

The two of them shared a special kind of smile, the kind of smile that was only shared between those who cared deeply about one another.

Bucky was the first to break the silence. ‘You know, I’ve just realised that I don’t actually know how old you are.’

‘Huh. That is strange. Well, I suppose we could remedy that right now.’

‘We could. I won’t actually ask you though, since it’s rude to ask a lady her age.’

‘Only one you don’t know and we know each other very well, don’t we?’

‘We do. So are you gonna answer?’

Helen laughed. ‘Yes, I am. 21.’

‘You’re 21?’

‘Yes. How old are you?’

‘24.’

‘It seems that we have a bit of an age gap. I hope that won’t be a problem.’

‘Nope. No problems.’  
  


  
‘If you say so.’

‘I do. It’s not a problem for you though, is it?’

‘Absolutely not. I still like you even if you are older than me.’

‘Barely.’ Bucky huffed out.

‘Oh, don’t be a grump. We’re fine. This won’t be our only date.’

‘Oh, really? It won’t?’

‘No. Well, unless you don’t plan on asking me out again.’

‘Doll, nothing could ever stop me from taking you out again.’

‘Good. So, uh, you have a favourite colour?’

‘Yeah. It’s red. Do you have one?’

‘Mine is red too.’

‘Hey, we have something in common.’

‘Yeah, I guess we do. When’s your birthday?’

‘March 10th. When’s yours?’

‘July 31st.’

‘I have a question and please don’t scoff when I ask it.’

‘Why would I scoff?’

Bucky shrugged. ‘It’s kind of, I don’t know. A bit much.’

‘Ask. You know I won’t judge.’

‘I know, sweet thing.’

‘Come on. Ask.’

‘Okay. Here goes. How come, uh... how come someone as beautiful as you isn’t married or engaged yet?’

Helen blushed bright red. ‘Bucky, that’s... that’s really wonderful of you to say but I’m not really beautiful. And, well, no one really caught my eye and I just didn’t date. Really, I should be asking you that question. I mean, what about all those girls you’ve dated? Surely one of them must have made you think of marriage.’

Bucky smiled gently. ‘Doll, not one of those girls I met even came close to marriage material. And you wanna know why?’

‘Yes.’

‘Because none of them were you.’

‘I’m really that special?’

Bucky nodded. ‘Yes, you are. Sweet thing, I’ve never taken a girl dancing on a first date. Usually I just take them to a cafe or something. But with you, it’s different. With you, I can see a future and dancing with you doesn’t seem like a chore. It’s just something wonderful.’

‘Stop it, Bucky! You’re going to make me cry. God, that’s sweet. And just so you know, I can see a future with you too.’

Bucky squeezed her hand before taking a drink. ‘Okay, let’s get onto something less emotional.’

‘Agreed. I’ve thought of a question actually.’

Bucky raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh? Do tell.’

‘Well, I have two, actually. Okay, first one is favourite fruit.’

‘Plums. What’s yours?’

‘Apples.’

‘And what’s the second question?’

‘What is your favourite thing about me?’

‘Your eyes.’ Bucky said without hesitation.

‘My eyes? Really?’

Bucky nodded. ‘Yeah, they’re just so... beautiful. I can’t describe it. It’s like I get lost in them and at the same time they’re like home. And they’re such a gorgeous shade, like shining emeralds.’

‘You’re so sweet.’

‘So, what’s your favourite thing about me?’

‘Your accent. It’s like nothing I’ve ever heard before and that makes it strange. Unfamiliar. But at the same time the sound of your voice is the only thing that makes me feel safe and when you look at me, I’m home.’

‘Doll, you’re gonna make me cry now.’

‘Sorry.’

‘No, don’t be sorry, love. If I do end up crying, they’ll be happy tears.’

‘Well, as long as they are happy ones.’

‘They will be.’

‘I have one more question for you.’

‘Out of all the flowers we’ve given each other, which one is your favourite?’

‘Well, I think they were all beautiful. But if I had to pick one, it would be the forget me nots because we both included that in our bouquets and the meaning behind them is just, well, everything.’

‘I liked that one too.’

‘Shall we dance now?’

‘Yes, please.’

Bucky got out of his chair and moved to stand beside Helen’s. Holding out his hand, he asked, ‘May I have this dance?’

‘You may.’ Helen said, taking his hand.

Smiling, Bucky led her over to the dance floor and held her close as they swayed to the music.

‘This is nice.’ Helen said, moving closer into Bucky’s embrace.

‘Yeah, it is.’

They stayed like that for the whole night, never leaving each other’s arms. Bucky taught Helen some of the dances he knew, such as the lindy hop, but for the most part they just slow danced.

And it was perfect.

* * *

A few hours later, Bucky took Helen home to their shared apartment. Steve’s bedroom door was closed and the light was off so they moved around quietly so not to disturb him. Helen kicked off her shoes and put her shawl on the coat rack. Bucky followed suit and soon they were in front of Helen’s door.

‘I had a really good time, Bucky.’

‘So did I.’

‘We’ll do this again soon, right?’

‘You bet, sweet thing.’

‘Goodnight, Bucky.’

‘Goodnight, Helen.’

Smiling, Helen went up on her tiptoes and kissed Bucky on the cheek before going into her room and closing the door.

Bucky was still standing there a few minutes later. He couldn’t believe what had happened. Helen had kissed him! Okay, it was only on the cheek but still, it was a kiss. The feel of her lips on his cheek made his skin tingle. He couldn’t stop smiling as he went to his own room. He was sure that the smile on his face would still be there in the morning.


	6. A Courting Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after their date Bucky gives Helen a special gift and they grow closer.

* * *

The next morning came around and the only thing on Helen and Bucky’s minds was their date the night before. The two of them were on cloud nine and the atmosphere in the apartment was very romantic and full of feelings, much to the dismay and joy of Steve.  
  


Helen was currently in her room getting dressed. They were running low on milk and she planned to go out and get some. She had just finished pinning up her hair when she heard a knock.

‘Come in.’

‘Morning, doll.’

Helen turned around with a bright smile at the sound of Bucky’s voice.

‘Good morning, Bucky.’

‘You look nice, doll. Is that a new dress?’

Helen looked down at her burgundy and green striped dress and blushed. ‘Thank you. It’s kind of new. I mean, I haven’t worn it yet.’

‘Well, it looks gorgeous on you.’

‘You’re sweet.’

‘I try to be.’

‘Did you sleep well?’

‘I did, sugar. Did you?’

‘Yes. Was there something you needed? I mean, I don’t want to be rude but you don’t usually come into my room. Is something wrong?’

Bucky shook his head. ‘Oh no, doll. Everything’s fine, don’t you worry. I actually came in here to give you something.’

‘Oh? What is it?’

Bucky reached into his pocket and pulled out a large velvet box. He held it out for Helen to take, which she did after a few moments.

Helen gasped as she opened the box. Sitting inside the box was the most beautiful bracelet she had ever seen. It was made from gold enamel and had emeralds and diamonds encrusted into it. It had a floral like design and it was perfect. The emeralds matched her eyes perfectly and the gold and diamonds sparkled beautifully. Helen loved it but one thing was bothering her. There was no doubt that this bracelet was very expensive and she wondered how much Bucky spent on it.

‘Bucky, it’s beautiful but it’s too much. You shouldn’t have wasted all this money on me. You need that for other more important things.’

Bucky chuckled. ‘Doll, stop worrying. It’s not a problem. This bracelet actually belonged to my mother so I didn’t spend any money. My father saved up a lot of money to buy this for her and before they died they told me to give it to the girl of my dreams. So I am.’  
  


‘What about your sisters? Would they want this?’

‘No, my sisters got most of my mother’s jewellery so it’s fine. I want you to have this, sweet thing. Consider it a birthday present since we missed it. Please just take it.’

Helen sighed before putting it on her wrist. ‘A birthday present? Really?’

‘Okay, fine. It’s a courting gift. Is that so bad?’

Helen’s expression softened. ‘No, it’s not bad. It’s really thoughtful actually. Thank you. I love it.’

‘You’re welcome, darlin’.’

‘So, I’m the girl of your dreams then?’

‘Yes, you are.’ Bucky said simply.

‘You’re amazing.’

‘And you’re beautiful.’

‘Charmer.’

‘Only for you.’

Helen laughed. ‘Alright you, get out. I need to go shopping and you’re distracting me. Come on, out.’

Bucky held his hands up in surrender. ‘Fine, I’ll go.Can I come with you?’

‘I’m only going shopping. I’ll be half an hour at the most. Surely you can wait for me here.’

‘I know. I just thought that maybe we could go for a walk after.’

‘With the shopping bags?’

Bucky chuckled. ‘Okay, I see your point. I’ll wait here. Just promise me that when you get back we’ll go for a walk.’

‘I promise. I’ll see you soon.’

‘Bye, doll.’

Helen kissed Bucky’s cheek before heading out, which of course left Bucky a blushing mess.  
  


* * *

Half an hour later Helen was back at the apartment and was in the middle of putting the shopping away.

‘Hey, sweet thing. You’re back.’

Helen turned around to greet Bucky. ‘Hey. You wanna help?’ She asked with a smile.  
  
  


‘You know I’ll do anything for you, sugar.’

‘Is that a yes?’

Bucky laughed. ‘It’s a yes.’

‘Come on then.’

Bucky laughed again before moving to help Helen. The two of them spent the next few moments in companionable silence as they put the shopping away.

Once the last item was safely nestled in the cupboard, Bucky turned to Helen expectingly. ‘So, can we go on a walk now?’ He asked eagerly.

‘Of course.’

* * *

Bucky sighed in utter contentment. He swore he had never felt this happy in his life. Smiling wide, he tightened his arm around Helen’s shoulders and had to stop himself from screaming in joy when she rested her head against his chest.They were currently sitting on a park bench, just enjoying each other’s company. They sat in silence for the most part. They found that they didn’t actually need to talk to each other; they could simply enjoy each other’s company without the addition of words.

Helen was the first to break the silence. ‘There’s something I want to show you.’

‘Oh? What is it?’ Bucky asked, intrigued.

Helen lifted her head from its place on Bucky’s chest and pulled out a golden locket that was hidden under the layers of clothing she wore.

‘See this?’ She said, gesturing to the necklace. ‘This was my mother’s locket. It was very special to her and before she died she gave it to me. I cherish it because it’s a reminder of my mother’s love. I don’t show it to a lot of people because I don’t like telling them that my parents are dead, but I feel that I can share this with you.’

Bucky felt deeply honoured and touched that Helen would share something like this with him. ‘It’s beautiful, doll. Is that a lily on there?’

‘Yes, it is. My mother’s name was actually Lily. That’s why there’s one on there. My father thought that it fit her. The emeralds here matched her eyes. So really it’s quite sweet.’

‘That’s why lilies are your favourite flower! Because your mother was called Lily.’

‘Yeah. I really miss her and seeing the flowers makes it easier.’

‘When did she die?’

‘Both of my parents died when I was very young. They got sick and just couldn’t fight it.’

‘I’m sorry, doll. Where did you go after they died?’  
  
  


‘I went to live with my mother’s sister.’

‘What were they like?’

‘My parents?’

‘Yeah. Tell me about them.’

‘Well, I don’t remember much about them but I know that they loved me a lot. They were very brave and kind. Everyone loved them.’

‘They sound great. Though I’m not surprised, darlin’, you’re so amazing. They should be too.’

‘People said I was a lot like them. In both personality and looks.’

‘Really?’

Helen nodded. ‘Everyone would always say that I looked like my dad but that I had my mother’s eyes. I think I look a lot more like her than people say though. I have her red hair and if I didn’t have my dad’s facial structure, I think I would look exactly like her.’

‘She must have been beautiful then. Your ma. To look so much like you.’

‘Stop that. You don’t always have to be so charming, you know.’

‘I know, but I like telling you how beautiful you are.’

‘Thank you.’  
  


  
‘You’re welcome, sweetheart.’

‘You said that your parents were dead. I guess we have that in common.’

‘Yeah. S’not exactly the nicest thing to have in common, is it?’

‘No, it isn’t. Do you miss them?’

‘Yeah. They died a few years ago. I have a lot of good memories with them but it still doesn’t change the fact that they’re not there anymore.’

‘I’m sorry. I know it’s hard.’

‘It’s not so bad. I’ve got Stevie and you now as my family.’

‘What about your sisters?’

‘Only one of my sisters is alive.’

‘I’m so sorry, Bucky. That must’ve been hard.’

‘It was harder for my parents than it was for me. The Depression was hard. Ma would purposely not eat so we could and my dad worked himself to death. Losing my sister didn’t help. She got sick and never recovered. My other sister died after my folks did.’

‘Where’s your other sister?’

‘She moved away after my parents died. I haven’t seen her since.’

‘Oh. Well, you have me and Steve now.’

‘That’s all I need, doll.’

Helen smiled then looked up at the sky. The sun was starting to set.

‘We better get back, Bucky. It’ll be dark soon.’

‘You’re right, doll. Let’s go.’

‘You know, I’m glad we shared. I feel closer to you now.’

‘I do too, sweet thing.’

The two of them walked back to the apartment arm in arm, feeling all the more closer to falling in love than they did before.


	7. A Spooky Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween brings unexpected feelings to the table for Helen as Bucky and Steve try to show her their holiday traditions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Vi_00. Thank you for the amazing review. I’m so happy you think the fic is an absolute gem. You are a shiny diamond. Thank you :)

* * *

It was Halloween and both Steve and Bucky were excited to share their traditions with Helen. The two of them had gotten up earlier than usual in order to go out and buy supplies. Bucky wanted to surprise Helen with a pumpkin carving session and Steve was fully on board with the idea.

‘Do we get three pumpkins so we each have one or...?’

Bucky averted his gaze from the pumpkin stall when Steve spoke, and seeing the confused look on his friend’s face he decided to step in.

‘We’ll take three of your pumpkins, ma’am.’ Bucky said to the vender, smiling charmingly at her.

The woman blushed and told the man that was presumably her husband to get three fresh pumpkins from the back. After some grumbling from the man Steve and Bucky had their orange squashes loaded into their wheelbarrow.

‘I can’t believe that we actually need a wheelbarrow to carry three pumpkins back to the apartment.’ Steve complained

‘Quit your whining, Stevie. You’re not the one who has to push the wheelbarrow all the way home.’ Bucky huffed, his arms straining from the added weight of the pumpkins. They never really put anything heavy in there and it proved a difficult task to get their wonky cart up the street.

Steve scoffed as he rolled his eyes. ‘Oh, don’t you start complaining. You’re strong enough to push that thing no problem. And besides, it’ll give you a chance to show Helen how strong and muscular you are.’

‘Huh. I never thought about it that way.’

‘Yeah, right. It was the first thing on your mind when we brought it out, don’t kid yourself. You’ve been dying to show off in front of Helen and now when you get the chance to, you conveniently forget? I don’t buy it.’

Bucky sighed in defeat. ‘Alright, fine! It did cross my mind, I admit it.’

Steve smiled triumphantly. ‘Knew it.’

‘Shut up, punk.’

‘Whatever you say, Buck. Whatever you say.’

* * *

Half an hour later Bucky and Steve had managed to get the pumpkins safely up to the apartment. Well, Bucky did. Steve’s asthma prevented him from helping but no one but Bucky was keeping track of that.

With the pumpkins deposited on the kitchen counter, Bucky began looking for Helen, only to find that she wasn’t anywhere in sight.

‘Stevie! Steve! She’s gone! I can’t find her!’

‘What’s wrong, Buck?’

‘Helen! I can’t find Helen, Stevie! What if she got hurt or kidnapped?! Do you think she’s okay?! Where is she?!’ Bucky rushed out in a panic.

‘Hey, listen to me, Buck. Helen’s fine, I’m sure she’s just in her room.’

Bucky took a deep breath. ‘Yeah, you’re right. She’s just in her room.’

Steve smiled encouragingly. ‘Yeah, she is. Why don’t you go see her?’

‘Okay, I’ll do that. Thanks, punk.’

‘No problem, jerk.’

Taking another deep calming breath Bucky crossed the distance to Helen’s bedroom door and gently knocked.

‘Come in.’

Hearing her voice fully eased the tension and worry that Bucky was feeling. Helen was there. She wasn’t hurt. Everything was fine.

She was sitting cross legged on her bed when he entered the room. He moved closer to her and stopped dead in his tracks at the look on her face. It was despondent. It was almost as if she was going to burst into tears at any moment and it broke Bucky’s heart to see it.

‘Doll, what’s wrong?’

‘Nothing. I’m fine.’

It was said so quietly that Bucky almost missed it. Sighing he crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to his lady.

‘Doll, please don’t lie to me. You’re upset and I don’t like it. Come on, tell me what’s wrong.’

Helen finally looked at him and up close Bucky could see the unshod tears in her eyes. ‘I- I... can’t.’

Bucky pulled her into his arms and held her tight. ‘You can, Doll.’

Helen sniffled and snuggled closer to him. ‘It’s Halloween.’

‘It is. What’s wrong with Halloween?’

‘My parents died on Halloween.’

‘Oh. I’m sorry, doll.’

‘Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I just miss them.’

‘It’s okay to miss them, sweet thing. I miss my parents too.’

‘I know. I don’t usually get this upset. I think it’s because it’s my first time away from home. I’m sorry I cried all over you.’

Bucky pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. ‘Stop it. You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s okay to cry.’

‘I know it is but I... think I’m okay now.’

‘You sure?’

Helen nodded. ‘Yeah, I’m sure. Where were you anyway?’

‘Out shopping with Stevie. We bought some pumpkins for us to carve. Do you maybe wanna join us?’

‘I’d like that.’

‘Let’s go then.’

Helen smiled before kissing Bucky’s cheek on the cheek in thanks. Bucky kissed her forehead in return before taking her hand and leading her out of the room.

Steve was waiting for them in the kitchen and he happily greeted them when he saw them. ‘Hey, Buck, Helen.’

Helen smiled softly at him. ‘Hello, Steve. Sorry if we kept you waiting.’

Steve smiled back. ‘Oh, it’s fine. I didn’t mind waiting.’

‘Okay then. So what are we doing?’

‘Well, we’re carving pumpkins. I think you might be good at it.’

‘I don’t know if I will be.I’ve never done it before.’

‘Oh, come on, doll, you’ll be fine. It’s not that hard.’

‘Yeah, it’s quite easy once you get the hang of it. Even Bucky does well and he’s rubbish at things like this.’

‘Hey! I am not rubbish, you little punk. I’m very good at carving pumpkins. I beat you last year, didn’t I?’

‘You did but that was a fluke. I wasn’t well, Bucky! I couldn’t do my best when I had a cold. You won by default. It’s not exactly an achievement.’

Bucky snorted. ‘You use that excuse for everything, Rogers. You were feeling no different than usual. Everybody knows you’re a sore loser ‘specially when it comes to art. You couldn’t admit that I’d beat you fair and square so you played the invalid card. Come on, face it.’

Steve huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘No, I will not face it ‘cause it’s not true. I was unwell, Bucky. It’s you that’s the sore loser who can’t admit that I beat you fair and square every year.’

Bucky scowled. ‘No, I beat you fair and square last year, Stevie. Just admit it. Your ma would be appalled if she knew that you kept lying like this. For shame, Rogers. For shame!’

‘Fine, let’s just say that it was a tie last year and leave it at that.’

‘No, I’m not letting this go until you admit you’re lying.’

Steve groaned. ‘God damn it, Bucky! Just let it go already!’

‘No, I will not let it go! Come on Steve, just admit it!’

‘I have nothing to admit. I’m telling the truth. You didn’t actually win.’

‘Oh for crying out loud, Rogers! You know that I won, just admit it. You can’t lie like this in front of a lady. Just say it. Say you lied.’

‘No! I wasn’t well so it was a draw. Nobody won last year.’

‘That’s not part of the rules and you know it. We agreed when we first started doing this that there would be no such things as draws. If one of us was unable to do it then we’d call it off. If you were so ill that day then we would have just forfeited it. But you didn’t so I won.’

‘Alright, alright. You won and I lost. Is that what you wanted to hear?’

Bucky gave Steve a smug look. ‘Yes, it was. Thank you, Rogers.’

‘Jerk.’

‘Punk.’

Helen had watched all this with amusement and had to hold back laughter as they continued to argue. It was almost like watching Ron and Hermione argue, except that it was all in good fun in Steve and Bucky’s case. Any time Ron and Hermione fought Helen watched with nerves, though it was less intense than it used to be now that they were dating. It was nice to witness a completely playful argument for once.

But as amusing as it was to watch, the two of them had wasted a lot of time arguing and if she didn’t intervene they’d be here all night.

‘Alright boys, that’s enough. Let’s carve pumpkins now.’

Steve nodded eagerly. ‘Yeah, let’s carve pumpkins and I’ll kick your ass this time, Buck.’

  
‘You wish, Stevie, you wish.’

‘I don’t need to wish it. I will win this year. You just wait.’

‘Well, this time you’re up against two people this time and Helen might beat you today. You never know.’

‘Well, as long as I beat you, jerk, I’m happy.’

‘You just be prepared to lose to me two years in a row, punk.’

‘I hope you drop your pumpkin then you’ll definitely lose.’

‘Right back at ya, pal.’

Helen clapped her hands. ‘Alright! Let’s get started, shall we?’

The pumpkin carving competition got underway and both Steve and Bucky were determined to beat the other. Helen paid them no mind as she carved her pumpkin in Dobby’s likeness. It was a fitting tribute to the house elf and since it was Halloween she wouldn’t be breaking any magical laws by revealing Dobby’s existence.

The competition soon ended. Steve had carved his pumpkin in the shape of a werewolf, which reminded Helen of Remus Lupin, and Bucky had carved his in the shape of a ghoul. An argument broke out once again when it came to decide who had won. But in the end in order to keep the peace, it was decided that Helen won.

However Helen was sure that the argument over who won out of Steve and Bucky would go on for days.


	8. Holiday Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen celebrates her first ever Thanksgiving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned before I am British so I have little knowledge of Thanksgiving outside of TV shows and the internet, so I apologise if I’ve gotten anything wrong.

* * *

  
It took Helen a few days to get over her embarrassment at being caught crying by Bucky. She wasn’t ashamed of crying per se, it was just because it was over something so trivial. Her parents had been dead for over ten years so it wasn’t like it was a fresh wound. Yes, she missed them like crazy but she had never had a sob fest over them before.

  
Perhaps it was because she was missing Ron and Hermione. They always spent Halloween together because it was during term time at Hogwarts and it had continued on even after they had left Hogwarts. They had had so many memorable moments together on Halloween. After all it was on Halloween that Hermione became friends with them. The infamous troll incident was never far from Helen’s mind and although she was sure it had scarred Professor McGonagall for life, it was without a doubt one of her most precious memories. But as much as she loved her two best friends she hadn’t expected to cry as much as she had. It left her feeling a bit silly and rather childish.

On the other hand, Bucky didn’t seem to think anything of it. He hadn’t looked at her any differently and he talked about their next date with uncontainable excitement. Perhaps she should ask him about it. Maybe then she’d feel better about it.

She knew Hermione would scold her for making a big deal out of nothing but she couldn’t help it. She was afraid that once Bucky examined it in more detail he would change his mind about dating her.

After all one of the things Bucky liked about her was that she wasn’t like other girls and there she went, crying over something stupid like every other girl Bucky had likely met.

A knock on her door brought her out of her self deprecating thoughts.

‘Come in.’

‘Hey, doll.’

Helen turned around and saw Bucky standing casually in her doorway with a soft smile on his face.

‘Hi, Bucky.’

‘You okay, sweetheart?’

‘I think so. Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine, love. Why?’

‘Well, do you ever think about what happened on Halloween?’

‘I suppose so. What about it?’

‘It didn’t bother you that I cried all over you?’

‘No, of course not. Doll, why would you think that?’

‘Well, it’s not very nice, is it?’

‘I suppose but you were upset, darlin’, so I didn’t mind.’

‘Okay then.’

‘You sure you’re alright?’

Helen gave him a small smile. ‘Of course. Did you need something?’

‘Oh yeah. Um, we’re going shopping. You wanna come?’

‘Okay. But I went shopping yesterday so what exactly do we need?’

‘We need supplies for tomorrow.’

‘Alright. Just let me get changed and we’ll go.’

‘Sure thing, doll. We’ll leave in ten.’

* * *

  
Ten minutes later, the three of them were on their way to the shops. Helen had no idea what the importance of this shopping trip was but both Bucky and Steve seemed excited about it so she went along with it.

Their first stop was the greengrocers. They needed to pick up cranberries, onions, carrots, Brussel sprouts, potatoes: both regular and sweet, peas and corn. Helen still had no clue why they had such an extensive list of vegetables but they’re seemed to be a queue outside the grocers filled with people who held similar lists in their hands, so she just shrugged and stood in the line with Steve and Bucky.

‘The queue’s quite long this year.’ Bucky casually observed.

Steve nodded in agreement. ‘You’re right, Buck. It’s not usually this busy the day before. Maybe people forgot.’

Bucky snorted. ‘Well, we’ll be waiting awhile anyhow.’

Helen frowned at the conversation between the two men. What exactly happened every year that caused the shops to become so busy? Perhaps she should just ask. Bucky and Steve didn’t show any indication that she had no idea what was going on so she’d just have to tell them.

‘Bucky?’

‘Yeah, doll?’

‘What’s going on?’

Bucky’s brow furrowed. ‘What do ya mean, doll?’

‘You said something about tomorrow earlier. What exactly is happening tomorrow that’s so important?’

‘It’s Thanksgiving tomorrow, sweetheart.’

‘Thanksgiving?’

‘Yeah. You’ve celebrated Thanksgiving before, right?’

‘Um, no.’

‘You haven’t? How come? They don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in England or somethin’?’

Helen shook her head. ‘No. What is it?’  
  


  
‘It’s a national holiday where you sit down with your loved ones and have a meal together.’

‘Okay, so I’m guessing you give thanks for something?’

Bucky chuckled. ‘You’d be right. Most people just give thanks for being together and stuff. It has some sort of historical meaning but I forgot it.’

‘I see. And what are you thankful for this year?’

‘You.’

‘Me? Really?’

‘Yes. I’m so glad I met you and I could not be more thankful that you gave me a chance when I asked you out.’

‘Me too.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah. But anyway, I think we’ve lost Steve so we better find him.’

Bucky looked around and couldn’t find Steve either. ‘We’re nearly at the store so we’ll just look for him in there, I guess.’

Some minutes later they were inside the greengrocers and had managed to find Steve, who in turn had found half of the ingredients they needed. After finding the rest, the three of them headed off to their next shop: the butchers. Fortunately for them, there was no queue building outside. They were able to go in and purchase their turkey with ease before leaving to go to the next shop on their list.

Helen and Bucky decided to wait outside Steve went in to buy some eggs and flour. Helen broke the comfortable silence between them by asking a question that had been burning in her mind ever since they stood outside the greengrocers.

‘Bucky, is Thanksgiving a big deal?’

‘Yeah, I suppose it is. It’s an important holiday here. I guess the only one more important is Christmas.’

‘Huh. Maybe it is a big deal then.’

Steve came out before Bucky could reply, his frail arms carrying the paper bag full of purchases. As Bucky moved forward to help Steve, Helen contemplated the idea of Thanksgiving. It would be fun to celebrate a holiday that clearly meant so much to Bucky and Steve and it eased the constant ache of missing Ron and Hermione, since they had never celebrated this particular holiday themselves. Without painful memories of her and her two best friends haunting her, like that time during Halloween,Helen would be able to enjoy this.

She was broken out of her thoughts by someone calling her name. She blinked a few times and noticed it was Steve who said her name.

‘Sorry. What did you say, Steve?’

The blond in question looked excited. ‘Well, since this is your first Thanksgiving me and Buck were thinkin’ that this one needs to bespecial. So I thought it would be nice if you made the dessert. A traditional British one. So we can all enjoy the foods we like.’

Helen smiled softly at Steve’s enthusiasm. ‘I think it’s a great idea. But it’s deciding what to make that’s the hard part.’

Bucky slung his arm over her shoulder and pulled her close. ‘Well, me an’ Stevie like all kinds of desserts, doll, so it don’t really matter what you make. Either way we’ll both enjoy it.’

Steve nodded. ‘Yeah. What dessert do you like?’

Helen thought over it for a moment before deciding. ‘I suppose I always did enjoy a trifle on the rare occasion I got to have some.’

Bucky smiled. ‘Make that then, doll.’

‘Yeah. It sounds nice. What flavour is it?’ Steve asked.

‘It can come in lots of flavours but strawberry was always my favourite. I guess I’ll just make that then.’

Bucky kissed the top of her head gently. ‘Strawberry trifle it is then. I can’t wait to taste it, doll. Bet it’s delicious.’

‘Me too. I’ll go back to the greengrocers to get the strawberries and you can go with Helen to get the rest of the ingredients, Buck.’

‘Sounds good, Stevie. We’ll meet back here in twenty.’

* * *

  
An hour later the three of them had completed their shopping and were relaxing in the apartment. When Helen went to bed a few hours later, Steve took this opportunity to ask his best friend how the relationship was going.

‘It’s going really good, Stevie.’ Bucky answered with a smile.

‘You really like her, huh?’ Steve asked with a grin of his own.

Bucky’s eyes softened. ‘Yeah, I do. I think I might be in love actually.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, I do. I really do.’

‘I hope she feels the same.’

‘Me too.’

* * *

The next morning came and Helen found her curiosity sparking. It was officially Thanksgiving and thinking about what it might be like got her intrigued. She knew that here in America Thanksgiving was just as important, if not more important than Christmas, and it was rather exciting to witness a major holiday play out. Bucky and Steve loved the holiday and it made her want to learn how to love it as much as they did. According to Bucky, Thanksgiving was a lot like Christmas. And well, she certainly adored Christmas, or rather the Christmases she spent at Hogwarts and the Burrow.

  
It wasn’t any fun spending the holidays at Privet Drive because the Dursleys refused to get her any gifts and it was hard to see Dudley gloat about his mountain of presents he got every year. Luckily that all changed as soon as she went to Hogwarts and she was thankful that she never had to stay with them again. She was so lucky that she had found true friends in Ron and Hermione, who never failed to get her the most thoughtful gifts ever. Helen would never forget the fact that Ron told his mother that Helen wouldn’t be getting any presents, which caused Mrs Weasley to gift her with something she only gave her children: a knitted jumper. The fact that Ron cared about her that much never failed to bring tears to her eyes. God, she missed him so much.

But she couldn’t focus on that. Not unless she wanted to cry again and she knew that Ron probably wouldn’t appreciate being the reason for her tears. Ron always wanted her to have fun and enjoy herself so that’s exactly what she was going to do.

Feeling determined to have the best Thanksgiving ever, Helen picked out a long sleeved peach dress to wear. It had appliqué on it that reminded Helen of wheat, which in her opinion fit the Thanksgiving theme. It was a strange feeling. Wanting to look nice for someone but Bucky was special. He was everything.

Helen put the final touch on her outfit by putting on bright red lipstick. Staring at herself in the mirror, she was certain that she would knock Bucky’s socks off. Her hair was neatly curled and pinned to perfection, the red lipstick made her eyes and skin pop, and her peach dress made her look sophisticated and elegant.

Yes, she was ready. There would be no more hiding. No more worrying. It didn’t matter that one day she would have to return to her own life in what in this time was the future. She didn’t care if her time with Bucky was cut short. She was just going to enjoy the time that was given to them.

Opening her door, she stepped out into the hallway, her cream coloured heels clacking against the wooden floors. She cast her gaze around the room, searching for Bucky. There was no sign of Bucky or Steve in the living room so she turned her search to the kitchen.

Sure enough the two men were there, standing against the kitchen counter with the haul of ingredients they bought yesterday sitting in front of them. Neither one had noticed her yet. They were too absorbed in their conversation to pay any mind.

Bucky laughed at something Steve had murmured, throwing his head back in delight. Helen thought he looked so adorable although she’d never tell him that.

‘Good morning, boys.’

Steve was the first to turn around and as soon as he spotted Helen he smirked and nudged Bucky gently in the ribs.

‘Jesus Stevie, stop poking me! What do you think you’re doi...’

Bucky’s annoyed ramblings were cut off when his gaze landed on Helen. His jaw dropped and his cheeks reddened slightly which Helen took as a good sign.  
  


‘Hey Bucky. You doing alright?’

Bucky’s jaw snapped shut when she spoke again and he cleared his throat. ‘Um, yeah, I’m fine. I just, uh... I’m.. I .. uh..’

Steve snorted with laughter at Bucky’s stammering. ‘Good morning, Helen. You look nice today.’

Helen smiled. ‘Thank you, Steve. I thought I’d wear something special since it’s Thanksgiving. You really like it?’

‘I really do. You like it too, Buck, don’t you?’

Steve nudged Bucky again when he didn’t say anything. ‘Buck?’

‘Oh, um, yeah, I like it. You look beautiful, doll.’

‘Thank you, Bucky.’

‘You’re welcome, love.’

Helen smiled at Bucky before heading off to the bathroom.

‘Wow.’ Bucky uttered after the bathroom door closed, while Steve snickered at him.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that speechless, Bucky. It was quite the sight. Completely hilarious. Priceless.’

Bucky scowled at the giddy look on his friend’s face. ‘Alright, alright. Jesus, Stevie. I get it. Quit being a punk about it.’

Steve’s expression sobered. ‘As hilarious as it was, I was serious when I said I’d never seen you that speechless before. You’ve always been confident around the dames while I’m the stuttering mess. You’re really fallin’ for her, huh?’

‘Yeah. I really think I am.’

‘I’m happy for ya, jerk.’

Bucky playfully shoved Steve on the shoulder, being careful not to push him too hard as he didn’t actually want to hurt the blond. Steve pushed him back and soon they were engaged in a friendly scuffle.

This was the sight that Helen came back to and she couldn’t help but chuckle. They truly were brothers in everything but blood. In fact they reminded her of Fred and George whose antics constantly drove Mrs Weasley up the wall. She wondered if the Weasleys would like Bucky and Steve, though she knew it was near impossible for them to meet.

George would probably try to join in on the fight, so would Fred if he was still alive, while Ron would cheer them on from the sidelines. Mr Weasley would pretend to disapprove for Mrs Weasley’s sake but Helen knew he wasn’t against roughhousing as long as it didn’t actually turn violent. Hermione would be giving her and Ginny judging looks for supporting it and Mrs Weasley would be frantically trying to stop it all.

It was hard thinking of the Weasleys and Hermione because she saw them as the only true family she had. The Weasley children, along with Hermione, had become siblings and Mr and Mrs Weasley were parent figures to her in ways that her aunt and uncle never could be. She missed them so much and she longed to have them back.

A part of her knew that she would see them again but she tried to ignore it because to be with them she had to give up Bucky. And that was just unthinkable. Bucky was everything and Steve had become a good friend. She didn’t want to lose them even though deep down she knew she had to. She had to go back to her own time soon. She just didn’t belong in this time. She had to go back. Even if it killed her inside, she had to.

Shaking herself out of those morbid thoughts, she turned her attention back to Bucky who were still wrestling with each other.

‘Come on now, boys. I think that’s enough of that.’

Both Bucky and Steve turned their heads to look at her, their expressions sheepish despite the fact that her tone was playful.

Bucky released his hold on Steve and straightened up. ‘Sorry, doll.’

‘Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. But still, we would have been here all day if you didn’t stop.’

Bucky chuckled. ‘Of course, sweet thing. We’ll stop dillydallying and get on with it. Right, Stevie?’

‘Right. ‘Sides I’m hungry.’

Bucky snorted. ‘You’re always hungry, punk. Ain’t nothin’ out of the ordinary there.’

Steve glared at his friend. ‘Hey! Don’t act as if I’m the only one who likes to eat. You eat twice as much as me and I don’t say anything!’

‘I’m just jokin’, Stevie. Anyway, we better get started. We haven’t even taken the turkey outta the bag yet.’

Helen nodded. ‘Right. Steve and I will start chopping the vegetables and Bucky, you’ll get the turkey out of the bag.’

Steve gave a tiny nod and immediately started slicing onions, wiping his eyes when they started to stream with tears. Bucky on the other hand was just staring at Helen, making no move whatsoever.

‘Come on, Bucky. Get the turkey out of the bag so we can get started.’

Bucky gave her a crooked smile. ‘You don’t trust me, doll? How come Stevie gets to chop vegetables but all I get to do is take the turkey out of the bag? Come on, sweet thing, give your man a real job.’

Helen laughed. ‘I do trust you, you idiot. Now stop fooling around and get the turkey out of the bag. If you do that then I’ll give you the super important job of preparing the turkey.’

‘Now that’s what I’m talking about. I’ve got a better job than you, Stevie! How do ya like that?’

‘Shut up, Bucky. If you dare mess up that turkey then I’ll toss you on the street before Helen could protest.’

‘No protest from me, Steve. You go ahead and throw him out.’

Bucky gave her a wounded look. ‘Doll, that’s cruel. How could you say that? I’m your best guy. You’re supposed to defend me.’

‘You’ll always be my best guy, Bucky. But if you don’t hurry up and get the turkey ready I’ll throw you out myself.’

‘As you wish, sweet thing.’

Thankfully Bucky did prepare the turkey and soon all the preparations were done. Now the three of them were sitting on the couch, just enjoying each other’s company. It made Helen a little sad that Bucky and Steve didn’t have a TV but she supposed that they either weren’t invented yet or only super rich people could afford them. Still it was nice to just talk. Some of the best moments she had with Ron and Hermione were when they just sat and talked. It was nice to do it with Steve and Bucky. It did nothing to dull the ache of missing her best friends but she supposed it could be worse. She had a loving boyfriend and a good friend in the two men here and for now that was enough.

A couple of hours had passed and the food was all ready. Steve and Bucky insisted on serving it all themselves and made Helen sit at the table the whole time. She watched in fond amusement as Bucky filled her plate up with food and placed it in front of her. Only after she started eating did Steve and Bucky sit down and have their meal.

After the main course was all done and dusted it was time to prepare the desserts. Helen immediately started to make her strawberry trifle while Bucky put the pies in the oven. Steve watched on in fascination,eagerly asking Helen about each step of the recipe. It was only after Bucky threw a bread roll at his head that he stopped and actually sat down.

Half an hour later the desserts were ready to serve. Bucky and Steve practically halved the trifle, inhaling it in a matter of minutes. Meanwhile Helen was enjoying a slice of pumpkin pie. It was delicious and it was rather nice to try something new since they didn’t have this back home. The apple pie was also rather tasty, something Steve seemed to agree with as he was already on his second slice. Bucky was busy enjoying another piece of trifle.

After he finished he looked up at Helen and smiled. ‘That trifle was amazing, doll. I wish we had more.’

Helen blushed, causing Bucky to look pleased. ‘Thank you. I’ve never really cooked that much before.’

‘Well, you must have a real talent for it, darlin’. ‘Cause let me tell ya, that was one of the best desserts I’ve ever had.’

Steve nodded vigorously. ‘Yeah. It was really good, Helen.’

‘Thank you, boys.’

After they finished eating they all washed the large pile of dishes and then talked for a couple of hours. Before any of them knew it, it was very late. Helen decided to go to bed, leaving the boys to sit on the couch.

As she made to leave, she leaned over and kissed Bucky’s cheek before waving a good night to Steve, who echoed her sentiments.

After her door was closed and her light switched off, Steve burst into hysterical laughter at the smitten look on Bucky’s face. Bucky, however, couldn’t care less. He had the girl of his dreams and that’s all that mattered. Though Steve’s laughing was rather annoying.


	9. Feels Like Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky takes Helen out on another date and they reach an important milestone in their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For freelovefreespirit, here’s the update you wanted. Hope you enjoy it. It has tons of fluff in it :)

* * *

  
Almost a week had passed since Thanksgiving and Bucky thought it was high time he took Helen out on another date. He had decided he would take her to the cinema as a film was out that he thought she might like. It was called Blues in the Night and it was a musical, something he thought Helen would enjoy watching. It was also supposed to be quite romantic, which gave Bucky the perfect incentive to enjoy some cuddling and maybe a kiss on the lips this time.

Helen had made them a delicious breakfast and they had just finished lunch so they would be ready to go in a short amount of time. He told Steve that they would be out for the afternoon before heading to Helen’s room. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, carefully pinning her curls up. She was always so beautiful, even like this.

Helen looked up and smiled at him. ‘Hey, Bucky.’

Bucky smiled back, moving to sit down beside her. ‘Hey, doll. You look very pretty today.’

‘Thank you. You don’t look too bad yourself.’

Bucky chuckled. ‘But I’ll never be as stunning as you.’

Helen snorted. ‘Charming as always.’

‘You know I only do it for you.’

‘I know and I like it.’

‘And I like you.’

‘I know that too and I feel the same way.’

‘Well, that’s good because I wouldn’t feel as confident asking you out on a date if you’d just told me that you couldn’t stand me or something.’

Helen laughed. ‘I’d never say that and you know it.’

Bucky’s face softened as he brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes. ‘I know. I’m just teasin’, sweetheart. So, will you come to the cinema with me?’

‘The cinema? What are we going to see?’

‘It’s called Blues in the Night. I thought you’d like it since it’s a musical and it’s romantic and all that.’

‘Mm. I do like romance so I suppose I’ll have to say yes.’

‘You suppose you’ll have to say yes. Doll, you wound me.’

‘Stop that. I’ll definitely say yes. I couldn’t say no after all.’

Bucky pulled her close. ‘Oh? And why can’t you say no?’

‘Because then I’d be lying. Saying no means that I don’t want to go and I definitely do want to go. With you. My Bucky.’

Bucky grinned, pecking her on the forehead. ‘And I definitely want to go with you. My Helen. My sweet, beautiful Helen.’

Helen smiled lovingly at him for a moment before she wriggled out of his arms. ‘Okay. Now go so I can get ready.’

‘Alright, doll, I’ll see you outside.’

‘Bye, darling.’

‘Bye, sweetheart.’

Bucky waited patiently for Helen to emerge from her room. He occupied himself by wondering which outfit she would be wearing for their date. She had looked absolutely stunning on their first date and Bucky was sure that whatever she would be wearing for their current date would surely blow his mind.

He couldn’t believe how lucky he had gotten with Helen. She was so very beautiful and yet so very kind. It was rare to find both qualities in a woman and Bucky had definitely hit the jackpot with his lady.

  
The sound of the door opening broke him out of his thoughts and he turned around to see Helen. What he saw blew his mind. She could not be more beautiful in his eyes and yet somehow she still managed to shock him with how stunning she looked. She was wearing a wine coloured dress that had a little peephole right before her bust and ruching around the waist. It was a simple enough dress, it had little detailing and yet he was lost for words.

‘You ready to go?’

Her words startled him a little bit. He was so captivated by her that he forgot that they had someplace to be.

‘Yeah, I’m ready. It’s just, **wow**. You look _absolutely stunning_. I’m lost for words. I, you’re so _beautiful_ and you’re all **mine**.’

Helen smiled, a delicate blush on her cheeks. ‘Yep, I’m all yours.’

‘And I’m yours. Anything you need, I’ll be there. I’ll do anything for you, doll. I mean it.’

‘I know. And I’ll be there for you too. ‘Cause we’re in this together, no matter what happens.’

‘I’ll hold you to that, sweetheart.’

‘Same for you too, honey.’

‘Yeah. Forever.’

‘Forever.’

No words were needed as Bucky offered Helen his arm and lead her out of the apartment. He had a very good feeling about this date and he hoped he wouldn’t be disappointed. As if he really could be on a date with the potential love of his life, but still. This gut instinct made him think that something big was going to happen and he prayed to God that he wasn’t wrong.  
  


* * *

  
It didn’t take them long to get to the movie theatre and before they knew it they were sitting down, waiting for the film to start. Bucky had bought them a bucket of popcorn to share in hopes that the close proximity would lead to some Grade-A cuddling and maybe a few kisses.

The movie started a few minutes later and though Helen seemed to be engrossed in watching it, Bucky was not. He was too busy watching something or to be more accurate someone else. His eyes had not left Helen once. She was just so captivating. She never failed to make him smile. Her facial expressions were so lovely. The way she gasped at an unexpected scene, the way she bit her lip when a tense moment came, the way she smiled when she laid her head on his chest and burrowed closer into his hold. She was perfect.

In the end Bucky couldn’t have told anyone one thing that happened in the movie. His attention was elsewhere and so when Helen, who had diverted his focus away from the film, asked him how he found it, he nodded and said he enjoyed it. He didn’t want her to think that he couldn’t pay attention to an hour long movie after all.

Helen clearly must have believed his lie because she beamed at him. ‘I enjoyed it too. It was romantic but it wasn’t too much. The songs were quite good as well. It was even better watching it with you, of course.’

Bucky squeezed her hand and smiled. ‘I know. I really liked cuddling with you. It made the movie even more romantic.’

‘It did. And being in your arms made me feel safe because I know you wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me.’

‘I will never let anything hurt you, doll. You’ll always be safe with me, I promise. I’ll always be there for you. Whenever you need me.’

‘I know. My knight in shining armour, my hero. You always protect the people you care about and that’s one of the things I like about you. The way you look out for Steve is just so sweet, Bucky.’

‘Well, he’s my best friend and he’s useless at taking care of himself so someone’s gotta do it. S’no big deal, love.’

‘It is to me, Bucky. You don’t have to do all those things for Steve but you do it anyway. Because you care and you’re such a good person.’

‘Doll, you’re gonna make me cry and I don’t wanna be caught crying in public. People’ll think I’m crazy.’

Helen smiled, moving closer to him. ‘Well, they can think what they want to. It doesn’t matter what they think anyway. We know the truth.’

‘And what is the truth, doll?’

They had stopped walking now and were standing in a secluded spot in the street. Bucky had his arms wrapped around Helen’s waist and they were mere inches apart. Any closer and their lips would be touching.

‘That you’re crying because you have such a big heart. You feel things more than others because you’re so kind and thoughtful. They can’t understand that you’re not crying because you’re weak but because youfeel so much and you can’t hold it in anymore. My words have made your heart burst so you have to cry because you need to let it out.’

Bucky sniffed. ‘Well, I’m certainly crying now, doll. You really think all that about me?’

‘Yes, I do.’

‘It’s funny you see me that way, doll, because that’s exactly the way I see you.’

‘Huh. Well, I guess we’re on the same page then.’

‘Yeah, I guess we are.’

Helen smiled before brushing her hand across his cheek, causing him to blush. ‘I hope you know how much you mean to me, darling.’

‘I think I do. And you should know how much you mean to me.’

‘I do. But I’m serious, Bucky. I’ve never felt like this in my life.’

Instead of replying Bucky took the opportunity to close the gap between them and seal their mouths together in a sweet kiss. He felt a trill of excitement when he felt Helen kissing him back. The feeling of her lips on his was absolutely indescribable. He never wanted to stop.

But the need for air outweighed his wish to kiss Helen forever so he broke it after a few minutes.

‘Wow.’ He breathed out.

‘Yeah.’

‘That was amazing, doll. I can’t believe how good that was. It felt like heaven. I swear that kiss was what heaven feels like.’

Helen blushed deepened but she didn’t say anything.

Bucky grimaced when a few minutes of silence passed. ‘Oh god, that was too much, wasn’t it? I shouldn’t have said that. I just made it awkward. I’m sorry, doll. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just—’

His embarrassed rambling was cut off by a pair of soft lips descending onto his. He hummed contently and lost himself in the kiss for a few moments.

‘You didn’t make me uncomfortable, Bucky.’ Helen said after they broke apart. ‘I’m feeling the opposite, actually. It was just so sweet what you said that I needed a second to think.’

Bucky let out a relieved sigh. ‘Oh, thank god. I thought that you didn’t say anything ‘cause I embarrassed you or somethin’.’

Helen shook her head. ‘No, you didn’t embarrass me. Our first kiss isn’t something to be embarrassed about and the way you described it was exactly right. It did feel like heaven. It felt magical. Surreal.’

‘Yeah, it did. You’re right, doll. If magic is real then I’m sure it would be exactly like our first kiss.’

‘Mm. I guess we’ll never know if either are real. Magic or heaven. I think you don’t really find out until you die, y’know.’

‘Hey, none of that. No talking about death. This is just the beginning for us and it’ll be a long time until it’s the end for us.’

‘I’ll hold you to that promise, Bucky Barnes.’

‘And I swear to you that I’ll do everything in my power not to break that promise, Helen Evans.’

He sealed that promise with a kiss and several more after that.


	10. War Breaks Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The USA’s entry into WWII brings mixed feelings to Helen, Bucky and Steve. When the time comes to enlist things do not go completely to plan.

* * *

  
A few days had passed since Bucky had taken her on a date and they had shared their first kiss. And it seemed that neither of them could bear the thought of not kissing each other since then.

They kissed everywhere they could, although they did agree to stop kissing in the apartment after one memorable occasion where Steve had walked in on them practically making out at the kitchen table. Bucky found the whole situation hilarious and claimed that the mortified squeak that Steve let out before he fled the room would be forever remembered by him. However after Steve refused to look at either of them for the next few days, he agreed that they wouldn’t kiss anywhere that Steve could easily walk in and see them.

All in all it had been a happy few days. But Helen couldn’t get this niggling feeling out of her mind. It was telling her that something bad was about to happen. Truthfully she had been feeling this way since she and Bucky first kissed almost a week ago but she had pushed it to the back of her mind, telling herself that there was no use in ruining a happy moment over paranoia. But still it lingered like an unwanted guest in her brain. She couldn’t stop thinking about it.

And as much as she tried to listen to the Hermione sounding voice in her head she just couldn’t let go of the feeling. Hermione was screaming at the forefront of her mind to let it go and stop thinking the worst but no matter how much or how loud she yelled it the feeling still remained.  
  


She couldn’t help it. It had always been this way with her. Whenever something good happened in her life something bad came along to destroy any good feeling she had. It was always the same and she feared that the same would happen this time. Her first kiss with the potential love of her life was the happiest moment she had ever had and she was sure that the dark cloud of misery would swoop in and quite literally rain on her parade. She had always had the worst luck. Why should that change just because she was several decades in the past?

Shaking her head, she sighed and tried to take her mind off all these negative thoughts. Figuring that she needed a good distraction she decided to go shopping. They were running low on some things anyway and it was always handy to have more of them just in case.

* * *

She was just coming out of the bakery when she heard a panicked voice. Startled she looked around and spotted a dark haired woman waving her arms around frantically while another had placed a calming hand on her shoulder. She knew she shouldn’t pry but curiosity got the better of her and before she knew it she was heading over the where the two women were standing.

‘Excuse me ma’am, are you alright?’

The dark haired woman turned to her and grabbed onto her arms. ‘Oh, it’s terrible news, dear. Just awful. What happened there is a true tragedy and now they’re talking about war. War! My poor boy might die because of this! Oh I can’t bear it! I just can’t!’

Deciding she wasn’t going to get a clear answer from the obviously distressed woman, she untangled herself from the tight grip and turned to her companion. ‘What’s wrong? Is she okay?’

The other woman shook her head, a sad look on her face. ‘I’m afraid not, my love. News just came in on the radio about Pearl Harbor and now it seems we’re going to war.’

‘War? Why? What happened at Pearl Harbor?’

‘Why, the Japanese bombed it. Terrible thing to do if you ask me. Thousands are dead and now we could lose thousands more because it’s just been announced that we’re joining the war that all the Europeans are having. We’ve stayed out of it long enough. I don’t understand why we need to join now. All we’ll do is lose more lives. But it is what it is.’

‘Alright, thank you. You’ve been most helpful, ma’am. I hope your friend will be okay.’

‘No worries, dear. She’ll be fine. She just needs to go home and rest.’

Helen waved goodbye before rushing home to the apartment. The rest of her shopping could wait. She needed to sit down and think about this.What in the world was happening right now?

* * *

Finally she reached the apartment and she threw herself down on the sofa as soon as it was in reach. Sighing she thought back to what the woman had told her earlier. It was all about Pearl Harbor and a war that the Europeans were having. It was a bit confusing to take in. The womansounded just as panicked as her friend was and it was difficult to understand what she was saying.

And then all of a sudden it hit her. The war the woman was talking about was the Second World War. It was 1941 after all. The date certainly fit. The war didn’t end until 1945 if her memory served her correctly so she was positive that this was the war the woman had been talking about. Well, it was no wonder that both women were frantic at the news. The Second World War was a brutal one and it cost millions their lives. She didn’t know what Pearl Harbor was but it must have been an important place for it to get bombed.

This surely had to be the reason she had been having a feeling of dread recently. She must have known in the back of her mind that there was a war going on in the forties and her subconscious was trying to warn her about it.

She didn’t know what this meant for her and Bucky’s relationship. She was completely positive that Bucky would enlist and then be sent right into a war zone. He might not make it back and they’d never get their happy ending. Why did this have to happen now?

Bucky wouldn’t be home for a couple of hours so she had time to get herself together. He was at an art class with Steve and the two of them surely would have heard the news. She had to pull herself together. Nothing had even happened yet. Bucky might not enlist. After all Steve certainly would be rejected for service so maybe Bucky would refuse to go because he didn’t want to leave Steve or her behind.

It was highly unlikely but it was the only hope she had left. She just had to pretend that Bucky wasn’t going to enlist and then she’d be calm enough to face him and Steve when they got home. She just had to ignore the voice in the back of her mind telling her that there was no way that Bucky wouldn’t go to war because he was noble and caring and would likely be doing this all for her, so they could have a safe and secure future together. That voice would just make her cry so she silenced it and pretended that Bucky was going to stay forever.

* * *

  
A couple of hours had passed and Helen was completely calm when the sound of the door opening reached her ears. She had come to the decision that she would be supportive if Bucky did decide he wanted to enlist. She’d let him go. She just had to believe that he’d come back to her and they’d have that future he promised her.

The facial expressions that Bucky and Steve wore when they greeted her were so different that it was almost comical. Steve’s looked hopeful and practically giddy while Bucky’s was grim and serious.

‘Hello, boys. How was art class?’

‘It was good. We learnt how to draw buildings and make them look realistic. Of course I already knew how to do this but it was fun learning tips from other artists.’

Steve said all this in such a cheery tone that if Helen didn’t know any better she’d have thought that the blonde hadn’t heard the news at all.

Bucky scowled at his friend. ‘Be serious, Stevie! I know you heard it on the radio so stop actin’ like nothin’ happened.’

Steve scowled right back. ‘I know what happened, Bucky. I’m just tryna stay positive unlike you!’

‘There’s not a lot you can be positive about when it comes to a war, punk.’

‘Oh come on, Buck! D’you even have any hope that we’ll win this war?’

‘Of course I do. I’m just sayin’ that a lot of people could die and you can’t put a positive spin on that.’

‘Neither of us are going to die, you paranoid jerk.’

‘I know you’re not gonna die ‘cause you’re not enlisting but plenty of other people are and they might not make it back.’

Steve flushed an angry shade of red. ‘What do ya mean I’m not enlisting?! Of course I’m enlisting! You can’t stop me!’

‘Steve, they’ll never accept you. You’ve got really bad asthma and you’ll keel over if you even do one push up. You can’t enlist.’

‘Then teach me. Train me. Help me get fit enough so they’ll accept me. Come on, Buck, at least help me try.’

‘Fine, I’ll help you. But only if you promise me that if you get rejected you will not try again. I mean it Stevie. If you try again I’ll kill you myself.’

‘Okay, I promise.’

‘Good. I’ll take you down to the gym first thing tomorrow and we can get started.’

Steve beamed. ‘Thanks, jerk.’

‘You’re welcome, punk.’

Bucky waited until Steve’s bedroom door was firmly closed before he pulled Helen into his arms and kissed her.

‘Hi.’ Bucky greeted after they broke apart.

‘Hi.’

‘Listen if you don’t want me to enlist then I won’t. Just say the word and I won’t even bother trying.’

Helen frowned. ‘No Bucky, that’s not what I want. If you want to do this then there’s no way I’m going to stop you. I promise.’

‘I’m not gonna lie, I want to.’

‘Then do it.’

‘If you’re sure.’

‘I am.’

‘Okay but just know that I’m only doing this for you. So we can have that future together. I’ll kill a thousand Nazis just so we can have a safe and happy life with each other.’

Helen giggled. ‘Well, maybe a thousand is a bit extreme but I won’t hold it against you if you do. Just promise that you’ll come back to me.’

‘I promise. I’ll do everything I can to come back to you. I swear it.’

Bucky sealed his promise with a gentle yet passionate kiss and Helen knew in that moment that he’d never break any of his promises to her.

* * *

  
Two weeks had passed since they’d heard about the outbreak of war and Steve was making excellent progress in his training with Bucky. The dark haired man was doing everything in his power to make sure that Steve got to a healthy weight. Sadly Helen thought that it wouldn’t be enough. No amount of training could cure Steve of his asthma and a late night chat with Bucky revealed he had similar thoughts.

‘I mean I don’t want to jinx it for him but I don’t think he’ll get accepted. I can’t do nothin’ about his asthma and it’s one of the things they reject you for.’ He had said sadly.

Helen tried to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault but they both knew how disappointed Steve was going to be once he got rejected and it was something that neither of them could bear to witness.

But still the day that Bucky and Steve had marked on the calendar as enlistment day arrived quicker than Helen wanted it too. She had no doubt that Bucky would get accepted and it would be a bitter pill for Steve to take. Seeing his best friend getting accepted while he faced rejection would crush the small blond and Helen couldn’t stand to see him so upset. She just had to hope that a miracle would occur and they’d somehow accept Steve even though he’d likely die at basic training.

Steve was practically bouncing off the walls in excitement it was finally time for him and Bucky to leave for the recruitment centre and hisexcitement was going to make watching his rejection all that much harder.

But as much as she adored Steve he really wasn’t the one she was worried about. It was Bucky who was on her mind. She was falling deeper and deeper in love with him and she couldn’t be sure that she’d ever get the chance to even fully fall in love with him.

  
Yes, he promised he’d come back to her if he did get sent away but there wasn’t much he could do to keep it. War took lives. It was as simple as that. And death didn’t discriminate. Death didn’t care if it took someone who made a promise to come back to his love or if it took a murderer. Death didn’t feel guilt because it wasn’t a person. It was just a thing. That took and took and took. And it didn’t escape Helen’s notice that Bucky might just be one of the people that death would so cruelly take.

She wondered if Bucky realised that he might die and therefore would be unable to fulfil his promise of coming back to her or if he was just too focused on not letting her down that he didn’t think about the fact that he may not come back from the war.

Stop it, she scolded herself mentally. You can’t think like this. You’ve got to hold onto the fact that Bucky promised he would do everything he could to come back to you. You’ll drive yourself insane otherwise.

Helen stopped for a moment and laughed when she realised that she was imagining Hermione’s voice saying all of that when she told herself off. Well, she always listened to Hermione when the bushy haired girl scolded her so maybe it was for the best if it sounded like Hermione had actually said all those things to her. It was a known fact amongst those closest to her that she never listened to the rational voice inside of her.

She just had to stay positive. She and Bucky were meant to be together so surely they could not be separated in such a brutal way.

* * *

  
Helen decided that keeping busy was her best bet if she didn’t want to go mad with worry. So she made herself a list of chores to complete until it was time for the boys to come back. She was almost finished with the list when the front door opened. She stopped what she was doing and went to the living room to greet Steve and Bucky.

It didn’t say anything good when Bucky came into the living room alone. His grim expression did nothing to reassure her either.

‘Is everything okay? Where’s Steve?’

Bucky sighed before pulling her into his arms. ‘He, uh, went for a walk. Said he needed to clear his head and he’d be back later.’

Helen hugged Bucky tight. ‘Is he alright?’

‘Not really. He got rejected.’

‘Oh. He must be devastated. He worked so hard.’

‘Yeah, he did. Of course it doesn’t help that I got accepted.’

‘No, it wouldn’t. Poor Steve.’

‘Yeah. But the punk’ll get over it.’

‘Are you sure?’

Bucky nodded. ‘Uh huh. Anyway, enough about Steve. How are you feeling about all of this, doll? Are you okay with the fact that I got accepted? Be honest, darlin’. I won’t be hurt if you say no.’

Helen sighed, brushing her hand over Bucky’s cheek. ‘I’m not going to lie to you, Bucky. I am a little worried that you’re not going to come home. But that being said I know you’ll do everything you can to come back to me and that’s exactly why I’m okay with you going.’

Bucky smiled, pecking her on the forehead in gratitude. ‘Thanks, doll. It means a lot to have your support and I’m glad you have so much faith in me. I know I’ve said it before but I swear to you that I will come back to you. Nothing will stop me from doing so. I promise.’

‘I know and that’s why I can let you go. Because I know that you’ll come back to me.’

‘Of course I will, love. I’ll do anything to have a future with you even if it means I have to survive a war zone. I’ll do it. For you.’

‘You’re sweet. And always so charming.’

‘You like it.’

‘I do. I really do.’

Bucky grinned lovingly at her before sealing their lips together in a passionate kiss.


	11. Learning The Lingo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Bucky’s last day before he heads off to boot camp and Helen is determined to enjoy it. Meanwhile Bucky strives to make their relationship official.

* * *

  
It took Steve a couple of weeks to come out of his bad mood and both Helen and Bucky were glad about it. The atmosphere in the apartment had been tense and they were glad it was finally over. An angry Steve certainly wasn’t a fun Steve to be around and it was a good thing that he had come to terms with getting rejected from the army.

After all it would make today even harder. It was Bucky’s last day before he was due to head off to boot camp and it would only have made it even worse if Steve hadn’t accepted the fact that he wouldn’t be going as well. Luckily the blond seemed happy for his friend and Helen was glad there would be no animosity between the two of them.

Bucky had spent the morning talking and playing games with Steve and now he had decided he wanted to spent the rest of his last day with Helen. Which brought her here. In a difficult situation.

She just couldn’t decide which dress to wear on their walk together. It would be the last time she and Bucky would be seeing each other for a few weeks and she wanted him to remember this moment to help him get through the tough hours of training. If she didn’t look drop dead gorgeous then Bucky wouldn’t have a good last memory of her.

This was getting ridiculous. She had never been one to make a fuss over what she was wearing. It frustrated her to no end. But then she supposed she didn’t have a reason to look good before. She had Bucky now and it made him happy when she was all dressed up. And she loved making him happy.

She raked through her dresses one more time before she finally saw it. The dress she had been looking for. It had been stuffed right at the bottom of the pile and she wouldn’t have noticed it was there if she hadn’t been thorough in her search for the perfect dress.

It was a light blue floral patterned dress with floaty cap sleeves and a bow around the front. It was made of a sheer material called voile, according to the woman who sold her the dress. All things considered it was a very beautiful dress and the flowers featured on it surely would keep it on Bucky’s mind for a while. After all flowers had a special meaning to both of them.

Bucky was waiting in the kitchen for her and grinned at her when she finally emerged from her room.

‘Hey, doll. You look beautiful.’

Helen smiled, a little buzz of pleasure going through her body at the fact that Bucky thought she looked nice. ‘Thank you. You look handsome so we match.’  
  


‘Nah, I think you’ve got me beat, love. I can’t compete with that dress, doll. It’s absolutely stunning. I like the flowers on it.’

‘I know. That’s why I chose it. Since we have a special place in our hearts for them.’

‘Well, speaking of special, I got you something.’

‘Oh?’

Bucky flashed her a pleased grin before pulling out a bouquet of white lilies from behind the kitchen counter. ‘For you, my love.’

Helen giggled. ‘Thank you, Bucky. They’re beautiful.’

‘I thought that since it’s my last day that I’d get you something special and I remember you saying that lilies were your favourite flowers so I went to the florist and bought you some. The lady said that they’d last for a few weeks so you can look at them and think of me in my absence.’

‘Oh Bucky, that’s so sweet. I mean I don’t need the flowers to think of you but thank you. I’ll look at them and think of the day that I can see you again.’

‘I’m glad you like them, doll.’

‘I love them. Now, let me just put these in a vase and then we’ll go on that walk.’

‘Okay, love.’

Ten minutes later they were happily strolling through the park, arm in arm. There was no need for the use of words. They didn’t need to say anything to each other. They both knew how they felt and this blissful moment didn’t need to be ruined by the imminent goodbye lingering in the distance. In this moment it was better to forget that they were going to be apart for a long time. It was easier to pretend that they had tomorrow and all the days that followed. This was their time.

After an hour of strolling in silence Bucky guided Helen over to a park bench and they sat down, content to be in each other’s arms.

‘Doll, there’s something I want to ask you.’

‘What is it, Bucky? You can tell me anything, darling.’

‘I know I can. And I also know that we’ve made certain promises to each other but we’ve never fully defined our relationship. So I was wondering if you would do me the greatest pleasure in becoming my dame?’

‘Your ... dame?’

‘Oh god, is that not okay? Is it too soon for me to ask you that? God doll, I didn’t mean to rush you or anything! I just thought I’d ask you before I leave tomorrow. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.’

‘Bucky, stop!’

‘Sorry. I should let you speak. God, I’m such an idiot.’

Helen smiled, squeezing his hand gently. ‘You’re not an idiot, Bucky. Nothing you said offended me in any way. It’s just I have no idea what a dame is. I’m sorry if I scared you.’

‘You mean you weren’t saying no?’

Helen laughed. ‘No, I’m not saying no. I’m saying I haven’t a clue what you’re asking me.’

‘Oh. Well, I was asking you if you wanted to be my girlfriend.’

‘Is that what you call your girlfriend here? Your dame?’

‘Yeah. Is it different in England?’

‘I guess so. I suppose we’d just say the actual word. I’m not well versed in the dating game back home so I’m not sure.’

‘You still haven’t answered me, doll. Come on, the anticipation is killin’ me.’

‘Yes, I’ll be your dame.’

Bucky kissed her in thanks. ‘My beautiful dame.’

‘What do I call you?’

‘Well, the girls here call their boyfriends their fella so you can just use that.’

‘It might be a bit strange coming from me though. I don’t have the accent to pull it off.’

‘Oh, don’t be silly, doll. Your accent is beautiful, far nicer than any I’ve heard here. Try it.’

‘Alright then. My handsome fella.’

‘See. Beautiful.’

‘And you’re a charmer.’

‘Only for you.’

‘I know.’

‘You better.’

‘I won’t forget. But while we’re on the subject, I have to confess something.’

‘Oh?’ Bucky asked curiously.

‘The first day we met, when you offered me a place to stay, I had no idea what an apartment was. I was so confused and it wasn’t until we got there that I realised what it was.’

‘You should’ve told us, doll. Me an’ Stevie woulda told ya.’

‘But would you even have known how to help me?’

‘I would have tried at least!’

‘I know you would have. But if I didn’t know what an apartment was then you surely wouldn’t have known what I call it.’

‘And what do you call it?’

‘A flat.’

‘Huh. You’re right. I wouldn’t have known that.’

‘Told you. But it’s nice to know you would have tried to help if I had asked.’

‘Everything I do is to make you happy, love.’

‘Stop it. Stop being so sweet.’

‘Can’t. You just bring out the sweetness in me.’

‘Well, lucky me.’

‘No, lucky _me_. For having someone as beautiful and kind as you.’

Helen couldn’t think of a response that would equal that so she just kissed him. Something that Bucky was completely on board with. They indulged in the kiss for a few minutes before the need for air became too great and they reluctantly broke apart.

‘I love kissing you, doll.’

‘Same here.’

‘I can’t believe I won’t get to do it for a while.’

‘Hey, come on now, I thought we agreed we wouldn’t talk about that today.’

Bucky sighed. ‘I know. I just can’t help it, love. I know I’ll be back in a few weeks but I just can’t stand the thought of being apart from you.’

‘Don’t think like that. Don’t think of it as us being apart. Think of it as the journey we need to take to have a happy ending.’

‘You’re right, doll. This is what I need to do to be with you.’

‘It won’t be long until we’ll get to be together forever.’

‘No, it won’t. Not if I have my say. I’ll do anything to be with you.’

‘I know.’

Soon it was time to head back home and it was met with great reluctance. Neither wanted to think about what tomorrow would bring but nighttime was soon upon them and they had to face the hard fact that in the morning they would be apart for a long time.


	12. A Friend For Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen and Steve grow closer in Bucky’s absence and form a true friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring Steve and Helen friendship goals

* * *

  
The next morning had come too soon for Helen and Bucky. It was with a heavy heart that the dark haired man got dressed and packed his things. After saying a quick goodbye to Steve he kissed Helen passionately and held her in his arms for a few minutes. In the end though he had to let go and he walked out the door and headed off to boot camp.

It took a few days for Helen and Steve to come out of their sad moods. They still missed Bucky like crazy but they had come to terms with the fact that he would be gone for a while. Knowing he would be back soon was their only consolation.

Helen, of course, was taking it harder than Steve and the blond was doing everything he could to cheer her up. Yes, he missed Bucky as well. Who wouldn’t miss their best friend since childhood? But hedidn’t have that deep emotional connection with Bucky that Helen had. He loved Bucky in a completely platonic way, while Helen’s were quite obvious romantic ones.

Bucky had been Helen’s main support system and having him gone for a few weeks caused her homesickness to become more prominent. So Steve strived to be supportive in any way he could. He may only have feelings of friendship towards the redhead but that didn’t mean that he cared less about her than Bucky did. Helen meant a lot to him. She was the first girl, apart from his mother, to see past his appearance and various illnesses and saw him for who he truly was. Her words made him feel more confident and he intended to repay her by being there for her when she was feeling lonely and sad.  
  


With Bucky all the way in Wisconsin, it wouldn’t be easy for him to help. He couldn’t exactly say that he wasn’t far away, because he was, and he really didn’t want to remind her that Bucky was gone in the first place. His goal was to take her mind off of the man she likely loved and onto happier topics.

His self given mission began when he found Helen sitting at the kitchen table the morning after Bucky had left with a faraway look on her face. He quietly made his way over to her and sat across from her.

‘Morning, Helen.’

She looked at him and gave a faint smile. ‘Morning, Steve.’

‘Did you sleep well?’

‘Yes. Did you?’

‘As well as I can.’

‘Oh. Is there something wrong?’

‘It’s nothing serious. My asthma acts up a little during the winter season. It makes it hard to sleep sometimes.’

‘I’m sorry, Steve. That must be hard.’

‘I’m used to it.’

‘You shouldn’t have to be.’

Steve shrugged. ‘I’ve had it all my life. It’s normal for me.’

‘I suppose so.’

‘Anyway, enough about me. Are you planning on doing anything today?’

‘Not really. What about you?’

‘I was going to finish some sketches for my art class. You wanna join me?’

‘Why?’

‘I’ll teach you how to draw. I’m a good teacher and I think you’ve got what it takes to become a good artist.’

Helen raised an eyebrow. ‘How exactly do you know that I’ll be a good artist?’

‘I just do. Come on, it’ll be fun.’

‘Oh, alright then.’

‘Great. I’ll get my sketch pad and we can get started.’

Helen watched with a fond smile as the small blond scurried away to his room. She was lucky to have a friend like him. He had such a big heart and she wished that more people could see it.

Steve returned a few seconds later, a big grin on his face. ‘I found it! Let’s go to the living room and we can draw.’

Helen suppressed her laughter as the blond all but dragged her to the worn out couch in the living room. She sat down and waited for Steve to show her how to draw. She couldn’t recall if she’d ever drawn anything before. The Dursleys had all but banned creative activities in their house and Dudley had never protested against it.

‘You should start out with a pencil, just in case you make a mistake. It’s not the best idea to start wasting paper especially when it can be avoided. Make your strokes light as well. It’s easier to rub out that way.’

Helen nodded and followed Steve’s instructions. She soon had a page full of lightly sketched flowers. And all from the bouquets her and Bucky got each other. It seemed even when she wasn’t thinking about him at all Bucky somehow managed to squeeze himself in there. She wondered if he was thinking about her right now but then quickly shook those thoughts away. Thinking like that would only make things worse.

While she was lost in her thoughts Steve had taken the sketchpad away from her and was now silently examining her work. She had to admit she was a little nervous. She didn’t want Steve to think less of her.

Finally the blond looked up from the pad and to Helen’s relief he had a big smile on his face. ‘This is really good, Helen. Well done.’

‘Thank you. I didn’t know if I would be any good.’

‘Well, you won’t get any awards for this but for a first try it’s pretty amazing. Definitely better than Bucky’s first go. He was absolutely useless. I swear it was worse than a child’s drawing.’

‘You taught Bucky how to draw?’

Steve’s face fell all of a sudden. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. Should I not have mentioned him?’

‘No, it’s fine, Steve.’

‘I’m serious, Helen. If you don’t want me to mention Bucky at all then tell me. I know you really miss him and I don’t want to make you upset.’

‘You’re sweet but you don’t have to. I’m fine with you talking about him. It might actually help a little. Take my mind off missing him.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. Tell me something about Bucky.’

‘Okay. You want to hear the story about how I first met Bucky?’

‘Yes, please.’

‘Okay. Well, I was five years old at the time. I was a scrawny and sickly little thing. My ma worried herself into a frenzy most days but there was nothing she could do. Anyway it was not long after I started school that it happened. I was in the playground minding my own business when these two older boys came up to me. I said hello and tried to be polite. But they weren’t there to be nice. They wanted to steal some lunch money and they must have figured I would be an easy target.’

‘I’m sorry, Steve.’

‘It’s okay. Anyway, these guys are just about ready to beat me up and take my money when I hear a shout. It turns out it’s this tall dark haired kid not that much older than me. He tells the guys to leave me alone or he’ll go in and tell a teacher. Turns out the two of them were wimps ‘cause at the mention of a teacher they ran to the hills. I thanked the boyfor helping me and he introduced himself as James. I told him I didn’t like that name because it was too common and it didn’t suit him. He called me a punk but I promised I’d come up with something better for him. Two weeks later I learned his middle name and decided he should be called Bucky. And well we’ve been best friends ever since.’

Helen paused to think about what Steve had just told her. She could sympathise with Steve as she knew what it was like to be a constant target for bullies. For almost ten years she was the favourite victim of Dudley and his gang to pick on. She had always wished that someone would step in and save her, and she was glad that Steve had Bucky. It would have made growing up a lot easier if she had someone like that to defend her. Sadly she wasn’t meant to have friends until she went to Hogwarts and she was thankful everyday for Ron and Hermione. She was happy that Steve had a friend to rely on in times of need. It didn’t seem like the blond’d had an easy childhood and she was relieved that Bucky had been there to help.

‘That is actually quite sweet. So Bucky’s always saved you from bullies then?’

‘Yep. He’s always been there to save my skin when I needed him.’

‘He’s such a good friend. It’s nice.’

‘Yeah, he is. Do you have a best friend back home?’

‘Yeah, I do. Two actually.’

‘Tell me about them.’

‘I met them on a train when I was eleven. We went to school together and have been inseparable until, well, I decided to leave.’

‘Do you miss them?’

‘Yeah but I have you now. And you’re a pretty great friend.’

‘So are you.’

* * *

Ever since that day Steve and Helen had become closer as friends and had formed a strong bond. They shared stories with each other. They laughed together. And they missed Bucky together. But they were content with the fact that they had each other for now.

Everyday Steve would share stories about his and Bucky’s childhood. It made missing the brunette easier as it almost made it seem as though he was right there with them. In turn Helen would share stories about Ron and Hermione, although she carefully edited them so they didn’t have have mention of magic.

Today they had decided to go out for a little while. It wasn’t good for Steve to be cooped up all the time and Helen wanted him to get some fresh air. They had chosen to go to a cafe not far from the apartment. Steve said it would be perfect because it wouldn’t seem like they were on a date because it wasn’t a very romantic place.

Which gave Helen an idea. She didn’t want to put her friend on the spot like this but at the same time she wanted to help him. She could recall allthose conversations she had with Steve where he said he was useless at dating so maybe this was the perfect time to teach him how to be.

There would be no pressure on him after all. The two of them actually wouldn’t be on a date so he couldn’t get nervous and the fact that Bucky wasn’t there would help matters. It couldn’t have been easy for Steve to watch his friend have success on his date while he failed miserably.

And it wasn’t like it actually meant anything. They wouldn’t be kissing or holding hands. She would just be giving him some tips on how to talk to girls while on a date. She just hoped that he wouldn’t be too angry or upset with her.

Thankfully he seemed to be in a good mood so hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad if she tried. They chose to sit in a secluded booth since Steve didn’t like all the attention on him. So it was the perfect time to start her plan.

‘You know, this could almost be a date.’

‘How?’

‘Well, we’re alone in a cafe. A guy and a girl sharing a booth.’

‘No, we’re not. I don’t want this to be a date. I can’t do that to Bucky!’

‘Oh my god, Steve, I’m not asking you out! I’m very happy with Bucky and I assure you I would never do anything like this to him.’

‘Then why are you saying it’s like we are?’ Steve asked confused.

‘I’m just saying that for a guy who says he’s a nervous wreck on dates you’re doing pretty well on what could have been a date.’

‘It’s not the same though. I’m not nervous because I know that this isn’t a date. I don’t have to impress you so I’m calm.’

‘Maybe you should practice while you’re calm then.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Pretend we’re on a date. Try to impress me.’

‘Are you sure? I don’t want to embarrass you.’

‘You won’t. We’re not really on a date after all. I won’t walk out on you or anything.’

‘Okay. So should I flirt with you or something?’

‘I thought you’d been on dates before.’

‘I have.’

‘Then why don’t you know if you should flirt or not?’

‘I don’t really get to the flirting stage often. They usually like Bucky better and then find someone else to date.’

‘Oh. I’m sorry, Steve. I didn’t realise that women could be so superficial.’

‘Most are. It seems like you’re the only one who sees what’s on the inside rather than being so focused on the outside.’

‘Well, if these women can’t see you for who you are inside then they don’t deserve you.’  
  
  


‘I don’t know how Bucky ended up with someone so kind. He can be a real jerk sometimes.’

‘I think it’s because you’re practically brothers. I know that Ron and his brothers are always giving each other a hard time.’

‘Who’s Ron?’

‘Oh. Ron’s my best friend. I mentioned him a few days ago.’

‘Oh he’s one of your best friends. Does he have a lot of brothers?’

‘Yeah. He has five brothers, well four now that Fred died a few years ago, and one sister.’

‘Wow. Such a big family. Must’ve been fun visiting his house.’

‘It was me and Hermione, my other best friend, always enjoyed spending time at Ron’s house. Hermione is an only child like me so it was fun for us to be around a big family like that. Both of us became close to Ron’s sister Ginny and all of Ron’s brothers are great. Except for maybe Percy, he’s a bit of a stick in the mud. And his parents are amazing. Mr Weasley is so kind and fun and Mrs Weasley is a great cook and is very loving. I loved spending time there.’

‘They sound great. Will you ever go back?’

‘One day maybe. I think I’ll wait until the war is over.’

‘I’d like to meet them sometime. And I know Buck would too.’

‘I know, he asked a while back. Once the war’s over I’ll take you both to visit them. I think they’d all like you.’

‘I hope so.’

Helen knew that it would be highly unlikely that Steve and Bucky would ever meet Ron, Hermione and the rest of the Weasleys. The gap in time was too large for her to ever hope that the two halves of her world would ever meet.


	13. Welcome Home Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s return from boot camp brings a lot of joy.

* * *

  
The day that Helen and Steve were waiting for had arrived. Bucky was due home in the afternoon and the two of them were excited to see him again. Helen had mentioned that it would be nice to throw Bucky a welcome home party and Steve agreed that it was a good idea. So for two days they had meticulously planned a special party for their favourite soldier coming home.

The party would feature all of Bucky’s favourite foods as well as his two favourite people. Bucky had some work colleagues that he likes and some old school peers but Steve had suggested not inviting them, since it was likely that the dark haired man wouldn’t want to socialise with people he wasn’t that close to. So the guest list featured just the two of them with Bucky as the guest of honour.

Steve had gone out and bought ingredients for the food and a ‘Welcome Home’ banner to hang in the living room. After preparing the majority of the food Helen had decided to go out and buy Bucky some flowers. Mrs King was more than happy to help and Helen had left with a bouquet of forget me nots and pink camellias, which signified that she loved and missed him. She hoped he would like it.

Steve was taking care of the decorations while Helen was finishing off the food. All the meals were ready they just needed to be laid out and she took the utmost care in setting them on the table. After much trouble Steve had managed to successfully hang up the banner and now all there was left to do was get themselves ready.  
  


Helen had changed into one of her nicest dresses. It was turquoise coloured with a floral and chequered design. It had cap sleeves and a ribbon at the back. She hoped Bucky would like it.

She met Steve in the hallway who was now wearing a clean shirt as he had got various food stains all over his last one when he was helping her prepare all the meals.

‘What time does his train get in?’ She asked.

Steve glanced at his watch before looking at her. ‘About four. He should be back home in an hour. It’s three now.’

‘Okay. Is everything ready for him coming back?’

Steve nodded. ‘Yep. Bucky’s favourite meals are all out on the table, the banner is still up and your flowers are on the kitchen counter.’

‘Thanks, Steve. I couldn’t have done this without you.’

‘No problem. Bucky deserves a good welcome home after all.’

Helen smiled. ‘He really does.’  
  


* * *

  
Bucky’s return actually caught the two of them off guard in the end since he arrived fifteen minutes earlier than they expected him to. As soon as they heard the key turn in the door the two of them jumped up, ready to greet Bucky when he came into the living room. They had turned off the living room light in order to make Bucky think he was alone. They wanted to surprise him after all. Helen watched with a smile as the dark haired man scrambled to find the light switch, looking disappointed.

‘Surprise! Welcome home!’ Steve yelled as soon as the light was on.

Bucky looked startled as he took in all in but then his face broke out into a wide grin as he moved forward to embrace Steve.

‘Glad you’re back, jerk.’

‘Me too, punk. Where’s Helen?’

Steve grinned impishly. ‘She’s right behind me. You didn’t notice her right away? Think you’re losing your touch, Buck. Aren’t soldiers supposed to be vigilant?’

Bucky playfully shoved him away. ‘Shaddup, Stevie! I don’t need your cheek. Stop being a little punk.’

‘You stop bein’ such a jerk and then we’ll talk.’

‘I don’t think Bucky’s a jerk.’ Helen piped in.

At the sound of her voice Bucky broke out into a wider grin and pushed Steve out of the way, who let out a little yelp as he fell back. Helen made sure that the blond was okay before she turned to face Bucky.

Bucky held his arms out. ‘C’mere, doll.’  
  


Helen let out a little laugh before running into his loving embrace. He lifted her and spun her around a couple of times before kissing her firmly on the lips.

Bucky broke the kiss after a few minutes but still held her tight in his arms. ‘I missed you so much, doll. You have no idea.’

Helen laid her head against his chest. ‘I missed you too, Bucky. More than you know.’

‘I can’t believe you’re in my arms again. Some days I thought I’d never get to hold you. Bein’ apart from you was unbearable.’

‘I know. It was hard for me too.’

‘Did Stevie look after ya?’

‘We kept each other company. I even tried to teach him how to flirt with girls.’

Bucky pulled back a little, an amused look on his face. ‘Oh? And how did that go, love?’

‘It, ah, could’ve gone better. Poor Steve gets so embarrassed even when you just mention flirting and dating. I wish he believed in himself more.’

Bucky kissed the top of her head gently. ‘I know, doll. But Stevie’s never been good with the girls. It’s not his fault though and I wished he’d see that. I try to tell him that he shouldn’t take the blame for being the way he is, that it’s all those girls’ fault that he can’t get a date.’

‘I wish that they wouldn’t be so shallow and superficial. If they just took one second to look past the way Steve looks then they’d see that they’d be lucky to have a boyfriend like him.’

‘You gettin’ sweet on Stevie, doll? Do I have to worry ‘boutlosin’ you to another fella?’ Bucky teased.

‘Never in a million years, honey. You’re the only one for me. Steve is like a brother to me, just a good friend. You’re the fella I’m sweet on.’

Bucky kissed her tenderly. ‘I know, doll. You’re the only one for me too. You’re the only dame I’ve been thinkin’ about while I was away.’

‘And you’re the only fella I was thinking about. Well, I was thinking a little about Steve but only in the friend sense.’

‘Did he get into any fights while I was away?’

‘He got into a few verbal fights but I managed to get him away in time.’

‘Good. God knows that punk can’t help himself, I’m glad you were there to get him to see sense.’

‘He likes to stand up for himself. I think that’s very brave.’

‘It ain’t brave when he gets himself beat up into a pulp. It’s just plain stupidity then.’

‘Still, you have to admit it’s admirable that he would try to defend himself when he doesn’t have a chance.’

‘I know he’s brave and has got a lotta spunk but I don’t want him to get hurt. He’s my best friend. He means the world to me.’  
  


‘I know he does. It’s sweet that you always look out for him but Steve’s an adult. You’ve got to give him the benefit of the doubt.’

‘I try to. It’s just, sometimes I wish he’d see that it hurts me too when he comes home all bruised or I gotta go break up a fight in an alley.’  
  


‘Bucky, that’s not why he does it. He knows how much you care and he cares about you just as much. He doesn’t do it to hurt you. He just wants to defend himself from those who try to drag him down.’

Bucky sighed. ‘You’re right. Stevie’s always been this way. I just gotta trust that he can take care of himself.’

‘And if he can’t then I know you’ll be there to step in and help him.’

‘I will. Now can you please tell me what this banner’s all about?’

‘We wanted to give you a welcome home celebration so we bought the banner to make it celebratory.’

‘It’s a little lopsided but it’ll do, I suppose.’

‘Steve put it up.’

‘Ah. That explains it then. He must’ve overestimated the height and couldn’t reach it properly in the end.’

‘He tried his best, Bucky. He wanted to help welcome you back.’

‘And I appreciate it, doll. Trust me, I do.’

‘I know. Now we better find Steve before the food gets cold.’

‘There’s food?’

‘There is. We made a selection of all your favourite meals.’

Bucky pecked her on the lips. ‘Thanks, love. It was nice of you to do. But Steve’s gonna get a thumpin’ if he eats all the potato soup.’

‘He promised he wouldn’t. He says he prefers the plum charlotte anyways.’

‘That little punk! He knows that plums are my favourite fruit!’

And with that Bucky ran off to the kitchen at top speed, yelling at Steve not to hog all the plum charlotte. Helen followed with a laugh.

The three of them sat together at the small dining table, enjoying their first meal that they had shared in a while. Steve and Bucky had demolished the potato soup, the spam fritters and of course the plum charlotte while Helen enjoyed the meatloaf and apple pie.

Steve went to bed after the dishes were washed, leaving Helen and Bucky standing alone. The two lovers shared a tender and passionate kiss before heading their separate ways.

Bucky regretted not asking Helen to stay in his room as soon as her bedroom door closed because he would have loved to hold her in his arms all night. But there was always tomorrow.


	14. The Four Letter Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky takes Helen out dancing and confesses something important.

* * *

  
The weeks of being apart from Helen had only caused his feelings for her to grow and Bucky had almost let it slip exactly how he felt about her a few times over the past week he’d been back. But he knew he had to hold his tongue. If he wanted to tell Helen that he loved her then it needed to be special. So he had planned to take her dancing tonight in order to mimic their very first date. Once they were slow dancing together then he was going to confess how he felt.

It was impossible not to sign off the many letters he had sent Helen while he was away with ‘I love you.’ but he knew he had to resist. Something this important couldn’t be told through a letter. No, it had to be said in person. And it couldn’t just be blurted out. It had to be special because saying those words were the most important thing you could say to your lady. Well, except for asking her to marry you but he had to say I love you before he did that. Although he couldn’t lie and say that he hadn’t thought about buying a ring and proposing. But all in good time.

He had consulted his book on the language of flowers for advice on how to tell Helen he loved her. Not that he wasn’t going to tell her himself but he hoped that the flowers would be a precursor to him confessing his love. He chose red chrysanthemums and red roses because theydirectly conveyed the message of I love you. Putting the book aside he grabbed his coat and headed off to the florist.

The same woman was standing at the till and she greeted him with a smile. ‘Hello, young man. Back again, are we?’

‘Yes, ma’am. I need a very special bouquet today.’

‘Gosh, even more special than the last ones? This girl is very lucky.’

‘No, I’m the lucky one. She’s perfect.’

‘She is a very nice girl.’

Bucky gave her a confused look. ‘Wait, you know Helen?’

‘Of course I do. I helped her get on her feet when she came here and then she bought flowers from me for you.’

‘But she’s never mentioned you.’

‘Well, I’m sure you two have more important things to talk about than a little old lady like me.’

‘I’m sure you mean a lot to her, ma’am. She only has me and Steve so she could use some more friends.’

‘You really are as sweet as she says you are.’

‘She talks about me?’

‘Every time she comes in. She adores you. But enough chit chat! You came in with a bouquet in mind, didn’t you?’

‘Yes. I need red chrysanthemums and red roses, please.’

She gave him a knowing look. ‘Ah. I see. You’re telling her you love her, aren’t you?’

‘Yes. Do you have these flowers in stock?’

‘Lucky for you I do. Just wait right here and I’ll get them for you.’

Bucky waited nervously as she got his bouquet ready. He wanted so badly for this to go well but he couldn’t help but think that it was going to go terribly wrong. That he would tell Helen he loved her and she wouldn’t say it back and he’d be heartbroken forever.

He was startled out of his angsty thoughts by the woman coming back.

‘Here you go, young man. A very special bouquet for a very special lady.’

‘Thank you very much, ma’am.’

‘You’re welcome. I hope it goes well for you.’

‘I hope so too.’

Bucky handed her the money and left the shop with once last thank you.

He hoped that Helen liked the flowers. He would sure that she would like the actual flowers because who didn’t like flowers. They were beautiful. But would she like the true meaning behind them? The not knowing was killing him and he couldn’t wait until tonight when he’d finally confess the words he held inside of him for so long. Hopefully Helen would say it back. If she didn’t then he didn’t know what he would do.

  
When he eventually entered the apartment he found Steve and Helen sitting on the couch with the former’s sketchpad between them. It seemed that they were drawing together and it warmed Bucky’s heart to see the two most important people in his life enjoying a hobby together.

‘Hey you two.’

‘Hey, Buck. I was just showing Helen my latest sketch. You wanna see?’

‘Alright then, punk.’

Steve handed over the pad and Bucky examined it. What he saw brought a smile to his face. Steve had sketched the three of them together with the caption ‘Friendship’ below it. It was very detailed as all the blond’s drawings were and Bucky couldn’t find a thing wrong with it.

‘Great job, pal. It’s amazing. You should colour it in this time.’

Steve nodded. ‘That’s a good idea. I’ll get my coloured pencils.’

Steve hurried off to his room, leaving Bucky and Helen alone.

‘So, what have you been up to, doll?’

‘Nothing much. Just watching Steve draw. He’s an amazing artist.’

‘He sure is. So you’ve just been watching Stevie draw all day? Can’t have been very fun for you, sweetheart.’

‘Well, I was drawing a bit too. Steve taught me while you were away at boot camp. It’s quite fun.’

‘Can I see what you’ve been drawing?’

Helen shook her head. ‘They’re not coloured yet. I’ll show you later.’

‘Okay, doll. How come you’re not dressed?’

Helen glanced down for a second. ‘I got sauce on my dress so I had to change back into my nightgown. Luckily my robe is quite thick.’

‘You don’t have another dress to put on?’

‘I’m not going anywhere so I don’t see the point of changing.’

‘If you’re sure, darlin’.’

‘Yes. It’s fine, Bucky. So where have you been all day anyway?’

‘I, uh, went out to get you something.’

‘What did you get me?’

Bucky held out the bouquet to her. ‘Here, doll. For you.’

Helen took them gently. ‘Oh Bucky, they’re beautiful. Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome, doll. So, uh, I was thinking that I’d take you out tonight since we haven’t been on a date since I got back. What do you say?’

‘I’d love to. When are we going?’

‘In a couple of hours, doll. Go get ready. Wear something nice.’

‘Alright. I’ll see you soon.’

Helen gave Bucky a chaste kiss on the lips before heading off to her room. Bucky watched her go with a sigh. He loved her so much.

* * *

Time passed very slowly but the time for Bucky and Helen’s date finally arrived. Bucky was waiting for his lady in the hallway, his palms sweating at the mere thought of what he was about to do. Putting your heart on the line was never easy but he prayed that it would be worth the risk.

  
Helen finally emerged from her room, looking sophisticated and sexy in a silk black dress with lace detailing. He had to give himself a mental shake to stop himself from drooling. She looked absolutely divine.

‘Hey, doll. You look stunning.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Shall we go?’

‘Lead the way.’

* * *

  
By the time they got to the dance hall Bucky’s palms were slippery with sweat and he was struggling to breathe. He had never been this nervous in his life. The only comparable feeling was all the times he had lost Steve only to find him in a fight. And he was used to that. This was a foreign feeling, a strange entity. He hated that his nerves were shot. This was one of the most important moments of his life and he could blow it because he couldn’t keep his nerves under control.

He led Helen over to the dance floor and held her close. His heart was beating wildly in his chest as they continued to sway to the music. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it as nerves got the better of him once again. This was getting ridiculous. He shouldn’t be this panicked. He loved Helen and he couldn’t wait to tell her before all of this. So why was he chickening out now?

Just as he lost all hope of ever telling Helen how he felt a fast song came on and the couples around them started dancing the lindy hop. Figuring this was a good way to settle his nerves he relinquished his tight hold on Helen and smiled as they mimicked the dancing around them.

The sound of Helen’s laughter as they spun around the dance floor warmed his heart and he found the courage he needed to tell her.

As soon as another slow song came on Bucky gathered Helen close to him so they could sway to the music. He waited a few minutes before he spoke.

‘I love you.’

  
‘What did you say? I couldn’t hear you.’

‘I love you.’ He repeated louder.

‘You mean that?’

‘I do. I love you so much, doll.’

‘I love you too.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. I love you, Bucky.’

‘I love you too, Helen.’

Their eyes met and they shared a smile before Bucky connected their lips in a loving and passionate embrace. With Helen’s love Bucky felt like he could do anything and he would win the war all by himself in order to be with her forever.


	15. The Sorrows of Steve Rogers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Steve tries to enlist again Helen does her best to convince him not to.

* * *

  
The days after Bucky’s confession passed in a bit of a blur for Helen. She couldn’t believe that he actually loved her. Well, she could. It was clear from everything that he did that Bucky absolutely adored her but there was a difference in actually hearing him say it.

  
Helen was so caught up in the blissful aftermath of it all that she didn’t think twice about Steve’s request that she accompany him into town. It seemed that Bucky was in a bit of a daze too because even he didn’t think it was suspicious that Steve suddenly wanted to go into town.

She really should have paid more attention because Steve had never asked her to accompany him anywhere. He was always the one accompanying her, saying it was the gentlemanly thing to do.

So she realistically she shouldn’t have been shocked when she was standing in front of the recruitment centre with a giddy looking Steve.

‘You promised Bucky that you wouldn’t try to enlist again.’ Helen warned when the blond moved to head inside.

‘Bucky doesn’t have to know.’

‘Of course he does! He’s your best friend. Besides he’ll find out anyway.’

‘Well, he didn’t find out the last two times I tried to enlist.’

‘Steve! How could you go behind Bucky’s back like that?! He’s only trying to protect you from getting hurt!’

‘But I don’t want to be protected! I’m tired of being mollycoddled! I want to fight like Bucky and everyone else out there! I deserve a chance like them.’

‘Steve, you had your chance when you tried to enlist the first time. And there’s a lot more to war than just fighting. That’s only one part of it. There’s plenty of people who are on the sidelines but are doing their bit for the war effort. You don’t have to be a solider to help win the war, Steve!’

Steve scoffed, looking skeptical. ‘Yeah, right. It’s all the shopkeepers and the coal miners that are the real war heroes.’

Helen sighed, rubbing her hand over her face. ‘Don’t scoff like that, Steve. Everyone contributes to the war effort even if it’s just making sure that there’s plenty of food to go around. You don’t have to do this, Steve. There’s other and more safer ways for you to help.’

‘So, you don’t think I can do this either. You think I’m too weak and pathetic to be a soldier. Just admit it. You’re just like Bucky.’

‘Bucky says those things because he cares about you, you idiot! We both do. And neither of us think that you’re weak and pathetic, Steve. We think you’re amazing and very strong. But as Bucky told you last week they need able bodied men to fight and unfortunately your body isn’t able enough to fight in a war.’

‘I have to do this, Helen. You don’t understand. I just need this one last chance to enlist.’

‘But why, Steve? What is about this time that makes you think it’s going to go any different?’  
  


‘I don’t know but I know I have to try one last time.’

‘No, you don’t! Steve, listen to me, they’re not going to say anything different. This is the Army and the people that are in charge of enlisting are the very best at what they do. They know exactly what it takes to be a soldier and if they don’t think you can be one then you have to accept it.’

‘Please, Helen, just let me do this. I won’t ask again after this.’

‘Fine. I’ll let you go in. But don’t get your hopes up, Steve, I don’t want you to be disappointed again.’

‘I promise.’

Helen followed Steve into the centre but sat on one of the benches while Steve entered the queue for enlistment. She watched the back of his head nervously as he got closer to the front. She knew that this wasn’t going to go well and she dreaded Bucky’s reaction when he found out. The argument between the two men wasn’t going to be pretty.

All too soon Steve was right at the front of the line and Helen found that she couldn’t watch. She didn’t want to see her friend’s face as he got rejected and Steve probably wouldn’t appreciate her seeing him getting denied once again anyway.

It was a little heartbreaking to hear Steve begging the officer to reconsider and give him a chance. Still his determination was admirable. Unfortunately for Steve the officer didn’t seem to appreciate said determination and was unmoved as he rejected the blond from service.

Helen offered her friend a small smile as he walked over to her dejectedly. ‘I’m sorry, Steve.’  
  
  


Steve sighed harshly. ‘It’s okay. I know it was a long shot. I just wanted to try one last time.’

‘I know, Steve. I’m not mad at you. But just promise me that this really is the last time you’re going to try and enlist.’

‘I promise.’ Steve then got a panicked look on his face. ‘You won’t tell Bucky, will you?’

‘I won’t. I’ll leave that to you.’

‘Do I really have to tell him?’

‘Yes, Steve, you have to tell him. You can’t lie to him like that.’

‘Fine. I’m sorry I dragged you into this.’

‘It’s okay, Steve. I understand.’

‘Let’s go back home then.’

‘It’ll be okay, Steve. You’ll find your place in this world and when you do you’ll be amazing at it.’

‘I hope so. Do you think Buck’ll be angry?’

‘Steve, he’ll only be angry because he cares about you. He can’t stand the thought of you hurting and you getting rejected won’t be easy for him. Just remember that when you tell him.’

‘I will. I just hope that he’ll forgive me.’

‘He will.’

‘Even though I’ve tried twice before and didn’t tell him and then brought you into it this time?’

‘Yes, he will forgive you. Because family always forgives one another.’

‘I hope you’re right.’

* * *

  
Steve was tense the whole way to the apartment even though Bucky wouldn’t be there for at least another hour. Helen tried to cheer him up but he still remained nervous. And she really couldn’t blame him. Bucky would likely be furious and poor Steve would have to face the brunt of it.

When they got to the stairwell the blond seemed to be in higher spirits. He likely remembered that Bucky wasn’t even home so he could relax for a bit before having to face him.

But to their surprise Bucky was in fact home. Steve gave an audible gulp when the dark haired man’s voice rang through the apartment.

‘Stevie! Helen! There you are! I was worried when you two weren’t here when I got home.’

The relieved look on Bucky’s face made Steve tense with guilt. ‘Uh, sorry, Buck, we went out for a bit. Didn’t mean to worry you.’

Bucky’s brow furrowed. ‘Why? Where were you?’

Steve looked uncertain for a minute so Helen gave him an encouraging look. ‘I, uh, asked Helen to accompany me somewhere, that’s all.’

Bucky now looked suspicious. ‘Accompany you where exactly?’

‘To the recruitment centre.’ Steve mumbled.

‘I’m sorry, Stevie. You’re gonna have to repeat that ‘cause I thought I heard ya say you went to the recruitment centre but that can’t be right. Because I specifically remember you promising me that you wouldn’t try to enlist again and you wouldn’t break that promise, would you?’

Steve hung his head. ‘I’m sorry, Buck. I did go to the recruitment centre.’

‘Even after you promised me you wouldn’t?! Damn it, Stevie! How could you lie to me like that?! And to drag Helen into this as well? Steve, you’ve got to stop this now!’

‘And why should I? Why should I give up my chance to fight? I’m just as capable as everyone else so why can’t I enlist?!’

‘You’ve had two chances and they said no! So it’s high time you gave up this ridiculous notion!’

‘Actually, they’ve rejected him four times.’

Steve shot Helen a betrayed look while Bucky looked even more furious. ‘I’m sorry, Steve. But you promised you would tell him the truth and it didn’t look like you were going to mention the other two times.’

Bucky shot Steve a deadly look. ‘So, you tried to enlist twice before this after I told you not to? That’s four times, goddammit! If Helen hadn’t convinced you to tell me would you have lied to me about enlisting this time as well? When exactly did you find the time to try and enlist twice without either of us knowing about it?’

‘I, uh, went once while you were away at boot camp and Helen was out shopping.’

‘And the other time?’

‘When you took Helen out dancing last week.’

‘For crying out loud, Steve! How could you lie to me like this?!’

‘And how could YOU not believe in me like this?! Do you not think I can do it? Am I too weak and pathetic in your eyes? Why do you insist on stopping me from doing this?!’

‘Because I don’t want you to die, you bloody idiot!’

‘And I don’t want you to die but I didn’t stop you from enlisting!’

‘No, you don’t get it! I don’t want you to die because your body can’t handle what it takes to be a solider. If you died from an asthma attack on the battlefield I could never forgive myself. Because I know that I wouldn’t have done enough to stop you from going.’

‘So you do think I’m weak then?’

‘No! That’s not what I’m saying! Just listen!’

‘No! YOU just listen! I can do this as much as the next fella out there and if you don’t believe in me, then fuck you!’

‘Stevie, wait! I didn’t mean-’

But Steve had already slammed his door shut before Bucky could finish his sentence.

Helen put her hand on Bucky’s shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. ‘I’m sorry, honey.’

Bucky sighed harshly, turning around so he could wrap his arms around her and pull her into a hug. ‘I just wish he’d see reason.’

‘He’ll come around, Bucky. He just needs time.’

‘Why can’t he see that being a solider isn’t the only thing that you can do in a war? You don’t have to be on the frontline to help but Steve can’t seem to see that.’

‘I tried to tell him that but he’s got his mind set on being a solider and I don’t think you’ll be able to change his mind.’

‘Yeah, he’s stubborn like that. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so hard on him.’

‘No, he needed to hear it. He has to accept that no matter how many times he tries to enlist he’ll likely get rejected every time.’

‘I wish things weren’t so difficult for him. He’s a good guy. He doesn’t deserve all these hardships. I wish that he could get what he wants but I know in my heart that it’s impossible for him to be a solider.’

‘He’ll be alright in a few days. He just needs time to heal from it all.’

Bucky smiled at her before pecking her cheek. ‘What would I do without you? I think I’d be lost without your love and support.’

‘You’re not mad then?’

‘Why would I be mad?’

‘For going along with Steve to the recruitment centre.’

‘Doll, I’m not upset that you went with him. I’m a little annoyed that he dragged you into his mess but that’s it. This is on Steve, not you.’

‘Okay. So how come you’re home early?’

‘Ah, the boss decided to give us all a half day.’

‘You’ve not been let go, have you?’ Helen asked worriedly.

‘No, no, it’s nothing like that. Don’t worry, babydoll. It’s just that there wasn’t a lot to be done down at the docks so the boss told us we could go home early. I still have a job to go to tomorrow.’

‘Good. I was worried for a second there.’

‘Don’t you worry about me, love. I’ll be fine.’

‘I know. I just like knowing that you’re okay.’

‘I am, babydoll.’

‘Babydoll? That’s a new one?’

‘I think it suits you. Don’t know why I haven’t used it before now.’

‘It’s nice. I like it.’

‘I’m glad.’

* * *

Steve wouldn’t come out of his room for dinner so they put a plate of food outside his closed door and had dinner just the two of them.

‘He’s clearly takin’ it hard this time.’ Bucky said worriedly.

‘He’ll come around. He was like this the last time he got rejected. He sulked for a few days and then he was fine.’

‘But he’s never refused to eat with us before.’

‘You two just had a big fight. He probably needs time to cool off before he’ll come out of his room again. Besides it’s not like he’s not eating. He’s already taken the plate we left outside for him.’

‘You’re right. He just needs time. Should I apologise before he goes to sleep?’

‘No. It’s better to wait until tomorrow. He’ll be too riled up to accept your apology right now. In the morning he’ll have a clearer head and will be more willing to listen to what you have to say.’

‘I know I should wait but I feel so bad for yelling like that.’

‘Don’t apologise for having feelings, Bucky. What he did made you angry and there’s nothing wrong with feeling like that. I was very angry after my godfather died and I pushed people away because of it. But in the end they all understood and forgave me. In time Steve will understand that you were angry because you were worried about him just like my friends understood that I was angry because I was hurting.’

‘I didn’t know you had a godfather.’

‘Really? That’s what you take from what I said?’

‘Well, you made a good point, sweetheart, but I like learning new things about you. Tell me about this godfather of yours.’

‘Well, there’s not much to tell. I didn’t meet him until I was thirteen and he died two years later.’

‘But he’s your godfather. Surely he would have been there your whole life.’

‘He would have been but he suffered a lot during the, uh, First World War. He was badly injured and he didn’t get released from the rehabilitation centre until I was thirteen.’

‘I’m sorry, doll. You said he died two years after that?’

‘Yeah. It was an accident. We were at a, um, party and he just fell all of a sudden. Hit his head hard and just didn’t wake up.’

‘I’m sorry. That must’ve been hard for you.’

‘It’s okay. I see now that he was suffering after his release. He got injured and then he lost my parents, his closest friends. Life couldn’t have been easy for him and in a way I’m glad that he doesn’t have to hurt anymore. I still miss him but I know he’s with my parents and I think that’s all he ever really wanted.’

‘Still, I’m sorry you had to lose someone you love.’

‘I might have lost him but that doesn’t mean he’s really gone.’

‘Oh?’

‘My old headmaster used to say that the ones who love us never really leave us. That we could always find them in our hearts.’

‘Sounds like he’s a wise man.’

‘He is. The wisest man I know.’

Helen never thought that she’d be able to talk about Sirius’ death at all. But sitting and talking with Bucky really made her open up and she had not only talked about his death, she had accepted it. Hermione would be really proud of her.

Bucky’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

‘Doll?’

‘Huh?’

‘You spaced out there for a minute. You okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

‘You sure?’

‘I’m sure. Hey, Bucky?’

‘Yeah, babydoll?’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too, sweetheart. So, so much.’

  
  


  
  



	16. Flower Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit to Mrs King at the flower shop gives Helen the perfect idea on how to tell Bucky something.

* * *

  
As Helen predicted it took Steve a few days to come out of his funk but once he did he forgave Bucky and apologised as well. She was glad that things were good between the two best friends. She was also happy that Steve was feeling better. She hated seeing him looking so sad.

Things were back to normal and so the next day started out like any other. Bucky had left early that morning for work and Steve was spending the day sketching. Meanwhile Helen was out doing her daily shopping. On the way to the butchers she passed by the florist and decided it was high time she pay Mrs King a visit.

She hadn’t been in a few weeks and she had missed the older woman so she put her shopping on hold and entered the shop.

Mrs King greeted her happily when she saw her, pulling her in for a customary hug. ‘Oh, my dear! What a wonderful surprise. It’s so lovely to see you again.’

‘It’s good to see you too, Mrs King. Sorry I haven’t visited in a while.’

‘Oh nonsense. You’ve likely been busy. Come, come, sit down. I’ll put the kettle on and we’ll have a nice chat.’

‘So, tell me what you’ve been up to?’ Mrs King asked once they were both seated.

Helen took a sip of her tea before answering. ‘Well, Bucky told me he loves me last week.’

‘And? Did you say it back?’

‘I did.’

‘Oh, how exciting! There might be a proposal on the horizon.’

‘Well, I don’t know about that. I’m not sure we’re there yet.’

‘Nobody really knows if they’re ready for marriage. It’s not something you can think too much about. The answer comes from your heart.’

‘Then how do I know if I’m ready?’

‘Imagine him asking you to marry him right now. Then think for a second about what you would say.’

‘Okay.’

‘What’s your answer?’ Mrs King asked after a few moments.

‘Yes. My answer would be yes.’

‘Then all you have to do is wait for him to ask.’

‘But we’ve only just told each other that we love one another. I don’t know if we’re quite ready to take that step.’

‘But you just said that you would accept his proposal if he asked. Are you telling me that if he asked you tomorrow you would say no?’

‘I don’t mean it like that. It’s just with the war going on and Bucky getting enlisted last year, I don’t think it’s the right time to get married.’

‘Oh, my dear, I’m afraid you’ll find that there is no such thing as the right time. You get married when your heart tells you it’s the right moment to. You don’t hold off because there’s a war going on. If anything now is precisely the time to get married. War brings uncertainty and if you hold off now you might regret it.’

‘I see your point but I don’t think Bucky’s going to ask any time soon.’

‘And why wouldn’t he? From what you’ve told me that boy is head over heels for you. I’d have thought that he’d propose as soon as you told him that you returned his love.’

‘I don’t doubt Bucky’s feelings for me and I’m sure that he wants to get married. I just don’t think he does right now.’

‘Just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean you have to get married right away. You could have a long engagement and get married as soon as the war is over. There’s no rush for these things.’

‘But Bucky and I haven’t really discussed marriage. Maybe he thinks that I don’t want to get married.’

‘Well, you know the answer to that, don’t you?’

‘I do?’

‘Yes. You and your Bucky are fond of the language of flowers, are you not?’

‘Yes. But what does that have to do with anything?’

‘So, you should give Bucky a bouquet that hints at marriage.’

‘Oh! I get it.’

‘I knew you would.’

‘So what flowers do you recommend?’

‘Well, for a start I think they should all be white. White is the wedding colour, is it not?’

Helen nodded.‘So white flowers. But what kinds?’

‘We should start with some myrtle. The Hebrews used them as a symbol of marriage.’

‘Good idea. What about hyacinths?’

‘Yes, we can add in some hyacinths. To symbolise faithfulness.’

‘Anything else we can put in?’

‘Ivy for wedded love and orange blossoms for eternal love and marriage.’

‘Can we add in a couple of forget me nots too? They mean a lot to me and Bucky.’

‘Of course, dear. We’ll put them in the middle. They’ll add a little spot of colour to the bouquet.’

‘Thanks, Mrs King.’

‘It’s no trouble, my love. You sit tight and I’ll get that bouquet organised.’

Helen waited patiently while Mrs King gathered the flowers for her bouquet. It was really nice of her to do so and despite that fact that it was her job to arrange flowers Helen was no less grateful for the woman’s efforts in helping her.

‘There you go, dear. A bouquet fit for a wedding. Hopefully your Bucky gets the meaning behind it.’

‘Thank you, Mrs King. I really appreciate your help.’

‘It’s no trouble, dear.’

‘How much do I owe you?’

‘Nothing.’

‘What did you say?

‘You heard me. I don’t want any payment for these flowers. Consider this my little gift to you.’

‘But Mrs King, I can’t do that to you. You’ve done enough for me already. I can’t rob you of the money I owe you.’

Mrs King tutted in response. ‘Oh, stop that. It’s only a few coins and my till can handle their absence. Let me do this for you.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, I’m sure. Now take these flowers and go on home. You’ve got a man to give them to.’

‘Alright, you win. But that’s my last freebie. I pay for the next one I buy.’

‘If you insist, dear. Now run along.’

‘See you later, Mrs King.’

‘Goodbye, dear. And good luck!’

* * *

  
Bucky usually spent his hour long lunch break in the apartment with Helen and Steve so there was no doubt that he’d be there already. She really hoped she wasn’t crossing a line with this. She didn’t want Bucky to think that she was one of those girls who was dying to get married so she could have babies for the sake of having babies. That wasn’t her at all.

The reason she wanted to marry Bucky was simply that she loved him and any children they would have would be a bonus but mostly importantly half her and half Bucky. And that would make it worth having them. To see a little boy running around that was Bucky’s spitting image and perhaps a daughter who looked like her. Bucky would probably like that. Yes, she could see it now. They would be happy together. She would have a family of her own. Something she had dreamed about for as long as she could remember. And their family wouldn’t just consist of her, Bucky and their kids. No, Steve would be the loving uncle and perhaps Ron and Hermione could be there too. Mrs Weasley would be the doting grandmother and George could teach the kids about pranking. 

  
It was a dream that would likely only half come true. She and Bucky could get married and have kids and Steve would be an uncle to them. But there would be no Ron and Hermione, no Mr and Mrs Weasley, no Ginny, George. It was times like this that she hated that the two halves of her heart would likely never be together. It was an impossible situation that had no solution. But she couldn’t think about that right now.

Right now she had a very important bouquet to deliver and she was determined to do it.

Bucky was in his usual spot at the kitchen table when she entered the apartment. He looked so relaxed and unbelievably handsome.

‘Hey, Bucky.’

The dark haired man’s head snapped up at the sound of her voice and he gave her a bright smile. ‘Hey, babydoll. I’ve missed you. You weren’t here when I got back. Where were you?’

‘I was visiting Mrs King at the flower shop.’

‘Ah. Did you have a good time?’

‘Yes, I did. And I got you something while I was there.’

‘You did? Sweetheart, you’re spoiling me.’

‘Well, it’s only fair. You spoil me all the time.’

‘It’s my job to spoil you, sugar.’

‘And every once in a while you should get spoiled too.’

Bucky chuckled. ‘If you say so, love. So what did you get me?’

‘Isn’t it obvious? I got you flowers.’

‘Well, I figured that out. But what flowers did you get me?’

Helen held out the bouquet. ‘Come and see for yourself.’

Bucky grinned before hopping off his chair and making his way over to her. He gently took the bouquet from her hands and examined them.

‘So? Do you like them?’

‘They’re very beautiful. I love how you’ve added the forget me nots.’

‘You told me on our first date that they mean the most to you so I decided to add them. This bouquet is very important after all.’

‘Oh? Is it now? And what exactly is so important about it?’

‘Look closer at the different flowers and you’ll see.’

Bucky’s eyes roamed over each flower and Helen saw the exact moment he understood the meaning behind them. He hurriedly put the flowers on the table before sweeping her up his his arms.  
  


‘I take it you like the meaning then?’

‘I love the meaning.’ Bucky replied before crushing his lips to hers.

They kissed for a few minutes before they broke apart for air.

‘I’m glad you like the meaning.’

‘I do. God babydoll, you have no idea how much this means to me.’

‘I can guess.’

‘One day. One day it’ll happen. I promise.’

And as with all ofhis promises Bucky sealed this one with a passionate kiss.


	17. Girls Day Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen makes some new friends and spends some time with them.

* * *

The summer of 1942 got off to a good start. The weather stayed consistently warm which boosted everyone’s moods. And in terms of the war, the US Navy had recently managed to successfully defeat the Japanese, which after the disaster of a Pearl Harbor brought much joy to the nation. It seemed like they had reached a turning point and many now predicted imminent success in the war. But Helen knew that the war wouldn’t be won for another few years. Still it was nice to see people so optimistic after months of being constantly attacked by Japan.

Good things also happened to those closest to her. Steve was doing well with his art and had managed not to catch any illnesses over the winter period, which could be fatal due to his asthma. Bucky also received good news. He had done so well in his training that they had decided to promote him from Private to Private First Class. Helen had no idea what the difference was but according to Bucky a higher rank meant more pay. To celebrate they had meatloaf for dinner, one of Bucky’s favourite meals.

Helen was very happy for Bucky. She knew how much it meant to him to provide for her and Steve and with this promotion he earned that littlebit more. Both she and Bucky knew that Steve was a little jealous however. The blond would never say it but they both could tell that he was slightly envious and upset that he wasn’t getting a promotion alongside Bucky. They did their best to cheer him up and once he had brooded Steve seemed to be genuinely happy for his friend.

It seemed, however, that Bucky wasn’t the only one in their relationship that was getting good news. On a visit to Mrs King Helen had met two very nice girls named Connie and Bonnie. The three of them had hit it off immediately and had plans to have a girls day very soon. Bucky seemed delighted at the news once Helen told him and he encouraged her to see them again as soon as possible. Which is how she found herself in a small cafe gossiping with two girls she barely knew.

  
Not that it was a bad thing. Connie and Bonnie were very nice and she liked them a lot. It was just the fact that they were gossiping. Helen couldn’t think of any time in her life that she had ever gossiped. Hermione wasn’t really into it and the closest the two of them had ever come to gossiping was the time when Hermione told her that Viktor Krum had asked her to the Yule Ball. Still it was nice to just sit and talk about nothing important. A lot of her conversations with Ron and Hermione were about serious stuff, like Voldemort or her scar hurting. Or the aftermath of the war.

  
But she couldn’t dwell on those things now. She was busy talking with her new friends.

‘So Helen, are you currently dating anyone right now?’ Connie asked.

‘Yes, I am actually.’

Bonnie looked interested at this. ‘Oh? Who’s the lucky guy?’

‘His name’s Bucky Barnes.’

Bonnie shared an excited look with Connie. ‘You’re dating Bucky Barnes?’

‘I am. Is that a bad thing?’

Connie shook her head. ‘No, it’s not a bad thing. It’s just that Bucky is so handsome and every girl wants to be with him. But he never sticks with one girl for very long. We always wondered which kind of girl would hold his attention for more than a week.’

‘Well, we’ve been dating for almost a year now. So I guess I’m the kind of girl that holds his attention for more than a week.’

‘Almost a year? Gosh, you’re so lucky.’

‘I know. I wish I could find a guy like Bucky.’

‘I’m sure the right guy is right around the corner.’

Bonnie smiled gratefully at her. ‘Thanks, Helen. You’re very kind. It’s no wonder that Bucky likes you so much.’

‘Has he told you that he loves you yet?’

‘He has.’

‘Did you say it back?’

‘I did.’

Bonnie squealed. ‘I bet he’s going to propose soon. Gosh, I would love to be engaged! Getting married in a time like this would be good.’

‘Well, he did say he would propose one day.’

‘Maybe he’ll propose on Valentine’s Day. Or maybe Christmas.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Have you, you know, done it yet?’

‘You mean like have we had sex?’ Helen asked, lowering her voice in case anyone overheard.

Connie nodded. ‘Yeah. Have you?’

‘No, we haven’t.’

‘Is he a good kisser?’

‘Yes.’

‘Have you seen him shirtless?’

‘Once.’

‘Is he all muscles?’

‘He’s pretty toned, yes.’

‘Did you get to touch them?’

‘No. He had just came out the shower and he went straight to his room.’

‘Must be hard to keep your hands off of him.’

‘We touch each other a lot. We’re always cuddling.’

‘I wish I had a boyfriend like him.’

‘He is pretty amazing. He’s so kind and thoughtful to me and he’s very loving.’

‘You’re so lucky.’

‘I really am. But enough about me, do any of you have any romantic prospects?’

Connie shook her head. ‘Not really. I danced with a nice gentleman last week but I haven’t seen him since.’

‘Maybe you’ll see him again.’

‘Maybe.’

‘What about you, Bonnie?’

‘Well, I had a date a few days ago but I didn’t like him. He was rude and then he flirted with another girl when I went to the bathroom.’

‘How horrible. I hope he gets what’s coming to him.’

‘Me too.’

‘Does Bucky have any friends so we could double date?’

‘We could all go together. One of you can date Steve and I’m sure Bucky could find a work colleague for one of you.’

‘Steve? You mean Steve Rogers? That little shrimpy thing that follows Bucky everywhere?’

‘Yes. He’s Bucky’s best friend and he’s very nice. He wouldn’t flirt with anyone else while you’re in the bathroom and he certainly wouldn’t be rude. You should give him a chance. Once you get passed his sickly appearance he’s the sweetest guy ever, apart from Bucky of course.’

‘If you’re sure.’

‘I am.’

‘Okay so one of us goes with Steve but what about the other? Are Bucky’s work colleagues gentlemanly?’

‘I’m sure that he has at least one that’ll be respectful and kind.’

‘Well, if you can set it up then we’d be grateful. God knows it’s hard to find a gentleman these days.’

‘I’ll talk to Bucky and then I’ll get back to you.’

* * *

Once she was back at the apartment Bucky greeted her with a kiss and a cuddle, asking her how it went. It was sweet that he cared so much.

‘Well, they’re very nice but they’re a little too into gossip.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘They just kept asking so much about you. I mean I didn’t mind at first but then they started asking if I’d seen you shirtless and it just became overkill.’

‘What did you tell them?’

‘Only the bare minimum. They don’t need to know what you look like shirtless. That’s for my eyes only.’

‘Damn straight it is. You’re mine and mine alone. And I’m yours and nobody else’s. No silly gossips are gonna take me away from you.’

‘I know. I love you so much.’

‘I love you too, babydoll. More than anything in the world.’

‘But we did talk about something I think you’ll find interesting.’ Helen said after they finished a mini make out session.

‘Oh? Do tell, sweetheart.’

‘Well, they asked if you knew anyone they could date. So I told them about Steve and they agreed to give him a chance.’  
  


  
‘Really? You managed to get Stevie two potential dates?’

‘Well, not exactly. I promised that you’d get a work colleague for one of them and that the other would date Steve.’

‘But I’m not close with any of my work colleagues. I can’t exactly just go up to them and tell them I’ve got a girl for them.’

‘So we’ll just tell them that you found a work colleague for one of them but he couldn’t make it because he’s unwell. That way Steve can have a chance to talk to two girls instead of just one.’

‘Oh, I love your devious side, doll.’

‘I wouldn’t call it devious. I’m just trying to help Steve, that’s all.’

‘I know. I think it’s a good idea, babydoll. I’ll see if I can convince Stevie.’

Unfortunately Steve seemed to be in a bad mood and was unwilling to go on another double date with Bucky. They would try again later but it seemed that Connie and Bonnie were not willing to wait and the two of them got dates for themselves.

Well at least they tried to set Steve up. For now they’d just bask in their own relationship. Which was heading steadily in the direction of a proposal.


	18. The Art Of Mother Henning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Steve gets sick with a cold Helen and Bucky team up to take care of him.

* * *

Time seemed to pass quickly and before they knew it it was wintertime. Unfortunately for Steve he caught a cold and while the common cold wasn’t lethal to most people, with Steve’s asthma it could be life threatening for him. Luckily it seemed to be a fairly mild one. Still it caused the blond to be bed bound for the next few days, something he hated with a passion. But there wasn’t much he could do about it since there were times that he could barely even lift his head. 

Bucky took looking after his sick friend in his stride and made sure Steve had every comfort available while he was resting. The way that he was lovingly taking care of the blond only made Helen fall in love with him more. Steve, on the other hand, didn’t seem to appreciate it as much. Whenever he had enough energy he would be grumbling at Bucky, saying he was hovering too much. His protests fell on deaf ears as the brunette just ignored his complaints and continued to take care of his friend.

Helen had got Steve a bouquet of purple stock flowers, which symbolised her affection for him, in order to cheer him up. He seemed to really like them and set them on his bedside table so he could look at them.

Steve was still fairly blocked up so she decided that she would go out and buy ingredients to make chicken noodle soup. The blond was fond of it and it was one sure fire way to help with a cold, so it was a win win.

So while Bucky kept a watchful eye on Steve, Helen went off to the shops. She really wanted to make her friend feel better and if she had to walk miles just to get the ingredients to do so then she would.

Luckily she didn’t have to walk very far to get everything she needed. All of the shops nearby had the necessary ingredients for the soup so she didn’t need to venture any further than Brooklyn. Before long she was heading back to the apartment, her arms heavy with shopping.

  
Helen hadn’t made chicken noodle soup since Mrs Weasley had taught her how to a couple of years ago. Thankfully she remembered the recipe that Mrs Weasley uses.

Shouting could be heard through the door when Helen finally reached the landing of their apartment floor. It seemed that Steve had gotten enough energy to argue with Bucky. Well, at least he was feeling better.

The sight that she walked in on was rather comical. Bucky was standing at the edge of the couch with a bottle of medicine in his hand, looking very flustered and frustrated. Meanwhile Steve was lying on said couch, head propped up by dozens of pillows with the most defiant look she had ever seen on his face.

‘Damn it, punk! Just take the medicine! It’ll help your cough.’

Ah. So it seemed that Bucky wanted Steve to take some cough medicine but Steve was stubbornly refusing.

Steve scowled at his best friend. ‘No! I’m fine, Buck. I don’t need to take any medicine.’

‘Yes, you do! You nearly hacked your lungs out earlier! Come on, quit bein’ a stubborn punk and just take the medicine!’

‘Bucky, I told you, it was just that one time. I haven’t coughed since. I’m perfectly fine.’

‘You’re not fine, Stevie. You’ve got a cold and you should take your medicine before all that coughing makes your asthma act up.’

‘Fine. But only this once. Don’t expect me to cooperate next time.’

‘Whatever you say, punk. Now open up.’

After he had given Steve his medicine Bucky joined Helen in the kitchen.

‘Hey, doll. Can I help with anything?’

‘No, I’ll be fine. Why don’t you go and sit down? You’ve been taking care of Steve all morning. You deserve a rest.’

‘I’m fine, love. You sure you don’t need my help?’

‘I’m sure.’

Bucky hummed and wrapped his arms around Helen from behind.

‘Bucky, stop it. You’re distracting me.’

‘That’s cruel, doll. I’m only giving my love some affection and I get told to go away. I’ve missed you. Let me hold you for a bit.’

‘I was only gone for an hour. You can’t have missed me that much.’

‘Oh but I did. Takin’ care of Stevie has meant that I’ve had hardly any time left to spend with you. I feel like I haven’t kissed you in so long.’

‘Alright. You can have one kiss and that’s it. I’ve got to get this soup ready for Steve.’

‘Just one? You wound me, babydoll.’

Helen snorted. ‘You can cope with just one until I finish.’

‘C’mere then.’

Helen turned in Bucky’s arms and let him connect their lips for a few minutes.

‘Why’d you stop? I was enjoying that!’ Bucky pouted after she broke their kiss.

‘I was enjoying it too but if we kiss any longer then the soup will burn.’

‘Fine, fine. I’ll go check on Stevie.’

‘Okay. The soup’ll be done in twenty minutes so I’ll see you soon.’

‘Can’t wait. Love you.’

‘Love you too.’

* * *

It took just over twenty minutes for the soup to be ready to eat. Helen turned off the heat on the stove and brought out three bowls from the cupboard. She separated the soup into the bowls, giving a little more to Steve. She placed two bowls on the kitchen table and picked up Steve’s bowl so she could take it to him.

An annoyed shout nearly made her drop the bowl.

‘For crying out loud Bucky, stop it! You’re hovering too much!’

‘No I’m not!’

‘Yes, you are! This is the fifth time you’ve fluffed my pillows in the last five minutes! It’s too much, damn it!’

‘Well, I’m sorry for wanting to make sure that you’re comfortable.’

‘Well, do it less! I need some goddamn space! I feel bad enough without you being all smothering!’

‘I’m not being smothering!’

‘Yes, you are! You’re such a bloody mother hen!’

Bucky was stunned into silence but Helen burst out laughing at this. Steve said in such a deadpan tone that it was hard not to laugh and the dumbfounded look on Bucky’s face was hilarious. Steve soon joined in on her laughter and it echoed around the apartment.  
  


Bucky gave them a hurt look. ‘Hey! It’s not that funny!’

Helen took a deep breath to calm her laughter. ‘I’m sorry, honey. But it is kind of funny.’

‘Well, I’m not sorry at all. That had to be the funniest thing I’ve ever said. I just keep picturing Bucky as a hen now.’

This caused Helen to start laughing again because picturing Bucky as a hen was hysterical. Her laughter set Steve off again and the two of them got lost in a fit of giggles.

‘Oh my god. Bucky the mother hen! It’s too much.’ Steve managed to gasp out, wiping a tear away.

Bucky huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘Alright you two, stop it. I think you’ve made fun of me enough, don’t you?’

‘Okay, okay. You’re right. We’ve had a good laugh. It’s time to calm down now. I’ve made some chicken noodle soup for us.’

‘Ooh. Gimme!’

Helen chuckled fondly before handing Steve his bowl. As soon as it was in his hands the blond started eating it in earnest.

‘Come on, Bucky. Let’s leave Steve be. Our soup is at the kitchen table.’

‘Fine. Let’s go eat. Don’t eat too fast, punk. You’re gonna burn your tongue off.’

‘Yeah, yeah. Calm down, Bucky hen.’

Bucky pointed a finger at Steve. ‘Hey, you! Watch it.’

‘Come on, honey. Our soup will be getting cold.’

Bucky let Helen lead him to the kitchen table but not before he gave Steve a glare over his shoulder.

‘This is really good, doll.’ Bucky complemented after they had sat down and started eating.

‘Thank you. I was worried that it would taste horrible. This is my first time making it in a while and I hoped that I wouldn’t mess it up.’

‘Well, you certainly didn’t mess it up, sweetheart. It taste amazing and it doesn’t seem like you haven’t made it in ages.’

‘Thanks, Bucky. You always know what to say to make me feel better.’

Bucky gave her a loving smile. ‘Everything I do is to make you happy.’

‘I know and you do, you know.’

‘What do I know?’

‘You make me happy all the time.’

‘I do know and you make me happy all the time too.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, you do. I love you so much and I thank god everyday that you love me back.’

‘I do. I love you, honey.’

‘I know and I’m the luckiest man alive.’

‘And I’m the luckiest woman alive.’

The sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted their conversation. They both turned their heads to see Steve looking at them with an unamused and unimpressed look on his face.

‘What’s up with you, punk?’

‘I’m sorry to interrupt such a lovely conversation but could you please do it elsewhere? I’m trying to eat and I don’t need you two making out in front of me. That’s just off putting.’

‘That’s enough out of you, punk. We’re trying to have a private conversation and you’re ruining it. Quit eavesdropping.’

Steve scoffed. ‘A private conversation? Yeah, right. You’re five seconds away from shoving your tongues down each other’s throats at the kitchen table. I can clearly see and hear you. You’re not having a private conversation. Don’t kid yourself, Buck.’

Bucky scowled at the blond. ‘We weren’t about to make out, Stevie. Don’t be ridiculous. We were just talkin’ about how much we love each other. Is that a crime all of a sudden?’

‘No, as long as you keep it to talking. I don’t wanna see the two of you kissin’ or god forbid naked.’

‘Jesus, punk! Don’t say things like that! Of course we’re not gonna get naked in front of you, god!’

‘Good. But still, keep the kissin’ away from me.’

‘Fine. Now stop bein’ nosy and get some rest.’

‘Okay, fine. Thanks for the soup, Helen. It was amazing.’

‘You’re welcome, Steve. I’m glad you liked it.’

‘I did.’

‘Alright, punk. Why don’t you take a little nap? I’ll take that bowl and wash it. You just rest for a bit.’

‘Kay.’ Steve murmured sleepily.

‘Sweet dreams, punk.’ Bucky said as he pulled a blanket over the blond.

Helen was already washing her and Bucky’s bowls when the brunette came to stand beside her. He pecked her cheek as he leaned over to put Steve’s bowl in the sink.

‘Hey, babydoll.’

‘Hey. Steve asleep?’

‘Yep. We’re practically alone now.’

‘So?’

‘ _So_ , we can have that make out session Stevie was talkin’ ‘bout earlier.’

‘Ah, I see. Now that Steve’s asleep we can do whatever we want.’

‘Exactly. So, you up for it?’

‘You do realise that Steve’s only having a nap, right?’

‘Yeah. What’s that got to do with anything?’

‘Well, he could wake up while we’re in the middle of our make out session.’

‘Oh, yeah. We’ll get interrupted and we don’t want that.’

‘Yes and we also don’t want to traumatise Steve.’

Bucky shrugged. ‘That too I suppose.’

‘That’s terrible, Bucky! He’s your best friend.’

‘I suppose it is. Are you going to punish me?’

‘Yes, I am. No kisses for the rest of the day.’

Bucky let out a whine. ‘Babydoll, that’s cruel. I wanted you to give me a kiss, not withhold them.’

Helen laughed. ‘Getting kisses is a reward, Bucky. You asked to be punished so I took the reward away.’

Bucky frowned. ‘Damn! You got me there.’

‘It’s not too bad a punishment though.’

‘How? I don’t get kisses for the rest of the day!’

‘Exactly. No kisses during the day but at night, well, you can have as many as you want then.’

‘Well, that does sound good. I suppose I can wait until then.’

Helen smiled before gently kissing Bucky. ‘One to hold you over.’

‘Give me just one more? I didn’t get the chance to kiss back.’

‘Alright then.’

Bucky grinned before pulling her close and connecting their lips in a passionate embrace. They kissed for a few minutes before reluctantly breaking apart.

‘Thanks, babydoll.’

‘You’re welcome, darling.’

‘I love you so much.’

‘I love you too.’

* * *

  
Bucky was able to hold out until it was time for bed.He managed to refrain from asking for more kisses but was noticeably agitated at not being able to do so. When Steve asked Bucky to help him get to his bedroom the brunette had a bit of a bounce in his step. When he came out of Steve’s room ten minutes later he made a beeline for Helen and swept her up in his arms. He looked at her lovingly for a second before crashing his lips onto hers.

Helen hummed into the kiss and tightened her arms around Bucky’s neck. She wouldn’t never get tired of doing this. It was heavenly and she could just stay like this forever.

Eventually though, the need for air became too great and they were forced to break apart.

‘So, uh, I was wonderin’ if maybe you’d like to, um, sleep with me tonight.’

Helen thought the way he asked was so cute and she had to take a moment to stop herself from going ‘aww’. He said it almost as if he was afraid that she would say no, which was ridiculous. She would, of course, say yes. Unfortunately Bucky seemed to take her silence as a refusal.

‘I, uh, I’m sorry, doll. I shouldn’t have been so forward like that. You must think I’m askin’ you to have sex. Which I’m not by the way! I just wanted to know if you’d sleep in the same bed as me, that’s all.’

‘Bucky-’

‘I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way but with Stevie talkin’ about us gettin’ naked in front of him, you must think that I do. I swear that I don’t! I mean, of course I want to, just not right now. I don’t want to pressure you or anything. Not that I don’t want you in that way, I do! It’s just I want to wait until we’re ready. I’m saying this all wrong, aren’t I?’

Helen put a hand over Bucky’s mouth to stop his rambling. ‘Bucky, stop! It’s okay. I don’t think that you’re asking me to have sex. I got what you meant the first time. Don’t worry. I understand what you were trying to say, I promise.’

‘You did?’

‘Yes, I did. And... I’d love to sleep in your room with you.’

Bucky let out a relieved sigh. ‘Thank god. I thought I freaked you out there.’

‘You didn’t.’

‘I know that now. It’s just I didn’t want you to think that I was pressuring you.’

‘I know, Bucky. It’s okay.’

‘I know. I just didn’t want you to think that I’m one of those fellas that demands sex all the time without thinking about his girl. ‘Cause I swear I’m not one of those idiots.’

‘I know you’re not.’

‘I’ll never force you to do anything you don’t want to, okay?’

‘Okay.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

‘Shall we go to bed?’

‘Lead the way.’

Bucky kissed her softly before taking her hand and leading her into his bedroom.

Later that night, when Bucky was fast asleep, Helen lay awake thinking that she’d never felt happier. And as she lay there secure in Bucky’s embrace, her head resting on his chest, she knew in her heart that there was no place she’d rather be than in his arms.


	19. The Calm Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is due to receive his orders any day now and Helen fears he might not come back from the war. Bucky, being the good boyfriend he is, does everything in his power to cheer her up.

* * *

A few months had passed and things were going well. Since that night all those months ago Helen stayed in Bucky’s room every night and both couldn’t be happier. Steve had made a full recovery from the cold he caught and hadn’t had an asthma attack for weeks now. All in all things were good. Except for one little thing. Bucky had been called for active duty and was due to receive his orders any day now. This made things tense in the apartment as they knew that Bucky would be leaving soon and likely wouldn’t be back for a long while.

But it wasn’t all bad news. Bucky would be made a Sergeant before he headed off to fight, which meant more money. Things had been a bit tight recently due to food prices going up so having extra money would help them a lot. Still, it wasn’t the best. Helen would rather have Bucky here and have less money than Bucky being away and having more money. If it came to choosing between having Bucky and money then she’d choose Bucky every time.

But she knew that Bucky had to do this. He didn’t have a choice. He enlisted as a soldier and he couldn’t back out now that they wanted him to fight. She knew that he wouldn’t leave her if he had a choice. If there wasn’t a war going on then he would have definitely stayed with her. But there was a war going on and Helen just had to face up to the fact that Bucky would be heading off to fight in the near future.

It wasn’t that she was unhappy that he was going. She was very proud of him for wanting to fight for his country and she had encouraged him to enlist. So it wasn’t like she was completely against him going. Him going wasn’t the problem. The problem was whether or not he would come back.   
  


Yes, she knew she was being a bit paranoid. People survived wars all the time. And the amount of times that she herself had survived through crazy situations should give her hope.

But she just couldn’t find it in her to be optimistic. Because yes, she had survived bizarre things through sheer luck but those around her hadn’t. Quirrell had died in her first year when she survived. Yes, Quirrell was working for Voldemort and had tried to kill her. But that wasn’t the point. She had survived that ordeal whereas Quirrell had lost his life. In second year Lockhart had lost his memory in a charm that was meant for her and Ron. Of course the man hadn’t died but he was irrevocably changed. The person he was before was no longer there. That was kind of a death in a way. But it was the same thing. She was fine by the end of it all but Lockhart had ended up in a ward for mentally ill patients at St Mungo’s.

Nothing bad really happened in third year. Well, she did learn that a psychopathic murderer was after her, only to find out that said murderer was her godfather and had betrayed her parents, which led to their deaths. But nobody actually died that year. They had thought that Buckbeak, Hagrid’s hippogriff, had been executed, but it turned out to be false. After a trip through time Buckbeak was saved, Helen learned who had really betrayed her parents and had got a loving godfather out of it all.

Fourth year was a different story altogether. Bad things seemed to keep happening to her that year and it only got worse as the year progressed. First the Quidditch World Cup was ambushed by Death Eaters and then to make matters worse, she found herself an unwilling participant of the Triwizard Tournament. She had to face a dragon, rescue Ron from the bottom of the Black Lake and run through a maze filled with dangerous creatures. Only once she and Cedric got to the end of the maze they were transported to a graveyard. The cup was a Portkey, placed there to bring Helen to the graveyard to be part of Voldemort’s resurrection. Cedric wasn’t supposed to be a part of it and yet he lost his life because of it. And apart from the horror of seeing Voldemort return and the gruesome cut on her arm Helen was fine. She would never forget the moment Cedric died. It was burned into her memory forever. And it was all her fault he was dead. If she hadn’t convinced him to take the cup as well then he wouldn’t have been in the graveyard and therefore would have lived.

Fifth year was worse than all the others. The Ministry made her out to be a attention seeking liar because they refused to believe that Voldemort was back. After almost getting expelled and a year of suffering at the hands of the evil toad Umbridge, it all came to a head at the Department of Mysteries. She had dragged her friends there because she stupidly believed that Voldemort was torturing Sirius there. It turned out to be a lie and they were ambushed by Death Eaters who were after a prophecy for Voldemort. The Order came to their aid and Sirius was among those who came. He met his death all because Helen was unable to shield her mind from Voldemort.

She didn’t even want to talk about the train wreck that was her sixth year and taking about the Horcrux Hunt and the stuff that happened after that was off limits. She couldn’t talk about that year without crying. Which she really didn’t want to do right now. She didn’t know if she could explain everything that had happened to Bucky without revealing the existence of magic. So it was better that she didn’t think about it at all.

It seemed that everyone who loved and cared about her died. First her parents who died trying to protect her. Then Cedric who was always so nice to her even though they were supposed to be rivals in the Tournament. And finally Sirius who was the only real family she had. The only one who could have gotten her away from the Dursleys. He came to help her when she was in trouble and he paid for it with his life. Then Dumbledore, Fred, Snape, Remus, Tonks. Even Hedwig. She didn’t think that she’d ever be able to forget how all of them had died. And it was all because they were helping her in her quest to defeat Voldemort. 

Would the same happen to Bucky? He said that he was doing this all for her. He was only going to fight so they could have a happy life together. Would he die too? Would he lose his life fighting for their future? Everyone who had ever wanted to do something for her always died. Her parents died so she could live and Sirius and the others died helping her. Would thesame fate befall Bucky? Was she dooming him to death by falling in love with him and in turn letting him fall in love with her?

But she knew that she couldn’t let these thoughts get the better of her. She should be spending her last days with Bucky in a happy mood. She definitely should not spend it all paranoid and panicked.

Knowing she needed to take her mind off of things she decided to spend some time with Connie and Bonnie. She hadn’t seen them in a few days and their conversations always helped with any paranoia she might have.

Unfortunately even the light gossip that Connie and Bonnie were fond of did little to ease her mind. She just couldn’t stop thinking about Bucky going off to fight and not coming back.

‘Are you alright, Helen?’

She was brought out of her thoughts by the question and she looked up to see the concerned faces of her two friends.

‘Oh, um, yes. I was just thinking.’

‘Are you sure you’re okay? You looked really sad before.’

‘I’m sure. I was just thinking about Bucky. He’s due to get his orders any day now and once he does he’ll be leaving.’

Connie gave her a sympathetic look. ‘Oh. That must be hard.’

‘I’m trying not to think too much about it but it’s not easy. I keep imagining him not coming back and getting a letter saying that he was killed in action.’

‘Don’t worry about Bucky. He’s one of the toughest guys around here. He’ll come back to you. I’m sure of it.’

* * *

  
It was nice of them to try and cheer her up but she wasn’t reassured by their words. Helen had seen death and she knew that it didn’t discriminate. It didn’t matter how tough Bucky was. If death wanted to take him then it would. And there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Her mood was so low that Steve looked at her in concern when she entered the apartment.

‘Helen? You okay?’

Helen sighed and sat down on the couch beside the blond. ‘I’m fine. I just, I’m worried about Bucky.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m just scared that he’s not going to come back, that’s all.’

‘Not come back from where?’

‘The war.’

‘Oh Helen, you don’t have to worry about that. Bucky’s a fighter and I know that he’ll do everything he can to come back to you.’

‘But what if that’s not enough?’

‘It will be. You and Bucky are meant to be together. You won’t get separated forever.’

Steve’s words were sweet and thoughtful but they did little to ease her worries. To be fair she didn’t think anything would make her feel better so it wasn’t really Steve’s fault that he was unable to cheer her up.

‘I think I’m going to head to my room for a little bit.’

Steve looked worriedly at her. ‘Are you going to be alright?’

Helen nodded wearily. ‘I’ll be fine, Steve.’

‘Okay then. Should I tell Bucky not to bother you when he gets back from work?’

‘No. Tell him if he wants to see me then he can.’

‘Alright. Feel better, Helen.’

‘Thanks, Steve. You’re a good friend.’

‘So are you.’

* * *

  
Helen didn’t know how long she had been hiding out in her room. Lying on your bed and staring at the ceiling didn’t exactly pass the time so it could have been either five minutes or five hours since she first laythere. Which was why it was a bit of a shock when she heard a knock on her door.

‘Come in.’

The door opened to reveal a smiling Bucky. ‘Hey, doll.’

‘Hey.’

‘What’re you doing lying alone like this?’

‘I, uh, I was a little tired.’

Bucky smiled softly at her before sitting on the bed next to her. Helen sat up and moved close to him, a small smile gracing her face when he wrapped an arm around her.

‘You feeling better now, sweet thing?’

‘Now that you’re here, yes.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

Bucky leaned in and captured her lips. Helen hummed contently and let herself get lost in the kiss for a few moments.

‘You sure you’re feeling better, babydoll?’ Bucky asked once they had broken their kiss.

‘I’m sure, honey. I’m fine, I promise.’

‘So since you’re feeling better, do you want to go out to dinner with me?’

‘Of course I do. When are we going?’

‘In a couple of hours. I’ll leave you to get dressed. Put on your fanciest outfit, babydoll. I’m spoiling you tonight.’

‘Is there any point in asking you not to spoil me?’

Bucky shook his head, an impish smile on his face. ‘There isn’t.’

‘I figured that. Okay, I’ll get dressed now.’

‘Can’t wait to see what you’re gonna wear.’

‘Yeah, yeah. Now get out of here so I can get ready.’

‘As you wish, my darling.’

As per Bucky’s orders Helen picked out her fanciest dress and put it on. It was a sapphire coloured velvet dress that had ruching on around the bust and sleeves. She paired it with black peep toed heels, a brown fur stole and black silk wrist length gloves. Finally she pinned her hair into an elegant chignon. She hoped that Bucky would like her outfit. She wanted to make him happy. After all it sounded like he had gone through a lot of trouble just so he could spoil her. Part of her wondered if he knew about her fears of him not returning but another part figured that maybe he just wanted to take her out one last time before he left. Whatever the reason it was sweet of him to want to spoil her.

Bucky was waiting out in the hall when she emerged from her room. He smiled at her in greeting but once she stepped into the light his jaw dropped and his eyes widened.

‘ **God** babydoll. I- I’m speechless. You look absolutely beautiful. I thought that there was no way that you could be more stunning than you already are. But you’ve proved me wrong. Sweet thing, you’ve never looked more beautiful. I mean that with all my heart.’

Helen blushed. ‘Thanks, honey. You look pretty wonderful yourself.’

‘You flatter me, darlin’. You ready to go?’

‘Yes. Where exactly are we going?’

‘It’s a surprise.’ Bucky told her as he offered his arm for her to take.

‘Lead the way then.’

* * *

  
The surprise turned out to be dinner at a fancy restaurant. In the back of her mind she wondered how on Earth Bucky could afford this but she shook the thought away. This night was supposed to be fun and she was determined to enjoy it. The only thing she really knew, however, was that Bucky wasn’t kidding when he said that he was going to spoil her. This meal was likely going to cost him a fortune.

‘So, do you like your surprise?’ Bucky asked once they had been seated.

‘I do. I love it. But...’

‘But what?’

‘Isn’t this a little too expensive for you?’

‘It’s worth every penny, babydoll.’

Helen looked at him uncertainly. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, love, I’m sure. I’ll spend every last penny I have just to make you happy. And if this is going to make you happy then it’s worth it.’

‘Just promise me that you didn’t actually spend all your money on this.’

‘I didn’t, sweetheart. I have some money left over, I promise.’

‘Okay.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me that you were worried I wasn’t going to come back?’ Bucky asked after a few minutes of silence passed between them.

Helen winced. ‘Steve told you then.’

‘He did. But why didn’t _you_ tell me?’

‘I was scared to. I didn’t want to worry you when you only have days left. And I was afraid that if I did tell you then you wouldn’t go.’  
  


Bucky’s brow furrowed at this. ‘Wait, you want me to go? I thought you wanted me to stay here.’

‘No, that’s not what I want. I mean, of course I want you to stay but I don’t want to hold you back. You’re doing a good thing by fighting for your country and I don’t want to stop you. It’s just I’m afraid that once you go you won’t come back to me.’

‘Doll, are you worried that I’m going to die?’

‘Yes.’

‘Oh, sweet thing, I’m not going to die.’

‘You don’t know that, Bucky.’

‘But I do.’

‘How? No one knows when they’re going to die.’

‘I know because we’re meant to be together. And I know that I’m not going to die before we get the chance to get married and have kids. I swear to you now, my love, I’ll be old and grey when you see me die.’

‘You promise?’

‘I promise, babydoll. I swear with everything that I have that I will come back to you even if I have to yell at God himself. I’ll do it if it means I can spend the rest of my life with you.’

‘I’ll hold you to that promise.’

‘I’ll never break it. I will come back to you.’

‘I love you, Bucky Barnes. God help me, I love you.’

‘And I love you, Helen Evans. More than you will ever know. I love you with my every breath, with everything that I am.’

‘I know. And just know that I love you with every fibre of my being and I am yours.’

‘And I am yours.’  
  


* * *

  
Once they had eaten and paid for their meal Bucky told Helen that he had another surprise for her. She tried to protest of course, saying that he had spoiled her enough. But Bucky was adamant so she had no choice but to follow as he led her down the street. They had been walking for at least ten minutes when Bucky stopped all of a sudden. Frowning, Helen asked him what was wrong.

‘Nothin’, babydoll. Just close your eyes for me.’

‘Why?’

‘I want you to be surprised! So come on, just close your eyes from me.’

‘Alright then.’

Helen closed her eyes and felt Bucky take her hands and pull her forward. She couldn’t help but wonder what the surprise was. It was sweet and exciting all at the same time. Nobody had done anything like this for her before. Nobody but Bucky. In that moment she knew that she made the right decision when she made that wish. She couldn’t be happier or had felt more loved.

Bucky stopped walking after a few minutes.

‘Alright, sweet thing, open your eyes.’

  
Helen did as he said and gasped as she took in the sight in front of her. Bucky had taken her to a park but it wasn’t any old park. It was surrounded by trees, making it a secluded little spot. Flowers grew in abundance on the grass, making the ground look like a rainbow. Moonlight streamed through the canopy made by the trees, giving the whole area an ethereal look. A radio sat amongst the fragrant flowerbeds, giving Helen an idea about what they were doing here.

‘You like it, babydoll?’ Bucky asked as he wrapped his arms around her.

‘I do. This place is just beautiful. How in the world did you find it?’

‘I took a shortcut on my way home from work and ended up finding this place. As soon as I explored it I knew that I had to bring you here one day.’

‘I’m glad you found it. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.’

‘I have.’

‘Oh?’

Bucky nodded. ‘Yeah, I have. You.’

‘Stop that. I wasn’t referring to people.’

‘And what were you referring to?’

‘Places, of course.’

‘Well, I suppose in terms of places this is pretty wonderful.’

‘It’s amazing. So, what exactly are we doing here?’

‘Do you see that radio over there?’

‘Yeah, I saw it.’

‘That’s the reason we’re here.’

‘To listen to music?’

‘Not quite. We’re gonna dance to the music, babydoll.’

‘Oh. I like that.’

‘Thought you might.’

‘I do.’

‘Shall we dance?’

‘Yes.’  
  


Bucky turned on the radio before pulling Helen into his arms. She laid her head on his chest and he put his chin on the top of her head as they swayed to the music.

‘I love you, babydoll. Never forget that.’

‘I won’t. I love you too, Bucky.’

As they slow danced together they both knew that this peace could not last but they didn’t care. Because as long as they had each other they could get through anything, even if they had to do it apart.


	20. Alley Fights and Army Orders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Bucky is away getting his orders Steve gets himself into bother, much to the dismay of Helen. Thankfully Bucky steps in before things get too out of hand. With Bucky shipping out first thing in the morning plans are made to make it a memorable last night for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the beginning of the First Avenger featuring Helen.

* * *

  
The day that Helen was dreading had finally come. Bucky was receiving his orders today. And it meant that he could leave tomorrow if his orders told him to. Helen wasn’t ready to say goodbye quite yet. She needed more time with Bucky. He couldn’t be leaving her so soon. She didn’t want this to be happening so soon.

  
Steve, on the other hand, seemed rather interested in Bucky’s promotion. He kept asking questions about it and it made her suspicious. Steve’s questions went a little overboard and there was no way he was only asking because he was curious. He was up to something, she was sure of it.

  
Bucky was due to head out to the base soon and he was eating breakfast at the kitchen table when Helen came in. Steve had a strange look on his face, which immediately raised her suspicions once again. They only heightened when Steve asked yet another question.

‘So, are you excited about being made a Sergeant, Buck?’

‘I suppose so. The pay’s quite good and everything.’

‘Yeah, it is. But it must be amazing to know that you’ll get to lead other soldiers though.’

‘I’ll be leading a small squadron of four of five, Stevie, not the entire army. It ain’t that exciting.’

‘Still, it should be fun. You’re a good leader, Buck. You’ll do well.’

‘Thanks for the confidence, punk, but there ain’t nothin’ even remotely fun about fighting in a war.’

‘At least you’re going.’

Bucky groaned. ‘Not this again, Stevie! Let it go already!’

‘I didn’t even say anything!’

‘You don’t think I heard what you said before? You ain’t as quiet as you think, punk.’

‘Fine, I’m a little disappointed that I’m not going with you. There I said it! You happy now?’

‘Not in the slightest. You’ve got to let this go, pal.’

‘I know, Buck. I’m tryin’ to.’

‘I know you are but if you wanna get over it you’re gonna have to stop taking about it.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t apologise, Steve. That’s not what Bucky meant. He wasn’t trying to make you feel bad. He’s just worried because he’s leaving soon.’

‘Helen’s right, bud. I’m not mad and I don’t wanna make you feel bad. I’m just worried. I need ta know that you’re gonna be okay while I’m gone.’

‘I will be.’

‘Steve, just promise me that you’ll let this soldier thing go.’

‘Bucky-’

‘Please Stevie, just promise me.’

Steve sighed. ‘Okay. I promise I’ll let it go.’

‘Thanks, punk.’

‘You’re welcome. Now don’t you have somewhere to be.’

‘Tryin’ to get rid of me, punk?’

‘Not a chance, jerk. Now go get your orders.’

‘Fine. I’ll see you later, babydoll.’

‘What? I don’t get a goodbye?’

‘Shut up, punk.’

‘I will not, you big jerk.’

Bucky chuckled. ‘I’ll see you when I get back, pal.’

‘See ya, Sarge.’

Bucky rolled his eyes playfully at Steve before giving Helen a goodbye kiss.

‘Bye, Doll. Love you.’

‘Love you too.’

Bucky blew her a kiss before heading out the front door. But as soon as the door closed, the mood in the apartment changed. Or more specifically Steve’s mood changed. He let out a dejected sigh, causing Helen to look at him in concern.

‘Steve? What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing’s wrong.’

‘Steve, don’t lie to me. Come on, tell me what’s bothering you.’

‘I’m just disappointed that I’m not going.’

‘Going to war with Bucky, you mean?’

Steve nodded sadly. ‘Yeah.’

‘Steve, if I ask you a question will you give me an honest answer?’

‘Of course I will.’

‘Okay. Why is it so important to you? Why are you so desperate to fight?’

‘Because I don’t want to be left behind.’

‘You’re not the only one that’s going to be left behind. Look around, Steve, there’s plenty of people still here. Not everyone has gone off to war. It’s not a bad thing to stay here.’

‘But Bucky’s one of the people who will be gone.’

‘Are you jealous of Bucky being a soldier? Is that what this is all about?’

‘Maybe I’m a little jealous.’

‘Why Steve? War is not a pretty thing. There are some horrors you could witness that will never leave you. War can change someone and not in a good way. It can destroy you. Why would you be jealous of that?’

‘It’s not about witnessing the horrors of war. If I have to seen them then that’s the price I’ll pay if it means I get to do the right thing.’

‘And you really think fighting is the right thing to do?’

‘Of course it is, Helen! Fighting for your country is absolutely the right thing to do. I thought you understood that. You’re supportive when it comes to Bucky. You tell him that you admire him for wanting to fight for his country. Why can’t you say the same for me?’

‘Steve, I support Bucky being a solider because he actually is one. You’re only pursuing a hopeless cause. It’s unlikely that they’ll accept you. And instead of doing the right thing and letting it go, you continue to try and enlist. Even when you told Bucky you wouldn’t.’

‘I’m sorry. I know I’m being ridiculous about this. But it’s hard to let it go when Bucky’s going and I’m not.’

‘Is that what this is about? You don’t want Bucky to leave you behind?’

‘Yes. Bucky’s always had my back and it kills me that I won’t be able to have his when he needs my support more than ever.’

‘Steve, Bucky will have other people to protect him.’

‘But I want to be the one to protect him!’

‘Steve, Bucky wouldn’t want you to do this.’

‘I have to, Helen. I have to do this.’

‘Why?!’

‘Because I just want one chance to protect Bucky like he’s protected me all these years! If I could fight by his side, have his back behind enemy lines, then I’ll have payed him back for always being there for me.’

Helen sighed. ‘Steve, Bucky doesn’t protect you so you can pay him back. He does it because he cares about you. You don’t pay for something like that. Friendship is free. There is no price for it.’

‘I just want to be there with him. We’ve always done everything together. It won’t be the same.’

‘Maybe this is just something that Bucky has to do on his own.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Come on, they’ll be no sad faces today.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Don’t be sorry, Steve. I just don’t like seeing you sad.’

‘I know. It’s just hard.’

‘I know it is. Which is why we’re going to go out today. Take our minds off of Bucky getting his orders.’

‘Where are we going?’

‘What will cheer you up?’

‘We can watch cartoons at the movie theatre.’

‘That’s a good idea. But let’s make sure to pick a happy one this time. I don’t know if I can take another Bambi.’

‘Me neither. Who knew a cartoon could be so sad?’

‘Not me. Shall we go then?’

‘Yeah, let me just get my coat.’

* * *

Ten minutes later the two of them were walking in the direction of the cinema.

‘Steve? Where are you going?’ Helen asked when the blond turned in the opposite direction of where they were supposed to be going.

‘I just need to make a quick detour. There’s something I have to do.’

‘Why? What’s so important that it can’t wait until later?’

Steve looked at her sheepishly. ‘I was thinking of maybe going to the recruitment centre again.’

‘Steve! You promised Bucky that you’d let it go.’

‘I know. I just figured that I might get lucky today since Bucky’s off getting his orders.’

‘What’s that got to do with anything?’

‘Just figured it might be a good omen.’

‘Steve-’

‘No, wait! Just listen before you say anything.’

‘Okay.’

‘Just let me do this please. I won’t ask again, I promise.’

‘Steve, you told me that the last time I went with you. How is this time going to be any different?’

‘I’m sorry! I don’t mean to break your trust like this. Your friendship means the world to me and I don’t want to ruin it.’

‘Why do you keep doing this to yourself? What makes the constant rejection worth it?’

‘Knowing I might get accepted.’

‘Steve, you’ve been rejected four times. Trying a fifth time won’t make any difference.’

‘Just let me try once more.’

‘Do you promise this will be the last time?’

‘I promise. And if I do break it and try again I swear I won’t involve you in any way.’

‘Fine. But if Bucky asks about it then it’s your job to tell him.’

‘Fine. Could you wait outside though? If I do get rejected then I don’t want you to see it.’

‘Of course.’

Five minutes later they arrived at the recruitment centre and Helen wished Steve luck before he headed inside.

She didn’t understand why Steve insisted on doing this. He surely must know the implications of enlisting multiple times. He could get sent to jail if he got caught. Was it really worth the risk?

Ten minutes later Steve came storming out, a thunderous expression on his face. ‘Let’s go.’

‘It didn’t go well, I take it?’

Steve scowled. ‘No, they rejected me again.’

‘I’m sorry, Steve. I know how much this means to you.’

‘I just didn’t want to believe it was a lost cause.’

‘I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to.’

‘Thanks. I just wish that someone would give me a chance, you know.’

‘Someone will, Steve. But maybe the Army isn’t who you’ll get your chance from.’

‘What if no one wants me?’

‘There’s got to be someone out there who will.’

‘Maybe.’

‘No, Steve. Someone out there is looking for someone like you right now. You just have to wait for them to find you.’

‘I hope they find me soon. I don’t want to wait forever.’

‘Your chance will come, Steve. I just know it.’

‘Thanks, Helen. Which cartoon do you wanna see?’

‘You choose. I don’t mind.’

Steve scanned the advertisement board. ‘Ooh. There’s a new cartoon out. Let’s see that one.’

‘Okay then.’

‘You want popcorn?’

‘No, thank you.’

Steve paid for the tickets and got himself a small tub of extra buttery popcorn. They made their way inside the theatre and found two seats near the front.

‘I hope this one’ll be good. I really like the last one they did.’

Helen nodded in agreement. ‘It was quite funny.’

‘War continues to ravage Europe. But help is on the way. Every able-bodied-’

‘I’m gonna go to the bathroom before the movie starts.’

‘Okay. Don’t take too long. You don’t wanna miss the cartoon.’

‘I’ll be back in five minutes. I trust that you can behave yourself until then.’

‘I can behave myself, I promise.’

‘Good. Don’t go wandering off and getting yourself into trouble until I get back.’

‘I won’t.’

* * *

  
Helen cursed under her breath as she ran through the streets of Brooklyn. She should have never left Steve on his own. He always seemed to get himself into bother when he was left to his own devices. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t see the person making his way towards her and she ended up bumping off a solid chest.

‘Woah there, doll.’ Bucky said as he caught her by her waist.

Helen smiled up at him. ‘Hey there, Soldier. Nice catch by the way.’

‘Babydoll, what on Earth are you doing running through the streets like that?’ Bucky asked worriedly.

‘Well, I was supposed to be watching a cartoon with Steve. But when I came back from the bathroom he was nowhere in sight.’

Bucky groaned. ‘Damn it! That punk has gone and gotten himself into trouble! Can’t leave him for five minutes and he’s off to god knows where.’

‘I’ve been looking everywhere for him but I’ve had no luck.’

‘Don’t worry, sweet thing, I have an inkling where he might be.’

‘You do?’

‘Yep. I’ll bet my entire savings that he’s off in some alley getting beat up.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Oh, I’m sure. He’s disappeared like this before and I found him all bloody and bruised in a back alley.’

‘But how do we know what alley he’s in?’

‘We just follow all the yelling.’

Sure enough they did find Steve in an alley and he was in fact getting beat up. By someone much bigger and stronger than him.

‘You just don’t know when to give up, do you?’ The bully spat.

‘I can do this all day.’

Well that was the biggest lie of this century. It was very clear that Steve could NOT do this all day, especially considering he was getting beat to a pulp by the big brute he had likely offended.

Bucky seemed to have had enough of watching because he started yelling. ‘Hey! Pick on someone your own size.’

The brute turned his attention to Bucky and tried to punch him but the brunette easily intercepted him and soon sent him running away with his tail between his legs.

Bucky turned his attention to Steve, who was picking himself up off the ground, his nose bleeding and his face bruised.

‘Sometimes, I think you like getting punched.’

‘I had him on the ropes.’

Helen had to refrain herself from snorting because there was no way that was true. From the look on Bucky’s face he seemed to agree but his attention was soon stolen by something lying on the ground. Steve’s enlistment form.

‘How many times is this?’ Bucky asked as he picked it up. ‘Oh, you’re from Paramus now? You know it’s illegal to lie on the enlistment form. And seriously, Jersey?’

‘You get your orders?’ Steve asked as he wiped his bloody nose on his sleeve.

‘The one-o-seventh. Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping out for England first thing tomorrow.’

‘Tomorrow?’ Helen asked in disappointment.

Steve looked just as disappointed. ‘I should be going.’

Helen gave Steve a warning look as he said this. He promised both her and Bucky he would let it go. The blond nodded at her after a moment and did his best to look happy when Bucky turned to look at him again.

Bucky chuckled, throwing an arm around Steve’s neck. ‘Come on, man. It’s my last night! Gotta get you cleaned up.’

‘Why? Where are we going?’

‘The future.’ Bucky replied, handing Steve a newspaper.

‘The World Exposition of Tomorrow?’

‘Yep. Thought it might be a fun way to spend our last night together.’

‘Sure. I’m up for it.’

‘I’m glad, punk. What about you, babydoll?’

‘I’ll go. It might be fun.’

Bucky grinned, wrapping his arm around Helen’s waist. ‘To the future.’

‘To the future.’

And so the three of them headed off to their apartment to get ready for a night that would be memorable in more ways than one.

  
  



	21. Firsts and Lasts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen, Bucky and Steve attend the World Expo and each have a memorable night in their own way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is smut near the end for those who like to be warned about these things.

* * *

  
‘So, what exactly is at this “World Exposition” anyway?’ Helen asked as she pinned flowers into her hair.

‘It’s mostly science type stuff.’

Helen turned to look at Bucky. ‘Science type stuff’? What does that mean?’

‘Like it’ll have science experiments on display. I heard the world’s first bionic man is supposed to be there.’

Helen smiled at the excitement in Bucky’s voice. ‘It sounds amazing.’

‘It will be. Plus I managed to get Steve a date for it.’

‘Really? How’d you manage that so quickly?’

‘Well, I bumped into your friends Connie and Bonnie. And I told them I planned on taking you and Steve to the expo tonight and they asked if they could join us. So I told them they could only join us if they agreed to give Stevie a chance.’

‘I thought they both were dating someone.’

‘Apparently neither relationship worked out.’

‘Huh. And have you told Steve about this?’

‘No, but I’m sure he’ll be happy.’

‘You sure about that?’

‘Of course he will. Two very pretty girls have agreed to give him a chance to woo them. He’ll be thrilled.’

‘If you say so.’

‘I’m sure it’ll work out okay, love.’

‘I hope so. Steve was upset after he wasn’t accepted. He doesn’t need to be rejected again. It’ll crush him.’

‘Stevie will be fine, doll. He’s a resilient little punk.’

‘I’ll take your word for it. But... there is something I do know for certain.’

‘Oh? And what’s that?’

‘You look unbelievably handsome in your uniform.’

Bucky smirked, his eyes darkening for a minute. ‘Oh? Do I?’

‘Yes. I couldn’t keep my eyes off you before.’

‘I’m still wearing it now. Can you resist me?’

‘No, but I can wait until tonight.’

Bucky looked shocked for a second. ‘You mean you want to?’

‘Yes, I want to. Make love to me, Bucky. Take every inch of me before you go tomorrow.Ruin me for anyone else. Make me yours forever.’

Bucky groaned. ‘Babydoll, don’t do this to me now. We have to leave in ten minutes!’

‘Am I not worth waiting for?’

‘God sweet thing, of course you are. I’d wait forever for you, you know that. Just don’t tease me like this. I can’t take it.’

‘Fine. I’ll stop. I’ll save it for when we get back.’

‘I love you so much, doll. I love you with everything I have and I can’t wait to make love to you tonight.’

‘Me too.’

‘You know, that dress looks stunning on you. But, I think it would look better on my bedroom floor, don’t you?’

Helen laughed. ‘I thought we were saving all this for later.’

‘We are. I just can’t resist telling you how beautiful you are.’

‘Always a charmer.’

‘Only for you, my darling.’

‘I know.’

‘I’m really gonna miss you, babydoll.’ Bucky said after a moment’s silence.

‘I know, honey. I’ll miss you too.’

‘At least we have tonight.’

‘We do. So why don’t we make this night one we’ll never forget?’

‘Sounds like a plan, sweet thing.’ Bucky said before crashing his lips onto hers.

Helen sighed into the kiss, content to let herself get lost in it for a while. She was happy to just be in Bucky’s arms for a bit.

‘Bucky, maybe we should stop.’ Helen said once the dark haired man had broken the kiss and was now kissing his way down her neck.

Bucky only hummed, intent on continuing his gentle assault on her neck.

‘Bucky, I’m serious. Stop it- ohhh.’

Helen continued to try and persuade Bucky to stop but could only moan contently when he started to suck on her pulse point.

It was Steve entering the room that eventually broke them apart.

‘Hey guys, you ready to go - oh god no!’

Steve’s loud yelp brought Bucky out of his lust filled daze and he let go of Helen abruptly. He quickly tried to compose himself before turning to face his friend.

‘Hey punk, you need somethin’? Bucky asked casually.

‘Don’t you hey punk me! I saw what you were doing and I thought I told you to do that nonsense in private! Jesus, Buck!’  
  


  
Bucky chuckled at Steve’s reddened cheeks. ‘Quit your blushin’, Stevie! We weren’t doin’ anythin’ inappropriate.’

‘Can we please not talk about it anymore? I’m traumatised enough without you going on about it!’

Bucky smirked. ‘If you say so, pal. What’d you come in here for anyway?’

Steve glared at him. ‘I was coming in to ask you if you were ready to go yet. What I didn’t ask for was a peep show!’

‘Nobody was naked, Stevie. Relax, would ya?’

Steve groaned. ‘Can we just go now?’

‘Alright then, punk.’

‘Jerk.’

* * *

‘I don’t see what the problem is. You’re about to be the last eligible man in New York. You know, there’s three and a half million women here.’ Bucky said, trying to reassure Steve as they walked down the steps that led to the expo.

‘Well, I’d settle for just one.’

Bucky smirked. ‘Good thing I took care of that.’

He waved over at Connie and Bonnie who waved excitedly back.

‘Hey, Bucky! Helen!’ Connie greeted.

‘Which one is mine?’

‘Doesn’t matter.’

‘What did you tell them about me?’ Steve grumbled as the three of them made their way towards the two girls.

‘Only the good stuff.’ Bucky assured him.

After a few minutes the five of them had managed to squeeze themselves through the busy crowds and were now walking around the expo.

‘Welcome to the Modern Marvels Pavilion and the World of Tomorrow. A greater world. A better world.’

‘Wow.’ Helen gasped.

‘Yeah. This is amazing.’ Bucky agreed.

‘Oh, my God! It’s starting!’ Connie squealed.

They moved to get a better vantage point as a brunette woman came onto the stage.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Howard Stark!’

Helen wrinkled her nose in disgust as the man, likely to be Howard Stark, walked onto the stage and kissed the announcer. He then turned to address the audience.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, what if I told you that in just a few short years, your automobile won’t even have to touch the ground at all.’

Helen watched avidly as the ladies on the stage removed the wheels. She didn’t understand why they were doing this. Mr Weasley’s Ford Anglia flew just fine with its wheels on. A wave of sadness washed over her as she thought of Mr Weasley. He would love all of this. He had always been fascinated by all things Muggle.

‘With Stark robotic reversion technology, you’ll be able to do just that.’

Howard turned on the switch of his machine and the car started to hover off the ground.

‘Holy cow.’ Bucky breathed out, clearly impressed.

But almost as soon as the car had started to hover it fell back to the ground. Maybe magic was the final touch it needed in order to fly properly.

Howard chuckled. ‘I did say a few years, didn’t I?’

This caused everyone to laugh. Soon the crowds started dispersing as the presentation was over and it was then that Bucky turned to Steve.  
  
  


‘Hey, Steve, what do you say we treat these girls…’ Bucky started to suggest but trailed off when he saw that Steve was nowhere in sight.

‘Babydoll, you seen Steve anywhere?’

‘No but I think I might know where he is.’

‘Oh?’

Helen nodded and she pointed over at the recruitment poster a few feet away with a grim look on her face. Bucky turned to look where she was pointing and he got an angry look on his face.

‘I’m gonna kill that little punk!’

‘Are we not going dancing then?’

Helen spun around to face Connie and Bonnie who looked confused.

‘We are. We just need to find Steve. We’ll meet you at the entrance, okay?’

The two girls nodded and Helen gave them a quick smile before running after an irate Bucky.

‘Bucky, stop!’

‘No! I have to stop that little punk before he does somethin’ stupid!’

‘Just don’t be too hard on him.’

‘I’ll try.’  
  


The two of them found Steve standing in front of a mirror that made you look like a soldier. The blond barely fit in it. Only the top of his head was visible and the determined look on Steve’s face only made her ache. Bucky was absolutely livid at the blond’s apparent decision to enlist again and if Steve was adamant about trying then it would likely result in an explosive argument.

‘Come on. You’re kind of missing the point of a double date. We’re taking the girls dancing.’

Bucky’s tone was fairly pleasant and Helen assumed that he was giving Steve the benefit of the doubt. But that all changed with Steve’s answer.

‘You go ahead. I’ll catch up with you.’

Bucky’s expression hardened. ‘You’re really gonna do this again?’

‘Well, it’s a fair. I’m gonna try my luck.’

‘As who?! Steve from Ohio? They’ll catch you. Or worse, they’ll actually take you.’ Bucky exploded, throwing his arms up in the air in frustration.

‘Look, I know you don’t think I can do this.’

‘This isn’t a back alley, Steve. It’s _war_!’

‘I know it’s a war. You don’t have to tell me.’

‘Why are you so keen to fight? There are so many important jobs!’

‘What am I gonna do? Collect scrap metal…’

‘Yes!’ Bucky interjected.

‘…in my little red wagon.’

‘Why not?!’

‘I’m not gonna sit in a factory, Bucky.’

‘I don’t…’

‘Bucky, come on! There are men laying down their _lives_. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.’

‘Right. Cause you got _nothing_ to prove!’ Bucky spat out, backing up a few steps.

‘Hey, Sarge! Are we going dancing?’ Connie called out.

‘Yes, we are.’

Bucky turned towards Steve again and sighed. ‘Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.’

‘How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.’ Steve snarked.

Bucky chuckled. ‘You’re a punk.’

He walked back over to Steve and wrapped him up in a hug.

‘Jerk. Be careful.’

Helen smiled at the blond before Bucky took her arm and led her away.

‘Don’t win the war till I get there!’

Bucky turned back to Steve and saluted before he turned his attention back to the three girls.

‘Come on, babydoll. They’re playing our song. And we’ve got to get these lovely ladies dates now that Stevie’s off being a punk.’

‘Let’s go then!’

Connie and Bonnie ran off ahead, leaving Helen and Bucky alone.

‘Are you alright?’

‘I’m fine, love. Why?’

‘You seemed pretty angry back there. Is everything okay?’

‘Everything’s fine, sweetheart. I just wish that Stevie would let it go, that’s all. I don’t get why he doesn’t understand that there’s more than just fighting.’

‘I know, honey. But Steve’s got to figure things out by himself. You can’t force him to see something he doesn’t want to.’

Bucky sighed. ‘You’re right, doll. I just worry, y’know. Punk can’t take care of himself properly so someone’s gotta look out for him.’

‘Steve’s a grown man just like you though. One day you’ve just got to let him go off and make mistakes by himself.’

‘I just hope he doesn’t make too big of a mistake. I swear if that idiot gets himself killed while I’m gone I’ll find a way to kick his ass.’

Helen laughed. ‘Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that then.’

‘Knowing Stevie it’s not that far fetched. You’ll keep an eye out for him, won’t you?’

‘Of course I will.’

‘Good. Now enough talk of that blond imbecile, let’s enjoy ourselves.’

‘What did you have in mind?’

‘Well, I got lots of plans for when we get home. But before we do I wanna dance with you one last time before I leave tomorrow.’

‘Sounds like a very good plan.’

‘May I have this dance, fair lady?’

‘You may, my handsome soldier.’

* * *

  
Bucky sighed in utter contentment as he led Helen around the dance floor in a slow waltz. He had never been this happy in his life and it was killing him inside knowing he had to give this up for a while. He didn’t know how he was going to do it. There was no way he could handle being parted from the love of his life like this.

But he couldn’t think of those horrible thoughts right now. Because right now, at this very moment he had the love of his life in his arms and he wasn’t going to let her go until the moment he absolutely had to.

‘I love you so much, doll.’

‘I love you too.’

Every time she said those words his heart felt like it was going to burst and he couldn’t keep the wide grin from spreading across his face.

‘What’s with the big smile?’ Helen asked.

‘I’m just so happy to be with you, that’s all.’

Helen gave a big smile of her own. ‘I’m very happy to be with you too.’

‘If I could take you with me, I would, you know.’

‘Take me with you? Like you’d smuggle me in your suitcase and carry me around the battlefield?’

‘Well, I’d rather not have you stuffed in a suitcase the whole time. Kinda defeats the purpose, don’cha think?’

‘I suppose so. But there’s no chance I’ll be able to come anyway.’

‘No, there’s not. I wish things could be different, babydoll, I really do. But they can’t. It kills me to even think of being parted from you.’

‘I know. But we’ll be together again soon.’

‘Not soon enough.’

‘Don’t think about it now. For now, let’s just enjoy dancing together.’

‘I can do that.’  
  


* * *

Bucky led Helen through many dances: both slow and fast ones. It was heavenly to be able to hold her close like this. He never wanted to let her go though he knew it was physically impossible. She was the love of his life and he swore to himself in that moment that as soon as they were reunited again he was going to propose to her. He just needed to find the perfect ring and then she’d be his future wife.

It gave him the motivation he needed to fight in the war. If proposing to Helen was the end result then he would win the war with his eyes closed.  
  


After the final song of the night ended and they finished the last steps of their waltz, Bucky lifted his head to look at Helen.

‘I love you with all my heart, doll.’

‘I love you too. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.’

‘What d’ya say we get outta here, beautiful?’

‘I say hell yes.’

Bucky chuckled. ‘C’mon then, doll. Let’s get outta here quick.’

‘Shouldn’t we say goodbye to Connie and Bonnie first?’

‘Nah. I saw them dancing with two fellas. I don’t think either would want to be disturbed.’

‘What about Steve?’

‘He’ll be fine. He knows the way home.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I’m sure. I don’t wanna worry about Stevie right now. I just wanna take you home.’

‘Okay then. Shall we go then?’

‘I thought you’d never ask, sweet thing.’

* * *

The walk back to the apartment was fraught with tension. Both were so eager to get back that they couldn’t get there fast enough. The promise of what they were going to do once they got there caused the air between them to crackle with excitement and anticipation.

Bucky was so wired up that he dropped the keys four times before he was able to put it in the lock. It took him a couple of more tries before he managed to turn it in the lock. Eventually though the door was unlocked and Bucky swung it open with haste. They stumbled into the apartment, hanging onto each other.

Helen let go of Bucky and moved further into the hallway, kicking off her red heels in the process. Bucky followed right behind her, kneeling down to untie the laces on his boots before pulling them off.

Helen turned around to face Bucky and as soon as their eyes met they ran into each other’s arms and connected their lips in a frantic kiss. Bucky picked Helen up bridal style and slowly carried her into his room.

He gently sat her on his bed before shedding his jacket and loosening his tie. He watched with bated breath as she slowly unpinned her hair, letting it fall loose around her shoulders.

‘Babydoll...’

‘Come here, Bucky.’

Bucky let out a little moan before complying. He moved forward and ran his hands up Helen’s legs. Once he reached her thighs he grabbed the ends of her stockings and pulled them off. Seeing her with bare legs only made him want her more and he hastily stripped out of his button down and carelessly threw it on the floor.

He groaned lustily when Helen’s hands caressed his exposed chest. He needed her to have less clothes on immediately so he gripped the hem of her white dress and pulled it over her head, tossing it away without a care.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head seeing her body on display like this. She was only in her bra and panties, the most exposed he had ever seen her, and it was making him salivate.

‘God, you’re stunning.’

‘And you’re exquisite.’

‘No, you’re the exquisite one, doll. I can’t stop looking at you. You’re so goddamn beautiful that I can’t think straight.’

‘You’re not the only one who’s not thinking straight. Please Bucky, I want you.’

‘I want you too.’

Helen gave him a small smile before lifting her head and crashing their lips together. Bucky moaned into the kiss, running his hands all over her body. When he reached her bra clasp he hesitated for a moment before gently undoing it, remembering Helen telling him that she wanted him. He threw the bra away, not caring where it landed. All he cared about was getting his hands on his love’s bare breasts.  
  


Helen moaned delightfully when he began massaging her breasts, encouraging Bucky to do more. When he flicked her right nipple with his forefinger she let out a low whine which sent sparks of heat coursing through him. He leaned down and took the nipple in his mouth, sucking it gently while rolling the other one between his fingers . The answering whimper he got made him burn with desire.

Eventually he let go of her nipples and moved his hands down to grip her waist, picking her up and laying her down on the pillows. Undoing his belt he got on the bed and manoeuvred himself so he was hovering on top of Helen. He tossed his belt to the floor and began unbuttoning his slacks. Once he had shimmied out of them, and they too were on the floor, he lowered his hands and hooked his fingers in the waistband of Helen’s panties. With a shuddering breath he gently slid them down her thighs, tossing them to the side once he unhooked them from her ankles.

Her most intimate place was on full display for him and he had never felt so lucky. In all the girls he had he never desired one quite like he wanted Helen. The fact that he was in love with her only added fuel to the flames of his desire for her. He knew he had to taste her, run his tongue over her wet folds until she came. He bet that she would taste so sweet.

Helen moaned loudly when she felt Bucky’s wet tongue tentatively lick at her clitoris before trailing deeper to trace over her folds. Encouraged by her moans Bucky started licking in earnest, his tongue delving deeper into her wet folds.

‘God doll, you taste so sweet.’ Bucky rumbled, his mouth still firmly on her sex.

Bucky’s words sent a tingling sensation throughout her. She had no idea that this would feel so good. Yes, she had heard about it but it was neverin any detail. Why didn’t anyone mention that this was one of the best pleasures on this good green earth?

She sighed contently, lost in utter bliss as Bucky continued his passionate assault of her most private place. When Bucky’s tongue dipped further into her folds and started to suck she let out a high keen. This was absolute heaven. Utter perfection.

A few more swipes of his tongue made Helen arch her back and let out a moan as she came. Bucky let out a content noise before he lapped up her sweet release.

‘Wow. That was amazing.’ Helen sighed after she came down from the high of her orgasm.

‘It was. God babydoll, you tasted so good. As sweet as honey.’

‘Did I?’

‘Yeah. The best I’ve ever had.’

‘You’ve done this a lot then?’

‘A few times but that’s not important right now. What’s important is that this is are last night together and it’s gonna be the best night ever.’

‘Oh? In what way?’

‘You ever had sex before, sweet thing?’

‘No. Why?’

‘The best part of havin’ sex is bein’ joined together as one.’

‘Is that a nice way of saying you’re gonna stick your penis in my vagina?’

Bucky let out a loud laugh. ‘Yeah, I suppose it is.’

‘Does- does it hurt?’

‘A little bit but I swear, babydoll, I will never hurt you on purpose.’

‘I know. I trust you.’

‘I’ll go slow, sweetheart, I promise. And anytime you wanna stop then just tell me, it’s okay. I won’t be mad if you ask me to stop.’

‘Okay.’

‘You ready for me?’

‘Yes. But it doesn’t seem like you are.’

‘Oh believe me, sweet thing, I’m more than ready.’

‘But you’ve still got your boxers on.’

Bucky looked down. ‘Oh. You’re right. Well, that’s easily solved.’

He pulled off his underwear in one swift and fluid motion, tossing them to the side. He then manoeuvred off to the side and opened the drawer of his bedside table and pulling out a condom.

‘You ready, babydoll?’

‘Yes.’  
  


Bucky smiled at her before unwrapping the condom and putting it on his aching member. He looked to Helen for conformation that he could enter her wet heat and when he got a nod he slowly pushed himself inside her.

‘Jesus doll, you feel amazing.’

‘Mmm.’

‘You doin’ okay? You feelin’ any pain?’

‘A little but it’s not too bad.’

‘Okay, doll. Tell me when it stops so I can start moving, okay?’

‘Okay.’

Helen let out a shaky breath. She didn’t lie to Bucky, it certainly did hurt but it was bearable and definitely not the worst pain she had ever experienced. Her scar had hurt far worse than this and the pain from the Cruciatus Curse was incomparable to this. This was like a tiny prick of pain compared to the excruciating sensations from the torture curse.

Eventually the uncomfortable feeling subsided and Helen gave Bucky the go ahead to start moving.

Once he had permission from Helen, Bucky started moving gently inside her. Both moaned at the wonderful sensation and after a few moments Helen asked Bucky to go faster.

At Helen’s words Bucky groaned in ecstasy and started thrusting into her in earnest. After a while his thrusts became erratic and it wasn’t long before he spilled his release.  
  


‘I love you, sweetheart.’ Bucky said once he had pulled out of Helen and had cleaned himself up.

‘I love you too.’ Helen replied, moving slightly so she could lay her head on Bucky’s bare chest.

‘You’re my everything, Helen. No one has ever meant this much to me, not even Steve. You are the love of my life and my soulmate. It kills me to have to be apart from you for a while but I know we’ll be together again. We’re meant to be together and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.’

‘You mean everything to me too. And I know we’ll be together again soon. I’ll wait for you, Bucky Barnes, even if I have to wait forever.’

‘It won’t be forever, doll. I’ll come back to you. Don’t you worry about me not returning. I will and then we’ll spend the rest of our lives together. We’ll get married and have children and grow old together.’

‘That sounds like a dream come true.’

‘It will come true, I promise.’

‘I know it will. I can’t wait to do all those things with you by my side.’

‘Me too, babydoll. It can’t come soon enough.’

‘It can’t. I’m excited to see what our children look like though.’

‘They’ll be as beautiful as you and they’ll all have your eyes.’

‘But I want at least one with yours though.’

‘Fine. One can have my eyes.’

‘Thank you. I want at least one of our sons to look exactly like you.’

‘Then I want one of our daughters to look exactly like you.’

‘Deal.’

‘How many are we havin’ anyway?’

‘As many as we can I suppose.’

‘Sounds like a plan.’

‘Mmm.’

‘You have any names in mind?’

‘Yes. James for a boy and Lily for a girl.’

‘After your mother.’

‘Yes.’

‘I like that. But why James? Are you tryna name our son after me?’

‘Kind of. But my dad’s name was James so it’s mostly after him.’

‘Huh. That’s a bit weird.’

‘How?’

‘The fact that your fella and your pops are both called James doesn’t bother you at all?’

‘No, it doesn’t. One, you don’t go by James and two, my dad is dead so there’s no chance of any weirdness.’

‘Oh. I forgot. I’m sorry.’

‘It’s fine.’

‘James and Lily Barnes. I love it.’

‘You got any names you like?’

‘Well, my dad was called George and my ma was Winifred. I thought about honouring them by giving their names as middle names.’

‘I like that. Any ideas for first names?’

‘You know somethin’? I was gonna suggest Lily as a first name. I figured you might like honouring your ma.’

‘That’s sweet, Bucky. Any others?’

‘Maybe Arthur. I always thought that was a strong name.’

‘I like that.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah. It’s a good name.’

‘Thanks, doll. Now let’s go to sleep. I’ve got an early rise in the morning.’

‘Okay. Good night, Bucky.’

‘Good night, doll. I love you.’

‘Love you too.’

Bucky was fast asleep as Helen lay awake, struggling to go to sleep herself. She couldn’t help but think about what would happen when morning came. Once the first rays of sunshine came through the window Bucky would be up getting ready. Getting ready to leave her.

But she tried to push those thoughts to the back of her mind. Right now she was snuggled tight in Bucky’s gentle embrace and she should enjoy it while it lasted. She shouldn’t be thinking of him leaving. That was just stupid. Bucky leaving was inevitable and there was no point in dwelling on it. She would only drive herself crazy by doing that. She should think of other, more happier thoughts.

Because at this moment in time she was exactly where she wanted to be. Being in Bucky’s arms and basking in his love made her feel invincible. And if she was honest she could easily survive being apart from her love. She was Helen Potter, for crying out loud. She survived the worst of things and had come out on the other side. This was just another challenge she had to face and she would do it to the best of her ability. And she was sure that she could do it. She had defeated Voldemort for crying out loud. She could definitely do this. And she had to do this.

Because the promise of what was in store after was something she would endure the worst kind of torture in order to have.


	22. Facing The Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen and Bucky say their goodbyes before he leaves for England. Afterwards Steve has some life changing news to share with her.

* * *

The morning came all too soon for both Helen and Bucky. Neither wanted to leave the other and it was killing the two of them knowing that in a couple of hours they’d have to part for a very long time.

It was with a heavy heart that Bucky got out of bed and started to get dressed. He was going to miss Helen so much and he didn’t know if he could actually handle being away from her for so long. Luckily she wasn’t going to be completely alone once he left. She would have Steve there with her and Bucky had made the blond promise to look out for her and make sure she was alright while he was away.

It still killed him that he wasn’t going to be there with her but it eased the burden a little bit knowing that his best friend was going to look out for the love of his life. It made leaving a little easier having the assurance that Helen would be looked after and wouldn’t be alone.

Finally after a few minutes he was fully dressed in his uniform and he turned around to face Helen. It broke his heart to see the tears threatening to spill from her beautiful eyes. He moved to sit beside her on the bed, gently wiping a tear from her cheek as it fell from her eye.

‘Babydoll, please don’t cry. It’s killin’ me to see you like this.’

‘Sorry. I can’t help it. Seeing you getting dressed to go makes the fact that you’re leaving a reality. I don’t want this to be happening yet.’

‘I know, love. It’s hard for me too. Trust me, I really don’t want to leave you. But... it can’t be helped and I’ll be home as soon as I can. I promise.’

‘I’ll still miss you.’

‘I’ll miss you too, sweetheart.’

‘You’ll write to me, won’t you?’

‘Whenever I can, I promise.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

Bucky leaned in and softly kissed Helen, getting that same feeling of joy he always did when she kissed him back.

‘There’s something I want to give you, sweet thing.’ Bucky said after they had broken apart.

‘Oh? What is it?’

Bucky pulled something out of his pocket. ‘These are dog tags, my darling. They give us to them once we enlist. They always give us two sets in case we lose one. But there’s a thing going around around where the solider gives his spare set to the girl he loves. And so I’d like to give you my spare dog tags in the hope that this little part of me will give you comfort while I’m away and will seal my promise of coming back to you.’  
  


‘Thank you, Bucky. That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.’

‘You just wait for my proposal, doll.’

‘I will.’

‘Can I put them on you?’

‘Yes but wait a second.’

‘Why?’

‘Because there’s something I want to give to you.’

‘Doll, you don’t have to give me anything.’

‘Yes, I do. If I get a little piece of you while we’re apart then it’s only fair that you get a little piece of me too. So, please take my locket with you and wear it close to your heart. And I hope that it reminds you of me and that you’ll remember that I’m waiting at home for you so we can start our lives together.’

‘Are you sure, love? Do you really want to give me your mother’s locket? I know how much she meant to you and I don’t want to take the last piece of her you have.’

‘Bucky, listen to me, it’s sweet that you want me to have a memory of my mother but I don’t need the locket to remember my mother. She’s always with me, in my heart. And anyway my mother was big on love. She loved everyone in her life with all of her heart and I think she’d approve of me giving her locket to someone I really love.’

‘If you’re sure.’  
  


‘I am. Let’s put them on each other now.’

Bucky reached out and placed his dog tags around Helen’s neck while Helen did the same for Bucky, her locket now firmly clapped around his neck and resting against his heart.

‘It looks good on you. My mother would approve.’

‘Glad I got Mama Evans’ approval.’

‘She would have loved you.’

‘My ma would have loved you as well.’

‘My father would have also liked to see the locket he bought in the hands of the man his daughter loves. He absolutely adored my mother and I think he wanted the same for me. He’ll be happy I have it.’

‘I’ll do everything in my power to make your pops happy that his baby girl chose me. And I’ll expect nothing less for our daughters.’

‘I love you so much.’

‘I love you too, sweet thing. I love you so very much.’

‘I know that you promised me you’d come back to me and I believe you, I really do. But in the off chance that you don’t, will you tell my parents that I love them and that I’m so proud to be their daughter?’

‘I will, my love. I promise. But I will come back to you so I don’t think can keep that promise.’

‘I know.’

‘I promise that as soon as I come back that we’ll start our lives together. We’ll have that future we talked about. We’ll be happy.’

‘I’ll wait for you as long as it takes for you to come back. I swear that even if it takes you fifty years to come back I will still be here waiting for you, exactly as you left me. I won’t be married to anybody else or have kids with another man. I’m yours forever and I’m willing to wait that long to be with you.’

‘God, I love you so much and I’m so damn lucky that you love me back. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, doll, but I’m going to spend the rest of my life giving you everything you want.’

‘I just want you for the rest of my life.’

‘I can do that. I want you forever too, babydoll.’

‘I know. Now go save the world, Sergeant Barnes.’

‘I will. It’s all for you, Helen Evans.’

‘I love you with all my heart. Remember that while you’re away, okay?’

‘Like I could ever forget. I love you to infinity, babydoll. Don’t forget that even while I’m gone I love you and I’ll always be thinking of you.’

‘I’ll always think of you too. You’ll be in my every thought. When I’m sad or lonely I’ll think of your face and imagine the day you come back to me.’

‘It won’t be long, sweetheart, and then we’ll have forever with each other.’

‘I’ll never forget you, okay? Now go before you miss your train.’

‘I got time, don’t worry. I’ll never forget you either, you know.’

‘I do know.’

‘Come here, doll. Let me hold you for a bit before I have to go.’

Helen practically ran into Bucky’s open arms and held on tight as those strong arms closed around her waist. They took a few minutes to revel in the closeness of the other, not wanting to let go until they absolutely had to.

Eventually though the time came when they had to let go of each other.

‘I’m sorry, doll, but I have to go now.’

‘Okay. Stay safe out there.’

‘I will. I’ll see you when I get back.’

‘See you.’

‘I love you. Always remember that.’

‘I will. I love you too.’

‘Goodbye, Helen.’

‘Goodbye, Bucky.’

The dark haired man gave her a watery smile before leaning down and giving her one last kiss. Helen watched with a heavy heart as he slowly turned and walked out the door. It would be a while before she saw him again. She just hoped that she could handle it.

* * *

A couple of hours had passed since she said goodbye to Bucky and after getting a little more sleep, Helen figured that this was the perfect time to get up and have some breakfast. Steve would likely be up and she hadn’t seen the small blond since yesterday evening. The last she heard he was going to try and enlist and she wondered if he had actually done it or if Bucky’s harsh words had deterred him. Knowing Steve it would likely be the former and the blond was probably in a bad mood right now after getting rejected for the sixth time.

It was probably best if she went and checked on him. Steve was always in the worst of moods whenever he went to enlist and the absence of Bucky would likely be making things all the more difficult for him. She just hoped that this rejection hadn’t completely crushed his spirit. Steve’s optimistic attitude was one of the things Helen liked most about him and she prayed that this particular rejection hadn’t snuffed that out. The last thing she wanted was a jaded Steve. It wasn’t a particularly nice quality to have and it didn’t feel too great either. She knew this from experience and she hoped that Steve wouldn’t end up like she had right after Sirius’ death.

After getting dressed she left Bucky’s room and headed to the kitchen. Steve was sitting at the kitchen table when she got there and the look in his eye set alarm bells off in her head.  
  


‘Steve? You okay? You seem pretty out of it there.’

At the sound of her voice Steve snapped his head in her direction and blinked a couple of times. ‘Morning, Helen.’

‘Uh, good morning to you too. Are you feeling okay, Steve?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine. Why?’

‘It didn’t look like you were fine.’

‘I am fine. Really, I am.’

‘Steve, you were staring at the wall and you didn’t even notice that I came in. Plus, you look like you’ve sat here all night and staring at a wall for hours on end isn’t exactly the definition of being fine.’

‘Okay, okay. There is something that’s been bothering me.’

‘What is it?’

‘I did something Bucky will hate me for.’

‘You mean enlisting again? Steve, we both knew you were going to try again regardless of what Bucky said. And Bucky won’t hate you for trying to enlist, he might be a little mad, but he could never hate you!’

‘He will after he learns that I got accepted.’

Helen’s eyes widened in shock at this. ‘You got accepted? Really?’

‘I did.’

‘Steve, that’s amazing! You got finally got accepted!’

‘It’s not amazing. Bucky’s gonna kill me when he finds out.’

‘You’ve already been accepted, Steve. There’s nothing Bucky can do about it and I’m sure Bucky won’t kill you.’

‘He might. You saw how angry he was when I tried to enlist last night.’

‘I think you’re exaggerating a little. Bucky’s your best friend. He would never actually kill you.’

‘Maybe not literally kill me but I’m sure he’d imagine doing it.’

‘Steve, you’re being ridiculous. There’s no way that Bucky would kill you in any way.’

‘I suppose you’re right. I guess I’m just nervous about what he will actually say once he finds out.’

‘I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you’re thinking it’s going to be.’

‘I guess so.’

‘But enough about what Bucky might think about it, what do you think about it all?’

‘I’m a little nervous but I’m mostly excited. I’m finally getting a chance to fight! This is all I’ve ever wanted since the war broke out.’

‘I’m happy for you, Steve. You deserve this chance.’

‘Thanks, Helen. You’ll come with me, won’t you?’

‘Come where?’

‘To the boot camp I’m going to.’

‘I’d love to come and support you, Steve, but I don’t think I’ll be allowed to go.’

‘You are. I asked Dr. Erskine, the man who recruited me, if you could come with me and he said yes. He thinks it’ll be good for me to have a familiar face there for moral support.’

‘If it’s allowed then of course I’ll come with you.’

‘Great. We leave in a couple of days. I’m so excited!’

‘Where is this camp exactly?’

‘It’s in New Jersey, which is a bit iffy, but I’m sure it’ll be okay. I’ve always wanted to see a real life army base and to see one in full action will be absolutely amazing.’

‘I’m sure it will be.’

‘I can’t believe I’m finally getting my chance! This is a dream come true! Finally I’ll be able to prove that I can do this just like everyone else.’

‘I’m happy for you, Steve.’

‘It doesn’t feel real quite yet. I keep thinking that I’ll wake up and it won’t be true. That I just made it up in my head.’

‘It is real, Steve. You’ve got proof that it is, don’t you?’

‘I do. I just never thought that someone would accept me after so long.’

‘It seems that this Dr. Erskine really believes in you.’

‘He really does. It’s like he saw past all my ailments and actually saw the real me.’

‘Of course he did. I told you that one day someone besides me and Bucky would see you for who you are and not what you look like.’

‘Do you really think that I can do this?’

‘I do. You’re going to be great, Steve.’

‘I hope so. I don’t want to get there and have them change their minds. I can’t have them kick me out before I get to try. I just couldn’t take it.’

‘They won’t, Steve. Now that they’ve accepted you they’ve got to give you a chance. They can’t just kick you out like that.’

‘I hope you’re right. I want the chance to fight.’

‘All you can do is try. Do your best.’

‘What if my best isn’t good enough?’

‘It will be, Steve. You’ve came out of fights with men twice your size. You can do this. Those big bullies haven’t got a thing on you. They may have brute strength but they don’t have your big heart. Punching your way through life only gets you so far but following your heart does.’

‘I don’t think that’ll work in a war.’

‘Yes, it will. The best leaders in a war actually care about the troops they’re sending out. Sacrificing millions of lives may seem like a good way to win but it doesn’t help with what happens after a war. Heartless people don’t care about the individuals they’re sending to fight and others may say that it’s the best strategy but I don’t. If you sacrifice too many then they’re won’t be a world worth living in after you’ve won the war. Sometimes the best way to win a war isn’t by sending millions to fight but having a few talented men fighting certain battles. It has the same outcome but it comes with less loss of life. These big brutes they favour as soldiers don’t have the brains nor the empathy to make those decisions. They’re useless! They’re only good for fighting. They aren’t good for anything else. They’re nothing compared to you.’

‘Thanks, Helen. It’s nice to have someone believe in me so much.’

‘You’re going to change the world, Steve. It doesn’t matter what you look like. You’re kind enough and smart enough to do anything you want to do. Because even the smallest person can change the course of the future.’

Steve smiled. ‘To changing the future.’

Helen picked up her coffee mug and raised it in a toast.

‘To changing the future.’


	23. The Next Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen prepares to go to the army base with Steve tomorrow and gives the blond some much needed encouragement to help calm his nerves.

* * *

It was the night before Steve was due at the training camp and Helen was busy packing their suitcases for the trip. She didn’t know how long they were going to be away for so she just packed as much as she could fit in the two suitcases.

Helen was currently alone in the apartment. Steve has gotten on her nerves with his constant pacing so she decided to send him to the shops to get some food for the tomorrow’s journey. Hopefully it would allow him to clear his head. He wasn’t doing himself any favours by constantly worrying about tomorrow.

After a few more minutes of packing, Steve’s suitcase was finally full so she went to the room she had been sharing with Bucky so she could finish packing the rest of her clothes. She was rummaging through his bedside table looking for a pair of stockings when she spotted something sticking out of the pile. Intrigued she pulled it out and discovered that it was a letter. And written on the envelope in Bucky’s familiar handwriting was her name.

Excited she tore the envelope open and began to read the letter.

“My beloved Helen,

If you’re reading this letter then it means that I have already left you. I want to apologise for doing that to you. If I had the choice then I would stay with you forever. But we’re living in uncertain times and I want todo everything I can to make sure that our future together will happen in a safe world. I hope you’re doing okay. I’m going to miss you so much and I know by the time you read this that I’ll be aching with the desire to be with you again. It kills me to be apart from you but I have to make this world safe for you and our children.

I love you more than life itself and I’d do anything to make you happy. I know leaving you isn’t exactly making you happy but I hope that you understand that I’m only doing this for you. If we don’t win this war then we may not have the freedom to be together and I’d rather die before that happens. So in order to make sure that we can be together for the rest of our lives I have to fight in this war.

I hope Stevie’s not giving you too much trouble and I pray that he’s okay after he enlisted last night. I know getting rejected isn’t easy for him and I hope he doesn’t take it too hard. Tell the punk I love him and that I miss his ugly mug. It’s definitely going to be weird not seeing him everyday and certainly more boring. Make sure he doesn’t get into too many scrapes in the alleys. I don’t want to see him get hurt especially when I’m not there to step in and help him.

I don’t know when I’m going to be able to see your beautiful face again but I pray everyday that it’s going to be soon. I can’t wait for the day that I get to hold you in my arms again. Knowing you’re back home waiting for me makes this all that much easier.

You’re the love of my life and I hope that I’ll get the chance to be your husband and the father of your children. I long for the day that I get to call you my wife. You’re everything that I want and I promise to come back to you. I hope you’ll still be waiting when I get back. Your locket is resting against my heart and it gives me the strength I need to fight this war. I hope that my dog tags are giving you the same kind of strength.

Until we meet again, my darling.

Forever yours,

Bucky.”

Helen was in tears by the time she finished the letter. Bucky really did love her and it made her so relieved that she had made that wish. This was everything she had ever wanted and even though Bucky wasn’t here right now she couldn’t be happier. She sat on the bed and reread the letter, tears streaming down her face. She had never felt so loved in her life, not even when she was with Ron and Hermione. 

This was how Steve found her an hour later, sitting on the bed crying tears of joy. Of course Steve didn’t know this and immediately assumed that she was either hurt or upset and proceeded to panic.

‘Helen! Oh my god, are you okay?! What happened?’

‘Steve, I’m fine. It’s okay, don’t worry.’

‘But you were crying!’

‘Yes, I was but not because I was upset.’

‘Then why were you crying?’

‘I found a letter Bucky left for me in a drawer and it just made me so happy that I started crying.’

‘Oh, I get it. You were crying tears of joy.’  
  
  


‘Yes, I was.’

‘So, what did Bucky say that got you all weepy?’

‘Just telling me how much he loves me and that he’ll be back soon.’

‘Bucky always did have a way with words.’

‘He really does.’

‘You know, I’m surprised that he didn’t propose before he left.’

‘He said that he wanted to do all that when he got back.’

‘Gives you something to look forward to, I guess.’

‘It does. I just wish he wasn’t gone.’

‘I know but if I know Bucky he’ll move heaven and earth just to get back to you.’

‘Sounds nice.’

‘It does. I wish I had someone like that.’

‘You’ll find the right girl soon, Steve.’

‘I hope so.’

‘Maybe now that you’re a soldier you’ll find her. Women like a man in a uniform, you know.’

‘I don’t know if that’ll help.’  
  


‘It might. Fighting for your country is really appealing right now. You know, all that patriotism and stuff. Girls like that.’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘Steve, this isn’t about your physical appearance, is it? Because I told you that the right girl won’t care about all of that.’

‘How?’

‘Because love isn’t just about physical appearance, Steve. Do you really think that I fell in love with Bucky because he was attractive? No! I fell in love with him because of his personality and the way he treated me.’

‘But how will I know when I’ve found the right one?’

‘You’ll just get a feeling one day.’

‘A feeling?’

‘Yeah, it’s like one day you just wake up with this feeling. Like one you’ve never experienced before and it’s like a part of you that you didn’t even know was missing is finally whole. And you just know that this person that you’re with is your soulmate.’

‘Sounds amazing.’

‘It is and you’ll have it one day, Steve. I just know it.’

‘Thanks, Helen. I got the food you asked for, by the way.’

‘Thanks, Steve. I’ll pack it later.’

‘You didn’t have to pack my things, you know.’

‘I didn’t mind.’

‘Still, I could have done it.’

‘It was no trouble, Steve.’

‘Maybe it would have taken my mind off tomorrow.’

‘You feeling nervous?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why? I thought you were excited about tomorrow.’

‘I am excited. It’s just...’

‘Just what?’

‘I can’t help but think that it’s all going to go wrong.’

‘Steve, you can’t think like that. You won’t do yourself any good by worrying about what could go wrong.’

‘But what if I get there and I’m not good enough?’

‘All you can do is try, Steve. If your best is not good enough for them then that’s their loss.’

‘I hope you’re right, Helen.’

‘You’re going to be great, Steve. Don’t you worry about that.’

‘I’ll do my best to prove you right.’

‘I know you will.’

‘You done packing yet?’

‘I’ll be five more minutes.’

‘Okay. I’ll be in the kitchen.’

‘There’s some leftover soup in the pot if you want it.’

‘Thanks.’

Steve left the room and Helen continued packing until her suitcase was full. She put the case at the bottom of her bed and joined Steve in the kitchen.

‘Hey, Helen. You finished packing?’

‘Yeah, I’m done. You enjoying the soup?’

‘Yeah, it’s amazing. Your cooking is the best, Helen.’

‘Thanks, Steve.’

‘Are you sure you’re okay with coming with me?’

‘I’m sure, Steve. I want to be there to support you.’

‘Good because Bucky would kill me if I left you behind.’

‘How would he even find out?’

‘He just would. I’m a terrible liar and I couldn’t keep it hidden from him.’

‘Why would Bucky be mad about that anyway?’

‘I promised I wouldn’t tell you.’

‘Steve, come on.’

‘Fine, you’ve got me. I’ll tell you.’

‘Go on.’

‘Bucky asked me to look out for you. He said I wasn’t to let you out of my sight or he’d punch me in the face when he got back.’

‘That’s a little excessive.’

‘Well, I don’t think he meant it literally.’

‘You know, Bucky asked me to look out for you.’

‘What a jerk.’

‘How is he a jerk?’

‘Asking both of us to look out for the other like that. It’s like he doesn’t trust us to look after ourselves.’

‘I think he just wants us to be alright while he’s away.’

‘So he’s an overprotective jerk then.’

‘Or a good friend.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Anyway, what time are we leaving tomorrow?’

‘Early. The train leaves at seven.’

‘Okay then.’

‘I can’t believe I’m going to a training camp tomorrow.’

‘You better believe it, Steve. Because it’s happening.’

‘I can’t wait.’

‘Steve Rogers, Soldier in the United States Army.’

‘I like the sound of that.’


	24. Camp Lehigh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen accompanies Steve to Camp Lehigh and meets Agent Peggy Carter.

* * *

The next morning came quick and Steve was brimming with anticipation. Helen shook her head fondly at Steve’s excited grin. The blond was so happy that she was surprised that he hadn’t burst from all the excitement.

‘When we get there I’m gonna prove that I deserve to be there.’

‘You do deserve to be there.’

‘Do you think they’ll laugh at me ‘cause of my size?’

‘I don’t know, Steve, but you should just ignore the ones who do.’

‘Easier said than done.’

‘You’ve never let a bully get you down before.’

‘I guess not.’

‘Hurry up and finish your breakfast. The train leaves in less than an hour and it’s a twenty minute walk to the station. We don’t want to miss it.’

‘I think I’d die if we missed it.’

Helen chuckled. ‘Don’t exaggerate, Steve.’

‘But I would though! I can’t miss that train, Helen. It’s gonna take me to my big shot and I can’t afford to be late to it.’

‘Relax Steve, we’ll make it in time. You’re not going to die or miss your big shot any time soon.’

‘I hope not.’

‘You won’t. Now let’s go.’

‘Okay. I’m ready.’  
  


* * *

  
Half an hour later they had boarded the train and were waiting for it to leave. To pass the time Steve had started to ask questions.

‘Do you think the army base will be big?’

‘Probably.’

‘Will they have weapons there?’

‘Most likely.’

‘Have you ever seen an army base?’

‘No, I haven’t, Steve.’

‘I haven’t either. It’ll be exciting to finally see one, don’cha think?’

‘I guess so.’

‘What’s it like back in England?’

‘Just the same as here, I suppose.’

‘Do you miss it?’

‘Sometimes.’

‘I don’t know if I could ever leave my home like that.’

‘It wasn’t so hard. It’s not so much the place that you’re attached to but the people living in it.’

‘You miss your friends then?’

‘I do but I know that one day I’ll see them again.’

‘I hope you do.’

‘Thanks, Steve.’

‘Do you miss your family too?’

‘I, uh, don’t really have a family. My parents died when I was very young. And I’m not close to my aunt who raised me.’

‘So, your friends are your family then?’

‘I guess they are.’

‘Do you think you and Bucky will have children?’

‘If we get the chance to then yes, I think we will.’

‘You will get the chance to have them. You and Buck are meant to be together and you will see each other again.’

‘I hope so.’

‘I know so. And I’ll be the best man at your wedding.’

‘I’m sure Bucky wouldn’t have anyone else.’

‘He better not.’

‘The train’ll be leaving in a minute. Are you excited to be starting the journey to your big shot?’

‘I’ve never been more excited in my life.’

‘So what exactly is going to happen when you get there?’

‘I’ll start basic training.’

‘Sounds fun.’

‘It will be. And you’ll get to meet Dr. Erskine. He’s a real swell guy.’

‘He’s the one who gave you this chance, isn’t he?’

‘Yup.’

‘Then he sounds amazing.’

‘He is. Once you get passed the fact that he’s German, of course. I mean, he’s not a Nazi or anything. But when you hear that accent you can’t help but think the worst.’

‘But he’s on our side?’

‘Yeah, he’s definitely on our side. Says he doesn’t agree with what Germany is doing right now.’  
  


‘He must be a smart man.’

‘Why do you think that most Germans believe in what the Nazis are doing?’

‘Maybe they don’t know exactly what they’re doing. The Government could be telling them they’re doing different things than they actually are. And if you think that your country is doing good things then of course you’re going to support it.’

‘I guess so.’

‘Don’t think about that right now, Steve. Think about what it’s going to be like to finally be a soldier.’

‘It’s gonna be great.’

‘No, you’re gonna be great.’

‘Yeah. I am gonna be great.’

* * *

  
A couple hours later they had arrived in New Jersey and were finally exiting the train. Steve was bursting with excitement and had a little bounce in his step the whole way there.

‘So, how far is the camp from the station?’

‘Not far. We should be there in ten minutes or so.’

‘Are you getting nervous now?’

‘A little but I’m mostly excited. I’m finally here. I’ve made it! I’m a soldier!’

‘You definitely are.’

After a few minutes of walking Steve let out what can only be described as an excited squawk and started to run. Helen called his name before hurriedly following him.

She found him standing in front of a large sign with an awed expression on his face.

‘Steve! Don’t run off like that! I could’ve lost you.’

‘Sorry, Helen. It’s just we were nearly there and I was too impatient to walk there.’

‘It’s okay, Steve. Just warn me next time.’

‘I will.’

‘So are we going to go inside or are we waiting for something?’

‘We are. I just want to look at the sign for a minute.’

‘Why?’

‘Being in front of it just seals the fact that I’m here. That I’m doing this.’

‘You are, Steve. But you don’t need a sign to tell you that.’

‘Just let me look at it for a bit.’

‘Okay.’

Helen glanced up at the sign that Steve was so taken with. It was a fairly ordinary looking sign. What likely made it special for Steve was the fact that the words ‘Camp Lehigh Army Base’ were painted onto the sign. She knew all too well how much being a soldier meant to Steve.

‘I still can’t believe I’m here.’

‘You are, Steve, but we should head inside. We’re not doing anything useful standing out here.’

‘You’re right. Let’s go inside.’

‘After you. You are the soldier here, after all.’

‘Yeah. I am a soldier.’

A few minutes later they were sitting in the reception area, waiting for Steve’s name to be called.

‘What if they don’t call me?’

‘They will, Steve.’

‘But it’s been over five minutes and they still haven’t called me!’

‘Steve, they’re doing this in alphabetical order and your last name is pretty far down that list. They’re only on the ‘Fs’, it’ll be a little longer before they get to the ‘Rs’.’

‘I know. I’m sorry. It seems that my nerves are getting the better of me.’

‘It happens to everyone, Steve. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel nervous at moments like this.’

‘I bet Bucky wasn’t this nervous when he was waiting to be called.’

‘Steve, stop it. You know that’s not true. Bucky was probably just as nervous as you are right now. He was likely even more nervous than you because he didn’t have anyone to go with him.’

‘I know. I’m sorry that I mentioned Bucky. It wasn’t very nice of me to do that when you miss him so much.’

‘Steve, it’s okay. I’m not upset that you mentioned Bucky, really I’m not. We can’t go all this time without talking about him.’

‘I know we can’t. I just don’t want to make you sad.’

‘It doesn’t make me sad talking about Bucky.’

‘But still, you must miss him.’

‘Of course I do, Steve, but I don’t break down in tears at the mere mention of him. I miss him more than anything but it doesn’t hurt me to think about him or talk about him.’

‘How? How can you be so strong about all of this?’

‘Hope, Steve. I can be strong because I have hope in the fact that he’ll come back to me. Our love is more powerful than this war and it will not separate us.’

‘No, it won’t. Because you’re meant to be together and not even this war can tear you apart.’

‘Nothing can. We will come out of this war and everything will be back to the way it was before. It’ll be you, me and Bucky till the end of our days. Hopefully your dream girl will be with us too.’

‘It sounds like a dream that can’t possibly come true.’

‘The best dreams always feel that way and you’ve got to fight with all you’ve got to make it happen. But when it does, it’s so worth it.’

‘I hope it is.’

‘It’s going to be your turn soon. Are you ready for the start of your dream to happen?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Don’t be afraid, Steve.’

‘I’ll try not to.’

An army officer came out of the office with a clipboard.

‘Rogers, Steven.’ He called.

‘You ready?’

‘I’m ready.’  
  


* * *

  
While Steve was off getting ready to start his basic training Helen decided to explore the base. She had always been curious and she couldn’t hold it back being in a brand new place. Her lack of knowledge about army bases only fuelled her curiosity. Uncle Vernon hated sitcoms about the army with a passion, calling it an abomination. And the Dursleys rarely watched the news since they were so preoccupied with looking good in front of the neighbours. Aunt Petunia despised the news claiming it was too serious and had no good information. Her aunt did love to gossip and the news probably wouldn’t have enough gossip for her to share around the neighbourhood. Dudley preferred to watch cartoons and other nonsensical stuff growing up. Helen virtually knew nothing about the outside world, let alone the army.

Which was why walking around the camp was so fascinating. She rarely got to see things like this in the Muggle world. Anything worth seeing she had seen back in the Wizarding world. She had witnessed countless acts of war in the magical world but never had she seen it in its Muggle counterpart. War in her world meant wands were the weapon of choice and spells would do the damage. There were no guns or grenades or anything without the touch of magic.

So men in uniform waking with guns by their sides was a sight to behold. It was utterly fascinating to see this base was run completely without magic. It was rare for her to see a place that was so unmagical. Even the Burrow and Grimmauld Place had obvious signs of magic despite being homes. But this army base certainly had no trace of magic in sight. 

Helen had lived completely as a Muggle for over two years now and it shocked her how easy it was to adapt. She never would have thought she’d be able to give up magic for anything. Yet here she was with no wand, living in the Muggle world as if she had never left it. She knew that there was bound to be some witches and wizards living around here but they likely had no part in the war. The magical world was strictly separate from the Muggle community and did not interfere in their affairs unless absolutely necessary. It was rumoured that the US was even more secretive than Britain and it was highly likely that not one witch or wizard was involved in the war. There was probably a hidden community that only those with magic could live. Helen imagined it to be a lot like Hogsmeade.

She knew it was cruel that the magical community refused to get involved with the war but it was important that they didn’t. If they fought in the war and showed any signs of magic then the consequences could be catastrophic. In the battlefield there would be no way that the Muggles who witnessed the magic could be obliviated and that could mean the exposure of witches and wizards. Which was something no magic user wished to think about.

Helen made the decision that after the war she would try and find the community that American witches and wizards commonly frequented. There was bound to be one in New York. After all she may not have a wand but her future children would surely get one someday. Which brought her to another point. She should probably tell Bucky that she was a witch. She remembered Seamus Finnigan telling the story of how his Muggle dad found out that his wife of many years was a witch. Mr Finnigan got the shock of his life once he found out and she didn’t want to do that to Bucky. She wouldn’t tell him just because their child was turning eleven soon and would be expecting their letter. Bucky deserved to know everything from the very beginning. She just hoped that he wouldn’t be too angry that she had been lying to him this whole time.

In her musings she had stopped paying attention to where she was going and promptly bumped into someone.

‘I’m so sorry!’

‘It’s quite alright. I’m sure it was an accident.’

Helen’s head snapped up in shock at the voice. The voice that was decidedly female and obviously English. She took in the woman’s appearance. She had dark brown hair that was pinned and curled in a similar fashion to her own. Her eyes were a warm shade of brown, her skin pale and her lips rosy. She was wearing a more feminine version of the uniform that she had seen the men walking about in. Which meant she worked here.

‘Are you alright?’

‘Yes, I’m fine. I just didn’t expect to find another British person here.’

The woman chuckled. ‘I know what you mean. I, too, never anticipated that I would meet someone from my home country while I was here.’

‘Small world then.’

‘Indeed. So what part of England are you from?’

‘Surrey. What about you?’

‘London.’

‘I’ve been to London before. It’s lovely there.’

‘It is indeed. What brings you to America?’

‘I needed a change.’

‘Me too.’

‘What do you do here?’

‘I’m an Agent for the SSR. We work alongside the army.’

‘The SSR?’

‘Yes. The Strategic Scientific Reserve. We’re a special agency designed to combat a specific foe.’

‘You mean the Nazis?’

‘Partly.’

‘So you’re an agent then?’

‘I am. Agent Peggy Carter at your service. It’s a pleasure to meet you.’

‘The pleasure’s all mine. Helen Evans.’

‘So what brings you here, Helen Evans?’

‘I’m here to support my friend.’

‘Your friend is a soldier here?’

‘Yes. This is is first day of training.’

‘It’s a bit unusual for someone to bring moral support.’

‘Steve said he got permission from Dr Erskine so that I could be here.’

‘This Steve of yours, was he recruited specifically by Dr Erskine?’

‘Yes, he was. Well, at least that’s what he told me.’

‘Then I suppose it’s understandable why you’re here.’

‘Is it?’

‘Yes. Your friend will need your support if he is successful.’

‘Successful in what?’

‘Getting chosen for Dr Erskine’s project.’

‘But Steve wants to fight.’

‘Oh believe me, if he gets chosen he will fight.’

‘Then I’m sure that Steve will be honoured if he gets chosen.’

‘So tell me, Miss Evans-’

‘Helen. Please call me Helen.’  
  
  


‘Only if you call me Peggy.’

‘I’d be honoured to.’

‘Alright then Helen, tell me something.’

‘Of course.’

‘Is this Steve your boyfriend?’

‘Oh no, he’s not my boyfriend. We’re just friends.’

‘I see. I know it’s none of my business, I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay. Why did you think Steve was my boyfriend though?’

‘You’re wearing dog tags around your neck. I assume that they’re from your boyfriend. I just wondered if this Steve fellow gave them to you.’

‘No, Steve didn’t give them to me. His best friend did.’

‘You’re dating his best friend?’

‘Yes. For almost two years now.’

‘Is he overseas?’

‘Yes. He left for England a few days ago.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that.’

‘Don’t be. He’ll come back to me. I know he will.’  
  
  


‘If you’re sure.’

‘I am.’

‘You know, I’m about to go train the new recruits. Do you want to come with me? Perhaps your friend will be there and you can see him training.’

‘I’d like that.’

‘Good. You can be my assistant. Let’s go then.’

* * *

Helen stood in front of a lineup of men, Steve included among them, with Peggy at her side.

‘Recruits, attention! Gentlemen, I’m Agent Carter. I supervise all operations for this division. This is my assistant, Miss Evans.’

A tall burly looking man spoke up. ‘What’s with the accent, Queen Victoria? Thought I was signing up for the U.S. Army.’

Peggy didn’t look pleased at this. ‘What’s your name, soldier?’

‘Gilmore Hodge, your Majesty.’  
  
  


‘Step forward, Hodge.’

Hodge stepped forward with a smirk on his face.

‘Put your right foot forward.’

‘Mmm… We gonna wrassle? Cause I got a few moves I know you’ll like.’

Helen rolled her eyes in disgust just as Peggy suddenly stepped forward and punched him hard in the face, knocking him to the ground. She decided she liked Peggy very much. Anyone who stood up to smarmy lechers like him was held in high esteem in her book.

A car drove up, carrying a man that seemed to be important.

‘Agent Carter.’

‘Colonel Phillips.’

Ah. So this was the man in charge then.

‘I see you’re breaking in the candidates. That’s good!’

He then turned and yelled at Hodge. ‘Get your ass up out of that dirt and stand in that line at attention 'til somebody comes tells you what to do.’

‘Yes, sir.’

* * *

Helen was sitting in a jeep with Peggy by a flagpole, waiting for the recruits to finish some task.

‘Rogers! Get that rifle out of the mud!’

Sergeant Duffy certainly wasn’t a pleasant man but Helen figured you didn’t get very far in the army without having a bit of a mean streak.

‘Pick up the pace, ladies! Let’s go! Double time! Come on! Faster! Faster! Move! Move!’

They finally made it to the flagpole.

‘Squad, halt! That flag means we’re only at the halfway point. First man to bring it to me gets a ride back with Agent Carter and her assistant. Move, move!’

‘If that’s all you got, this army’s in trouble! Get up there, Hodge! Come on! Get up there! Nobody’s got that flag in 17 years! Now fall back into line! Come on, fall in! Let’s go! Get back into formation! Rogers! I said fall in!’

Helen smiled as Steve handed Duffy the flagpole and jumped into the jeep with her and Peggy.  
  


* * *

It was the middle of the evening and Helen had just finished her meal and was heading off to bed. Steve was lying on the bed next to hers when she got there.

‘Hey, Helen.’

‘Hey, Steve. I’m surprised you’re still up.’

‘Why would I be asleep?’

‘Well, you’ve had a pretty eventful day. First you got the flag and then you jumped on the fake grenade. I think you impressed a lot of people.’

‘Really? Like who?’

‘Well, Agent Carter for one and Dr. Erskine looked pretty impressed.’

‘Agent Carter? The pretty brunette we rode in the jeep with?’

‘Yeah. She seemed really impressed with you today.’

‘You think so?’

‘I do.’

‘No girl has ever been impressed with me before.’

‘There’s a first time for everything.’

‘Maybe. Goodnight, Helen.

‘Goodnight, Steve.’


	25. Agent Carter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen spends the day getting to know Peggy better and puts Gilmore Hodge in his place after he aggressively flirts with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little warning: There is some unwanted sexual advances from Hodge and brief mention of rape. If any of this makes you uncomfortable please skip the end of the chapter.
> 
> Also let’s cheer for the Helen and Peggy friendship. Two BAMF women ahead of their time makes for an unstoppable force. #dreamteam

* * *

  
The next day, Steve was out training and Helen was out with Peggy. The brunette had a rare day off and the two of them planned to spend it getting to know each other better.

‘Do you have any siblings, Helen?’

‘Nope. I’m an only child. What about you?’

‘I had an older brother called Michael but he died.’

‘I’m sorry. What happened to him?’

‘He died fighting in the war. That’s what made me decide to join the SSR actually. I was due to be married and then I got the news that my brother had died. After that I decided that I didn’t want to be stuck in a marriage when I could be out doing my part to help win the war.’

‘Wow. You gave up so much just to help. That’s really admirable, Peggy.’

‘Thank you. It wasn’t an easy decision to make by any means. I just knew that I was destined for other things and my brother’s death gave me the push that I needed to follow through with it.’

‘Did you love him? The man you were going to marry.’

‘Not really. I mean, of course I was attracted to him and I liked him well enough. I wouldn’t have agreed to marry him if I hated him after all. I just wasn’t head over heels in love with him.’

‘I understand that.’

‘What about you? Do you think you’re going to marry this soldier of yours?’

‘Yes. Without a doubt I am going to marry him. He’s the love of my life.’

‘See, that’s the difference between you and me. I changed my mind so many times about marrying Frank. I even had a talk with my mother about cancelling the wedding once. That’s why when I got offered this job and my brother died I took the chance. Every time I thought about marrying him I felt a little sick. It was like my heart was telling me that it wasn’t right. I don’t want to get married like that. I want to get married to the love of my life like you are.’

‘You’ll find him one day, Peggy. And when you do you’ll know that he’s the love of your life.’

‘Is that what happened with you and your beau?’

‘Yes. It took a while for me to get that he was trying to ask me out on a date but once I did it was like we fell in love with each other right at that moment.’

‘How did you finally figure it out?’

‘He bought me a bouquet of flowers. A very special bouquet.’

‘In what way was it special?’  
  


‘He had borrowed a book about the language of flowers and picked each flower in the bouquet according to a specific meaning. All the flowers he chose symbolised the fact that he was attracted to me and wanted to date me.’

‘What flowers did he choose?’

‘Forget me nots, viscaria, heartsease, red roses, blue hyacinths, lily of the valley, pink camellias and carnations, red tulips, red carnations, white chrysanthemums and yellow acacia blossoms.’

‘It sounds very romantic.’

‘It was.’

‘So how did you figure out what he was trying to tell you?’

‘Steve mentioned that Bucky might be trying to tell me something with the flowers so I went to the library. Found a book on the language of flowers and made a list of the flowers that would tell Bucky that I liked him and wanted to go out on a date with him.’

‘And you gave this bouquet to.. uh Bucky?’

‘Yes. His real name is James but everyone calls him Bucky.’

Peggy wrinkled her nose. ‘Why on Earth would someone allow people to call them Bucky of all things?’

‘It’s a shortening of his middle name. Steve came up with it and it just stuck.’

‘Okay. So what happened next?’  
  


  
‘He looked at the bouquet, saw the hidden meanings and asked me if I wanted to go dancing tomorrow night.’

‘And you said yes I presume?’

‘I did. We went out dancing the next night and got closer.’

‘What was in your bouquet?’

‘Jonquil, forsythia, ivy, myrtle, yellow roses with red tips and forget me nots.’

‘Sounds lovely.’

‘Bucky certainly liked them.’

‘You’ve been together for almost two years, correct?’

‘Yes. It’ll be two years in September.’

‘So why hasn’t he proposed yet?’

‘He said he wants to wait until after the war to do it. He wants us to start our lives together without the threat of war.’

‘That sounds nice. Gives you something to look forward to.’

‘I imagine it everyday.’

‘Your parents will be happy when they hear the news.’

‘News of what?’

‘You getting married, of course.’

‘Oh, um, my parents are dead. They died when I was a baby.’

‘How dreadful. I’m so sorry, Helen.’

‘It’s okay. It was a long time ago. I don’t really remember them that much.’

‘Where did you go after they died?’

‘My mother had an older sister. I went to live with her.’

‘Were you happy?’

‘No. She hated me. My aunt absolutely despised my mum and that hatred transferred over to me.’

‘Do you look like her? Your mother.’

‘I have her red hair and her bright green eyes.’

‘She must have been very beautiful then. I suppose that’s why your aunt hated her. She would have been jealous.’

‘You think so?’

‘Yes. To have such vibrant red hair and those sparkling green eyes that put emeralds to shame, it’s no wonder your aunt hated her.’

Helen knew that the main reason that Aunt Petunia hated her younger sister was because she had magic and Petunia didn’t. But she wasn’t about to tell Peggy that and the theory of her aunt being jealous of her mother’s beauty didn’t seem so far fetched. Aunt Petunia was rather lacking in the looks department after all. 

‘Maybe. Whatever the reason was it made my aunt look upon me with such contempt. She mostly ignored me growing up.’

‘What a shame.’

‘It wasn’t that much of a loss. She was a horrible person.’

‘She didn’t beat you, did she?’

‘No. She did almost hit me with a frying pan once but she never hit me or anything like that. It was mostly insults about my parents.’

‘What a despicable woman!’

‘Yeah, she was pretty rotten. Luckily I don’t have to live with her anymore.’

‘A very fortunate thing indeed.’

‘What about you then? Did you grow up with your parents?’

‘I did. I had a happy childhood. My brother and I were really close and we’d often play together.’

‘How did you meet Frank?’

‘At work.’

‘Did your brother like him?’

‘No, he didn’t actually. Said he wasn’t good enough for me and that I was destined for better things.’

‘He would be proud then if he could see you doing this.’

‘He would be, yes. It was actually him that made the recommendation that got me this job. I initially refused it because I was getting married and it was unheard of for a woman to be on the battlefield. But after he died I knew I just had to do what he always said I was meant to.’

‘He sounds like a great man. You must miss him.’

‘I miss him everyday but I know that he’s looking down on me and smiling. He’d be happy that I’m doing great things like this.’

‘I’m sure he would.’

‘How’s Steve doing?’

‘He’s good. This is his dream you see so he’s very happy.’

‘It’s his dream to be a soldier?’

‘Yes.’

‘I guess Erskine did pick the right man after all.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I forgot that Steve wouldn’t have had any time to tell you.’

‘Tell me what?’

‘Dr. Erskine has selected him as the candidate for his experiment.’

‘Experiment? Isn’t that dangerous?’

‘Oh don’t worry. The doctor has assured us that the procedure is quite safe.’

‘But Steve’s already frail. Experimenting on him could kill him.’

‘If all goes to plan then Steve will no longer be frail.’

‘How?’

‘Erskine has developed a serum. He calls it the super soldier serum. If one is injected with the serum then that person will get super strength among other things.’

‘What other things?’

‘All his senses will be enhanced.’

‘And what’ll happen afterwards?’

‘That’s up to Phillips to decide but we hope that Steve will be strong enough to fight in the war.’

‘So Steve will get his dream of fighting for his country and will be cured of all his ailments?’

‘Yes.’

‘Sounds like a dream come true for him then.’

‘You’ll come to support him when it happens, won’t you?’

‘Will I be allowed in?’

‘Yes. Steve has requested that you be there and Erskine approved. You’ll join us in the lab tomorrow afternoon.’

‘You’re going to be there too?’

‘Yes. This is part of my job. I oversee operations here, remember?’

‘I do. The way you punched Hodge was spectacular by the way.’

‘Thank you. He needed to learn some respect.’

‘I’d say you got your point across very well.’

‘It felt good to punch his sorry arse into the ground.’

‘It was good to watch it too.’

‘Maybe next time you’ll be able to punch him.’

‘If the opportunity comes then I’ll gladly take it.’

Peggy laughed. ‘I can just picture his face after he gets punched by two women. He’ll be utterly humiliated. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ran home with his tail between his legs.’

‘That would be nice. Then we wouldn’t have to see his ugly face everyday.’

‘Very true. Now I’m starving. What do you say we head to the mess and grab some lunch?’

‘I’d be glad to.’

* * *

  
The opportunity to put Gilmore Hodge in his place came sooner than Helen anticipated. She and Peggy were just walking back from the mess hall when they spotted him. It seemed that he noticed them too because he started to make his way towards them.

‘Oh no.’ Peggy groaned.

‘You go ahead. He’s probably terrified of you anyway.’

‘Don’t be long. Hodge.’

Hodge gave Peggy a wary look. ‘Ma’am.’

Once Peggy had walked away Hodge turned his gaze onto Helen and she shuddered at the leer he gave her.

‘Hey there, sweetcheeks.’

‘Hello, Hodge.’

‘You can call me Gilmore, babycakes.’

‘No, thank you.’

‘Aw, come on. I can show you a good time. I’m very charming, y’know.’

‘Are you? I couldn’t tell.’

‘Then maybe I need to turn it up a little bit.’

‘Please don’t.’

‘What’s your name, pretty lady?’

‘Anne Boleyn.’

‘Anne Boleyn? I thought your last name was Evans?’

‘Oh, so you did pay attention that day?’

‘You’re giving me mixed signals here. Is your name Anne Boleyn or Evans?’

‘You don’t know who Anne Boleyn is?’

‘Are you not her?’

Helen laughed mockingly. ‘No, I’m not. Anne Boleyn was Queen consort of England. She was the second wife of Henry VIII and the mother of Elizabeth I. She was beheaded on false charges of adultery, witchcraft and incest. Her husband had her killed because she couldn’t give him a son so he made up crimes so she could die.’

‘So what’s your real name?’

‘None of your business. Just know that I may be smart and witty like Anne Boleyn but I will not lose my head over a man, even if he is a king. Which from what I can see you are not.’

Helen went to walk away but he grabbed her by the wrist and held it tight.

‘Let go of me, you big brute!’

‘Not until you tell me your name.’

‘I guess we’re going to be here for a long time then.’

‘Come on, pretty one, all you have to go is tell me your name and I’ll let you go.’

‘And then what?’

‘Just tell me your name and you’ll find out.’

‘I don’t think I want to.’

‘Don’t act all tough. You’re a woman and women can’t be strong like men can. You’re all delicate and fragile. You can’t stand up to me.’

‘I can’t, huh?’

‘No, you can’t. So just give in.’

Helen ripped her arm out of his grip. ‘Can’t I?’

‘Listen here, you little upstart. I don’t know where you come from but around here women treat men with respect.’

‘You’re not a man. A real man wouldn’t do this to a woman.’

‘Oh yeah? I bet I’m the first man you’ve ever talked to.’

‘No, you’re not. That blond man, the one you repeatedly call a shrimp, I came with him. He’s my best friend.’

‘You fucking him as well?’

‘No, not him.’

‘Ha. I bet you’re a virgin. A stuck up little prude. Well, don’t worry, I’ll take your innocence. All you have to do is spread your legs for me.’

‘Not a chance in hell! And even if you did have me it wouldn’t be my first time. I lost my virginity to the love of my life. I’m wearing his dog tags right now and he’s wearing my locket. After the war ends we’re getting married and I’d never ever cheat on him. So no, I will not spread my legs for you.’

‘The love of your life, huh? That’s a load of crap, you know. Men aren’t faithful. He was probably fucking about ten girls on the side. What made you think you were special, huh? Is it because you teased him and made him wait? So he showered you with gifts in hope that you’d spread them for him.’

‘Don’t you dare talk about him like that! He loves me! And he respects me! Something you don’t know a thing about!’

‘I know plenty about love, sweetheart. Just spread them lovely gams and I can show you.’

‘No, I will not! Bucky is ten times the man you are and I will not betray him for the likes of someone as pathetic as you!’

Hodge laughed. ‘You’re letting yourself get fucked by a man named Bucky? God, how desperate are you?’

‘I’m not desperate at all, you pig! We’re in love and actually have a relationship. We don’t just have sex all the time.’

‘Sounds boring. Why don’t I show you some fun?’

Helen smirked. ‘Come here then.’

‘I knew you’d come around, sweetheart.’

As soon as Hodge stepped forward Helen punched him hard in the face, sending him flying back onto the grass.

‘Enjoy that little gift, Hodge. It’s the only one you’ll ever get from me.’

‘You little bitch!’

‘Here’s a bit of advice for you. Don’t mess with Helen Evans.’

She left Hodge lying on the ground and walked over to where Peggy was waiting for her.

‘Was it worth the wait?’

‘Definitely.’


	26. The Super Soldier Serum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets the serum and becomes the first super soldier.

* * *

The day had finally arrived. The day that Project Rebirth would go ahead was finally here. After this Steve would become a super soldier. He would no longer be the five foot skinny asthmatic she had known for two years. It wouldn’t make her love him any less. Despite all that new muscle she was sure that the Steve she had always known would still be there underneath it all.

Helen was a little nervous. There was a slight chance that Steve wouldn’t survive this and she couldn’t bare the thought of losing her closest friend. Of course no one would be more nervous than Steve. Or so she thought.

Steve was so excited that he was being giving this chance that he could barely contain himself.

‘Steve, just relax.’ Helen said as they got dressed.

‘I’m sorry. I can’t help it.’

‘I know you’re excited, Steve, but you’ve got to calm yourself. You can’t go into this all worked up.’

‘I know. It’s just, have you ever been so excited and nervous at the same time?’

Helen thought about competing in the Triwizard Tournament and nodded. ‘Sort of. Why?’

‘It’s a weird feeling. I’m so happy that I’ve been given this opportunity. I mean I was chosen out of all the others. But I can’t help but be nervous. What if I mess this up? What if I’m not good enough?’

‘Erskine wouldn’t have chosen you if you weren’t good enough. I think it’s the fact that you’re a great man that he picked you.’

‘That’s what he said. Said he saw something inside of me.’

‘He saw your good heart then.’

‘I guess so.’

‘I know so.’

‘Do you think that this’ll work?’

‘I do. If anyone can be the ultimate soldier then it’s you, Steve.’

‘I’ve always wanted to be a soldier.’

‘You have and now you are. And you’ll be better than the rest.’

‘I hope so.’

‘Just you wait, Steve.’

* * *

The two of them were now driving through Brooklyn with Peggy.

‘I know this neighbourhood. I got beat up in that alley. And that parking lot. And behind that diner.’

Helen snorted. ‘That’s not something to be proud of, Steve.’

‘Did you have something against running away?’ Peggy asked.

‘You start running they’ll never let you stop. You stand up, push back. Can’t say no forever, right?’

‘I know a little of what that’s like. To have every door shut in your face.’

‘I guess I just don’t why you’d wanna join the army if you’re a beautiful dame. Or a beautiful… a woman. An agent, not a dame! You are beautiful, but…’

Helen sighed. Steve really was terrible at talking to women.

‘You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?’

‘This is the longest conversation I’ve had with one, apart from Helen of course. Women aren’t exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on.’

‘You must have danced?’

‘Well, asking a woman to dance always seems so terrifying. And the past few years just didn’t seem to matter that much. Figured I’d wait.’

‘For what?’

‘The right partner.’

They pulled up at an antiques store and got out of the car.

‘This way.’ Peggy said.

‘What are we doing here?’ Steve asked confused.

‘Follow me.’

They entered the shop and greeted the owner.

‘Wonderful weather this morning isn’t it?’

‘Yes, but I always carry an umbrella.’

Peggy led them into the back which seemed to contain a hidden lab. Dr Erskine was standing in the middle of the lab with his team, machinery and a pod surrounding them.

‘Good morning.’ Erskine greeted, shaking Steve’s hand.

‘Good morning, Doctor.’ Steve returned, glancing at the pod.

‘You ready?’ Erskine asked.

Steve nodded eagerly.

‘Good. Take off your shirt, your tie and your hat.’

Steve did so and moved to lie in the pod.

‘Comfortable?’ Erskine asked after Steve had lain down.

‘It’s a little big. You save me any of that schnapps?’

‘Not as much as I should have. Sorry. Next time. Mr Stark, how are your levels?’

‘Levels at 100%.’

‘Good.’

‘We may dim half the lights in Brooklyn, but we are ready as we’ll ever be.’

‘Agent Carter? Don’t you think you and Miss Evans would be more comfortable in the booth?’

‘Oh, yes. Of course. Sorry.’

Peggy led her to stand in the crowded booth.

Dr Erskine took a microphone and addressed the audience in the booth, Colonel Phillips among them.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, today we take not another step towards annihilation, but the first step on the path to peace. We begin with a series of micro injections into the subjects major muscle groups. The serum infusion will cause immediate cellular change. And then to stimulate growth, the subject will be saturated with Vita-Rays.’

Helen swallowed nervously. That sounded painful and she hoped it wouldn’t hurt Steve too much.

‘That wasn’t so bad.’ Steve said after the first injection.

‘That was penicillin.’

Erskine turned to address them again. ‘Serum infusion beginning in five, four, three, two, one.’

Helen looked on worriedly as Steve was injected with the serum. She felt Peggy grab her hand as Howard locked Steve in the pod.

‘Steven, can you hear me?’

‘It’s probably too late to go to the bathroom, right?’

Helen chuckled. Trust Steve to find some humour in the situation.

‘We will proceed.’ Erskine told Howard.

‘That’s ten percent. Twenty percent. Thirty. That’s 40 %.’ Howard said as he managed the controls.

‘Vital signs are normal.’

‘That’s 50 %. Sixty. Seventy.’

Helen flinched as she heard Steve scream in pain.

‘Steven!’

‘Shut it down.’ Peggy yelled after seeing Helen visibly pale.

‘Steven!’ Erskine called as he knocked on the pod.

‘Shut it down!’ Helen screamed.

‘Kill the reactor, Mr. Stark! Turn it off! Kill it! Kill the reactor!’ Erskine yelled out, a panicked look on his face.

‘No! Don’t! I can do this!’ Steve shouted out before they could shut off the machine.

‘Eighty. Ninety. That’s 100 %’

‘Mr Stark?’

Howard moved to open the pod and Helen gasped as she saw Steve.

‘The son of a bitch did it.’ Phillips huffed.

Helen ran down to be by Steve’s side and watched as he shakily exited the pod.

‘I did it.’ Steve exclaimed, a big grin on his face.

Erskine sighed. ‘Yeah, yeah. I think we did it.’

‘We actually did it.’

‘How do you feel?’ Peggy asked Steve.

‘Taller.’

‘You look taller.’

‘You certainly do, Steve. Congratulations! I’m so happy for you!’

Helen moved to wrap her arms around Steve in a hug.

‘Thanks, Helen.’ Steve said as he hugged her back.

He certainly was stronger now, maybe even stronger than Bucky. It would be a sight she would have to get used to.

‘How do you like Brooklyn now, Senator?’ Phillips asked.

‘I can think of some folks in Berlin who are about to get very nervous. Congratulations, Doctor.’

‘Thank you, sir.’

Just then a bomb went off, sending everyone into panic. Amid the confusion the last vial of the serum was taken.

‘Stop him!’ Erskine yelled before getting shot.

Helen screamed as Peggy ran after the man.

Steve knelt by Erskine’s prone body and let out a sob as he took his last breath.

‘Steve. Steve! Come on, we’ve got to go! Erskine’s killer is still out there!’

Helen’s words snapped Steve out of his grief and he stood up before running in the direction Peggy left. Helen sighed before following him.

* * *

Helen was unable to keep up with Steve. The serum seemed to have given him super speed and it meant that Helen could no longer able to catch up with Steve like she used to.

Running through the streets she spotted Peggy standing in the middle of the street. Figuring she would know where Steve went she quickened her pace and caught up to Peggy.

‘Peggy! Are you okay? What happened?’

‘Helen, what are you doing here?’

‘I came to find Steve. Have you seen him?’

‘He went after the guy who shot Erskine.’

‘Which way did he go?’

‘That way.’

‘Thanks, Peggy!’

‘Be careful, Helen!’

‘I will!’

Helen ran in the direction Peggy pointed out, keeping her eyes peeled for any sighting of Steve. He shouldn’t be too hard to find now since he was much bigger and taller than he was before.

A loud crash startled her and against her better judgement she headed in the direction it came from. She eventually found Steve down by the water, tussling with the man who stole the serum and shot Erskine. In their struggle the vial smashed into the ground and Helen’s heart sank at the thought of Erskine’s work being lost.

‘Who the hell are you?’ Steve asked after he had pinned the man to the ground.

‘The first of many. Cut off one head, two more shall take its place. Hail HYDRA!’

He then popped a fake tooth out of his mouth and swallowed it. Helen and Steve watched in horror as he began to foam at the mouth before dying.

* * *

  
Back at the compound Peggy was taking samples of Steve’s blood.

‘Think you got enough?’ Steve asked.

‘Any hope of reproducing a program is locked in your genetic code. But without Dr. Erskine, it could take years.’

‘He deserved more than this.’

‘If it could only work once, he’d be proud it was you.’

‘Peggy’s right, Steve. Remember that Dr. Erskine picked you for a reason.’

An hour later they were in a tech lab with the HYDRA submarine.

‘Colonel Phillips, my committee is demanding answers.’ Senator Brandt said.

‘Great. Why don’t we start with how a German spy got a ride to my secret installation in your car?’ Phillips snarked.

The colonel then turned to Stark who was working on the submarine. ‘What have we got here?’

‘Speaking modestly, I’m the best mechanical engineer in this country. But I don’t know what’s inside this thing or how it works. We’re not even close to this technology.’

‘That’s really not very modest.’ Helen said under her breath, causing Peggy to quietly laugh.

‘Then who is?’ Brandt asked.

‘HYDRA. I’m sure you’ve been reading our briefings.’

‘I’m on a number of committees, Colonel.’

Peggy spoke up. ‘HYDRA is the Nazi deep science division. It’s led by Johann Schmidt. But he has much bigger ambitions.’

‘HYDRA’s practically a cult. They worship Schmidt, they think he’s invincible.’ Phillips continued.

‘So what are you gonna do about it?’ Brandt demanded.

‘Spoke to the president this morning. As of today the SSR is being retasked.’

‘Colonel?’

‘We are taking the fight to HYDRA. Pack your bags Agent Carter. You too, Stark. You’re flying to London tonight.’

Steve stepped forward. ‘Sir, if you’re going after Schmidt, I want in.’

‘You’re an experiment. You’re going to Alamogordo.’

‘The serum worked.’ Steve pointed out.

‘I asked for an army and all I got was you. You are not enough.’

Helen frowned. ‘Yes, he is!’

‘No, he’s not, Miss Evans. One man isn’t nearly enough to defeat HYDRA.’

Brandt cleared his throat. ‘With all due respect to the Colonel, I think we may be missing the point. I’ve seen you in action, Steve. More importantly, the country’s seen it.’

A paper was placed in front of them with the headline ‘Nazis in New York- mystery man saves child.’

‘The enlistment lines have been around the block since your picture hit the newsstands. You don’t take a soldier, a symbol like that, and hide him in a lab. Son, do you want to serve your country on the most important battlefield of the war?’

‘Sir, that’s all I want.’

‘Then, congratulations. You just got promoted.’


	27. The Birth of Captain America

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve begins touring the country as Captain America with Helen at his side.

* * *

It turned out that Steve’s promotion didn’t involve any actual fighting, which disappointed the blond. Helen knew how much it meant to Steve and the fact that he wouldn’t be fighting for the country in the way he wanted to was a harsh blow for him.

Senator Brandt had given Steve the title of ‘Captain America’. He would be touring the country, promoting the use of war bonds. If all went well then Steve would be a national hero. But Helen knew that this wasn’t the way that Steve wanted to become a hero. He wanted to fight on the front lines and become a hero by fighting in a battle, not by performing on a stage.

Entering their shared quarters Helen found Steve sitting on his bed with a dejected look on his face.

‘Steve? You okay?’

‘I’m fine. I just didn’t think that this was where I’d end up.’

‘This doesn’t have to be a permanent thing, Steve.’

‘But nobody wants me to fight.’

‘We always need more soldiers. If they need help then they can’t deny you anymore.’

‘I hope I do get the chance to fight.’

‘You will. Now are you ready for tomorrow?’

‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘I can’t be on a stage, Helen! I could barely talk to Peggy and she was so nice to me. How am I suppose to perform in front of all these people?’

‘Steve, don’t think about that. Just imagine that nobody’s watching.’

‘I’ll try. I’m glad you’re here with me though.’

‘I wouldn’t be anywhere else.’

‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome. Now get some sleep. You’ve got a big day tomorrow. It’s your first show as Captain America after all.’

‘Okay. Goodnight, Helen.’

‘Goodnight, Steve.’

* * *

  
The next day they were up bright and early to get ready for the show. Brandt’s aide had tried to get Helen to perform in the show as a dancer but she refused. She would never humiliate herself by dancing in a skimpy little outfit. It would be bad enough watching Steve perform, she didn’t need to be in the dreadful show herself.

To appease them Helen had agreed to wear a dress with patriotic colours. She picked a dress that had white and blue stripes, resembling the American flag. Steve had his own costume but it was waiting for him backstage so he dressed in his normal clothes.

Soon she was waiting backstage as Steve put on his very patriotic super hero costume.

‘I don’t know if I can do this.’ Steve said to Brandt’s aide.

‘Nothing to it. Sell off a few bonds, bonds buy bullets, bullets kills Nazi’s. Bing bang boom. You’re an American hero.’

‘It’s just not how I pictured getting there.’

‘The senator’s got a lot of pull up on the hill. You play ball with us, you’ll be leading your own platoon in no time. Take the shield.’ The aide said as Steve put his head mask on.

Grabbing the shield Steve walked onto the stage.

‘Who’s strong and brave, here to save the American way?’ A woman sang.

‘Not all of us can storm a beach or drive a tank. But there’s still a way all of us can fight.’ Steve read out.

‘Who vows to fight like a man, for what’s right, night and day?’ Another woman sang.

‘Series E Defence Bonds. Each one you buy is a bullet in the barrel of your best guy’s gun.’

‘Who will campaign door-to-door for America? Carry the flag shore to shore for America? From Hoboken to Spokane, the star-spangled man with a plan.’

Steve led a group of men dressed as soldiers in front of a moving image.

‘Cut. Guys, don’t look at the camera.’ The director yelled.

* * *

  
  
The tour was a big success and Steve was performing in another city with Helen watching backstage.

‘We can’t ignore there’s a threat and a war we must win.’

‘Each one you buy is a bullet in the barrel of your best guy’s gun.’

‘Who’ll hang a noose on the goose-stepping goons from Berlin? Who will redeem, heed the call for America? Who’ll rise or fall, give his all for America? Who’s here to prove that we can? The star-spangled man with a plan.’

‘We all know this is about trying to win the war. We can’t do that without bullets and bandages, tanks and tents. That’s where you come in. Every bond you buy will help protect someone you love.’

A man dressed as Hitler sneaked up behind Steve on the stage.

‘Turn around! He’s right behind you!’ The kids in the audience yelled.

‘Keep our boys armed and ready, and the Germans will think twice about trying to get the drop on us.’

Steve turned around and punched fake Hitler in the face as the kids cheered.

‘Stalwart and steady and true, forceful and ready to defend, the red, white, and blue. Who’ll give the Axis the sack and is smart as a fox? Far as an eagle will soar. Who’s making Adolf afraid to step out of his box? He knows what we’re fighting for. Who waked the giant that napped in America? We know it’s no one but Captain America. Who’ll finish what they began? Who’ll kick the Krauts to Japan? The star-spangled man with a plan!’

The show ended and Steve rushed backstage.

‘Thank god that’s over.’

Helen laughed. ‘Steve, it’s not that bad!’

Steve snorted. ‘Easy for you to say. You don’t have to perform in this show!’

‘Steve, you’re a hero. That’s got to count for something.’

‘I’m a hero to a bunch of little kids. What good is that?’

‘Sometimes they’re the best people to have as admirers.’

‘I just want to fight like everyone else. I finally got accepted into the army and I’m still not fighting.’

‘Just be patient, Steve. Your time will come.’

‘I just hope it comes soon.’

‘I’m sure it will, Steve. Now why don’t we go out for a meal?’

‘That’s a good idea. Can we go to that little Italian place?’

‘Of course we can. Captain America.’

Steve groaned. ‘Don’t you start calling me that.’

‘It’s not the worst nickname to be given.’

‘Still, it’s not the best.’

‘Let’s go eat, Captain Rogers.’

‘That’s not any better.’

‘Fine, let’s go then, _Steve_.’

* * *

  
A few days later the two of them were in another city performing. After the show Steve was bombarded with fans asking for pictures and autographs. Helen chuckled as Steve looked uncomfortable as he posed and signed his name.

  
Eventually the fans dispersed and Steve was able to make his way over to her.

‘Hey, Steve. Did you enjoy spending time with your fans?’

‘It was a little scary. I didn’t expect them to come at me like that.’

‘Well, you better get used to it, Steve. It seems that you’re a big hit.’

‘I never expected to be famous.’

‘I don’t think anybody does.’

‘Can we get lunch now?’

‘Of course. Let’s just hope that your fans don’t follow us there.’

Steve groaned. ‘They better not. I won’t have my lunch interrupted.’

‘I was joking, Steve.’

‘But you probably just jinxed it now.’

‘I have not.’

‘Just you wait, Helen. They’ll be following us all the way there now that you’ve said that.’

‘We’ll see, Steve. We’ll see.’

‘They will, Helen. They’re obsessed with me.’

‘I don’t think they’re that obsessed with you, Steve. I doubt they’d follow us.’

‘You never know, Helen.’

‘Let’s just go, Steve.’

‘Good idea. If we go now then they won’t be able to follow us.’

‘That’s not what I meant, Steve.’

* * *

  
A few days later Helen had some exciting news for Steve and rushed back to their bunk so she could tell him. She found the blond sitting on his bed sketching.

‘Steve! Steve! Guess what?’

‘What?’

‘You’re in a comic book!’

‘I’m in a what?’

‘A comic book! This company have published a series of comic books and you’re the main character in them.’

‘But I haven’t done anything worthwhile.’

‘That doesn’t matter, Steve. You’re a hero to them and heroes get put into comic books.’

‘What exactly does it say in this comic book?’

‘The one I bought describes how you heroically stormed the front line and then punched Hitler in the face.’

‘Sounds nice. I wish I could storm the front lines.’

‘You’re needed here, Steve. The tour’s not over yet and you don’t want to disappoint your fans.’

‘Maybe I do.’

‘Steve, you can’t bail on this tour. Maybe when it’s over you can go fight but not now. You have a duty to finish the tour.’

‘Fine. But as soon as it’s over I’m storming the front line like comic book me does.’

‘I don’t doubt that, Steve.’

* * *

  
The next day Helen took Steve out for lunch. The blond was due to perform in an hour and she wanted to make sure that he ate before then.

‘Man, I do love Italian.’

‘I know you do, Steve. You always pick an Italian restaurant when we go out to eat.’

‘I can’t help it. It’s just so good.’

‘Well, don’t eat too much. You’ve got a show in an hour.’

‘I’ll have digested it all by then, don’t worry.’

‘Still, it’s better to be safe than sorry.’

‘That’s such a cliche.’

‘A cliche that’s true more often than not.’

‘Fine. I’ll try not to stuff my face too much.’

‘Good.’

Just then a young woman approached their table.

‘Excuse me, sir, are you Captain America?’

Steve looked startled that she was talking to him but nodded anyway.

‘Oh my god! I can’t believe I’m actually meeting you. I’m a huge fan! I’ve seen all of your movies.’

‘My movies?’

‘Yes, they’re showing them at local cinemas. You’re amazing in them.’

‘Uh, thank you, ma’am.’

‘Can I have your autograph?’

‘Uh, sure.’

Steve signed the little sheet of paper she handed him and she skipped off with a thank you.

‘That was weird.’

Helen chuckled. ‘How was it weird, Steve?’

‘I’ve never had someone come up to me in a restaurant and ask for my autograph before.’

‘You’ve never been famous before.’

‘True. Still, it’ll take some time to get used to it.’

‘It’ll get easier, I’m sure.’

‘She talked about the movies I was in. I didn’t know I was in any.’

‘It’s probably just footage from the shows you do.’

‘Never thought I’d ever be in a movie.’

‘Stranger things have happened, Steve.’  
  


‘That is definitely true. I mean, I never thought I’d be over six foot and all muscly. Sure, I dreamed about being this way but I never imagined that it would happen in real life.’

‘I guess dreams do come true then.’

‘Maybe they do.’

  
  


A week later Steve was in another city performing. The kids in the audience cheered and even the grown ups looked like they were enjoying the show. It seemed like the tour had worked. Captain America was a national icon, loved and admired by millions of people. And in turn that made Steve all those things too.


	28. Love Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen receives a letter from Bucky. After sending off her reply she finds Steve in a bad mood and does her best to cheer him up.

* * *

Helen was lying on her bed reading Bucky’s latest letter. Steve was out performing again so she could read the letter in private.

“My dearest Helen,

I miss you more than anything. It seems as though the more time passes the more I ache to be with you again. I love you more than life itself and I will do everything in my power to come back to you.

How’s Stevie doing? I hope he’s behaving and not getting up to his usual tricks. I feel like it’s been forever since I last saw you two. I know it hasn’t been that long but out here it feels much longer. Tell that punk I miss him, won’t you? And that he’s free to write to me if he wants.

We had a hard day yesterday. We lost a few men in the battlefield. One of them had two young children and my heart breaks for the family that he’s left behind. I thank god everyday that I still get the chance to come back to you and have a life with you.

I look at your locket everyday. It gives me the strength I need to continue to fight in this dreadful war. Honestly being out here really makes me question why Steve is so desperate to enlist. I mean I always knew the punk wasn’t right in the head but he must be insane if he genuinely wants to be out on a battlefield. I can’t lie to you, babydoll, it’s horrendous out here. Everywhere you look there’s blood and dead bodies and all you can hear is bullets firing or men screaming. I wish that Steve could see this just for a moment because maybe if he did then he would give up trying to enlist all the time.

It’s been a hard few months without you, sweetheart, and I count down the days until I get to see you again. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and kiss you. I hope that you’re doing okay without me. I know you’ve got Steve but he’s useless at taking care of himself.  
  


I’m so grateful that when I come home you’ll be there waiting for me. You’re the one that I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with and I can’t wait for the day that I get to start my wonderful life with you.

Forever yours, 

Bucky.”

Helen put Bucky’s letter down on the table with a smile. He never failed to make her insides feel all warm and fuzzy. She loved him so much and it hurt how much she missed him.

Deciding to write her reply right away Helen grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen and got to work.

“My darling Bucky,

I can’t put into words how much I love and miss you. I dream of the day that you’ll come back to me and I know that one day it’ll come true. I can’t wait for the day that it does.

Things are good here. Steve is his usual self and he still gets into trouble on occasion. Other than that he’s fine. He does miss you though and I’m sure he’d love to send you a letter of his own.

I’m sorry to hear about the men you lost and I hope that their loved ones are alright after hearing the news. I know in my heart that one day we will get married and have children but it feels a little bittersweet knowing that some people won’t have that chance.

I hope that you’re doing okay. I know that it can’t be easy fighting in a war. I’m glad that my locket gives you strength and I hope that it will continue to remind you of me. I still wear your dog tags. I never takethem off not even to go to sleep. I can’t bear to be parted from them because until you come back they’re all I have of you.

Being apart from you is like a constant ache but I’m surviving just fine. Steve’s company makes it easier even though it’s really you that I want here with me.

I’ll be waiting here for you so that we can have forever together.

Love you always,

Helen.”

Satisfied with it she folded it in half and put it in an envelope. She wrote Bucky’s latest address on the front of it and headed out to post it.

* * *

A grumpy Steve was sitting on his bed when she got back.

‘Hey, Steve. You doing alright?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

‘You don’t sound fine.’

‘I am.’

‘No, you’re not, Steve. Tell me what’s wrong.’

‘I’m just sick of doing this.’  
  


  
‘Doing what?’

‘These stupid shows!’

‘Steve, we agreed that you’d finish the tour.’

‘I know but I just can’t take it anymore!’

‘I know it’s hard, Steve, but it will get better.’

‘How? I don’t see it getting better at all. I’ll be stuck doing these shows until the end of the war and I’ll never get to be an actual soldier!’

‘Steve, don’t say that. I’m sure it won’t be long until you’re on the front lines.’

‘It doesn’t feel that way.’

‘You’ll get your chance one day, Steve. You just have to wait.’

‘It seems that all I’ve done is wait for it to happen and it still hasn’t happened after all this time.’

‘Good things come to those who wait, Steve.’

‘Haven’t I waited long enough?’

‘You have, Steve, but maybe you’ll just have to wait a little longer.’

‘I’ll wait a few weeks and if it hasn’t happened by then, well, I’ll just have to take matters into my own hands.’

‘Steve, promise me you won’t do anything reckless.’

‘I promise.’

‘Good. How was the show?’

‘Same as always. The kids love me and the show.’

‘At least you’re making the kids happy. That’s got to count for something.’

‘I guess. So how was your day?’

‘It was fine. I read Bucky’s letter and then I wrote him a reply.’

‘What’s Bucky saying?’

‘Just the usual. He asked about you though.’

‘Oh? What did he ask?’

‘If you were getting into any trouble.’

‘What did you tell him?’

‘I told him that you were your usual self and got into trouble like you always do.’

‘You didn’t mention anything about enlisting or the serum, did you?’

‘No, I didn’t. It’s better that he’s told that face to face and you’re the one who’s telling him.’

‘I’m sorry, Helen. I know how much it hurts you to lie to Bucky like this.’  
  


‘It’s okay, Steve. It’s not my place to tell Bucky anyway. It’s up to you to tell him what’s happened. It happened to you, not me.’

‘Still, I hope I haven’t caused problems between you and Bucky.’

‘I’m sure he’ll understand why I didn’t tell him.’

‘Do you think he’ll be mad when I tell him?’

‘Maybe a little but I’m sure he’ll get over it. After all you’re more than capable of being a soldier now.’

‘I suppose. I bet he’ll get a shock when he sees me.’

‘I’m sure he will.’

‘How’s Buck doing out there?’

‘He says it’s hard but he’s managing.’

‘I wish I could be out there with him. It’s always been me and him against the world.’

‘Maybe one day you will be fighting alongside him.’

‘I hope so.’

‘Everything will turn out the way you want it to, Steve. Captain America is meant to fight for his country on the battlefield.’

‘I know and I’ll make sure that it happens.’

‘I know you will and I’ll support you the whole way.’


	29. Pining From Afar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At a party both Helen and Steve pine for people that are thousands of miles away from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little heads up for those who have read the story all the way through before now: I have changed the plot of the story slightly. Instead of being Post Order of the Phoenix, it is now Post Deathly Hallows. It just made more sense that way. Because the new changes I’ve made mean that Helen actually is 21 at the start of the story instead of being aged up to be when she’s actually 16.
> 
> Also thanks to BeautifulCherryBlossom for the reminder that I had actually wanted to change this element and thank you so much for the Grimmauld Place idea. It was a better setting that I had originally planned when I thought about changing the plot.

* * *

  
A few days later a party was thrown to celebrate the success of the tour. The party was a lively affair and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Everyone except Steve that is.

The blond had been sulking in a corner since the party started and she wondered why he was in such a bad mood. She hadn’t seen him this broody since he got rejected for the first time.

Sighing she made her way over to Steve.

‘Hey, Captain. How come you’re not enjoying the party? It is for you after all.’

‘I’m just not in the mood.’

‘Why? What’s wrong?’

‘I keep thinking about what I’m missing out on.’

‘You mean fighting on the front line?’

‘No.’

‘Then what is it?’

‘I’m missing out on romance by performing in this tour.’

‘Steve, look around. There’s plenty of girls out there who’d be willing to date you. You’re not missing out on anything.’

‘Yes, I know I could date practically every girl in this room but I don’t want to.’

‘Why not? I thought you wanted to find romance.’

‘I do. Just not with them.’

‘With who then?’

‘Agent Carter.’

‘You want to date Peggy?’

Steve blushed. ‘Yeah, I do. She’s real pretty and smart and she’s always so nice to me. I thought that after the serum I’d try asking her out but then I got sent here and she went off to do her job somewhere else.’

‘I’m sure you’ll see her again, Steve.’

‘Do you ever write to her? I know you two are friends.’

‘Sometimes.’

‘Could you maybe give me her address?’

‘Steve, you can’t ask Peggy out over a letter.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because it’s impersonal and a little tacky. These things should be done face to face.’

‘But it might be weeks before I see her.’

‘If you really like her then it’ll be worth waiting for.’

‘This is so unfair. I finally meet a girl who might actually like me back and I’m millions of miles away from her.’

‘I think millions is a little far off.’

‘Thousands then. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that right now I can’t ask her face to face.’

‘I’m sure Peggy will appreciate you waiting to ask her.’

‘Could you help me practice what I’m going to say?’

‘Of course I will.’

‘Can we go now?’

‘I think we should stay a little longer. The party’s only just started and it would be a little rude for the guest of honour to leave so early.’

‘Fine. We can stay for an hour but not any longer. I can’t take much more of this.’

‘What’s wrong with staying all night?’

‘All these people are looking at me and I fear that if I stay much longer their stares will burn holes into my skin.’

‘Then maybe you should talk to them. They might stop staring if you paid attention to them for a few minutes.’

‘Fine. I’ll try but you have to promise to come and rescue me if one of them gets too eager.’

‘I promise.’

* * *

  
Helen was standing out on the balcony getting some fresh air. It had gotten a little hot inside the hall so it was a relief to spot the empty balcony. It was also nice to get away from the dancing couples. Seeing them reminded her of Bucky and the fact that he wasn’t here to dance with her.

‘What are you doing out here all alone?’

Helen turned to face the person who had spoken. ‘I’m sorry, sir. I was lost in thought.’

The man smiled. ‘What does a pretty dame like you think about?’

‘I was thinking about dancing.’

‘Oh, you were, huh? Do you want to dance with me?’

‘No, thank you.’

‘Why not? I thought you wanted to dance.’

‘I’m waiting for the right partner.’

‘How do you know I’m not the right partner for you?’

‘I just know.’

‘Come on, give me a chance.’

‘I’m sorry. I don’t really feel like dancing tonight.’

‘That’s a shame. Do you think that you’ll feel like dancing tomorrow night?’

‘Are you asking me out on a date?’

‘You catch on quick.’

‘I’m sorry but I can’t go out on a date with you.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because I’m engaged to another man.’

‘I don’t see a ring on your finger. Are you lying to me, pretty lady?’

‘No, I’m not. I may not be wearing a ring but I will be soon.’

‘And this man of yours, he is definitely planning on proposing, is he?’

‘Yes, he is.’

‘If he’s so serious about you then how come he left you here alone?’

‘Because he’s overseas fighting on the front line. Unlike you it seems.’

‘Hey, I do plenty for my country.’

‘Do you?’

‘I do. I may not be a soldier like your fella but I do everything I can to help with the war effort.’

‘That’s very noble of you but I don’t really care.’

‘Ouch. That hurts a little. You don’t care at all what I do?’

‘No. Why should I? I don’t even know your name.’

‘Well, that’s a problem that can be easily solved. My name’s Thomas. What’s yours?’

‘Helen.’

‘That’s a lovely name.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Are you sure I can’t change your mind about going out with me?’

‘Yes, she’s sure. Now leave her alone.’

Helen turned around to see Steve glaring at Thomas.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, man.’

‘Just get out of here before you regret it.’  
  


  
Thomas nodded weakly and fled from the balcony as fast as he could.

‘Are you okay, Helen?’ Steve asked once Thomas was out of sight.

‘Yes, I’m fine. You didn’t have to step in there, you know.’

‘Yes, I did. I could tell that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer and I could just stand there and let him hurt you.’

‘Thanks, Steve.’

‘You don’t have to thank me, Helen. Now let’s get out of here. I’ve had enough of this party.’

‘Me too.’

Soon they were back in their bunk and had settled onto their respective beds.

‘Oh, look Steve! Another letter from Bucky arrived.’

‘So soon? They must be delivering letters awfully fast. You sent your last letter to Bucky just a few days ago.’

‘What ever they’re doing I’m not complaining.’

‘I’ll leave you to read your letter.’  
  


‘Thanks, Steve. We’ll go over ways that you can ask Peggy out in the morning.’  
  
  


‘Goodnight, Helen. I appreciate your help with all of this.’

‘Goodnight, Steve.’

After Steve had fallen asleep Helen opened Bucky’s letter and began to read it.

“My beloved Helen,

Words can not describe how happy I was to receive your letter. It was so good to hear from you. I only wish that I could hear your voice. It’s been so long since I’ve last heard you say anything or laugh or smile. I miss you so much and I can’t wait to see you again and hold you in my arms once more.

I’m glad that Stevie’s doing okay and that he’s not getting into too much trouble. I don’t think I could take it if he was getting into alley fights everyday and I could do nothing about it. I’m thankful that you and Stevie have each other to keep you company while I’m away.

It gets harder everyday to find the strength to carry on. The loss of life is only getting bigger and it seems that we’re losing too many men. Luckily the other side have taken big losses too so that gives us hope that we’re getting closer to defeating them.

We’re about to go on a long mission. I won’t be able to write to you for a little while and I wanted you to know before I left. We’ve found a fortress nearby and we’re planning on storming it. If we’re successful we’ll be a lot more closer to winning the war.

I count down the days until I get to see your beautiful face again.

Forever yours,

Bucky.”

Smiling, Helen put down the letter and turned off her light. She was a little upset that she wouldn’t hear from Bucky for a little bit but she knew that it was necessary if she wanted to see him again. She just prayed that he’d be alright.


	30. America’s Greatest Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is getting fed up of performing in the USO shows and Helen tries to convince him to keep going. But the news that he’ll be performing overseas gives Steve hope.

* * *

  
The next day they were told to pack their bags because they were moving to another city as part of the tour. Steve grumbled because it meant that the tour wasn’t over yet and refused to pack as a sign of protest. But Helen knew that regardless of Steve’s complaints they would still be going so she packed both of their bags.

‘Why did you do that?’ Steve whined after he discovered that Helen had packed.

‘Because we’re going, Steve, whether you like it or not.’

‘I can’t take much more of this.’

‘Who knows? Maybe this’ll be your last show.’

‘If they had their way they’d have me doing these shows forever.’

‘I thought you said that if this went on any longer that you’d take matters into your own hands.’

‘I will if it goes on much longer.’

‘What’s your limit then?’

‘If they tell me I’m doing another show after this one then I’m quitting and storming the front lines.’

‘Bucky would have a heart attack if he saw you.’

‘I don’t care if he does. I’m doing this.’

‘I know you will.’

‘How much longer do you think I’ll have to do this?’

‘You don’t have to do this, Steve. You could quit right now if you wanted to.’

‘I thought you said I had a responsibility to finish this tour.’

‘I did say that but you’re a soldier, Steve. You signed up to fight, not perform.’

‘So if I left tomorrow to go fight you would approve.’

‘Yes, I would. Just don’t tell Bucky that I said that.’

Steve chuckled. ‘I won’t.’

‘So are you okay with doing this next show?’

‘Yes but I swear that this is the last one.’

‘If you say so.’

‘I do. I’m Captain America after all. What I say goes.’

‘Alright then, Captain.’

* * *

  
A few hours later they arrived at their destination. Steve changed into his costume as soon as they got to the stage. Helen waited backstage as he performed. It was rewarding to see how popular Steve had become. Captain America had become a beloved icon and kids adored him. Of course they didn’t know the man behind the mask but Helen did and she knew that they would love Steve Rogers almost as much as they loved Captain America.

The audience lapped up the show and the children watched it with eager eyes. They had no idea that the man performing hated the show and would rather be anywhere else than on the stage.

A few minutes later the audience cheered and Steve left the stage.

‘Good job, Steve.’

‘Thanks. I’m glad it’s over though.’

‘It’s a bit of shame that it’s over.’

‘Why?’

‘The kids love the show and they adore you. It’s a shame that you won’t perform for them anymore.’

‘You said you’d support my decision not to do this anymore.’

‘I still support your decision, Steve. I just feel sorry for the kids that’s all.’

‘I want to do more than keep some kids entertained though.’

‘I know you do and you will.’

‘What happens if they tell me I’m doing more shows.’

‘You refuse and then we leave for the front line.’

‘Do you think they’ll let me?’

‘They can’t force you to do anything that you don’t want to do.’

‘No, they can’t.’

‘You do what you feel is right, Steve.’

‘Fighting like a real soldier is the right thing to do.’

‘Then you do it.’

‘I will.’

* * *

The next day Steve went to find out if he would be performing in another show. While he was away Helen decided to reread one of Bucky’s letters. Since she wouldn’t be able to hear from him for a while then all she could do was read a letter that he had sent a few months ago.

“My darling Helen,

It has only been a few weeks since I last saw you but it feels like an eternity ago. I can’t put into words how much I miss you. It’s like a constant ache in my chest, like my heart hurts to be apart from you.

I hope you’re doing okay. It kills me that I’ve had to leave you and the only thing that gets me through it is knowing that you’re alright and waiting for me.

How’s Stevie doing? I hope he’s not getting himself into his usual amount of trouble. It makes the ache in my heart ease a bit knowing that you’ve got Steve to keep you company. Not that he’s much help. The punk is too busy getting himself beat up to take care of you like I can.

I love you with every fibre of my being and I long for the day that I can hold you in my arms again. I dream of the day that I’ll be able to put a ring on your finger and then everyone will know that you’re mine. I can’t wait for the day that our kids will be running around the streets and people will say that they’re definitely our kids. I long to hold a little girl in my arms that looks just like you and to be able to teach our son how to throw a ball. I dream of what our life will be like every night and I pray that it will come true.

Until we meet again, my love.

  
Forever yours,

  
Bucky.”

Helen put the letter down with a smile. Reading letters from Bucky never failed to warm her heart. Whenever she was feeling down then she would pull out a letter from under her bed and sit and read it.

Steve barging his way in startled her from her thoughts.

‘Steve? Is everything okay?’

Steve looked at her with an excited expression on his face. ‘We’re going over, Helen!’

‘Going where?’

‘Going over to where the fight is. We’re performing near the front lines!’

‘That’s great, Steve, but I thought you didn’t want to perform anymore.’

‘I didn’t but we’re going to the front lines. This could be my chance!’

‘I’m not sure that you can just go out and fight when you’re supposed to be performing.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because people will be expecting you and if you try to sneak off then they’ll likely find you.’

‘But I can’t just keep performing in these stupid shows!’

‘Then just perform in this one and then sneak off.’

‘I knew you were my best friend for a reason.’

‘I support you no matter what, Steve.’

‘Thanks, Helen.’

‘So where are we going anyway?’

‘Azzano. It’s a little town in Italy.’

‘I guess we’re going to Italy then.’

‘I guess we are.’

‘To Azzano, the town that Steve is going to go rogue in.’

Steve grinned. ‘To Azzano.’


	31. Azzano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Helen arrive in Azzano only to be given bad news. Risking everything Steve goes on a rescue mission and brings back someone they both love.

* * *

  
Soon the time came for Helen and Steve to go to Azzano. Steve was a ball of unrestrained energy, bouncing about in excitement, as they boarded the plane that would take them to Italy.

‘Steve, calm down. You’re practically bouncing off the walls.’

‘I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I’m just so excited. We’re going to the heart of the war! We might see some action while we’re there.’

‘Don’t get too excited. Brandt’s aide, what’shisname, might get suspicious if you’re too excited about it.’

‘Why would he be suspicious?’

‘Because you’ve been complaining about doing the shows for the last two weeks. If you suddenly seem too happy about it then he’s going to wonder why. It’ll ruin your plan to leave.’

‘Right. I’ll contain myself then.’

‘Fasten your seatbelt, Steve. We’re about to take off.’

‘Okay.’

* * *

  
Hours later they landed in Azzano and were immediately directed to the stage where Steve would perform. Unfortunately the soldiers he was performing for didn’t seem to like the show as much as the kids did.

‘How many of you ready to help me sock old Adolf on the jaw?’

Steve was met with silence and Helen winced in sympathy.

‘Okay. Uh… I need a volunteer.’

‘I already volunteered! How do you think I got here?’ One of the soldiers mocked.

The other soldiers laughed.

‘Bring back the girls!’ Another shouted and the rest cheered.

‘I think they only know the one song. But um…let me…I’ll…I’ll see what I can do.’

‘You do that, sweetheart.’

‘Nice boots, Tinker Bell!’ One Soldier jeered which made the rest laugh.

‘Come on, guys. We’re all on the same team here.’

‘Hey, Captain! Sign this!’

Helen grimaced as the solider pulled his trousers down and mooned the stage. The other soldiers started throwing things at Steve who quickly ran backstage. The girls came back on stage and the soldiers cheered.  
  


‘Don’t worry, pal. They’ll warm up to you. Don’t worry.’ Brandt’s aide assured Steve.

‘He’s right, Steve. I’m sure they’ll love you next time.’

* * *

  
Later that day Steve was sitting on the edge of the stage sketching as Helen sat beside him when a familiar voice spoke.

‘Hello, Steve. Helen.’

Steve turned around. ‘Hi.’

‘Hi.’

‘Hey, Peggy.’

‘Hello, Helen. It’s nice to see you again.’

‘You too.’

‘What are you doin’ here?’ Steve asked.

‘Officially I’m not here at all. That was quite a performance.’

‘Yeah. Uh… I had to improvise a little bit. Crowds I’m used to are usually more uh… twelve.’

‘I understand you’re "America’s New Hope"?’  
  


  
‘Bond sales take a ten percent bump in every state I visit.’

‘Is that Senator Brandt I hear?’

‘At least he’s got me doin’ this. Phillips would have had be stuck in lab.’

‘That doesn’t sound like the Steve I know.’

‘She’s right. That doesn’t sound like the man Erskine chose.’

‘Well, Erskine’s not here anymore. I don’t really have a choice.’

‘And these are your only two options? A lab rat or a dancing monkey? You were meant for more than this, you know?’

‘What?’

‘You know for the longest time I dreamed about coming overseas and being on the front lines. Serving my country. I finally get everything I wanted, and I’m wearing tights.’

An ambulance full of wounded soldiers drove past and the three of them turned to watch.

‘They look like they’ve been through hell.’ Steve observed.

‘These men more than most. Schmidt sent out a force to Azzano. Two hundred men went up against him and less than fifty returned. Your audience contained what was left of the one-oh-seventh. The rest were killed or captured.’

‘The one-oh-seventh?’ Steve echoed as Helen paled.

‘What?’

‘Come on!’

Helen and Peggy followed Steve into a tent where Colonel Phillips was sitting at a makeshift desk.

‘Colonel Phillips.’ Steve greeted.

‘Well, if it isn’t the Star-Spangled Man With A Plan. And what is your plan today?’

‘I need the casualty list from Azzano.’

‘You don’t get to give me orders, son.’

‘I just need one name. Sergeant James Barnes from the hundred and seventh.’

Phillips pointed at Peggy. ‘You and I are gonna have a conversation later that you won’t enjoy.’

‘Please tell me if he’s alive, sir. B-A-R…’

‘I can spell. I have signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I’m sorry.’

Helen felt tears run down her face at his words and Peggy pulled her into a hug.

‘What about the others? Are you planning a rescue mission?’

‘Yeah! It’s called winning the war.’  
  


  
‘But if you know where they are, why not at least…?’

‘They’re thirty miles behind the lines. Through the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We’d lose more men than we’d save. But I don’t expect you to understand that, because you’re a chorus girl.’

‘I think I understand just fine.’

‘Well then understand it somewhere else. If I read the posters correctly, you got some place to be in thirty minutes.’

‘Yes, sir. I do.’

Steve glanced at the military map which showed where the men are. He got a determined look on his face and Helen knew exactly what he was about to do.

‘You know I’m not going to stop you.’ Helen told him once they were back in Steve’s tent.

‘I know.’

‘I am going to tell you to be careful though.’

‘I will, I promise.’

‘I’m coming with you.’

’What?!’

’You heard me, Steve. I’m coming with you. There’s no way I’m letting you do this alone.’

’I can’t let you do this.’

’Why? I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.’

’I know you are, Helen. I saw the state of Hodge’s face after you punched him.’

’Then you know that I can handle this.’

’Hodge was just one man. They’ll be hundreds at the base.’

’I can do this, Steve.’

’I know you’re a tough gal, Helen. One of the strongest I’ve ever known but I still can’t let you come.’

’Why not?’

’Have you ever fired a gun?’

’I’m pretty sure that I can learn how to, Steve. I’ve been in the midst of a battle before. Several actually.’

’You have?’

’Yes. When I was fourteen a classmate was murdered right in front of me in a freak attack. There were at least twenty of them and one of me and I still came out mostly unscathed. And I’ve been in similar situations like that one and I’m still here. I can do this, Steve. Please let me come.’

’Fine. But you stay close to me, you hear? Bucky will kill me if I let you get hurt.’

’I promise. Thanks, Steve.’

’No problem. You always believed in me. It’s time that I believed in you.’

‘What do you plan to do? Walk to Austria?’ Peggy asked as she entered the tent a few moments later.

‘If that’s what it takes.’

‘You heard the Colonel, your friend is most likely dead.’

‘You don’t know that.’

‘Even so, he’s devising a strategy. If he detects…’

‘By the time he’s done that, it could be too late!’

Steve walked out of the tent, Helen and Peggy following him.

‘You told me you thought I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?’ Steve asked Peggy.

‘Every word.’

‘Then you gotta let me go.’ Steve said as he got in a jeep.

‘I can do more than that.’

* * *

  
Peggy was able to get Steve and Helen on a plane piloted by Howard. They were flying directly to the HYDRA base where Bucky was being held.

‘The HYDRA camp is in Krausberg, tucked between these two mountain ranges. It’s a factory of some kind.’

‘We should be able to drop you right on the doorstep.’

‘Just get me as close as you can. You know, you two are gonna be in a lot of trouble at the lab.’

‘And you won’t?’

‘Where I’m goin’, if anybody yells at me I can just shoot ‘em.’

‘They will undoubtedly shoot back.’

‘Well, let’s hope it’s good for somethin’.’ Steve said, giving his shield a knock.

‘Agent Carter, if we’re not in too much of a hurry I thought we could stop off in Lucerne for a late night fondue.’

‘I don’t want to be a part of that.’

‘You don’t like fondue?’

‘Not really.’

‘Stark is the best civilian pilot I’ve ever seen. He’s mad enough to brave this airspace, we’re lucky to have him.’

‘So are you two…? Do you…? Fondue?’

Helen sighed. It seemed that Steve would always be terrible when it came to talking to women.

‘This is your transponder. Activate it when you’re ready and the signal will lead us straight to you.’

‘Are you sure this thing works?’

‘It’s been tested more than you, pal.’

‘Get back here! We’re taking you all the way in.’ Peggy yelled when Steve moved to the open door in order to jump.

‘As soon as I’m free, you turn this thing around and get the hell outta here!’

‘You can’t give me orders!’

‘The hell I can’t! I’m a Captain!’

’Steve, you promised I could go with you.’

’I’m sorry, Helen, but I can’t let anything happen to you. It’s too dangerous.’

’Promise me that you’ll bring Bucky back.’ Helen said in defeat, knowing that it was fruitless to argue with Steve when he had already made his mind up about something.

’I promise. I’m Captain America after all. I can do anything.’

With that Steve jumped out of the plane.

* * *

  
Steve was running through the dark woods when he spotted a truck driving by. He jumps in the back and takes out the two HYDRA guards in it. Eventually the truck arrived at the factory and he managed to sneak in.

He found some shiny blue cartridge and pocketed it before coming face to face with some of the captured soldiers.

‘Who are you supposed to be?’ One of them asked.

‘I’m… Captain America.’

‘I beg your pardon?’

Steve didn’t say anything in reply and he unlocked all the cells containing the prisoners. Once they were out Steve turned to one of them to ask about Bucky’s whereabouts.

‘Is there anybody else? I’m looking for a Sergeant James Barnes.’

‘There’s an isolation ward in the factory, but no one’s ever come back from it.’

‘All right. The tree line is northwest, 80 yards past the gate. Get out fast and give ‘em hell. I’ll meet you guys in the clearing with anybody else I find.’

‘Wait! You know what you’re doin’?’

‘Yeah. I’ve knocked out Adolf Hitler over two hundred times.’

* * *

  
Steve was running down an empty corridor when he spotted a man running in the other direction, a bag full of blueprints in his hands. He hesitated in going after him. He had to find Bucky. He promised Helen and he couldn’t let her down now, not after he broke his promise earlier.

A noise alerted him and he went into the room it came from. He found himself in some kind of lab. He noticed someone strapped down to a chair and his heart dropped when he realised it was Bucky.

‘Sergeant. 32557…’

‘Bucky? Oh, my God.’ Steve gasped as he unstrapped his friend.

‘Is that…’

‘It’s me. It’s Steve.’

‘Steve?’

‘Come on.’

Bucky gave him a relieved smile. ‘Steve.’

‘I thought you were dead.’

‘I thought you were smaller.’ Bucky said looking confused as he took in Steve’s appearance.

‘Come on.’

  
  
‘What happened to you?’

‘I joined the Army.’

‘Did it hurt?’

‘A little.’

‘Is it permanent?’

‘So far.’

‘Where’s Helen, Steve? Is she okay?’

‘She’s fine, Buck. I left her back at base, she’s safe. Now let’s go. I promised her that I would bring you back to her.’

‘Okay.’

Steve supported Bucky as they fled through the exploding factory. They turned a corner and were faced with two men.

‘Captain America! How exciting! I’m a great fan of your films. So Dr. Erskine managed it after all. Not exactly an improvement, but still impressive.’

Steve punched the man hard in the face in response.

‘You’ve got no idea.’

‘Haven’t I? ’

The man went to hit Steve but he blocked him with his shield. During the fight a lever was pulled and now they were on opposite sides, a canyon of space separating them.  
  


‘No matter what lies Erskine told you, you see I was his greatest success!’

Steve watched in horror as the man peeled the skin off his face to reveal red skin underneath. This man must be Johann Schmidt, also known as the Red Skull.

‘You don’t have one of those, do you?’ Bucky asked faintly.

‘You are deluded, Captain. You pretend to be a simple soldier, but in reality you are just afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind. Unlike you, I embrace it proudly. Without fear!’

‘Then how come you’re running?’

Schmidt and the other man turned and continued their escape with Steve and Bucky following hot on their heels.

‘Come on, let’s go. Up.’

Steve and Bucky were still on the other side of the catwalk and had to cross it in order to properly follow Schmidt and his companion. There was a thin gantry that they could cross but it was risky because everything was on fire beneath them and if they fell then they’d be burnt.

But they had to cross it.

‘Let’s go. One at a time.’

Steve made Bucky go first and the other man safely made it across. Unfortunately the gantry collapsed before Steve could cross.

‘Gotta be a rope or something!’ Bucky yelled.  
  


  
‘Just go! Get out of here!’ Steve told him.

‘No! Not without you!’

Seeing no other choice Steve jumped over the chasm and safely made it to the other side.  
  


* * *

  
Back at base Helen waited anxiously for news. Peggy remained by her side and she was grateful for her friend’s support. Eventually the dark haired woman led her to Phillips’ tent for some news.

‘Senator Brandt, I regret to report that Captain Steven G. Rogers went missing behind enemy lines on the third. Aerial reconnaissance has proven unfruitful. As a result, I must declare Captain Rogers killed in action. Period.’

Helen’s whole body froze at hearing those words. She couldn’t lose Bucky and Steve. She just couldn’t.

‘The last surveillance flight is back. No sign of activity.’ Peggy said quietly.  
  


‘Go get a cup of coffee, Corporal.’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘I can’t touch Stark. He’s rich and he’s the Army’s number one weapons contractor. And Evans doesn’t work for me. You are neither one and you do in fact work for me.’

‘With respect, sir, I don’t regret my actions. And I don’t think Captain Rogers did either.’

‘What makes you think I give a damn about your opinions. I took a chance with you, Agent Carter. And now America’s golden boy and a lot of other good men are dead, cause you had a crush.’

‘It wasn’t that. I had faith.’

‘Well, I hope that’s a big comfort to you when they shut this division down.’

‘What the hell’s going on out there?’ Phillips asked after commotion was heard.

The colonel exited the tent and Helen and Peggy followed him. They reached the edge of the camp and the sight they were greeted with made Helen want to cry with joy.

‘Look who it is!’ A soldier yelled and the whole crowd cheered.

Steve came forward and saluted to Phillips. ‘Some of these men need medical attention.’

‘Medic, we got wounded.’

‘Right over here.’

‘I’d like to surrender myself for disciplinary action.’

‘That won’t be necessary.’

‘Yes, sir.’

Phillips walked away, leaving Helen and Peggy standing with Steve.

‘You’re late.’ Peggy said.

Steve held up the broken transponder. ‘Couldn’t call my ride.’

‘Hey! Let’s hear it for Captain America.’ Bucky yelled.

The crowd cheered again but Helen only had eyes for the man who spoke. She stepped forward so she was a little closer to him but he hadn’t seen her yet. He turned and as soon as their eyes met his face broke out into a wide grin and he held out his arms.

Helen smiled before running into his open arms. He wrapped his arms around her before lifting her up and spinning her a couple of times. He buried his face into her hair and held her tight for a few minutes.

Eventually he loosened his grip and connected their lips. They got lost for a few minutes as they kissed for the first time in months. It was absolute heaven and neither wanted to stop. They kept kissing and cuddling each other, completely oblivious to the cheering and shouting of those around them.

They had each other now and that was all that mattered.


	32. A Hero’s Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen and Bucky spend the day reuniting.

* * *

  
After getting checked out by medical and changing into a fresh set of clothes Bucky left the infirmary and headed off to the tent that Helen had been sharing with Steve. He couldn’t believe that after all this time they were finally together again.

He entered the tent and the sight he saw melted his heart. Helen was sitting in a chair pinning her hair up, a sight he hadn’t seen in months. He had always loved watching her do this. It was so domestic and sweet.

‘Hey, doll.’

Helen turned her head and smiled at him. ‘Hey, Bucky.’

‘You look beautiful today.’

‘Thank you. I forgot how sweet you can be.’

‘I’m always sweet to you, doll.’

‘That you are. How was your night in the infirmary?’

‘Lonely. I didn’t get to snuggle with you.’

‘If it makes you feel any better we can snuggle tonight.’

‘That does make me feel better.’

‘That’s good.’  
  


  
‘I missed you so much, doll.’

‘I missed you too.’

‘I can’t believe I’m with you right now.’

‘I can’t either.’

‘I love you. God, I love you so much.’

‘I love you too. So very much.’

Bucky grabbed her gently by the waist and pulled her close before kissing her passionately. Helen threw her arms around Bucky’s neck as he lifted her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He kissed her hard for a few minutes before slowly walking to the bed. He gently laid her back against the sheets before laying on top of her and resuming their kissing.

Clothes were quickly discarded as they continued their passionate kissing. Bucky took his time to relearn every part of Helen’s body, touching her wherever he could. His hands soon trailed down to her intimate place and he didn’t hesitate to push a finger into her wet folds.

Helen groaned when she felt his finger stretching out her opening. It felt amazing. She could not accurately describe how good it felt.

‘You like that, babydoll?’

‘Yes.’

‘So you wouldn’t mind if I added another one?’

‘Add as many as you want.’

‘Your wish is my command.’

Bucky added a second finger, pushing in a little deeper. Both groaned at the feeling. It felt so good to be touching each other like this again.

‘I love you, Helen. I love you, I love you, I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

Bucky pushed his fingers in even deeper, leaning down to run his tongue along her clit. Helen moaned delightfully and Bucky stroked his tongue more firmly against her.

With the use of his fingers and tongue Helen eventually found her release and Bucky happily lapped up the sweet juices of her orgasm.

Bucky then rolled a condom onto his aching member and slowly entered her. He found his release quickly. It was too much being inside Helen again after all this time and he spilled his seed after only a couple of minutes.

‘That was amazing.’ Helen said after they had cleaned up.

‘It was, babydoll. I forgot how good it feels to be with you.’

‘Me too.’

‘I’m not leaving you again, you know.’

‘Bucky, you have to. You can’t just quit.’

‘Yes, I can. Now that I’m with you again I don’t ever want us to be apart.’

‘I can’t let you do that.’

‘Why not? I thought you’d be happy that we’re together again.’

‘I am but the war isn’t over, Bucky. You still have to fight.’

‘Not if it means being apart from you.’

‘That didn’t stop you from fighting before.’

‘I know but I can’t leave you again. The first time was nearly impossible. I can’t do it a second time.’

‘I know it’ll be hard, Bucky, but you have to do this.’

‘Don’t make me go, babydoll. I need you. I love you.’

‘I know you do and I love and need you too.’

‘Then why are you trying to send me away?’

‘I don’t want you to go anymore than you do but I know that you have to.’

‘I can get permission to stay here with you. I’ll ask for an honourable discharge. I’m sure they’ll give me it considering I was captured and everything.’

‘There is nothing honourable about leaving the army to be with your girlfriend. I dare say your intentions of staying are in fact dishonourable.’

‘What makes you say that?’

‘Isn’t it your intention to stay here and have more times like this? Where we’re naked because we’ve just had sex.’

‘Well, yes.’

‘Then I think that your reasons for leaving are definitely dishonourable.’

‘You wound me, sweet thing.’

‘I’d never hurt you, darling. I just want you to think before you make a decision like this.’

‘I know. I just can’t leave you again.’

‘Yes, you can. It’ll be hard but you will be able to do it.’

‘No, I won’t.’

‘Let’s not talk about this now. Let’s get dressed and take a walk. Enjoy the time that we’ve got.’

‘Okay, doll.’

Helen gave Bucky a tender kiss before getting up off the bed to get ready.

* * *

  
Bucky took Helen’s arm and led her out of the tent. His girl looked ravishing in her navy dress and he had a hard time keeping his eyes and hands off of her.

‘So how much of a shock was it to see Steve?’

‘You mean how Stevie turned up all tall and muscly?’

‘Yes.’

Bucky chuckled. ‘It was a definitely a shock but I wasn’t really surprised.’

‘You weren’t?’

‘No, babydoll. I had a feeling that Steve would do something reckless and signing himself up for some serum seems like something that he would do.’

‘It kind of does.’

‘Did you know about it?’

‘Not until the night before it happened. But if you’re talking about Steve joining the army I did but only after you had left.’

‘I understand why you didn’t tell me in your letters.’

‘I thought it was best that Steve tell you.’

‘I guess that’s why he never sent me a letter. He’d have to tell me he’d joined the army and become some sort of super soldier.’

‘It was better that he told you face to face.’

‘Mm.’

‘What did he tell you?’

‘When I asked what happened to him he just told me that he joined the army. I got the rest of the story from a medic.’

‘I told him to tell you everything.’

‘Well, he’s a punk. He never does what you tell him.’

‘No, he doesn’t.’

‘Hey, Barnes!’

They both turned around and saw a large man with a rather prominent moustache waving at them.

‘Who’s that?’

‘Don’t worry, I know him.’

Bucky walked over to the man and shook his hand.

‘Hey, Dugan. How’s things?’

‘It’s all good, man. How’re you?’

‘Never better, bud.’

Dugan glanced at Helen. ‘And who’s this lovely lady?’

Bucky smiled proudly. ‘This is my girl, Helen. Helen, this is Dugan. He was one of the soldiers who was captured alongside me.’

‘Pleasure to meet you, Mr Dugan.’

‘Call me Dum Dum please.’

‘Is that a nickname?’

‘Yup. Real name’s Timothy but I find it too boring.’

‘Fair enough. It’s nice to meet you, Dum Dum.’

‘The pleasure’s all mine. Where did Barnes find a beautiful woman like you?’

‘In an alley back in Brooklyn.’

Dum Dum laughed. ‘That sounds like quite a story.’

‘You could say that.’

‘It’s a wonderful story. My Helen here stepped in to help Steve when he was getting beat up by a big brute of a man. She bravely and selflessly put herself in danger to come to Steve’s aid.’

‘A brave and kind woman. Have you got a sister?’

  
  
‘Unfortunately not.’

‘Too bad. The world could use more women like you.’

‘Thank you, Dum Dum. You’re very kind.’

‘Not as kind as you, I’m sure.’

‘She is very kind.’

‘You’ve got yourself a keeper there, Barnes. Don’t let her go.’

‘I don’t plan to.’

‘I hear you, man. I’ll see you later. Me and Jim are going to check out the mess hall.’

‘See you, man.’

‘Bye, Dum Dum.’

‘See you later, lovebirds.’

‘He seems nice.’ Helen said after Dum Dum had left.

‘He is. A bit rambunctious but what soldier isn’t?’

‘So he’s the life of the party type then?’

‘He sure talks about it a lot. Says he loves nothing more than sitting in a bar drinking beer.’

‘It sounds like spending time with him would be a lot of fun.’

‘It does. We should hang out with him sometime.’

‘We should.’

‘It’s true what he said you know.’

‘What’s true?’

‘I won’t ever let you go. I plan on making you mine forever.’

‘Is that a proposal, Sergeant Barnes?’

‘Not even close to one. Just a promise of one.’

‘Don’t make me wait too long for one.’

‘I won’t. I promise.’

Bucky leaned in and kissed Helen, savouring in the feel of her lips on his. They broke apart when they heard a familiar voice calling them.

‘Hey, Stevie.’ Bucky greeted.

‘Hey, Buck. You get the all clear from the doc?’

‘I did. Where have you been anyway?’

‘Talking with Phillips. Explained what I found at the base.’

‘Has he got a plan?’

‘He does. But anyway, what have you two been up to?’

‘Do you really want to know, punk?’

‘On second thought, no I don’t. Just tell me that you didn’t do anything on my bunk.’

‘Stop bein’ gross, Stevie. I ain’t gonna do anything on your smelly bed.’

‘I’ll have you know that I’m perfectly clean.’

‘Whatever, punk.’

‘Jerk.’

‘Alright, that’s enough you two.’

‘Okay. Enough smack talking. Are you doin’ anythin’ tonight, Buck?’

‘Are you askin’ me out on a date, Stevie?’

‘Eww, no! That’s gross. Don’t say things like that, Buck!’

‘Alright, punk. You know I’m just messin’ with ya.’

‘Still, don’t put images like that in my head!’

Bucky chuckled. ‘I won’t, punk, relax.’

Steve gave Bucky a little glare. ‘Anyway, I was wonderin’ if you wanted to go out for a drink with me and the boys tomorrow night.’

‘Sure. It’ll be nice to catch up with you and see the guys again.’

‘Great. Be there at seven.’

‘I will, punk.’

‘I’ll leave you two alone.’

‘Bye, punk.’

‘Bye, Steve.’

‘Bye, lovebirds.’

Steve jogged away, leaving Helen and Bucky alone again.

‘That punk is a pain in my ass but I can’t help but love him.’

‘He does grow on you.’

‘Like a fungus.’

‘I wouldn’t go that far.’

‘Enough talk about that punk, I want to enjoy my time with you.’

‘That sounds like a very good plan.’

Bucky connected their lips again and no further words were needed.


	33. The Right Partner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a night out at a bar Helen and Bucky try to get Steve to ask Peggy out while Bucky makes an important decision about his future.

* * *

  
After spending the whole day with Helen, Bucky got himself ready to spend the evening with Steve and the other rescued soldiers. The bar was packed when he entered it and he greeted Steve and the other men before finding a quiet spot at the counter to drink his pint.

Eventually Steve joined him after convinced the men to join him in the fight against HYDRA.

Bucky let out a chuckle. ‘See? I told you. They’re all idiots.’

‘How about you? You ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?’

‘Hell, no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight. I’m following him. But you’re keeping the outfit, right?’

‘You know what? It’s kind of growing on me.’

‘You’ve recruited quite a lively bunch.’ Bucky said, referring to the loud singing that Dum Dum and the others were doing.

‘Hey, they may get a little rowdy when drunk but they’re good men.’

‘That they are. Also they’re stupid enough to accept a punk like you as their leader.’

‘Oi! That’s no way to talk to Captain America. I’m a hero.’  
  
  


‘Well, to me you’re still that little punk who got beat up because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.’

‘So you said.’

‘I was planning on giving up being a soldier before you asked me, you know.’

Steve frowned. ‘Bucky, why would you do that?’

‘Because I was sick of being away from Helen and once I got reunited with her I didn’t want to leave her again.’

‘And what did Helen say about all of this?’

‘She wasn’t happy. Said wanting to stay with her isn’t a good enough reason to quit.’

‘She’s right, Buck. Thousands of men are separated from their loved ones but they do it because they have to. You don’t have to like it but it’s what you’ve gotta do.’

‘I guess so. I just don’t know how I’m going to handle being away from Helen again. I always said the next time that I’d see her I would propose and we’d start our lives together.’

‘What’s stopping you from doing that now?’

‘The war isn’t over and I’m probably not going to see her for a few months. There’s no point in proposing if we don’t know when we’re going to see each other again.’

‘It’s not going to be like that, Bucky.’

‘What d’you mean?’

‘After we’ve finished with our missions we’ll come straight back to base which means you’ll get to see Helen a lot more.’

‘That sounds amazing.’

‘I’m sure it will be. And they’ll be nothing stopping you from starting a life with Helen, even if it is just proposing.’

‘I can’t do that right now, Stevie.’

‘Why? What’s stopping you?’

‘I don’t have an engagement ring.’

‘Then go out and buy one.’

‘I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford one.’

‘I’m sure there’s at least one that you can afford.’

‘I’m not gonna buy a ring just because I can afford it. I want to buy it because it’s the perfect ring for Helen.’

‘And what is the perfect ring?’

‘One with emeralds to match her eyes.’

‘I’m sure you’ll find one you can afford, Bucky.’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Is that all that’s stopping you? The fact that you don’t have a ring.’

‘I guess so.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘I want to propose, I really do. If I had the perfect ring then I’d propose in a heartbeat. It’s just not how I imagined I would propose to her.’

‘How did you imagine it then?’

‘I imagined the war being over and taking her to the park we had that picnic in a couple of nights before I left. I’d decorate the floor with lilies and forget me nots and have our song playing. I’d ask her to dance and then once we’d finished dancing I’d get down on one knee and propose.’

‘That... is honestly the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. I get why Helen always says you’re so sweet to her. If you talk to her like that all the time then your insides must be made of sugar.’

‘Aw, you think I’m sweet, Stevie?’

‘Shut up. I didn’t mean it like that.’

‘I know.’

‘So... that proposal plan, why can’t you do it here?’

‘Because the park we went to isn’t here. Duh, Stevie.’

‘I know that, you big jerk. I’m saying why can’t you modify that plan a little and do it here?’  
  


  
‘It’s just not how I imagined it, that’s all.’

‘Well, maybe it’s not going to be exactly the way you pictured it being but at the end of it all you and Helen will be engaged. And isn’t that worth sacrificing some of your plan for?’

‘Yeah, it is.’

‘So, when are you going to do it?’

‘I need to buy a ring first.’

‘How about we do that tomorrow?’

‘Won’t you have important stuff to do?’

‘We can do it after. This is important to you, Buck, and I want to be there to help you.’

‘Thanks, Steve. I appreciate it.’

‘No problem. So after you buy the ring when are you planning on proposing?’

‘A few days after. I need time to perfect my new plan.’

‘I can’t wait. I never thought I’d see the day that you’d become engaged.’

‘Why not?’

‘You never seemed like the type to settle down, you know. Always going after girls but losing interest after a few days. I thought you’d be a permanent bachelor until the day you met Helen.’

‘I never thought I’d see the day either. I always thought that getting married was a waste of time. I would always scoff when my parents would talk about their wedding or bring out old photo albums from when they were dating. But now I get it. Once you meet the right person it’s worth every effort in the world.’

‘It’s too bad they won’t get to see you get married. I’m sure they would have loved to be there.’

‘I think they would have. But I know they’ll be watching it from heaven.’

‘I’m sure they will. Are you going to invite your sister?’

‘I don’t know. We’ve only sent each other a couple of letters since she moved away. I don’t even know if she’d want to come.’

‘Well, one thing’s for sure, I’ll definitely be going so you’ll have at least one family member there.’

‘That’s all I really need.’

‘Are you going to marry her after the war’s over?’

‘Yes, it’s better that way. I want her to have everything and she won’t get her dream wedding if we do it while the war is still going on.’

‘Gives you something to look forward to that way.’

‘It does.’

Suddenly the loud drunken singing of Dum Dum and the others stopped. Steve and Bucky turned their heads to see what had caused them to stop all of a sudden and both their jaws dropped at the sight.

Helen and Peggy had walked into the bar in tight fitting deep red dresses and the way the dresses accentuated every one of their curves was making the two soldiers salivate with want.

When they reached Steve and Bucky Helen immediately fell into Bucky’s embrace, giving him a tender kiss, while Peggy stood a couple of feet away from Steve.

‘Captain.’ She greeted.

‘Agent Carter.’

‘Howard has some equipment for you to try. Tomorrow morning?’

‘Sounds good.’

‘I see your top squad is prepping for duty.’

‘You don’t like music?’ Bucky asked.

‘I do, actually. I might even, when this is all over, go dancing.’

‘Then what are you waiting for?’

‘The right partner. 0800, Captain.’

‘Yes, ma’am. I’ll be there.’

‘Maybe you should stay for a bit, Peggy. Perhaps the right partner will ask you to dance.’ Helen said, glancing meaningfully at Steve.

Unfortunately Steve didn’t seem to get the hint, not even when Bucky gave him a hard nudge in the ribs and titled his head towards Peggy, and the brunette woman left without getting to dance.

After she was out of sight Bucky let out a long groan. ‘My god, Stevie! You are absolutely terrible with women! She gave you the perfect opening to ask her out and you completely blew it.’

‘No, I didn’t.’

‘Yes you did, Steve. She said she would only dance if she found the right partner and you said those words when she asked you why you didn’t go dancing all those months ago. She was subtly telling you that she wanted you to ask her to dance.’

‘Oh. I guess I messed that up then.’

Bucky threw a comforting arm around Steve’s shoulder. ‘Don’t worry, pal. You’ll get it right one day.’

‘What if I never do though?’

‘You will.’

‘At least you two are happy together.’

‘Mm, you’re right. I couldn’t be happier.’

‘Me neither.’

‘I wish I could have what you two have.’

‘You will if you stop being a punk and ask that woman out.’

‘Shut up, Bucky.’

‘He’s right, Steve. You’re not going to have a relationship if you don’t ask someone out.’

‘I’ll ask her tomorrow.’

‘There’s the determined Steve we all know and love.’

‘I’m gonna turn in, guys. See you tomorrow.’

‘See ya, Stevie.’

‘Bye, Steve.’

‘Alone at last.’ Bucky grinned after Steve had left.

‘We could have left anytime we wanted to and we’re not exactly alone. We’re in a crowded bar. I think we’re the exact opposite of being alone.’

‘Well, what do you say we get out of here then?’

‘I’d say that it’s a good idea if we don’t go to the tent. Steve will be there and then we won’t be alone.’

‘How about we just snuggle then and do the naughty stuff while Steve’s out?’

‘Sounds like a perfect plan. Now lead the way, soldier.’

‘With pleasure. But I just have to say that you look absolutely ravishing in that dress and it’s gonna be hard to keep my hands off of you.’

‘You’re gonna have to. Think you can manage that?’

‘I’ll be holding you in my arms all night. I think I can manage that just fine.’

‘Let’s go then.’

They made it back to the tent and spent all night in each other’s arms, blissfully content.


	34. A Grave Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve’s plan to ask Peggy out goes awry when she witnesses him kissing another woman, though it was unwanted on his part. Luckily Helen has the perfect plan to help Peggy forgive him.

* * *

  
The next day Steve left bright and early to meet Howard, which meant that Helen and Bucky were alone in the tent. And were currently engaging in some rather naughty activities which would probably make Steve blush bright red.

Meanwhile Steve was walking through the corridors, looking for Howard.

‘Excuse me. I’m looking for Mr. Stark.’ He said to a blonde woman, a private according to her uniform.

‘He’s in with Colonel Phillips. Of course you’re welcome to wait.’

Steve nodded and perched on the edge of the desk.

‘I read about what you did.’ The private said, holding up a newspaper that detailed his rescue of Bucky and the others.

‘Oh! The…yeah! Well, that’s you know? Just doin’ what needed to be done.’

‘Sounded like more than that. You saved nearly four hundred men.’

‘Really, it’s not a big deal.’

‘Tell that to their wives.’

Steve looked at her nervously as she walked up to him. ‘Uh…I don’t think they were all married.’ He stuttered.

‘You’re a hero.’

‘Well, that…you know? That…that depends on the definition of it really.’

Steve felt himself starting to sweat when she grabbed a hold of his tie and froze when she leaned in and kissed him.

‘Captain!’

The annoyed voice of Peggy Carter caused Steve to break the unwanted kiss.

‘We’re ready for you. If you’re not otherwise occupied.’

Peggy gave him an irritated look and turned to walk away.

‘Agent Carter, wait.’

Peggy turned back around and glared at him. ‘Looks like finding a partner wasn’t that hard after all.’

‘Peggy, that’s not what you thought it was.’

‘I don’t think anything, Captain. Not one thing. You always wanted to be soldier and now you are. Just like all the rest.’

‘Well, what about you and Stark? How do I know you two haven’t been… fonduing?’

Peggy’s glare intensified. ‘You still don’t know a bloody thing about women!’

She turned around and stormed away. Steve sighed and entered Howard’s lab.

‘Fondue is just cheese and bread, my friend.’ Howard told him, having clearly overheard their argument.

‘Really? I didn’t think…’

‘Nor should you, pal. The moment you think you know what’s goin’ on in a woman’s head, it’s the moment your goose is well and truly cooked. Me, I concentrate on work. Which at the moment is about making sure you and your men do not get killed. Carbon polymer. Should withstand your average German bayonet. Although Hydra’s not going to attack you with a pocket knife. I hear you’re uh… kinda attached?’

Howard was glancing at his shield and Steve shrugged his shoulders.

‘It’s handier than you might think.’ He replied.

‘I took the liberty of coming up with some options.’ Howard said, showing him a few shields. ‘This one’s fun. She’s been fitted with electrical relays. It’ll allow you to…’

‘What about this one?’ Steve asked, picking up a round silver looking shield.

‘No! No! That’s just a prototype.’

‘What’s it made of ?’

‘Vibranium. It’s stronger than steel and a third of the weight. It’s completely vibration absorbent.’

‘How come it’s not a standard issue?’

‘That’s the rarest metal on earth. What you’re holding there? That’s all we’ve got.’

Peggy walked over as Steve was admiring the shield. ‘You quite finished, Mr. Stark? I’m sure the Captain has some unfinished business.’

‘What do you think?’ Steve asked, holding up the shield against him.

Peggy picked up a gun and shot it at Steve, who had to raise the shield in order to protect himself.

‘Yes. I think it works.’ Peggy said before walking out the lab.

‘I had some ideas about the uniform.’ Steve said after he got over the shock, handing Howard a piece of paper.

‘Whatever you want, pal.’  
  


* * *

  
A couple of hours later Steve was sitting alone on his bed sketching when Helen stormed into the tent, an angry expression on her face.

‘Hey, Helen.’

‘Don’t you hey me, Steve Rogers! What the hell did you do to Peggy to make her so upset?’

‘It was just a misunderstanding, that’s all.’

‘What happened, Steve?’

‘I was heading to Howard’s lab but this girl told me he was busy and that I could wait outside. I did and then she started talking about how much of a hero I was and how I saved all those men.’

‘That doesn’t sound so bad.’

‘Oh, it gets worse.’

‘I was afraid of that. Continue.’

‘She said that I was a hero because I rescued all those men and that their wives would be grateful. I said that I didn’t think that all of them were married. Then she said that she wanted to thank me on behalf of the women of America. And then she grabbed my tie and...’

‘And what?’

‘Kissed me.’

‘Oh. I’m guessing that Peggy saw this?’

‘She did and I don’t think that she was impressed.’

‘No, she wasn’t. When I spoke to her she kept going on about how horrible you were and that she couldn’t believe that she actually thought that you were different than the rest of them.’

‘I blew my chance with her, didn’t I?’

‘That depends. Did you want to kiss this girl?’

‘No, I definitely did not want to kiss her.’

‘Then you should explain that to Peggy.’

‘How? She won’t even talk to me. The last time I saw her she tried to shoot me.’

‘Oh, that is bad.’

‘What should I do?’

‘Apologise to her.’

‘But she won’t talk to me!’

‘Then you have to apologise in a different way.’

‘What way is that?’

‘You once gave Bucky some good advice on how to ask me out. You told him to use the language of flowers to tell me how he felt. I think you should take your own advice and give Peggy flowers that symbolise that you’re sorry.’

‘Okay then. What flowers symbolise that?’

‘Purple hyacinths.’

‘Okay. I’ll buy her purple hyacinths. Where do I get them?’

‘At a florist. I’m sure there’s one around here somewhere.’

‘You’re right. What if Peggy doesn’t know the language of flowers?’

‘Then write her a little note saying that you want to apologise and you’re giving her these flowers because they traditionally symbolise an apology.’

‘Good idea. Thanks, Helen.’

‘No problem.’

A couple of minutes after Steve left Bucky entered the tent.

‘Hey, doll. You know where Steve’s going? He seems to be in quite a hurry.’

‘He’s going to the florist to buy Peggy flowers.’

‘Is this part of his plan to ask her out?’

‘No. This is him apologising for kissing another woman and offending her.’

‘Steve kissed another woman? Why? I thought he liked Peggy.’

‘He does.’

‘Then I don’t get why he kissed another woman.’

‘Apparently she kissed him but he didn’t want to kiss her.’

‘Ah. And Peggy saw this and thought that he did?’

‘Got it in one.’

‘Ouch. Well, Stevie never did have much luck with women.’

‘I think this takes his bad luck to another level.’

Bucky snorted. ‘I’ll say. I never thought I’d see the day where Steve had to apologise to a girl he liked because they saw him kissing another girl.’

‘That ever happen to you?’

‘No. You think I’m that stupid? You never date two women at the same time. It just spells trouble and it’s just plain rude.’

‘I knew that you were always a gentleman.’

‘Well, my ma taught me to be one.’

‘She raised a pretty good one, if you ask me.’

‘Thanks, doll. So how pissed is Peggy?’

‘I think she’s beyond pissed.’

‘I wish Steve all the luck in the world then.’

‘I think she’ll forgive him.’  
  


‘You do?’

‘Yes, after she learns that he didn’t want to kiss that woman, she’ll definitely forgive him. Plus I think she’ll like the flowers Steve’s going to give her.’

‘What flowers is he giving her?’

‘Purple hyacinths.’

‘The flower of apology. How thoughtful.’

‘Well, I suggested it.’

‘I thought you might have.’

‘I really do hope that this works. I want Steve to be happy.’

‘I do too, doll, I do too.’

Thankfully Peggy did forgive Steve and she did in fact love the flowers he got her.


	35. First Comes Love...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a mission in France Bucky takes Helen out on a date and asks her a very important question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 4th of July everyone! Enjoy this special chapter in Helen and Bucky’s relationship ;)

* * *

  
A couple of weeks had passed since Steve and Peggy’s argument and the newly named Howling Commandos were on a mission in France. The SSR had set up a temporary base there so Helen was in France too.

Bucky had come up with the perfect proposal plan and was planning on doing it once he returned from this mission. He told Steve his plan and he recruited Peggy to get the flowers he wanted. It was all coming together and he couldn’t wait to propose to Helen.

He had bought the ring a couple of weeks ago when they were still in London. Steve had accompanied him and after a long search Bucky bought the perfect engagement ring for his Helen.

The mission was going to take a couple of more days so he had to wait to propose. It was all going to be worth it in the end though. He would wait for years if it meant that he could propose the way he wanted to.

They were currently walking through a forest, making their way to a HYDRA base that they were planning to destroy. Finally after hours of walking Steve gave the okay for them to stop for a rest.

Bucky let out a tired sigh before sitting down on a fallen log, smiling when he saw Steve sit down next to him out of the corner of his eye.

‘Hey, Buck.’

Bucky turned to look at his friend, his smile widening. ‘Hey, Stevie.’

‘So are you nervous about what’s gonna happen when we get back?’ Steve asked quietly, careful not to say it too loud in case the others overheard and got curious.

‘A little but I think I’m mostly excited.’

‘You have a speech prepared?’

‘I have an idea of what I want to say but I’ve not planned it out. It sounds too rehearsed that way and I want it to sound natural.’

‘When are you planning on doing it?’

‘The night after we get back. I figure a day is enough for me to get clean and finalise the plan.’

‘I’m so happy for you, man. In a couple of days you’re gonna be engaged! I can’t believe it.’

‘Shh. Keep your voice down. You know Dum Dum can’t keep his mouth shut and I don’t want him overhearing and then blabbing to Helen.’

‘Right. So where’s the ring?’

‘It’s safely tucked into the lining of my jacket. No HYDRA goon is gonna be able to take it away.’

‘Good idea.’

‘Do you think she’ll say yes?’  
  


  
‘What the HELL are you talkin’ about, Buck? Of course she’ll say yes, she loves you!’

‘But we’ve been apart for so long and I just thought that maybe she changed her mind about me.’

‘She hasn’t changed her mind, Bucky, not one bit. She keeps your letters under her pillow and she would read them when she missed you. Which was practically all the time. Her face would light up when a newletter came from you and she always had a big smile on her face when she read it. She never takes off your dog tags and she holds them in her sleep. She wears that bracelet you got her practically everyday even though it’s too fancy to wear at an army base. She loves you more than anything and I bet you that she missed you just as much as you missed her.’

‘I know, Stevie. I know deep down that all those things you said are true and I know in my heart that she’ll say yes. I don’t know why I doubted it.’

‘It’s just the nerves talking, buddy. You’ll be fine once you do propose.’

‘I guess I’m more nervous than I thought then.’

‘I think it’s pretty normal, Buck. This is a big step in your life. I would be surprised if you weren’t nervous.’

‘Thanks, punk.’

‘Jerk. So how are you gonna propose?’

‘I’m not telling you until after I do it.’

‘Why not? You told me your perfect proposal. Why not tell me your real one?’

‘Because I don’t want anyone knowing about it until I actually do it. I want to be the only one who knows.’

‘Can I hear about it after you propose?’

‘I’m sure Helen will be willing to share the details.’

‘I’m so happy for you, Bucky.’

‘I know. I’m pretty happy myself.’

‘That’s all I want. Now let’s get some sleep. We’ve got some HYDRA ass to kick tomorrow and then we’ll get you back to your girl.’

‘Okay. Night, Stevie.’

‘Night, Buck.’

* * *

  
The next day Steve got Bucky and the others up bright and early and after getting dressed and packing their stuff they were back to marching through the forest.

‘Alright, men. We’re a couple of hours from the base. When we get there we’re gonna completely destroy it. Feel free to go as crazy as you want.’

Dum Dum grinned. ‘Sounds like a plan. Let’s smash this place to smithereens boys!’

Morita and Gabe nodded in agreement and Dernier looked excited at the prospect of blowing stuff up.

‘You up for that, Buck?’

‘Hell yeah.’

Steve gave a grin of his own. ‘Great. Now that’s everyone’s on board, let’s get to that base and destroy it.’

After walking for what seemed like forever the base was finally in sight and everyone was eager to conflict some damage onto it.

‘Alright everyone. You know the plan. Now let’s go.’

An hour later they had completely wrecked the place. Not a single structure was standing and the bomb that Dum Dum had let off had set the whole place on fire. After deeming it destroyed enough Steve gave the order to start heading back.

Bucky grinned as soon as Steve said those words. Heading back meant going to the SSR base where Helen was. He was finally going to get to propose to the love of his life.

* * *

  
Bucky was glad to be back. After greeting Helen with a passionate kiss and taking a shower he started to make the final preparations for his proposal plan. He had Steve collect the flowers from Peggy and put them in a vase to make sure that they were fresh enough for tomorrow. Peggy was busy distracting Helen so she wouldn’t walk in the room while Bucky was still preparing and ruin the surprise.

Eventually he finished and gave Steve the go ahead to bring Helen back, smiling when she came through the door ten minutes later. They got dressed for bed and snuggled close to each other. Helen fell asleep right away but Bucky lay awake almost all night. He was so nervous. He wanted this to go perfectly. Helen deserved nothing less.

* * *

  
The next day Bucky rose before the crack of dawn. He had barely slept last night, only getting a couple of hours sleep. He just wanted everything to go right and he spent half the night going through all the possibilities that could ruin it. He just hoped that Helen didn’t notice the fact that he was shaking with nerves.

Luckily Peggy had invited Helen to spend the day with her so it was unlikely that she would notice that he was sweating buckets. But there was always a chance. Helen was unusually observant and it would just be his luck that she noticed that something was going on.

While Helen and Peggy were off doing whatever they did when they hung out, Bucky spent the day with his best friend.

‘So you got everything ready?’ Steve asked over the noise of the pub.

Bucky took a sip of his pint before answering. ‘Yeah. I just need to bring the flowers to the spot I’m gonna propose in.’

‘You picked a spot?’

‘Yeah. I’m planning on proposing by the lake in the park I’m taking her too.’

‘Sounds nice. You getting nervous?’

‘Yeah. I feel like I’m drenched with sweat.’

‘Don’t be nervous, Buck. You know that she’s gonna say yes.’

‘I know. I just want everything to be perfect.’

‘It will be, pal.’

‘Thanks, Stevie.’

‘You got the ring?’

‘In the pocket of the slacks I’m wearing tonight.’  
  


  
‘Is it well hidden?’

‘Yup. There’s no way Helen will find it.’

‘You put them under my bed didn’t you?’

‘Of course I did. She’ll never look under your bed.’

‘Fine, you jerk. What flowers did you buy?’

‘I’m not telling you anythin’, Stevie. So just drop it.’

‘Aw come on, Buck! I’m your best friend.’

‘I don’t want anyone knowing until I actually propose.’

‘But you told Peggy what flowers you bought.’

‘That’s only because I needed someone to pick them up while I was away.’

‘You’re not gonna budge, are you?’

‘Nope.’

‘Fine. Am I at least allowed to ask what time you’re leaving?’

‘Seven.’

‘Huh?’

‘We’re leaving at seven.’

‘Oh. Thanks, jerk.’

‘No problem.’

‘I can’t believe you’re gonna be engaged.’

‘Me neither.’

‘Soon you’ll be married.’

‘I know.’

‘You’ll have a wedding.’

‘I will. And about that wedding I want to ask you somethin’.’

‘What is it, Buck?’

‘Will you, uh, will you be my best man?’

‘Oh my god! Of course I will, Bucky.’

‘Thanks, punk. There’s no one else I’d ask.’

‘I know. You’re my best friend too.’

‘I know, pal. Until the end of the line, right?’

‘Until the end of the line.’

* * *

Time passed quickly and it was soon time for Bucky to get ready. He told Helen to wear something nice since he was planning to take her out a romantic walk. Bucky got dressed in his formal uniform, the only remotely fancy thing he had right now. Helen was getting dressed in Peggy’s quarters so he was able to bring the ring out of his pocket and glance at it. It really was the perfect ring for Helen. Every time he looked at it he was reminded of his love.

Gathering his little bouquet of lilies of the valley and forget me nots in one hand and putting the ring back in his pocket with the other, he took a deep calming breath before leaving his room and heading over to Peggy’s rooms to pick Helen up.

Peggy greeted him with a smile when she opened the door and let him in.

‘Good luck.’ She whispered.

Bucky thanked her before turning his gaze towards Helen. She was wearing a dark purple dress that had lattice detailing around the neckline and the edge of the sleeves. She looked absolutely breathtaking and it took everything Bucky had not to gather her in his arms and make love to her. Thankfully that would come later.

‘Hey, love. You look beautiful.’ Bucky complimented, his eyes raking over her deep purple dress that accentuated her curves.

‘Thank you, honey. You look very handsome tonight.’

‘Really?’  
  


  
‘Oh yeah. Haven’t seen you in your dress uniform since the night you left. I forgot how irresistible it makes you.’

‘Irresistible, huh? You sure you’re not talking about yourself, sweet thing?’

Helen hit him lightly on the arm. ‘Stop being such a charmer.’

‘I can’t. You just bring it out in me.’

‘Alright then, Prince Charming.’

‘Love you, my Cinderella.’

‘Love you too, my prince.’

‘You ready to go?’

‘Yes. Where are we going?’

‘It’s a surprise, doll. Don’t try and ruin it.’

‘I thought we were going on a romantic walk.’

‘We are.’

‘Then why are you trying to surprise me?’

‘I’m just trying to be romantic.’

‘Okay then.’

‘Come on, babydoll. Let’s go before it gets dark.’

‘Okay. Bye, Peggy.’

‘Bye, Helen.’

‘For you, my darling.’ Bucky said after they left Peggy’s, handing her the bouquet.

‘Oh Bucky, thank you. Lilies of the valley and forget me nots. So special.’

‘You like them?’

‘You included them in the first ever bouquet you gave me. Of course I love them.’

‘I’m glad, doll.’

‘Are you sure you can’t tell me where we’re going?’

‘I told you, love, it’s a surprise.’

‘Not telling me where you’re taking me isn’t very romantic.’

‘Don’t worry babydoll, you’ll find out very soon.’

‘You’re lucky that I love you so much.’

‘I really am. And I love you too, sweetheart. To the moon and back.’

* * *

  
Ten minutes later they had arrived at the entrance of the park.

‘We’re here, my love.’

Helen gasped. ‘We’re going for a walk in the park?’

‘We are.’

‘Oh Bucky! It’s perfect. It’ll be just like that time that we danced in the park back in Brooklyn.’

‘It is, doll, and we’ll definitely be doing a lot of dancing.’

‘Come on, Bucky. Let’s go in.’

‘As you wish.’

* * *

Bucky led Helen through the winding pathways of the garden, not stopping once. He didn’t want to stop until they got to the lake. If he did he might not do it. Fortunately Helen didn’t seem to notice that his mind was preoccupied and was happy to continue walking.

‘This is so romantic.’

‘It really is, sweet thing.’

‘How did you find this place anyway?’

‘I wanted to find the perfect place to take you out once I got back and I found this place after some searching and I knew it was the right place.’

‘Right place for what?’

‘To dance of course.’

‘But we’re still walking.’

‘Just wait a minute, love.’

‘Okay.’

After a few more minutes of walking they arrived at the lake and it really was the perfect place to propose. The moonlight gave it an ethereal glow and the lilies, myrtle and forget me nots surrounding the edge of the lake made it look like a scene out of romance novel.

Helen wasn’t looking in the direction of the lake so Bucky asked her to turn a little. She gasped in delight when she saw the lake all decked out with flowers.

‘Bucky, this is beautiful. I can’t believe you did this.’

‘Anything for my best girl.’

‘Thank you, Bucky. This is absolutely perfect. I love you so much.’

‘I love you too, doll. Do you want to take a walk around the lake?’

‘Of course I do.’

‘Let’s go then, my fair lady.’

‘Lead the way, my handsome prince.’

* * *

  
Bucky walked arm in arm with Helen as they strolled around the lake. He was minutes away from proposing and he could barely contain his excitement. He led Helen to the spot he picked and stopped.

‘Why did we stop?’

‘We stopped to dance, sweet thing.’

‘Oh. Let’s do it then.’

‘I thought you’d never say yes.’

‘I’ll always say yes.’

Bucky has to refrain himself from getting down on one knee and proposing right then and there but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bear to ruin the perfect plan that he had. But boy was it tempting.

He gathered Helen into his arms and spun her around in a slow waltz. Five minutes later the dance ended and his moment came.

‘Babydoll, have you seen the flowers on the grass?’

‘Oh, I’ll go look.’

Helen turned around and admired the flowers while Bucky pulled the ring box out of his pocket and waited.

‘Oh Bucky, darling, this is wonderful. Lilies and forget me nots, they’re my favourites. And myrtles, so beautiful.’

‘Just like you, doll. You wanna turn around for me?’

‘Why? What am I looking at no-?’

Helen’s words were cut off by a startled gasp as she turned around and saw Bucky down on one knee.

‘Oh Bucky.’

Bucky smiled and opened the ring box before speaking.

‘Doll, I love you. I’ve never loved anyone more than I love you. You’re my whole world. Everything I do I do it for you, to make you happy. Because you’ve made me happier than I ever thought I could be and I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t make you just as happy. When I’m with you nothing else matters and I’d go to the ends of the earth just to see you smile. You’re my everything, my soulmate, my love. I want forever with you and I’d do anything to make that happen. So, I ask you, Helen Evans, will you do me the honour of marrying me?’

Helen had tears streaming down her cheeks but Bucky knew from the big smile on her face that they were happy tears. He waited with bated breath for her answer.

Helen let out a wet laugh and wiped her eyes before choking out a response.

‘Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.’

Bucky beamed as Helen knelt down so he could put the ring on her finger, which he did with unadulterated joy.

‘I love you so much, my future wife.’

‘I love you too, my future husband.’

Bucky leaned in and closed the gap between them, sharing their first kiss as an engaged couple.


	36. Wedding Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen and Bucky discuss wedding plans with the help of Steve and Peggy.

* * *

  
The next day Helen and Bucky were still riding the high of being engaged, lost in a world of their own. They spent the morning in bed, cuddling and making love. Eventually they had to part as Bucky had to talk with Steve about their next mission but even though they weren’t attached at the hip their thoughts were still on each other and their recent engagement.

A few minutes after Bucky had left their room Helen got dressed and headed over to Peggy’s rooms. She knew that the brunette had a rare day off and she wanted to discuss wedding plans with her friend as well as show off her beautiful engagement ring.

Bucky really had picked the perfect ring. It had a solid gold band with three stones on it: an emerald in the middle and two diamonds on either side. Bucky said the emerald matched her eyes and that’s why he picked it. And now she was looking at it the ring really did match her eyes. The diamonds reminded Helen of Bucky’s icy blue eyes so it was a ring that represented the two of them.

Helen knocked on Peggy’s door and smiled when the brunette opened it and let her in.

‘Hey, Peggy.’

‘Hello, Mrs Barnes.’

‘Stop that. I won’t be called that until we actually get married.’

‘Do you want to be Mrs Barnes?’

‘Of course I do. I’ve just got to wait until after the wedding to actually call myself that.’

‘It must be exciting.’

‘It is.’

‘So when is the wedding?’

‘After the war.’

‘But that could take years.’

‘We’re willing to wait.’

‘You must really love each other then to wait that long.’

‘We do.’

‘Mm. What are your plans for the wedding?’

‘I haven’t discussed it with Bucky but I want a simple wedding with all our favourite flowers as decorations.’

‘Sounds nice. Where are you planning on getting married?’

‘At Bucky’s local church back in Brooklyn.’

‘Is that where you want to get married?’

‘Of course.’

‘Don’t you want to get married in England?’

‘No. There’s nothing for me there anymore.’  
  


  
‘I see. Do you have a guest list?’

‘Not yet. But speaking of guest lists I’ve got a question for you.’

‘Yes?’

‘Would you attend the wedding as my maid of honour?’

‘You’re asking _me_ to be your maid of honour?’

‘Of course I am. You’re the only real female friend I’ve got. Plus, the only other close friend I’ve got is Steve and Bucky’s already asked him to be his best man and it wouldn’t be proper to ask him anyway. So, will you?’

‘Yes, I’d be honoured.’

‘Yay. So, as my maid of honour, you have to help me plan the wedding.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes. I can’t get help with my dress from Bucky. He’s not supposed to see it and if I asked Steve he would probably blab to Bucky as soon as he asked about it.’

‘Okay. So what kind of dress do you like?’

‘I like silk satin.’

‘Okay, so we’ll shop for a silk satin dress then. What style?’

‘Ball gown. Long sleeved.’

‘Okay. That’s a perfect start. We’ll put a date in the calendar to go dress shopping.’

‘Great. So what style of dress do you like?’

‘For what?’

‘For your bridesmaid dress, silly.’

‘Oh. I guess I prefer a dress with sleeves.’

‘Okay. Got it. You fine with red?’

‘Yes.’

‘Good. So you’ll have a red dress with sleeves.’

‘Okay. Has Steve asked about me?’

‘Not really. He’s mostly too excited about the wedding to talk about anything else.’

‘Oh.’

‘Don’t take it personally, Peggy. Women are a hard subject for Steve. He doesn’t know how to talk to them and he’s painfully shy.’

‘But he’s Captain America now. That’s got to have given him a confident boost.’

‘Underneath that all he’s still the same Steve he was before.’

‘Has he ever had a relationship before?’

‘No.’

‘Does he want one?’

‘He’d love one but he doesn’t know how to ask.’

‘Should I ask him?’

‘Before you do I want to ask you something.’

‘Okay. Go on.’

‘Do you really like Steve?’

‘Of course I do.’

‘Did you like him before he got the serum or did you start liking him after?’

‘Why are you asking me this?’

‘Because Steve is my best friend and I want the best for him. I don’t want him to settle for a woman who only liked him after the serum. Because what really makes Steve a catch is his big heart and his strong morals. Do not ask him out if you only like him for his Captain America physique.’

‘I won’t. I really do like Steve.’

‘For him?’

‘I think so.’

‘Then you should get to know him better before you ask him out. I don’t want his heart to be broken again.’

‘Okay. I will.’

‘Good. You can talk to him when he comes over to my room later.’

‘I’ll try.’

‘Great. I’ll see you later, Peggy.’

‘Bye, Helen.’

* * *

  
Helen felt so bad about what she said to Peggy that she invited her to her room while Bucky and Steve were still out an hour after she had left the brunette’s room.

‘I’m so sorry, Peggy.’

‘It’s okay, Helen. You were just looking out for your friend.’

‘Still, I shouldn’t have been so harsh.’

‘No, I don’t think you were. If my brother was still alive I would probably do the same thing you did to the girl he wanted to date.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. You just wanted to make sure that Steve was going to date someone who liked him for who he was and I really admire that.’

‘You do?’

‘Of course. I think it’s sweet how protective you are of Steve. God knows someone needs to look after his wellbeing since he won’t do it himself.’

‘You know I think that you’re perfect for Steve.’

‘That was a bit sudden. What made you so sure?’

‘What you just said about Steve needing someone to look out for him because he doesn’t look after himself is exactly what Bucky says. And I know for a fact that Bucky loves Steve for who he is and didn’t care what he looked like before. So you have my blessing to ask Steve out if you want to.’

‘Do you think he would like it if I asked him?’

‘Well, Steve is a hopeless romantic so maybe he would want the honour of asking you out. That being said, I think that you should definitely make the first move because if you wait for him to do it then you’ll be waiting for years.’

‘What should I do?’  
  


  
‘Maybe you should just kiss him. I think that would shock him enough to ask you out.’

‘Maybe I’ll try that then.’

‘Try what?’

Helen quickly turned around at the sound of her fiancé’s voice and smiled at him in greeting.

‘Hey, honey. Are you sneaking up on me now?’

‘You know I’d never do that, babydoll. I just didn’t want to interrupt your conversation.’

‘How thoughtful of you.’

‘So what is Peggy trying?’

‘Bucky, that was a private conversation.’

‘So I’m not allowed to find out?’

‘Not unless Peggy wants to tell you.’

Bucky looked to Peggy and frowned when she shook her head.

‘Don’t take it too hard, darling. It was just some girl talk.’

‘But that makes me want to find out more!’

‘Too bad. You’re not finding out.’  
  
  


‘You’re so cruel to me, doll.’

‘I am not. And speaking of cruel, did you just abandon Steve?’

‘No, I didn’t just abandon Steve. How horrible do you think I am?’

‘Well, that depends on where Steve is.’

‘He’s right behind me.’

‘Then I suppose you’re very nice.’

‘Thanks, love.’

‘Ugh. Is Bucky being all sappy again?’ Steve asked as he entered the room.

‘I am not. You just shut your mouth.’ Bucky scolded, hitting Steve on the arm.

‘Don’t speak to your Captain like that. I’ll have you drawn up for insubordination.’

‘Oh please, you can’t tell me what to do. I’ve saved your scrawny behind so many times. You wouldn’t even be a “Captain” if it wasn’t for me.’

‘And where exactly would I be?’

‘Six feet under, _Captain_.’

‘Alright boys, that’s enough.’

‘Sorry, Helen.’

‘Yeah. Sorry, love. It won’t happen again.’

‘I’ll believe that when I see it.’

‘What are you all doing in here anyway?’

‘Peggy and I were just talking about the wedding, Steve.’

‘I see. And did you make any decisions?’

‘Yes but you’re not allowed to know what we decided.’

‘Why not?’

‘The groom and the best man do not find out what the bride and her maid of honour are wearing until the wedding, Steven.’

‘Well put, Peggy.’

‘Thank you.’

‘So you do know what you’re wearing then?’

‘We’re not telling you anything, Bucky.’

‘That’s not fair, doll.’

‘You can’t break tradition, Bucky.’

‘Can’t you just give me a little clue?’

‘No.’

‘Aw.’

‘Don’t worry, Buck. It won’t be long until the wedding.’

‘That doesn’t make me feel any better, Stevie.’

‘I know.’

‘Punk.’

‘Jerk.’

‘The war is ending soon though, isn’t it?’

‘They think so but nobody really knows. It could be a good few years before it actually does end.’

‘You two are the worst. The best man and maid of honour are supposed to support the bride and groom, not make them feel worse.’

‘I thought you were willing to wait.’

‘I am but you don’t need to remind me that I won’t be getting married for a while.’

‘So impatient.’

‘Shut up, Steve.’

‘Well, we may not be getting married for a bit but we can still plan it all out.’

‘Good idea, doll. I knew you’d be kind to me.’

‘I’m your future wife. It wouldn’t be right if I wasn’t.’

‘I like the sound of that.’

‘Do you now, future husband?’

‘Mm. Definitely.’

‘Alright, before you two have sex in front of everyone, let’s discuss plans for the wedding. You know, the reason why we’re all here.’

‘Okay. Let’s begin.’

‘So as the bride, I’ll have a bouquet but I think I’ll decide what’ll be in it later. But I still want to discuss flowers for the rest of the wedding.’

‘Okay, babydoll. What did you have in mind?’

‘Roses, myrtle, forget me nots, lilies, lilies of the valley, hyacinths, ivy, baby breath. Is there anything else you want?’

‘I like all those but I think we’ll need to consult the language of flowers to complete the arrangement. I want flowers that say wedding and happily ever after.’

‘I like that. We’ll look later.’

‘Okay, so what are you thinking in terms of colours?’

‘How about red, white and blue?’ Peggy joked.

‘That’s not funny.’

‘It is a little but I think we should save those colours for when you get married, Steve.’

‘If I get married.’

‘Stop being so negative.’

‘I can’t help it.’

‘Be quiet, punk. This day isn’t about you.’

‘Anyway, have you two discussed colours?’

‘I do like the idea of red. It’s both of our favourite colours.’

‘It is. I think we should include white though. It is the traditional wedding colour after all.’

‘Are you making fun of me?’

‘I told you this isn’t about you.’

‘It feels a little like you are.’

‘We weren’t going to pick blue anyway.’

‘So what colour are you picking?’

‘I was thinking gold.’

‘If that’s what you want, babydoll, then I like it.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. We’ll have red, white and gold at our wedding.’

‘I can’t wait for it to happen.’

‘Me neither.’


	37. Yuletide Celebrations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After returning from a mission Steve and Bucky celebrate Christmas with Helen.

* * *

  
A few weeks had passed since she and Bucky had first got engaged and Helen could not be happier. Bucky and Steve had successfully completed their latest mission and were safe and unhurt andwould be home in time for Christmas, which was in a few days time.

Plus this mission being a success meant that they were one step closer to winning the war, which was good news in itself but what made it even better was the fact that they would be closer to getting married.

Of course it was a little bittersweet for Helen since she was unable to have Ron and Hermione attend. It was not at all how she pictured getting married and even though she couldn’t be happier that she was marrying Bucky, sometimes she wished that she wasn’t. Yes she loved Bucky and he was definitely the one for her but not having her two best friends there made it seem a little pointless.

Hermione would not be her maid of honour like she always imagined she would be and Ron would not be among the groomsmen. Mr and Mrs Weasley would not be there to give her away and Ginny would not be able to be a bridesmaid. Neither would Luna whose optimism Helen could use in a time like this. George would not be there to jokingly flirt with the female guests and cause his usual mischief, though it was more subdued since Fred had died. Hagrid would not be there taking up twice the space of a normal guest and neither would the strict yet caring presence of McGonagall. No one back home would see her get married and it was honestly breaking her heart. These people had seen her grow up and it killed her to know that they were not going to witness this important stage of her life.

She honestly didn’t know how she was going to manage getting married without them and it wasn’t exactly like she could tell Bucky this. He would suggest that she go and invite them in person and he couldn’t understand that she wasn’t inviting them because most of them weren’t born. She was pretty sure that Dumbledore would be alive and well in this time but she still couldn’t invite him as he wasn’t supposed to know her yet.

But there was no way around this. As much as she wished that they could be there it was impossible for them to and she just had to enjoy the guests that she could have. And it wasn’t all bad. She was getting married to the love of her life. This would be one of the happiest days of her life. It would just be happier if she could have everyone she loved attend it.

Though she was more than happy to have Steve there. He had become her best friend in the time she had been here and she honestly didn’t know what she would do without him. He had become almost as important as Ron and Hermione and she was glad that at least one of her best friends would be at her wedding. Even if she would rather have Ron and Hermione there. But that being said Peggy was becoming a very good friend and although she would never take the place of Hermione it eased the burden on her heart to have a friend that reminded her so much of her best friend. It was nice to have someone close to her as her maid of honour.

But she couldn’t think about the wedding right now. It wasn’t happening for a while anyway and she had more important things happening right now. Like Bucky coming back from his mission.

She was told that he would be arriving back at the base early tomorrow and she couldn’t be more excited to see him. She hadn’t seen him in over two weeks and she had missed him so much. It was hard being apart in times like this because she had no idea whether or not he would come back alive.

She couldn’t bear the thought of Bucky and Steve not coming back alive. If the love of her life and her best friend didn’t come back then she didn’t know what she would do. Her relationship with Bucky and close friendship with Steve were her reasons for being happy and if they were gone then she didn’t know if she could handle being in the past anymore.

And thinking about Steve and Bucky not returning made her mind wander to when she would return to her own time. She knew it had to happen. She couldn’t stay here forever when she was needed back in the future and it was only a matter of time before she was transported back. It killed her to know that her time here was limited and it was even worse that she didn’t know exactly how long she had left here. She couldn’t bear to leave Bucky so soon and it was horrible to know that she might have to leave before they got to spend the rest of their lives together.

She was brought out of her rather depressing thoughts by Peggy calling her name.

‘Hey. What’s up?’

‘I wanted to let you know that Steve called to say they would be here a day early.’

‘So that means that they’re coming today?’

‘Yes. They’re about twenty minutes away.’

‘I better get dressed then.’

‘I’m sure Bucky wouldn’t mind you greeting him in your dressing gown.’

‘Agent Carter, are you suggesting I walk about the camp in my underwear? Because that’s positively scandalous.’

‘I’m sure you’ll be fine waiting here since Bucky is waiting right outside the door.’

‘What? He is?’

‘You bet he is.’

‘Well, let him in then.’

‘Have fun.’

As soon as Peggy had closed the door it had opened again and Bucky came through.

‘Hey, doll. You miss me?’

‘Of course I did.’

‘Mmm. I missed you too.’

‘Come here then.’

Bucky grinned before crawling on the bed beside her and capturing her lips in a fierce kiss. Their reunion was frantic and passionate and it certainly did help that Helen hadn’t bothered to get dressed.  
  


* * *

  
A few days after Steve and Bucky returned it was time to celebrate Christmas. Helen dressed for the occasion in a festive red dress and put a sprig of holly in her hair. Bucky had attached a matching sprig of holly to his tie and forced Steve to add one to his. Howard had managed to find them a turkey though he had declined to attend their dinner. Even Peggy had to decline since Phillips refused to let his staff have the whole day off since in his words a war doesn’t stop just because it’s the holidays.

Luckily since Steve was Captain America he could do what he liked and got Bucky the whole day off too. Dum Dum and the other Commandos had decided to spend their day off drinking at the pub and talking to girls so it would just be the three of them dining together.

Helen had spent the whole morning preparing the meal alone because Bucky and Steve had gotten into a wrestling match and broken a plate and had gotten on her nerves as a result. She just hoped that Bucky wouldn’t get too drunk at the pub or the two of them would cause a brawl. She didn’t know if she could handle that kind of trouble from them. Christmas was her favourite holiday and she always had happy memories spending Christmas at Hogwarts. She wouldn’t have Steve and Bucky ruining it. Especially since it was the first Christmas they would spend together since Bucky had left.

By mid afternoon everything was ready so she headed off to the pub to bring Steve and Bucky back.  
  


Fortunately Steve and Bucky weren’t causing any trouble when she got there and it didn’t seem like Bucky had had too much to drink. The other Commandos on the other hand, especially Dum Dum, looked like they definitely had far too much to drink and Helen was glad that they weren’t coming to the dinner.

‘Alright boys, dinner’s ready.’

Steve drained his pint with an excited expression on his face. ‘Great. Let’s go, Buck.’

‘I’m not finished yet.’

‘Hurry up then. I’m starving.’

‘You’re always hungry, punk.’

‘Shut up, you jerk. It’s Christmas. Of course I want to eat all that turkey.’

‘You better not, you little punk. That turkey is for all of us.’

‘Just hurry up both of you before it gets cold.’

‘I’m ready. It’s Bucky who’s taking a week.’

‘Can it, you little shit. I’m nearly ready anyway.’

‘Watch your language, jerk. Is that how you talk in front of your future wife? You don’t talk with a dirty mouth in front of your lady.’

‘Relax, Steve. I don’t care if Bucky swears or not.’

‘Just keep the dirty words to a minimum.’

‘Whatever you say, Captain.’

‘Stop saying that, Helen. You know how it creeps me out.’

‘Fine. Are you finished yet, Bucky?’

‘Yep. Let’s go eat.’

‘Finally.’

* * *

  
The three of them had a pleasant meal. Steve ate almost half the turkey and was kind enough to leave the rest for Helen and Bucky. Although it wasn’t entirely his decision since Bucky elbowed him hard in the ribs when he tried to take more after his eighth helping. But the blond didn’t take it too hard and promptly began demolishing the bowl of mashed potatoes, causing Bucky to guard the plate of tater tots.

‘Don’t eat too much, Steve. We’ve still got the pumpkin pie and Christmas pudding to go.’

‘Mm. Can’t wait to try that Christmas pudding. It sounds delicious.’

‘Then don’t make yourself sick by eating a whole bowl of mash, Stevie.’

‘Oh please, I can eat twice as much as this and be fine.’

‘Better safe than sorry, pal.’

‘Fine. Does anyone want the rest of this mash?’

‘You’ve finished it all.’

‘There’s a little spoonful left in the corner.’

‘Why don’t you finish that off ?’

‘Thanks, Buck. You’re a good friend.’

‘You’re welcome, bud. You’re a good friend too.’

‘Mm. That mash was good.’

‘I thought you might say that. You did eat it all.’

‘Well, nobody else asked for any.’

‘You didn’t offer.’

‘Sorry.’

‘It’s alright, Steve. Bucky ate all the tater tots anyway.’

‘What happened to better safe than sorry?’

‘I didn’t eat half the turkey, punk. I’ll be fine.’

‘Whatever you say, Buck.’

‘So are we ready to eat dessert now?’

‘Be patient, Bucky. We’ve still got some mains left.’

‘Fine. But I get the first bit of the Christmas pudding.’

‘Damn it. I should have called it.’

‘You snooze you lose, Stevie.’

‘No fighting at the table, boys.’

‘Sorry, Helen.’

‘Okay. So who wants some peas?’

‘Forget them. Give me the roast potatoes.’

‘Alright, Steve. You have the roasts. Bucky, do you want any peas?’

‘I do, babydoll.’

‘Here you go.’

‘Thanks, love.’  
  


* * *

  
After finishing all the mains and sides it was time to serve the desserts. As promised Bucky was given the first piece of the Christmas pudding and he gave it an excellent review. This prompted Steve to ask for a slice even after he had put away two slices of pumpkin pie.

‘This is amazing, Helen.’ Steve complimented, his mouth full of Christmas pudding.

‘Thanks, Steve.’

‘Merry Christmas, everyone.’

‘Merry Christmas, Buck.’

‘Yeah. Merry Christmas, honey. And to you as well, Steve.’

‘To having a very merry Christmas.’


	38. Under The Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple cough becomes fatal for Helen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Physical assault and attempted rape.
> 
> I apologise in advance for this chapter. It’s a tearjerker but it had to be done :(

* * *

  
Christmas had come and gone and they were now in a brand new year. Unfortunately this new year meant that Steve and Bucky were constantly on missions and the separation was taking its toll on Helen. This latest mission meant that Bucky had been away for a few days and would not return for a couple of weeks. She missed him so much and she didn’t even have Steve to keep her company as he was out on the mission as well.

Luckily Peggy and Howard were more than happy to distract her from missing her two favourite soldiers. Peggy shared stories of what it was like to be a woman in the army and Helen told her some of the adventures she, Ron and Hermione got up to in return. Howard, on the other hand, let her spend time in his lab watching him create various things. It comforted her to know that Steve and Bucky were using weapons and armour that were made by someone as meticulous as Howard.

Unfortunately spending time with Peggy and Howard didn’t stop her from running into the despicable Gilmore Hodge. She groaned at the thought of speaking to him. She really couldn’t stand him and she didn’t know how he hadn’t figured that out yet.

‘Hey there, pretty lady.’

‘Hello Hodge.’

‘I told you to call me by my first name, sweetheart.’

‘And I told you that I wouldn’t do that.’

‘Aw come on, darling, don’t you want to get to know me better?’

‘No. I would rather not know you at all.’

‘Damn girl. Your words sting as much as your punches.’

‘So you’ll leave me alone then?’

‘Not a chance, beautiful. Can’t leave a lady like you all lonely.’

‘I’m not lonely.’

‘Oh but I think you are, my sweet.’

‘And why do you think that?’

‘Didn’t your fella abandon you a few days ago?’

‘No, he didn’t abandon me a few days ago. He left for an important mission. Something I see that you are not apart of.’

‘Hey, I’m doing plenty important stuff.’

‘Oh yeah? Like what?’

‘I assist Phillips a lot.’

‘Mm. That’s very noble and will surely help win the war.’

‘Well at least I’m here with you. Unlike that boyfriend of yours.’

‘You mean my fiancé?’

‘I thought he hadn’t proposed yet. Real shame. I would have proposed the second I met you.’

‘Well, he did propose. A couple of months ago in fact.’

‘And I suppose you said yes?’

‘I did.’

‘I’m afraid I’ll need proof.’

‘You’ll need proof?’

‘Yes. I’m gonna need you to show me the ring.’

‘Fine.’

Helen held up her left hand to show off her ring and smirked in satisfaction when Hodge’s face fell.

‘Is that proof enough for you?’

‘It is.’

‘So you’ll stop bothering me?’

‘Now why would I do that?’

‘Because I’m happily engaged and soon will be happily married.’

‘You don’t want one last one night stand before you get married to that loser?’

‘No, I don’t. Especially not with you. And Bucky isn’t a loser, you are.’

‘Oh come on, doll, just let loose and have fun with me.’

‘No. Now leave me alone before I make you.’

‘Just one kiss, honey.’

‘Drop dead, moron.’

Hodge’s face contorted with rage and he harshly grabbed her wrist and pulled her flush against him.

‘You’ve told me no for the last time. Now shut up and take what I’m gonna give you.’

Helen whimpered. The punishing grip he had on her wrist hurt like hell and she was struggling to get out of it.

‘Please, leave me alone.’

Hodge slapped her hard across the face. ‘Shut up!’

The shock of getting slapped stopped Helen from trying to escape and Hodge took full advantage of this. Tears streamed down her face as Hodge’s meaty hands went to the zip of her dress and started to undo it. The zip was halfway down when he grabbed her other wrist and held them tightly.

  
‘You’ve denied me for the last time, bitch. Now I’m going to take what should be mine.’

Helen screamed in terror as Hodge brutally threw her to the ground and held her down by the wrists. Her mind flashed back to when Bellatrix Lestrange did this and she froze in horror as she remembered the other witch brutally carving a jagged line into her left arm. She knew that something just as horrible was about to happen right now and she was powerless to stop it.

She let out a pained scream as Hodge slapped her face again and told her to shut up. Not wanting to get hit again she bit her lip to stop herself from screaming. Tears continued to fall down her face as Hodge lowered one of his hands to the zipper on his slacks while keeping the other one held tightly over her wrists. The sound of the zipper being undone made her insides freeze in terror and disgust. This really was happening. She was about to be raped by this vile brute of a man.

Hodge was just pulling down his slacks when an angry voice rang out.

‘Hodge! What in God’s good name is the meaning of this?!’

Helen breathed a sigh of relief when she recognised Phillips’ voice. She was surely safe now.

‘Colonel Phillips. I-I didn’t s-see you there.’

‘Let go of her now before I pummel you to the ground!’

Hodge abruptly released her and she let out a relieved sigh as she stood and pulled the zip of her dress back up.

‘Come with me, you dirty scallywag and I’ll administer your punishment. It’s best to do it in private though since what I’m about to do to you isn’t for the delicate eyes and ears of ladies.’

Phillips then walked off his arm dragging Hodge in a death grip.

‘Helen! Helen! Oh my god, are you okay?’

Helen was relieved to see Peggy and happily accepted the brunette’s comforting hug.

‘I’m okay, Peggy.’

‘I can’t believe that smarmy lecher! I told Phillips that we should have gotten rid of him weeks ago.’

‘It’s fine, Peg. You couldn’t have known that he would do this.’

‘But I should’ve! That one has that look in his eyes. I should have kept a closer watch on him.’

‘It’s not your job to babysit individual soldiers.’

‘Still, I’m so sorry that this happened to you.’

‘It’s okay. Phillips stopped him before he could really do anything.’

‘He slapped you! And he was just about to rape you! I think he did plenty before Phillips came.’

‘I’m fine. It doesn’t even hurt that much.’

‘Don’t lie to me, Helen. Your face and wrists are already bruising.’

‘Okay. It hurts a little but it’s not that big a deal.’

‘Nonsense. You’re hurt.’

‘Peggy-’

‘I don’t want to hear it. Now, we’re going to the infirmary to get some ice on that cheek and those wrists and I don’t want any protest.’

‘Okay.’

* * *

  
A few days later the bruising on Helen’s cheek and wrists had become more prominent and it was obvious to everyone that someone had brutally slapped her across the face and had pinned her down to the ground. Fortunately Hodge had been suspended from active duty and was now under official investigation from the police. Of course it meant that he was still at the base but luckily he wasn’t allowed to leave his bunk.

Unfortunately Steve and Bucky would be coming back early from their mission and the bruising would not clear up in time. Which meant that Helen would be subjected to Bucky’s full blown protective routine and was likely not allowed out of Bucky’s sight for the next few weeks. And that got in the way of her and Peggy going dress shopping.

But it did mean that she would get to see Bucky earlier than she had anticipated and for that she was thankful. She just wished that his return didn’t come with her having a bruised cheek and wrists after Hodge had attempted to rape her. She knew that Bucky wouldn’t take that well and it was likely that Hodge would be beaten into a pulp when he found out. Not that Hodge didn’t deserve it, he definitely did. She just didn’t want Bucky to get in trouble for beating him up.

The day that Bucky and Steve would arrive at the camp came all too soon. Helen didn’t know if she was ready to face her two boys. Peggy had attempted to cover up the prominent bruising on her cheek and wrists with makeup but the bruises were too big for the makeup to cover all of them. And the bruising had only gotten worse in the few days that had passed. Bucky was going to be livid when he saw it and she suspected that Steve wouldn’t be too far behind him in his own anger. Hodge was definitely in trouble.

Peggy had already punched him hard in the face just yesterday and the swelling of his face was stark. Helen didn’t want to see how he would look after a super soldier and an enraged fiancé got a hold of him.

Luckily Helen wouldn’t be the one to tell them what happened. That unfortunate task was given to Phillips who could definitely handle Steve and Bucky’s rage. Unfortunately the debrief with Phillips would not happen until after her reunion with them so she’d have to explain the bruising herself. She was thankful that Peggy had offered to be there. She didn’t think she’d able to do this alone.

She spotted Steve a mile away. He had taken off his jacket and his star spangled uniform was on full display so it was more than easy to spot him from a distance. It was a little harder to find Bucky but she assumed that he would by Steve’s side so she wasn’t worried when she didn’t spot him right away.

As they got closer she could see Steve and Bucky’s smiling faces and she was thankful that they were alright. She just wished that she didn’t have to ruin their good mood. Whatever happiness they were feeling would surely dissipate when they saw the bruising on her face and it made her feel bad that she was the reason their mood would change.

The two soldiers were now at the edge of the camp and Helen took a deep breath to calm her nerves. Bucky grinned when he saw her and opened his arms so she could run into his embrace. But Helen couldn’t bear to do so. She was too afraid about what would happen when Bucky would see her dark bruises. Bucky’s smile fell when she didn’t immediately run to him and he looked defeated as he came closer.

‘Gentlemen. Welcome back.’ Peggy greeted.

‘Thank you, Agent Carter. It’s good to be back.’

‘I’m glad, Captain. How are you feeling, Sergeant?’

‘Yeah, it’s good to be back.’

‘You feeling okay, Buck?’

‘I’m fine.’

Steve didn’t look convinced but let it go. Bucky then turned to look at Helen and the heartbroken look on his face killed her.

‘Babydoll, are you- are you not happy to see me? Did I do something wrong?’

Bucky looked and sounded absolutely devastated and Helen couldn’t bear to see him so hurt.

‘No, no. You did nothing wrong, Bucky.’

‘Then why aren’t you happy to see me?’

‘I am happy to see you.’

‘Doesn’t seem like it, doll. You haven’t even said hello to me or given me a hug.’

‘I’m sorry, Bucky.’

‘Is something wrong, sweetheart?’

‘No. Everything’s fine.’

‘Are you sure? You look really sad.’

‘I’m fine.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘Nothing’s wrong, Bucky.’

‘Then why haven’t you come and given me a cuddle or a kiss? I thought you’d run straight into my arms.’

‘I can’t run in these heels.’

‘That didn’t stop you before.’

‘Well, these are new ones and I’m not confident in running in them yet.’

‘Doll-’

Bucky moved to hug her and Helen yelped and jumped back, causing Bucky’s eyes to fill with tears.

‘No! Don’t come any closer.’

‘Babydoll, why won’t you let me touch you? Do you not love me anymore?’

‘No, that’s not it! I love you more than anything.’

‘Then what is it?’

Beside them Steve and Peggy were looking concerned and in Steve’s case confused as well.

‘Helen, are you okay?’

‘I’m fine, Steve.’

‘No, you’re not! You’re not fine, Helen. You won’t let me touch you or come near you. Please, I love you. Tell me what’s wrong.’

Helen couldn’t bring herself to speak so she looked to Peggy who stepped in.

‘She doesn’t want you to see the bruises on her face and wrists.’

‘Bruises? What bruises?’

‘The ones on her left cheek and the insides of her wrists.’

Bucky looked thunderous as he came closer and examined Helen’s face and wrists. Once he saw the purple bruises and the red handprint he looked positively murderous.

‘Who- who did this to you?’

‘Bucky, calm down.’

‘Don’t tell me to calm down, Steve! My fiancée has got multiple bruises and a handprint mark on her cheek. I think I’m fully entitled to be angry.’

‘Don’t worry, Sergeant Barnes. The culprit has been apprehended.’

‘Who was it? Who did this to my babydoll?’

‘Gilmore Hodge.’

Steve’s eyes lit up in recognition. ‘Gilmore Hodge? You mean that guy who disrespected you, Peggy, and you punched him for it?’

‘Precisely the one.’

‘Why did he do this?’

‘He’s just a despicable man, Sergeant. He doesn’t need a good reason to do something so horrible.’

‘Where is he?’ Bucky hissed.

‘He’s been confined to his bunk and no one is allowed to go in until the investigation is over.’

‘Investigation?’

‘Don’t growl at me, Barnes. Of course there’s an investigation. He brutally slapped an innocent civilian across the face. Phillips is more than happy to make sure he gets the strongest punishment going.’

‘I need to speak with that piece of shit!’

‘Speak to him or beat him to a pulp?’

‘Both! I’m not going to sit back and let him get away with hurting my fiancée.’

‘He’s not getting away with anything. Calm down.’

‘I can’t. Not after what he’s done to my Helen.’

‘Well, you better. Colonel Phillips is expecting you and the Captain for a debrief.’

‘Fine. You gonna be okay, sweetheart?’

‘I’ll be fine. Go.’

‘I’ll see you soon, doll.’

‘Okay. Love you.’

‘Love you too.’

* * *

  
It killed Bucky to leave Helen like this but if Phillips wanted to see both him and Steve then he couldn’t refuse the man. It comforted him a little to know that Peggy was going to be there with Helen but he would still rather be there with her himself.

Phillips had a grim look on his face when he and Steve entered his office.

‘Ah. Captain. Sergeant. It’s good to have you back.’

‘It’s good to be back, sir. Especially after a successful mission.’

‘It went as planned then?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Good, good. You’ve been quiet Barnes. Is everything okay?’

‘I’m fine, sir. I’m just a little angry after seeing my fiancée.’

‘Damn it. I told Agent Carter not to let you see Miss Evans before I had the chance to talk to you both.’

‘Talk to us about what, sir?’

‘You better sit down for this.’

‘What’s wrong, sir?’ Steve asked after he and Bucky had sat down.

‘I wanted you to hear this from me before you heard about it through the grapevine. I’m afraid it’s not something you’d want to hear from a stranger.’

‘Is this about what happened to Helen? Because Agent Carter already told us what Hodge did.’

‘What exactly did she tell you?’

‘Only that Hodge slapped her across the face for no reason.’

‘Oh, I’m afraid he had a reason. And I hate to tell you that the slap wasn’t the worst thing that happened.’

Bucky’s face drained of all its colour. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘I’m talking about the fact that Hodge slapping Helen wasn’t the only horrible thing he did.’

‘What did he do?’

‘I’m not exactly sure what happened in the beginning but I could get the gist. It seemed that Hodge was flirting with Evans though it was unwelcome and it seemed that he didn’t like that. When Helen tried to walk away he grabbed her and pulled her flushed against him. She tried to tell him to stop and he slapped her in response. I was fortunately able to intervene before it went too far but not before he had her zip halfway undone and had her pinned to the ground with his slacks undone.’

‘He tried to... rape her?’

Bucky whimpered at Steve’s question. He couldn’t bear the thought of this happening to his Helen.

‘I’m afraid so, Captain. Thankfully he was stopped before he could succeed but Miss Evans has been a bit shaken since then and understandably so.’

‘I’m going to kill him.’

‘I’m inclined to agree with you, Sergeant, but unfortunately that decision is not allowed to be made by us.’

‘Then who is?’

‘A police officer has been overseeing the case and will inform us of Hodge’s punishment tomorrow. I have petitioned for him to get the harshest punishment they can offer but that’s the extent of what I can do.’

‘Can I go and confront him?’

‘His door has been left unlocked so I can’t stop you. Agent Carter has already punched him in the face several times so be my guest. He’s in bunk 14 if you really want to see him.’

‘Thanks, Colonel. Let’s go, Stevie.’

‘With pleasure.’

* * *

  
Bucky felt a sick sense of excitement as he watched Steve kick Hodge’s door open. He couldn’t wait to put that perverted bastard in his place.

Hodge was sitting dejectedly on his bed when they stepped into the room and the swelling and bruising on his face made Bucky want to crow with glee.

‘Hello, Hodge.’

Bucky smirked when the bastard’s face lost its colour at the menacing tone of Steve’s voice. He deserved no less than permanent disfiguration for this and Bucky couldn’t wait to inflict the damage.

‘I believe you’ve done something very bad, Hodge.’

‘Is that what you’ve heard, Captain?’ Hodge spat.

‘Yes, I have. And I think it’s best if you shut your mouth right now. Because what I’ve heard is that you assaulted and attempted to rape my best friend, Helen Evans. And unfortunately for you I brought her fiancé with me and he’s ready to explode with anger.’

Hodge smirked when he gazed at Bucky. ‘Ah. So you’re the fiancé she cares so much about?’

‘Yes.’

‘You’re Bucky? The noble hero who does his part to help win the war. Her words, not mine. Personally I think she could do much better than you.’

‘Oh, like you?’

‘Yes but unfortunately she didn’t see it that way.’

It took every inch of his impulse control to not punch him square in the face and Bucky clenched his fists in anger at the pervert’s words.

‘She said no because she loves me and is happy in her relationship with me. But you couldn’t accept that, could you? You had to try and beat her into submission so you could have her! You make me SICK!!’

‘If I had the chance to have her I wasn’t going to pass it up.’

‘You didn’t have a chance with her! She refused you but you couldn’t take no for an answer. You tried to force her! Rape her! Assaulting her when she said no! Did your mother not tell you to respect women?!’

Hodge snorted. ‘Good luck with that one, Serge. You’ll have a hard time getting that little bitch to submit to you.’

Bucky let out a howl of rage and threw himself at Hodge, punching him hard. Steve joined in and together they beat him to a bloody pulp.

Satisfied that they had punished him enough they left his room smirking at the sight of him lying in a bloody and bruised heap on the floor.

And when he got back to his room Helen ran into his arms right away which made his day even better.

* * *

The next day Helen woke up and found that she was nestled safely in Bucky’s arms which made her smile. Her love was here. She was safe, she was adored. She placed a kiss on Bucky’s forehead and she let out a little chuckle when he smiled in his sleep.

’Wake up, sleepyhead.’

Bucky blinked awake at the sound of her voice and smiled lovingly at her when he was fully awake. ‘Mornin’, doll.’

’Good morning, my love.’

’You sleep well?’

’I always sleep well when I’m in your arms.’

’Me too, sweetheart.’

’I love you so much, you know.’

’I know. I love you just as much.’

Helen sighed in delight as Bucky connected their lips for a few moments. Being with Bucky like this was absolute heaven and she wouldn’t change it for the world.

’How are you feeling, babydoll?’ Bucky asked after he broke the kiss.

’I’m fine.’

’Don’t lie to me, sweet thing. I can feel you shaking in my arms.’

’I’m sorry.’

’Don’t be sorry for that, love. You’ve had a traumatic experience. It’s okay to be a little bit shaken.’

’I’m so scared, Bucky. I can’t relax knowing that he’s still here. I’m afraid that he’s going to break out of his room and come after me and finish what he started.’

’Hey, hey. Don’t worry about that, doll. He won’t hurt you ever again. We’ve all made sure of it.’

’How can you know that?’

’Because Hodge is currently unconscious from the injuries Steve and I gave him.’

’You beat him up?’

’He hurt you, babydoll. He deserved it.’

’I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it. I just don’t want you and Steve to get in trouble over someone like him.’

’We won’t, love. Phillips gave us permission to do it.’

’He did?’

’Well, he didn’t exactly say we could. But he told us that his door was unlocked and that he wasn’t going to stop us.’

’You still shouldn’t have done it.’

’Yes, I did. He hurt you, doll, and I had to punish him for it.’

’My hero.’

’I won’t let anyone or anything hurt you ever again, babydoll. I promise.’

’I know you won’t.’

’I never should have left. He wouldn’t have done this if I wasn’t away on a mission.’

’Yes, he would have. There was nothing you could have done to stop it, Bucky. He waited until I was alone to make his move. You being here wouldn’t have made any difference. It wasn’t your fault, honey.’

’I love you, Helen.’

’I love you too, Bucky.’

’Nothing will ever hurt you again, I swear.’

’I know. You always keep your promises.’

’I’ll do anything for you, babydoll. You are my entire world. I’d die if anything was to happen to you.’

Helen couldn’t think of a good enough response to this so she just leaned in and captured Bucky’s lips in a passionate kiss. Bucky returned it fiercely and they got lost in each other for a while.

* * *

  
A few weeks had passed and Helen’s face was healing nicely. The handprint mark had faded completely and the bruises had gone yellow in colour, meaning that they were healing. Unfortunately Steve and Bucky were out on another mission and this time they wouldn’t be back for at least a month.

Hodge had been arrested by the police and put in jail after a judge ruled his actions unlawful and said that he put the country to shame by attempting to do what he did at an army base dedicated to stopping a major enemy in the war. As a result he was sent to prison for five years and after his release would be unlikely to get a job or a wife as his case had been put in every newspaper across the country thanks to Phillips calling in some favours.

Helen was just glad to put the whole matter behind her and was thankful that she was able to move passed it. Once her injury cleared up it would be as if it hadn’t happened and she looked forward to finally putting the incident in the past where it belonged.

Unfortunately for her she had developed a nasty cough in the last week so her troubles weren’t entirely over. Peggy kept giving her these concerned looks and told her to go to the camp medic to get it checked out. Helen assured her it was just a cold and she would be fine in a few days.

Two weeks later her cough had not gone away. In fact it had only gotten worse and to add insult to injury she also had a runny nose and kept sneezing everywhere. Peggy frowned at her when she found out and urged her to see the doctor. She eventually conceded after she coughed up a lot of phlegm.

  
Thankfully the doctor told her that if she went on bedrest for a week the cold would pass. It was a bit of a chore to stay in bed for a week but it would be worth it if she finally got rid of this cough.

Peggy brought her some books to read while she was bedridden and she read Bucky’s latest letter and wrote him a response. The stack of his old letters would surely keep her entertained for a week. Everything would be fine.

* * *

  
Everything was not fine. Helen’s cold had reached levels that a normal cold didn’t possess. The doctors were now convinced it was pneumonia and said that it was up to God if she survived or not. She was now delirious and wouldn’t know what was really going on. The doctors thought that this stage would pass but it all depended on whether or not her fever broke.

‘Helen?’

‘Peggy...’

‘You’re not sounding too good.’

‘Don’t feel so good.’

‘I bet you’re not. This is one nasty cold, huh?’

‘Yeah. I’m sure I’ll get better.’

‘I hope so.’

‘When’s Bucky coming back?’

‘In two weeks.’

‘Wanna be better for him.’

‘You just rest then.’

‘Night, Peggy.’

‘Good night, Helen.’

* * *

Almost a week had passed and Helen’s fever had only gotten worse. The doctors said that it was unlikely that she would make it and estimated that she had a few days left at the most.

Unfortunately Steve and Bucky wouldn’t be back for another week so it was highly likely that they weren’t going to be there for when Helen passed. Howard had tried to contact a Steve via radio but it was to no avail. It seemed that they were in a location that didn’t allow a signal.

As Helen’s condition deteriorated Peggy suggested that she write Bucky a note before she lost her voice. Since she was unable to move her body Howard had offered to write it for her.

‘Alright Helen, just take your time. We’re not in a rush to get this note written.’

‘Okay. I’ll go slow.’

‘Good girl. Now begin.’

‘Dearest Bucky, I am deeply sorry that I couldn’t be here to greet you this time. You know if I could then I absolutely would but unfortunately circumstances have made me unable to.’

Helen started to cough harshly, causing Peggy to hand her a tissue.

‘Take you time, love. Have some water.’

Phillips handed her a glass of water which Helen gulped greedily.

‘You ready to continue?’

‘Yes.’

‘Just take your time.’

Helen nodded before continuing. ‘I wanted more than anything to see you again before it happened. Unfortunately I could not hold out long enough. So it is with a heavy heart that I tell you that by the time you return and read this note I’ll be dead. I’m so sorry that we didn’t get to spend the rest of our lives together. I wanted that more than anything but I know that one day we will have that forever we talked about. I’ll see you in the afterlife where we’ll spend eternity together. I love you with all my heart and I’ll always be with you. All my love, Helen.’

‘That’s good, Helen. We got it all. You just rest now.’

Helen nodded and closed her eyes. She could use the sleep.

* * *

  
Two days passed and Peggy received word from Steve that he and the rest of the Howling Commandos would be back in a few days. Surely Helen would be able to hold off until then and she’d be able to say her goodbyes to Bucky.

  
But when she ran into the tent she found a number of doctors and nurses surrounding Helen’s bedside. Phillips and Howard were also there, looking extremely grim. Peggy swallowed back tears. Surely this couldn’t be the end. Not now when Bucky and Steve were so close to returning.

‘Howard? What’s going on?’

‘The doctors don’t think that Helen will last the night. They’re staying to watch over her.’

‘She’ll go tonight?’

Howard nodded sadly. ‘Maybe even sooner than that.’

‘Oh. Are we allowed to say goodbye?’

‘As soon as the doctors are done assessing her.’

‘Okay.’

Eventually the head doctor turned to them with a grave expression on his face.

‘Well?’ Phillips asked gruffly.

‘She definitely won’t last the night. My predictions say that she could go any minute so you all better say your goodbyes quick.’

Peggy burst into tears at this. Helen couldn’t be dying right now. She wasn’t ready to lose her closest friend. One by one they sat by Helen’s bedside, saying their last ever words to her. Phillips went first and then Howard. Eventually it was Peggy’s turn and she didn’t know if she could bear it.

‘Peggy?’

‘Oh Helen. Don’t you strain yourself.’

‘Peggy... tell... Bucky... I’m.... sorry.’

‘I will but you have nothing to be sorry for.’

‘Tell... him...that ... I ... love him.. too. And tell Steve... that... he... was the... best friend.... a girl.... could ask ... for.’

‘I will.’

‘Tell.. Bucky... he’s my soulmate... and that I’m ... sorry... that.. we didn’t.. get... to spend... the rest of our lives ... together.’

‘I’ll tell him. I promise.’

‘You’re a good friend, Peggy.’

‘So are you.’

‘Bucky...’

At that moment Helen closed her eyes forever the name of her love the last thing that she spoke.


	39. A Bitter Separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky return to the base and receive the news of Helen’s death. Predictably Bucky doesn’t take this news well.

* * *

  
It had been over a month since Bucky had last saw Helen and his heart ached for her. He couldn’t wait to see her again and his mood got lighter with every step they took because each step meant he was all that much closer to his darling Helen.

Steve was amused at his giddiness and teased him about on several occasions. But he knew that Steve was almost as excited as he was to see Helen again so he didn’t take his friend’s teasing to heart.

‘We’re still a couple of days out, Buck, so I’d calm down a little bit.’

‘I can’t calm down, Stevie. I’m two days away from seeing the love of my life again.’

‘Let’s just hope that Helen’s excited to see you.’

‘She will be.’

‘I don’t know. If I didn’t have to see your ugly mug for a whole month then I would dread the day I had to see you again.’

‘That’s cruel, punk.’

‘I’m just kidding. I’d miss you like crazy. In fact I did miss you like crazy when you went off to war without me.’

‘I know, pal. I missed you too.’

‘I can’t wait to see Helen too, you know.’  
  


  
‘I do, punk.’

‘We’ll be there soon. You’ll see her before you know it.’

‘Mm. I can’t wait.’

‘Yep. She’ll be there waiting for you.’

‘I can’t wait to see her and hold her in my arms.’

Little did Steve and Bucky know, Helen wasn’t waiting for them at all. At least not in the way they thought.  
  
  


* * *

  
Back at the camp Phillips was trying to gain control after the sad news of Helen’s death. Peggy and Howard were so grieved by her passing that they were unable to work and it meant that they were behind on everything. They also had the unfortunate task of telling Steve and Bucky that Helen had died a few days ago. Neither one of them wanted this task as it surely wouldn’t be taken well. Eventually Phillips gave it to Peggy as she knew Steve and Bucky the best. He just hoped that the brunette would be up to telling them since she hadn’t stopped crying since Helen had passed on. If she couldn’t then Howard would tell them. It certainly wasn’t going to be him since he had to tell them that Helen was assaulted and almost sexually abused. The fallout from this wasn’t going to be pretty and Phillips wanted to be as far away as possible when it happened.

  
Unfortunately the day that they were supposed to return arrived all too soon for everyone’s liking. Everyone and their grandfather knew how much Bucky loved Helen and this news would surely break him.

Half an hour before they were due to arrive back Peggy and Howard waited at the border of the camp for them. Steve waved at them excitedly and Bucky had an expectant look on his face, his eyes searching for someone who wasn’t there. This was going to be impossible.

‘Hello, Agent Carter, Mr Stark.’

_‘_ Captain. It’s good to see you again.’

‘And you. It’s nice to have a welcoming committee.’

_‘_ Well, circumstances made it necessary.’

‘What circumstances?’

‘Ah. Perhaps it’s best to explain once we’re all rested and sitting down.’

_‘_ Okay.’

‘Where’s Helen?’

Peggy winced at Bucky’s question and Howard patted her comfortingly on the arm before turning to face Bucky.

‘We’ll explain soon. Now let’s go before it get dark.’

* * *

  
Once Bucky and Steve had cleaned themselves up a bit Howard took them to his lab to break the news, Peggy reluctantly joining them.

‘This isn’t easy to say, gentlemen.’ Howard said once they were all seated.

‘What’s going on?’ Steve asked, a confused look on his face.

‘I’m afraid there’s been an... incident.’

‘What kind of incident?’

‘It, uh, it involves Helen.’

Bucky perked up at this. ‘Where is she?’

‘I’m afraid it’s not good news, Sergeant Barnes.’

Bucky paled considerably. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, a couple of weeks after you left Helen developed a really bad cough and she was put on bedrest. The doctors were convinced that if she took to her bed for a week then she’d be fine.’

‘So she’s okay then?’

‘Let me finish, Sergeant.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Anyway we were all satisfied that she would be okay. Unfortunately a few days later she deteriorated drastically and the doctors gave her a few days at most to live.’

_‘_ Are- are you saying that she’s dying? Should we go and say our goodbyes?’

‘I’m saying that, and it kills me to have to say this, that, um, unfortunately Helen has already passed on.’

‘What?’

‘She died a couple of days ago. I’m so sorry for your loss.’

_‘_ Is this true, Peggy?’ Steve asked, his eyes filled with unshed tears.

‘I’m afraid it is, Steve. Believe me I wish it wasn’t but I was there. I saw it with my own eyes. She’s gone.’

‘No, she can’t be.’

‘I understand that this is a difficult time for you, Sergeant, and we’re all here to support you and help you to cope with your recent loss.’

_‘_ I haven’t lost anything! You’re all lying. She can’t be gone. She can’t be. I love her, I need her. It’s not true!’

‘Buck, I know that you don’t want to accept it but if Howard and Peggy both say that Helen’s gone then we have to admit that she is.’

‘How could you, Stevie?! How can you say that your best friend, the woman who was always there for you, is dead?!’

‘Because she is, Bucky. In time you’ll accept that too.’

‘I don’t need time! I need Helen.’

‘Bucky-’

But Steve was unable to say anything else as Bucky had chose that moment to angrily storm off.

‘Well, that went well.’

Steve couldn’t find Bucky anywhere when he left Howard’s lab to search for him so he just decided to give him time and wait for Bucky to come back to their shared room. It gave him time to grieve his best friend anyway.  
  


* * *

Bucky was sitting at the lake, curled up in a ball. He hadn’t stopped crying since he heard the news. He couldn’t believe that Helen was gone and he was sure that if he went to find her she would be there waiting for him. But at the same time he couldn’t bring himself to go and see her because a part of him was convinced that it was true. And this part of him told him that if he went to find Helen then he’d come face to face with her lifeless body. And he just couldn’t face that possibility yet.

So instead he sobbed his heart out and let one of his favourite memories of Helen wash over him.

\- Flashback-

_It had been a couple of weeks since they had their first date and Bucky couldn’t be happier. He had the most beautiful and kindest woman as his dame and he couldn’t believe his luck that such an angel had actually chosen him as her fella._

_  
_ _He knew that such a jewel of a woman was well sought after and it was vital that he took her out on another date, lest he lose her to some other guy. So he knocked on Helen’s door and told her that he was taking her out on a romantic walk._

_Deciding he had to pull out all the stops for this date he prepared a little picnic for them while Helen got dressed. He made Helen’s favourite sandwiches, cheese, and added ham sandwiches since he was partial to them. He also added a couple of slices of the apple pie that Helen and Steve had baked last night. For the finishing touch he put their favourite fruits, plums and apples, into the basket. He hoped Helen would like it._

_With everything packed he waited for Helen to emerge and he got a treat when she did. She was absolutely breathtaking in a quarter length sleeved bottle green striped wool dress. He couldn’t believe that she was his. She was absolutely stunning._

_‘Wow doll, you look beautiful.’_

_‘Thank you. You look rather dashing yourself.’_

_‘You flatter me, sweetheart.’_

_‘I’m not. I really think you look handsome.’_

_‘Thanks, doll. That means a lot coming from you.’_

_‘Well, you’re always so kind to me. It’s about time I was nice to you.’_

_‘You’re always nice to me, sweetheart.’_

_‘I meant that since you’re always complimenting me, that I should compliment you a little more.’_

_‘Being with you is enough, Helen.’_

_‘Bucky, stop being so sweet and let me compliment you.’_

_‘Alright then, love. What nice things do you have to say about me?’_

_‘You’re so sweet and kind. I like the way you always make me feel special and so very loved.’_

_‘I aim to make you happy, doll.’_

_‘You definitely do that.’_

‘ _What else do you like about me?’_

_‘I like the way your hair falls in your face when you can’t be bothered to style it. I like it when you run your fingers through your hair. I like the way your eyes crinkle when you smile. I like the sound of you laughing. I like the way your blue eyes are so expressive. But most of all I like the way that you care so much about the people who are important to you.’_

_‘Oh doll, you’re gonna make me cry. I can’t believe you think all that about me.’_

_‘But I do so you better believe it.’_

_‘I’d come up with a list of things I like about you but I can’t. ‘Cause I like everything about you.’_

_‘There you go being sweet again.’_

‘ _Can’t help it, doll. It’s just the way I am.’_

_‘I wouldn’t change it for anything.’_

_‘Are we ready to go, love?’_

_‘Yes. Lead the way.’_

_Before long they were sitting in their local park, enjoying the picnic that Bucky had packed. It was very romantic and Bucky loved every second of it._

_‘These sandwiches are very good.’_

_‘Thanks, doll.’_

_‘So what made you decide to pack a picnic?’_

‘ _I thought it would be romantic.’_

_‘It certainly is that.’_

_‘I’m glad that you think so.’_

_‘I do.’_

_‘I really like you, doll, and I want you to know that I want this relationship more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my whole life.’_

_‘I really like you too, Bucky. And I see this relationship lasting for a very long time.’_

_‘Hopefully forever.’_

_‘Yes. Here’s hoping it lasts forever.’_

\- End flashback-

That day was one of Bucky’s favourites. It was the first time that either of them had admitted that they wanted this relationship to be serious. He honestly thought that he would spend forever with Helen but it seemed that fate had other ideas. He had lost the love of his life and he had no idea what he’d done to deserve it.

Little did Bucky know that Helen wasn’t actually dead. She had just returned to her own time. And they would see each other again. They just had to wait until the right moment came.


	40. Saying Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of Helen’s funeral arrives and Bucky is not taking it well.

* * *

  
The next day Bucky had managed to pull himself together enough to visit Helen one last time before she would be placed in the coffin. It was one of the hardest things he had to do but he knew that he would regret it if he didn’t. Entering the medical tent and seeing her cold and lifeless body broke Bucky’s heart but he knew he had to do this. He had to say goodbye.

  
‘Oh my darling, I love you so much. You mean everything to me and I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. I should’ve been here to hold your hand and stroke your hair. I should have been by your side as you suffered. I’m so sorry I wasn’t. But I’m here now. I’ll always be here. I love you, Helen. You’re my whole world and I’ll never forget you as long as I live.’

  
Bucky kissed her lips one last time, his heart breaking at the feeling of her ice cold lips. It was nothing like the kisses they usually shared. But then again nothing about this was normal. Helen was dead and unable to kiss him back, the warmth of her body long gone. Everything was wrong. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.

‘Sergeant Barnes?’

Bucky turned around and saw Peggy Carter standing behind him.

‘Agent Carter. What can I do for you?’

‘Before she, um, died Helen wrote a note for you. She wanted you to read it as she knew that you wouldn’t make it back before she passed. I believe it contains everything she wanted you to know before she died. And she told me to tell you that she was sorry that you two didn’t get the chance to spend the rest of your lives together and that you’re her soulmate.’

Bucky nodded tearfully and took the note. He excused himself and returned to his room so he could read the note in private.

What he read shattered what was left of his heart. The words written were so unbelievably sweet and undeniably Helen. It was so obvious that it was her who wrote this note even if she didn’t have the strength to actually write it. He knew straight away that someone else must have written it for her and even though the note wasn’t in her handwriting every word screamed Helen Evans. It gave him comfort but at the same time it killed him. It made him long for Helen and it broke his shattered heart to know that he would never see her again.

The door opened and Steve came through, a small smile on his face. It was obvious from his red rimmed eyes that he was taking the loss of Helen hard and it helped to know that he wasn’t the only one suffering.

‘Hey, Buck.’

‘Hey, Stevie.’

‘What are you doing?’

‘Reading the note that Helen left for me.’

‘Oh. I’m so sorry, Bucky.’

‘I know, punk. It’s okay. I know you’re hurting too.’

‘Not as much as you I’m sure.’

‘Don’t do that, Steve. Don’t downsize your pain for my sake. You were close to Helen. You loved her too though not in the same way I do. You’re allowed to grieve in front of me. You don’t have to be strong.’

‘I just don’t want you to suffer, Buck.’

‘I already am, Steve, but it doesn’t mean that you have to hide from me. We’ll support each other in this like we always do.’

‘I can’t believe she’s gone.’

‘Neither can I.’

‘I suppose we’ll always have the memories.’

‘I suppose so.’

‘Remember that time that we went to the cafe and we ended up laughing so much that juice came out of my nose.’

Bucky laughed. ‘I do. It was a good day.’

‘Yeah, it was.’

\- Flashback -  
  


_It was a cold and rainy day. Steve was bored out of his mind at being kept in. His asthma acted up during winter and rain certainly aggravated it. So Bucky refused to let him go outside until it stopped._

_Of course this didn’t sit well with Steve and he did everything he could to annoy Bucky. It caused many arguments that Helen had to break up and she was getting sick of doing so. The last straw, however, came when Bucky and Steve knocked over a lamp while they were wrestling. So as soon as the rain had stopped Helen dragged the two of them to the local cafe._

_Some time later the three of them were sitting in one of the booths in the cafe. They ordered three burgers and three cokes. Once the food came they all tucked in but still chatted amongst themselves._

_‘I swear to you that’s what happened.’ Helen said, laughing._

_Steve snorted. ‘There’s no way that happened.’_

_‘I don’t know, Stevie. It could.’_

_‘Of course you’d side with a pretty girl over me.’_

_‘What makes you so sure that it didn’t happen?’ Bucky asked._

_‘I just don’t. I mean there’s no way that something like that could ever happen.’_

_‘Says the guy who gets into alley fights every other day.’_

_‘Fine. I’ll listen to the rest of the story before I decide.’_

‘ _Knew you’d come around, punk.’_

_‘Shut up, Bucky. I want to hear the rest of the story.’_

_Bucky swatted him on the arm before gesturingfor Helen to continue._

_‘Well, as I was saying, my friend Ron and his two older brothers decided that they would come and rescue me from my relatives’ house because I hadn’t answered any of Ron’s letters in over a week.’_

_  
‘Why’d you not answer his letters?’_

_‘I was busy. My aunt wanted me to help with the housework. She was doing a big clear out and she needed some help. I was too busy to answer any letters but apparently Ron took that as a sign that I’d been kidnapped or something so he and his brothers rush right over.’_

_‘I thought you said Ron lived in the town over from you.’_

_‘He does. Which is why he and his brother stole their father’s prized car and drove it all the way to Surrey.’_

_‘They stole their father’s car?’_

_‘Well, I suppose they borrowed it. I mean they were going to bring the car back. Unfortunately their mother didn’t see it that way so when they take me back to their house their mother is waiting at the front door, furious.’_

_‘Oh my god. That couldn’t have been fun.’_

_‘For them, no it wasn’t. For me, on the other hand, it was quite funny to watch. Mrs Weasley didn’t blame me at all so she was really nice and welcoming to me but at the same time she was yelling at her sons.’_

‘ _What happened?’_

_‘Well, they got punished. They were asked to de weed the garden and none of them were too happy.’_

_‘Ouch. Well at least it wasn’t too bad of a punishment.’_

_‘Oh, it gets worse.’_

‘ _It does?’_

_‘It definitely does.’_

_‘Tell us how it gets worse.’_

_‘Well, a week after the whole car incident the school term was due to start. So Mr and Mrs Weasley take us all to the train station so we could get the train to London. Unfortunately Ron ran straight into a barrier and it sent his things flying. By the time we got everything ready again we had missed the train. So Ron comes up with the bright idea of taking the car to school, the same car that he stole last week and got in trouble for.’_

‘ _Did you talk him out of it?’_

_‘No. We were young at the time and we needed to get to the school somehow. So we get in the car and drive to London. Everything goes well until we get onto the school grounds and Ron crashes the car into a tree.’_

_‘Oh god. Were you both okay?’_

_‘Yes, we barely had a scratch on us. Unfortunately the car was completely wrecked.’_

_‘Uh oh. Did his parents find out?’_

_‘Of course they did. The school called them and told them that a member of staff had just seen their son crash a car into a tree. So his parents make the journey to London. Ron’s mother was furious, apparently the car was loaned to his father by his company and he had almost lost his job over it.’_

_‘Bad day for your friend then.’_

‘ _It got a whole lot worse. We were having dinner in the cafeteria when Ron’s mother comes storming in and gives Ron the biggest telling off in front of the entire school. People were makingfun of him for days. Doing impressions of his mother yelling at him.’_

_‘Ouch.’_

_‘Yeah. My favourite one was when they would do Mrs Weasley shouting “If you put another toe out of line then we’ll bring you straight home.”’_

‘ _This Mrs Weasley sounds like a tough woman.’_

_‘She is. Ron was humiliated and he certainly never put another toe out of line for the rest of the year.’_

_‘That’s hilarious.’_

_‘What is, punk?’_

‘ _When Mrs Weasley said if you put another toe out of line..’_

_Steve’s sentence was cut off by his uncontrollable laughter and he laughed so hard that some of the coke he had drunk came spurting out of his nose. This caused Bucky and Helen to laugh too and soon all three of them were in hysterics._

\- End flashback-

Bucky smiled sadly. ‘That was a pretty good day. It was nice to hear a story from Helen’s past and you squirting juice out of your nose certainly was a great bonus.’

‘She was a great friend. We were lucky to have her.’

‘We were. I just wish that I hadn’t taken so long to make a move. I wish I had asked her out the moment I met her then maybe we would have gotten married by now.’

‘Hey, stop that. You didn’t know that any of this was going to happen. So stop beating yourself up over it. You and Helen had an amazing relationship and nothing will ever change that. Stop thinking about the what ifs and just be glad that you got to be with her.’

‘I’m sorry, pal. It’s just hard to accept that she’s gone.’

‘I know, Buck. It’s not easy for me either.’

‘Why did she have to go, Stevie?’

‘I can’t answer that, Bucky. No one knows why anyone has to die.’

‘But couldn’t she have died after we had spent forever together?’

‘Sometimes life isn’t fair. In an ideal world you would have gotten that forever but this world isn’t perfect. It’s horrible and unfair. Bad people get everything they want and good people suffer. It’s just the way it is.’

‘It’s not like you to be so pessimistic.’

‘But it’s true though. If life was fair then I wouldn’t have had to wait for a serum to cure all my ailments. I would have been born healthy. And there would be no organisation like HYDRA who want to rid the world of all the goodness it has left. I think that’s why we die, Buck. We die so we don’t have to endure this world and all the pain it causes forever.’

‘You’re right. If life was fair and kind then I wouldn’t have lost the love of my life so soon. We never even got the chance to get married. And in a perfect world we would have gotten married a lot sooner because this stupid war wouldn’t have happened.’

‘See, this is why you shouldn’t take Helen’s death so hard. Everyone who has even a little bit of kindness in them gets screwed over. But I think what we need to do now is carry on the fight so we can end this bloody war for good. Let’s make this world a place where people as good and kind as Helen deserve to live. Let’s rid the world of all those sick bastards who don’t have to suffer to get anything they want.’

‘Agreed. Let’s kick HYDRA’s sorry ass into the afterlife.’

‘That’s the spirit. Now I don’t want to ruin the mood but they, uh, decided on a date for Helen’s funeral.’

Bucky sighed. ‘When is it?’

‘Tomorrow afternoon.’

‘Why so soon?’

‘Necessity. Everyone has to get back to work if we want to win this war.’

‘I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye yet, Stevie.’

‘No one is, Buck. But I’ll be right there with you.’

‘Okay. Until the end of the line, right?’

‘Until the end of the line.’

* * *

  
The next morning arrived all too quickly for Bucky’s liking. He would have preferred this day not to come as he did not want to have to bury the love of his life any time soon. He would much rather that this all just be a horrible nightmare and he’d wake up and find a sleeping Helen next to him. But he knew that would never happen. This was all real and in a few hours he would have to attend his fiancée’s funeral.

He was too emotional to be a part of the planning of the funeral but he trusted Steve to make it perfect. His Helen deserved no less.

‘Hey, Buck. Do you mind if I ask you something about the funeral?’ Steve said as he entered their shared room.

‘No. Ask away.’

‘What flowers do you want at the funeral?’

‘Roses, lilies of the valley, regular white lilies and forget me nots.’

‘Okay. Peggy said that Helen was rather fond of hyacinths. Is it alright with you if we add them in?’

‘Of course. I remember how much she loved them.’

‘Right. I’ll tell Peggy right away.’

‘Okay.’

‘You feeling alright about today?’

‘No. I don’t want to go, Steve. I can’t.’

‘Bucky, I know that this isn’t easy for you. I would be a wreck if I had to bury the love of my life but it’s important that you go.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you’ll regret it if you don’t.’

‘I’m regretting a lot of things right now.’

‘Then don’t add not attending Helen’s funeral to your list of regrets.’

‘I don’t know if I can.’

‘You can, Buck. I know you can. You’re one of the strongest people I know.’

‘I don’t feel so strong right now.’

‘Bucky, you’re not any less strong for grieving someone you loved. In fact that makes you even stronger. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and attend that funeral.’

‘I’ll try.’

‘You’re going, Bucky. Even if I have to drag you there.’

‘Duly noted.’

‘Now, I’m gonna give this list to Peggy and you are going to relax for a couple of hours. Do not move until I get back.’

‘Aye, aye, Captain.’

‘I know this is a hard time for you but I will punch you if you say that again.’

‘Alright, alright. Now get out of here.’

‘I’m going and you better be resting when I get back.’

‘I will be. I promise.’

* * *

  
A few hours later it was time for Helen’s funeral. Bucky reluctantly got dressed in his formal uniform and joined Steve at the clearing where the funeral would be held. The attendance for the funeral was rather small, only consisting of Phillips, Howard Stark, Peggy and a couple of the medical staff who looked after Helen. Steve and Bucky made up the final numbers and with their arrival the funeral began. They were unable to get a priest for the service so Phillips hired the head of medical to do the honours.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming today. We are gathered here to celebrate the life of Helen Evans, a bright, loving and kind woman who was adored by all those around her. She found love with Bucky Barnes, who recently proposed and was good friends with Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter. She will be sorely missed and she will always be in our thoughts. Now we will listen to Agent Carter who has prepared a few words in Helen’s honour.’

_‘_ Hello, I’m Agent Peggy Carter. Helen Evans was one of my best friends. I know that everyone here will miss Helen as much as I will but she will forever live in our hearts. But no one loved Helen as much as her fiancé did. I’m not going to ask him to come up here since he’s having a hard time coping with this but I know that if he could he would tell you all how much he loved Helen and still loves her even now. Helen was a strong woman who didn’t hesitate to stand up for herself and those she cared about. She had no trouble putting someone in their place even if it meant using a few scathing words. That being said she was also an incredibly kind woman. If she loved you she wouldn’t hesitate to show you how much she did and she was always kind to those who deserved it. She certainly was one of a kind and I don’t think I’ll ever meet someone like her again. I will miss her very much and I hope she knew how much I loved her. Thank you.’

‘Thank you, Agent Carter. That was a beautiful speech. Now I ask Captain Rogers to come up and say a few words.’

‘Uh, hello. I’m Steve Rogers. Most of you will know me as Captain America but not Helen. Helen always saw me as Steve Rogers, for exactly who I was. Even when I was skinny and asthmatic she still liked me. She always told me how kind and thoughtful I was. She was an amazing friend and it breaks my heart to lose her. She meant a lot to me and was with me throughout my journey as Captain America. She always stuck by my side even though I knew that she would prefer it if Bucky was there instead of me. She will be greatly missed by me. Thank you.’

‘Thank you, Captain for that wonderful speech. Now I ask if anyone else would like to say any words.’

‘Buck? You want to say anything?’ Steve asked quietly.

Bucky shook his head, unable to say anything due to the tears threatening to overflow. He had already sobbed on Steve’s shoulder and was so exhausted that he couldn’t possibly say a word.

‘I think everyone’s said everything they wanted to.’

‘Alright, so now let’s pray for Helen’s soul to make it safely to heaven which she undoubtedly will end up.’

After praying for Helen’s soul the funeral was over. Bucky was emotionally drained but decided to stay for a while so he could spend some alone time at Helen’s grave. Steve hovered worriedly for a few minutes but left after Bucky told him he would be fine.

_‘_ Oh my love, I’m so sorry. This should never have happened to you. You’re too good and beautiful for this to be your fate. I love you more than life itself and I will never forget you. I know you probably would want me to live my life and be happy but I can’t do that without you. I promise I will make this world a better place but I will never marry and have kids. I don’t want to do all that if it’s not you that’s by my side. You’re my soulmate, my everything and you will always be in my heart. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you passed. I know you would have wanted to say goodbye in person but I’m saying goodbye now. You are my world and I will win this war in your memory. I love you, I love you.’

Bucky kissed the cold granite of the gravestone before getting up and heading back to his shared room with Steve. The blond asked if he was okay and he said he was fine, he was just tired. Steve suggested he take a nap so Bucky closed his eyes and dreamed about his love.

\- Flashback-  
  


_It was a couple of days after Bucky had returned from boot camp. He and Helen had spend every waking second together since and Bucky relished in her presence. He had missed her so much while he was away and he was overjoyed to be reunited with her._

_He waited eagerly for her to return from the shops and he couldn’t wait to see her again. It had only been half an hour but the long weeks spent without her had led to him constantly craving her presence._

_A few minutes later the front door opened and Helen emerged from the other side, her hands full with shopping bags. He rushed over to help and took the bags from her, placing them on the kitchen counter. He then ran back to her and kissed her enthusiastically._

_‘That was a nice welcome.’Helen said after they had broke apart._

_‘Well, I missed you.’_

_‘I was only gone half an hour, Bucky.’_

_‘I know but I missed you so much while I was away and it’s hard to be away from you right now even if it is just for half an hour.’_

_‘Oh Bucky, I missed you too. And you could have come with me if you didn’t want to be apart from me.’_

_‘Damn, I didn’t think of that. Guess I was missing you too much to think straight.’_

_‘I guess so.’_

_‘Should I get Steve to put the shopping away?’_

_‘Are you doing that just so you can laugh at him?’_

_‘Why would I do that?’_

_‘Well, because the last time you asked Steve to put away the shopping you spent the whole time laughing at him.’_

_‘Hey, it was funny.’_

_‘There’s nothingfunny about watching Steve struggle to put away stuff.’_

_‘Come on, it’s a little bit funny.’_

_‘Fine. Maybe it is a little but it’s cruel to laugh at Steve like that. You know how insecure he is about his height. Don’t make it worse.’_

_‘I didn’t think about it like that.’_

_‘So maybe we should just put the shopping away then.’_

_‘Fine but as long as we get to cuddle afterwards.’_

_‘Deal.’_

_‘Let’s go then.’_

_‘Okay. You stack the shelves and I’ll stock the fridge.’_

_‘Alright. You look good in purple, by the way.’_

_‘I do?’_

_‘Yeah. It really brings out your eyes and it makes your hair more vivid. I like purple on you. You should wear it more often.’_

_‘Thank you, honey. I’ll make sure to wear it more.’_

_‘Make sure you do.’_

_‘I will.’_

_‘I never want to be apart from you again.’_

_‘Me neither.’_

_‘Promise me that we’ll be together forever?’_

_‘I promise.’  
  
_

  
\- End flashback-

Bucky slept somewhat peacefully. The pain in his heart was still strong but dreaming about a good memory with Helen eased the burden a little. He could so clearly see her in his mind that it was almost as if she was standing right beside him. But she wasn’t and that was what was causing him to whimper in his sleep. He wanted that forever with Helen and it killed him that he couldn’t have it.


	41. Broken Heart, Fractured Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days after Helen’s funeral Bucky is falling into a deep depression as he struggles with the loss of the love of his life.

* * *

  
A few days had passed since Helen’s funeral and Bucky was falling into a deep depression. He would barely eat or sleep and the only time he looked somewhat normal was when he was on a mission. It caused Steve great concern and he was at his wits end over what to do about it. He tried getting Bucky to go out for a walk to clear his head but he made it five minutes before he saw Helen’s grave and broke down crying. So that idea was finished. Then he suggested doing an exercise regime but that backfired when Bucky heard Helen’s name and ran a mile in the other direction. He ended up falling over in his haste to get away and ended up breaking a rib. He was put on bedrest for two weeks until it healed and refused to try exercising again. So that idea was firmly out. And after trying to get Bucky to open up about how he was feeling he was reluctant to try to help again. He had ended up with a black eye after Bucky had punched him for being too invasive.

So he was officially out of ideas that would help Bucky overcome his extreme state of grief. Everything he tried had backfired and Bucky wasn’t receptive to opening up. He literally had no clue what to do and he feared that if he couldn’t help Bucky then he’d lose him forever. With nothing else left to try he decided to seek the help of Peggy. She would surely know what to do. She was so wise and tough.

‘Well, have you thought about giving him an absence of leave from the team?’ Peggy asked.

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. I think the only thing that’s keeping him going is being on the team.’

‘I think you just have to be there for him then.’

‘I’m trying to be but everything I do backfires.’

‘Steve, getting him to take a walk or do push-ups is not going to help him.’

‘But I’ve tried everything!’

‘Have you tried just talking to him?’

‘Yes!’

‘What exactly did you say?’

‘I asked him how he was feeling.’

‘That’s no good, Steve. He’s going to get even more upset if you ask him that.’

‘Then what do I say?’

‘Just ask him what he did today and go from there.’

‘I will. Thanks, Peggy.’

‘You’re welcome.’

* * *

  
With Peggy’s advice in mind Steve returned to the room he shared with Bucky hoping he could get the dark haired man to open up. What he saw when he opened the door to their room shocked him to his very core. Bucky was lying on his bed, sobbing rather loudly into his pillow. Steve had never seen Bucky like this before and it was rather jarring to witness. Unsure as what to do he decided to sit on Bucky’s bed and rub his back, like his ma would do for him when he was upset.

Eventually Bucky’s broken sobs died down and he sat up and looked at Steve with red rimmed eyes. Steve just patted his back consolingly.

‘I’m sorry, Steve.’

‘What are you sorry for, Buck? You’ve done nothing wrong.’

‘I know. I’m just sorry that you had to see me like that.’

‘Don’t be stupid, Bucky. We’ve been inseparable since we were five years old. I’ve seen you at your worst and you’ve seen me at mine. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re still my best friend.’

‘Thanks, Stevie. You’re the greatest friend a guy could ask for.’

‘I think you’re talking about yourself there.’

Bucky scoffed. ‘No, I’m not. Look at me, I’m a mess.’

‘You’re not a mess, idiot. You’re just really upset. It happens to all of us.’

_‘_ But why did it have to happen right now.? Why couldn’t they have waited until we were old and grey to take her away from me? She was only 24, Stevie. This shouldn’t have happened to her.’

‘I don’t know, Buck.’

‘Do you think it’ll ever get easier?’

‘I think so. I mean, when I lost my ma I was a mess at first but I eventually got better. I still miss her but it doesn’t hurt as much. I think that’s what you’ll feel one day.’

‘I hope it comes sooner rather than later. I haven’t felt this bad since the winter I lost both of my parents.’

‘It’ll get easier. I’m sure of it.’

‘I miss her. Do you?’

‘Very much.’

‘So where you been all day?’

‘Been talking to a few people.’

‘Oh? Who?’

‘Peggy and Phillips.’

‘You ask her out yet?’

‘No.’

‘Why not? You shouldn’t waste any more time.’

‘It’s not the time for that just now.’

‘Again, why not?’

‘Because we’re going on a mission tomorrow. It’s not fair to ask Peggy out when I’m going to be away for a few weeks.’

_‘_ So? Just tell her you’ll take her out when you get back.’

‘Bucky, just let it go. I’m not ready to ask her yet.’

‘Just don’t wait too long.’

‘I won’t.’

_‘_ So where are we going on this mission?’

‘Germany. We’re destroying a base near Berlin.’

‘Cool. We might even get to kick some Nazi ass while we’re there.’

‘Just the bonus I’ll be looking forward to.’

_‘_ Me too.’

‘We’re leaving early in the morning. So make sure you get a good nights sleep.’

‘God Stevie, you don’t have to sound so much like my ma.’

‘I’m not your ma, I’m your captain. So do as I say.’

‘Fine. But don’t expect me to listen to you again.’

_‘_ Duly noted.’

‘Shut up, punk.’

‘Jerk.’

* * *

  
Steve, Bucky and the rest of the Howling Commandos got up bright and early the next morning. Bucky was looking forward to this mission. It would take his mind off of missing Helen and he got to destroy another HYDRA base. In Germany no less. They might encounter some Nazis and Bucky had no qualms in beating them up if he did.

They had packed every available munition for the mission and everyone was looking forward to setting them off. Bucky knew that Helen would be proud that he was doing his part to help win the war and that thought strengthened his resolve to do this.

Bucky slung his rifle over his shoulder and joined Steve at the front of the group. Once everyone was ready Steve gave the order to march out and they were off.  
  


The next day they reached the base in Germany. All they had to do was infiltrate it and then blow it up. It was going to be fun. Ten minutes later they were all in the building and they let their ammunition go off. Thankfully everyone got out safe and the whole base and all who were in it were blown to smithereens. A few minutes later they returned to their camp and settled down for the night.

‘Hey, Buck.’

_‘_ Hey, Stevie.’

‘That was a good mission, huh?’

‘It was.’

‘Too bad we didn’t get the chance to punch a Nazi.’

‘Well, we beat up a few HYDRA goons so it’s not a total loss.’

_‘_ Mm. I would have actually liked to punch Hitler in the face for real though.’

‘Don’t think he’s spending his time in the middle of nowhere, pal.’

‘Still, I’d really like to ruin his smug little face.’

‘Whatever you say, Stevie.’

‘So, uh, are you feeling better?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, you were pretty upset yesterday.’

‘Oh yeah. I’m feeling a little better.’

‘It still hurts, huh?’

‘Yeah.’

_‘_ It’s only been a few days since the funeral, Buck. Just give it time.’

‘I don’t think it’ll ever go away.’

‘Maybe you need to focus on something happy.’

‘I don’t know how.’

‘How about you think of a happy memory you had with Helen?’

_‘_ I’ve got lots of those, I suppose.’

‘Tell me about one of them.’

‘You want to hear the one about the first snowfall?’

‘Go on then.’

\- Flashback-  
  


_It was the middle of winter and Helen and Bucky were out doing some shopping. Steve had been confined to the apartment, per Bucky’s orders, and so was unable to come. Helen felt a little sorry for Steve but Bucky knew it was for his own good. Plus, it gave him some alone time with his lady._

_Helen was bundled up in a cute little long sleeved maroon and peach woollen shirt dress with a matching set of gloves, scarf and hat. Bucky thought she was so adorable with the way the cold air made her cheeks rosy and her nose red. He really was the luckiest guy in the world._

_‘So, what exactly do we need?’ Bucky asked as he took Helen’s gloved hand in his own._

_‘We need the ingredients for the soup. Steve wants potato but you want lentil so I was thinking I’d just make both. Also I thought it’d be a good idea if I made some vegetable broth. What do you think?’_

_‘I think they all sound delicious. Do you have a list of the ingredients for all of them?’_

_‘Yes. We obviously need a lot of vegetables so we’ll head to the greengrocers. Is that okay with you?’_

_‘Of course it is.’_

_‘Okay. When we get there will you grab the potatoes and carrots while I get the stock cube and the other ingredients?’_

_‘Of course, doll.’_

_‘Let’s go then.’_

_Ten minutes later they entered the greengrocers and went their separate ways to get the ingredients they needed. Bucky quickly found the potatoes and carrots and gathered enough of them to be in three different soups. After placing them in the shopping basket he made his way over to Helen, who had various different stock cubes and a bag of lentils in her basket._

_‘Hey, doll. You got everything you need?’_

_‘I still need celery, barley, onions and peas.’_

_‘I’ll get them for you if you want.’_

_‘Can you get the onions and peas? The barley is just here and the celery is in the next section.’_

_‘Of course, doll. I am merely your humble servant.’_

_‘No, you’re not but it’s nice of you to help me.’_

_‘But I am your servant, love. I do everything to please you.’_

_‘You don’t have to. I like you for who you are, not for all the things you do for me.’_

_‘I know but I still like doing it.’_

_‘I know. Now go get the peas and onions.’_

_‘As you wish, my darling.’_

_‘Just go.’_

_‘I’m going.’_

_After getting the rest of the ingredients they went to the till to pay and after paying they gathered their shopping bags and left the store._

_What they saw when they exited the store surprised both of them. It was snowing. Helen laughed in delight before gently dropping the bags she was carrying onto the ground and spun around amid the falling snow. Bucky watched her with fond amusement. She was so beautiful and unique. There really was no one like her._

_‘Come on, Bucky! Come and dance with me.’_

_‘In the middle of the street?’_

_‘Don’t care about that. Come on, dance with me in the snow.’_

_Bucky chuckled before placing his bags on the ground and joining Helen. He grabbed her hands and led her in a slow waltz. It was romantic and silly at the same time. Dancing in the street with snow falling all around them. But neither of them would change it. It was one of the most romantic moments they had ever shared._

\- End flashback-

‘That’s nice, Buck. It sounds like you had a lot of fun.’

‘We did. It was the perfect setting for a scene in a cheesy romance novel. The snow falling around us as we danced in the street.’

‘You had a lot of fun together.’

‘Yeah, we did. I’ve never been so happy in my life. When I was with her it was like I was a whole new person. She made me feel alive.’

‘You’ll see her again.’

‘I’ll have to wait a long time.’

‘Who cares? Waiting a few decades to be reunited with the love of your life is worth the wait, isn’t it?’

‘She told me once that she’d wait forever to be with me. I guess I can do the same for her.’

‘That’s the spirit.’

‘Do you think she’s watching over us right now?’

‘She is. I know she is. I think she’d be proud of us for carrying on fighting.’

‘She would be.’

‘She’ll always be with us, Buck.’

‘She will and we’ll always have each other.’

‘Yeah. ‘Cause we’re with each other to the end of the line, right?’

‘Right. Until the end of the line.’

‘Yup. Until the end of the line.’


	42. Haunted Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks had passed since Helen’s death and Bucky isn’t handling it well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clear something up because a couple of you had asked in the comments. Helen does not have her wand with her and she hasn’t quite mastered wandless magic so she hasn’t been using any magic because she can’t.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter. Hopefully it’s not too sad for you all :)

* * *

  
Two weeks had passed since Helen had died and Bucky was not doing any better. Yes, he had stopped crying for hours on end but he was still sullen and withdrawn. It was obvious to anyone that he was still grieving and depressed. It worried Steve to no end but he knew that there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn’t magically make Bucky better so all he could do was be there for his friend.

The frequent missions that they had were the only thing keeping Bucky sane and Steve feared what would happen once the war was over and there was no need for these missions anymore. He knew that Bucky needed time to heal from the pain of losing Helen, his fiancée and love of his life, but it was killing him to see his friend so broken over it. He could sympathise to an extent. Apart from Bucky Helen was his only real friend and he enjoyed her company. They had gotten rather close in the time that Bucky left for war and she was there for him when he had his doubts over being Captain America. He missed her greatly but he knew his pain was nothing compared to what Bucky was feeling.

He just wished that he could do more for Bucky. He was sick of feeling useless. He couldn’t just stand there and watch his best friend lose himself in his grief. He had to do something but he knew that there was nothing he could do. The only thing he could do was getting Bucky to share a memory of Helen and that all depended on how Bucky was feeling. Some days the brunette was so deep in his grief that he couldn’t stand to hear Helen’s name and if he did he would burst into tears. So Steve had to tread lightly when it came to mentioning Helen.

Today seemed to be a good day for Bucky considering he was willing to have drinks with the rest of the Commandos at the local bar. Steve knew that Bucky’s mood could change instantly if he was reminded too much of Helen so he had warned the others beforehand not to mention her. He just hoped that they wouldn’t let anything slip after they had a few drinks in them. God knows what Bucky’s reaction would be and Steve didn’t know if he could handle another meltdown so soon after the last one a couple of days ago.

‘You ready to go, Buck?’

‘Yeah, I’m ready.’ Bucky said as he emerged from the mini en-suite.

‘Good. Let’s go then.’

‘Why’d you agree to go anyway? You know the serum prevents you from getting drunk.’

‘Hey, I don’t have to get drunk to have a good time.’

‘Whatever you say, pal.’

‘Let’s just go. Dum Dum and the others have probably had a few drinks by now and I’d rather get there before they get too wasted.’

‘Fine but you know that you’re the one who’s gonna have to haul their drunken asses out of the bar, right?’

‘I’m perfectly capable of handling that, Buck.’

‘I know. Sometimes I just forget that you’re not that little scrawny runt anymore.’

‘Hey! I wasn’t a scrawny runt. Stop exaggerating.’

‘I’m really not. Come on, admit it, Stevie. You know how skinny you were.’

_‘_ Fine. I was but I’m not anymore.’

‘I know. Now you look like one of those strongmen in the circus.’

‘I ain’t in the circus. I’m in the army.’

‘Just like you’ve always wanted.’

‘I told you I’d get in.’  
  
  


_‘_ Well, forgive me for being a little sceptical. After all I didn’t know that there was a serum out there that would make you all buff looking.’

‘I know. Now let’s go. We’re already late.’

‘Relax, Stevie. The others will be too busy drinking to notice that we’re not there yet.’

‘Just come on.’

‘I am.’

* * *

  
After spending the night drinking with the team Bucky drunkenly made his way back to his room. Steve was busy helping Dum Dum and Dernier back to their rooms because they couldn’t walk on their own. Bucky didn’t have as many drinks as the rest of them so he was able to walk himself home. And as Steve couldn’t get drunk he had the unfortunate task of getting the rest of the team back safe when they were absolutely wasted.

Bucky unlocked the door to his room and collapsed on his bed with a sigh. Even drinking couldn’t take his mind off of Helen. She was forever engraved in his memory and he was sure that even if he suddenly forgot everything he would still remember her. Because she was unforgettable and he wished more than anything that she was here right now.

Closing his eyes he dreamed of Helen, losing himself in a memory when they were happy and the war was nowhere in sight.

\- Flashback-

_It was a few days after he and Helen had confessed that they loved each other and both were lost in a blissful bubble. They would kiss anywhere they could and spent hours just snuggling in each other’s arms. Steve thought it was rather disgusting and he made sure they knew it. But they didn’t take it personally since they both knew that he was happy for them._

_They were quite happily making out while sitting at the kitchen table when a horrified squeak reached their ears and they reluctantly broke apart. Bucky turned his head and tried not to laugh when he saw Steve standing a few feet away with a beetroot red face._

_‘Hey, punk. You doing okay? You don’t look so good. I think you might be coming down with a fever. Your face is all red.’_

_‘Oh shut up, Bucky! You know I’m not coming down with a fever!’_

_Bucky chuckled. ‘I know you’re not. I just wanted to tease you.’_

_‘You are the worst, Barnes. I don’t know why I still call you my best friend. You’re so mean to me.’_

_‘You know very well why I’m your best friend. No one else would save your scrawny ass as many times as I have.’_

_‘In that case you’d be a very good bodyguard but as a friend I think you take too much joy in teasing me.’_

_‘Of course I do. I’m your best friend. Teasing each other is part of the package.’_

_‘Lighthearted teasing is part of the package. Looking like all your dreams came true at the fact that I’m mortified at seeing you about to have sex on the kitchen table is not being a good friend.’_

_‘We weren’t about to have sex, Stevie. God, is that all you think about when it comes to our relationship?’_

_‘That’s not what I’m saying.’_

_‘Then what are you saying, punk?’_

_‘I’m just saying that those kisses looked a little too passionate to not lead to something else.’_

_‘And you’re suddenly an expert on kissing? Did you have a secret make out session with a dame or something?’_

_‘No, I didn’t. I’m just saying if you’re going to be kissing like that then please take it to the bedroom. I don’t want to lose my eyesight from seeing that horror show.’_

_‘Can it, punk. If you don’t wanna see anything then just go to your room and leave us in peace.’_

_‘Ugh, do you really have to make out like animals at the kitchen table? We all eat here, you know.’_

_‘We are not making out like animals, you little shit. This is what being in love looks like. Deal with it.’_

_‘Fine. Just don’t do it while I eat my toast. I’d rather not throw it up.’_

_‘You’re ridiculous, Steve.’_

_‘Am not.’_

_‘Are too.’_

_‘Am not.’_

_‘Are too.’_

_‘Jerk.’_

_‘Punk.’_

_‘Fathead.’_

_Bigmouth.’_

_‘Idiot.’_

_‘Loser.’_

_Meanie.’_

_‘Pain in the ass.’_

_‘Stupid-’_

_Helen’s laughter cut off their petty fighting and Bucky had never heard a more beautiful sound in his life. It must have shown on his face because Steve gave him an exasperated look.   
  
_

_‘Are you two idiots done fighting yet or do I have to hear your stupid name calling all the way through my breakfast?’_

_‘Babydoll, you wound me. How could you say that I’m an idiot like Steve?’_

_‘When you stoop to his level and start flinging about petty insults that children would use.’_

_‘Well, he started it. The little punk that he is.’_

_‘No, I think you started it, Bucky.’_

_‘I did not.’_

_‘Yes, you did. You called Steve ridiculous and that started the whole childish insult debacle.’_

_‘Why do you continue to wound me like this, sweet thing?’_

_‘Because you’re acting like a child.’_

_‘Sorry, doll. I guess Stevie just brings it out in me.’_

_‘Then maybe I have to keep you two apart like a mother does with her misbehaving children.’_

_Save that for our children, sweetheart.’_

_‘We’ll see.’_

_Steve burst out laughing at that. ‘Oh, she told you, Buck. You better start behaving or else they’ll be no little Barnes children running about.’_

_‘Shut up, Steve. Our children will be beautiful and you’ll be so jealous at their good looks and brains. And then when they grow up they’ll be taller than you and then you’ll really be envious.’_

_‘Yeah, well, I bet that your kids will prefer their cool Uncle Stevie than their lame dad Bucky.’_

_You take that back.’_

_‘No.’_

_‘Oh just cut it out, you two. You’re starting to give me a headache.’_

_‘Sorry, love.’ Bucky said, giving Helen a sweet kiss._

_‘You’re forgiven.’_

_‘Ookaay, you two. I think that’s enough of that.’ Steve complained when the two of them continued to kiss each other._

_‘Sorry, Stevie.’_

_‘It’s fine. I’ll see you later, lovebirds.’_

_‘Where are you going, punk?’_

_‘To my room.’_

_‘What about breakfast?’_

_‘I’ll get it after you two have left the table.’_

_Bucky laughed. ‘Suit yourself, punk.’_

_‘Just be gone when I get back.’_

_‘No promises.’_

_‘Don’t worry, Steve. We’ll be leaving soon.’_

_‘Thank you.’_

_‘Doll, don’t ruin it.’_

_‘I’m not ruining anything. I’m just telling the truth. We’re taking a walk after breakfast, aren’t we?’_

_‘Oh, yes we are.’_

_‘Good.’_

_‘So, now that Stevie’s gone...’_

_‘What?’_

_‘We can kiss without his comments ruining it.’_

_‘Oh. Well, come here then.’_

_Bucky grinned before closing the gap between them._

\- End flashback-

Bucky sighed contently in his sleep. That was a really good memory he had of Helen and teasing Steve made it all the better. He smiled as he remembered Helen, the sound of her bright laughter, the way her emerald eyes sparkled when she was happy. The way the sunlight reflected off of her beautiful hair, making it shine a deep fiery red. The way her smile made his heart want to burst out of his chest. He missed her so much and he desperately wished she was here right now. But if he closed his eyes tight then he could pretend that she was snuggled in his arms right now and that was the only thing that was keeping him asleep, knowing that when he slept he could see Helen again.

* * *

  
The next morning Bucky awoke from a restless nights sleep. What had started off as a peaceful rest ended with a night of whimpering and tossing and turning. After dreaming about one of his favourite memories of Helen he managed to sleep for another hour before reality kicked in and he awoke in the middle of the night choking back a sob. He tried to keep his crying down so Steve wouldn’t wake up and question him about it. He wasn’t ready for the blond’s incessant questions about how he was feeling. It was too early in the morning for that. So when he opened his eyes he did it with a nervous energy. He didn’t want to face Steve just yet. Thankfully Steve didn’t seem to be in the room so he had time to compose himself before the blond came back. Hopefully Steve wouldn’t notice that he had spent half the night sobbing into his pillow if he took a shower before he came back.

Bucky was drying his hair with a towel when Steve finally did come back. The blond gave him a friendly smile before heading into their shared bathroom. Bucky let out a sigh of relief. It seemed that Steve didn’t notice the fact that his eyes were still a little red rimmed. If he was lucky then he wouldn’t have to deal with Steve asking how he was feeling and telling him that if he needed to talk about it then he was here to listen. And Bucky certainly didn’t want to talk about it. Steve should know how he was feeling. He had just lost the love of his life. How did the idiot think he was feeling?

A few minutes later Bucky threw the wet towel on the floor and tugged his shirt over his head. At the same time the bathroom door opened and Steve emerged with a smile on his face.

‘What’s got you so happy?’

‘What’s got you so grumpy?’

‘I’m not grumpy.’

‘Yes, you are. You’re making your angry face. What’s wrong?’

‘You didn’t answer my question.’

‘Well, you didn’t answer mine.’

‘I asked mine first.’

‘Fine. I’m happy because it seemed that you were doing better. But the fact that you’re rather grumpy tells me that you’re not so happy anymore.’

‘I’m not grumpy, Stevie.’

‘Stop denying it, Buck. I know you. You can’t hide anything from me. Now tell me what’s wrong?’

‘I’m fine, punk. I just didn’t sleep well last night.’

‘Buck, what happened? I thought you were sleeping better.’

‘I was but then I had a dream.’

‘What kind of dream?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Was it about Helen?’

Bucky let out a pained noise before nodding his head. Steve gave him a concerned look and gestured for him to continue.

‘I was dreaming about that time that you caught us making out at the kitchen table and then we started calling each other childish nicknames.’

‘Oh. I remember that. It wasn’t long after you confessed your love for one another.’

‘Yeah. It was a good day.’

‘I know. You two looked really in love that day.’

‘Did we?’

‘Yeah, you did. I’d never seen you happier than you were in that moment. The only time I’ve seen you happier is when Helen agreed to marry you.’

‘I miss her, Stevie.’

‘I know you do, Buck. I miss her too.’

‘Will it ever stop hurting? I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest every waking second. It hurts so much and I can’t stop it. I just want her back and it kills me to know that I never can.’

‘It’s going to be okay, Bucky.’

‘No, it’s not, Steve! She was my everything. I can’t live without her.’

‘Yes, you can, Buck.’

‘No, I can’t.’

‘So, you’re just going to give up? After the war is over are you going to take your own life?’

‘No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just want the pain to stop.’

‘To do that you’re going to have to accept that Helen’s gone.’

‘I don’t know if I can ever do that.’

‘Then what are you going to do? Wallow in grief for the rest of your life?! Helen wouldn’t want that for you, Buck.’

‘How would you know what Helen would want? She’s dead.’ Bucky snapped before storming out of their shared room.

* * *

  
Bucky managed to avoid Steve for the rest of the day. He had heard from the other Commandos that the blond had been running around camp looking for him but Bucky paid them no mind. He didn’t want to see Steve and he knew how to hide from him even if all of the Commandos told him that they had seen him.

It took the sun setting for Bucky to come out of his brilliant hiding place. He didn’t want to have to walk back in the dark and he supposed that he had worried Steve enough. Hopefully the blond would be so relieved to see him that he wouldn’t mention Helen again.

Steve was sitting on his bed with an anxious expression when Bucky opened the door to their room. At the sound of the door closing Steve’s head snapped up and he looked relieved when he saw that it was Bucky who entered the room.

‘Jesus Christ, Buck. Don’t scare me like that. I thought that something bad had happened to you when I couldn’t find you.’

‘I’m sorry, Stevie. I just needed a little time to myself.’

‘You could have just told me that.’

‘I know. I was just really upset with you.’

‘I’m sorry, Buck. I know that talking about Helen hurts you. I shouldn’t have pushed it.’

‘No, it’s okay. I’m just not ready to accept the fact that she’s gone.’

‘I know and I’m sorry that I pushed you to be.’

‘It’s fine, punk. I should have accepted it by now.’

‘No, you take all the time you need. She was everything to you, Bucky. You shouldn’t have to hide your grief.’

‘I just miss her so much. I love her. She was my future and now that she’s gone I don’t know what to do with my life.’

‘You will one day. Now you’ve just gotta take time to grieve her.’

‘I wish I didn’t have to. I want her to be here.’

‘I know you do.’

‘I think I’m gonna go to bed.’

‘Are you sure, Buck? I know it’s not easy for you to sleep right now.’

‘I know but I’ve got to try.’

‘Okay. Goodnight, jerk.’

‘Goodnight, punk.’

Bucky fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow but his dreams were haunted by images of Helen.


	43. Heart of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Bucky has another emotional breakdown Steve tries to cheer him up with a happy memory he and Helen had together.

* * *

  
Two weeks had passed since Bucky had confessed to Steve about dreaming about Helen at night and the brunette hadn’t gotten any better. In fact he had only gotten worse. He was sinking further and further into a depression and it had gotten so bad that Steve didn’t know if Bucky would ever recover from it. It worried the blond to no end but he knew that he just had to be supportive until Bucky had gotten over the bigger part of his grief. If that ever happened. Steve knew how much Helen had meant to Bucky and he seriously doubted that he would ever recover from the deep grief that her death had caused.

Using Peggy’s latest advice he decided to give Bucky little jobs to do during the day so he wasn’t distracted by thoughts of Helen. It was the only thing that was preventing Bucky from completely cracking up right now and Steve prayed that they got given a mission soon so he didn’t have to come up with pointless tasks for Bucky to do.

Unfortunately today seemed to be the day that this particular plan began to fail. Just then a frantic Dum Dum came running up to him, saying that he, Gabe andFalsworth had found Bucky sobbing into his hands on the steps of the mailroom. Steve cursed under his breath and ran in the direction of the mailroom, Dum Dum hot on his heels.

Bucky was sobbing loudly when he got there, his cries a little muffled from his hands covering his face. Gabe and Falsworth were kneeling beside him trying to find out what was wrong with him but it seemed like they weren’t having any luck.

Gabe spotted Steve and he gave him a relieved smile. ‘Thank god, you’re here, man. Maybe you can talk some sense into Barnes.’

‘Alright guys, just give me a minute alone with him, okay?’

‘You got it, Rogers. Let’s head to the bar, men.’ Dum Dum said as he walked away, the other two eagerly following him at the mention of the word ‘bar’.

‘Hey, buddy. You wanna tell me what’s wrong?’ Steve asked gently once the three soldiers were out of earshot.

‘Go ‘way, Stevie.’

‘No, I’m not gonna go away, Buck.’

‘Please, Steve.’

‘No, Bucky. I won’t leave you. Not when you’re this upset.’

‘Just leave.’

‘Stop it, Bucky. I’m not leaving you.’

‘Please.’

‘No, I’m not going.’

‘Wanna be alone.’

‘Why don’t I just take you back to our room then?’

‘’Kay.’

‘Come on, pal. Let’s get you inside.’

Bucky let Steve grab his hand and pull him to his feet and followed him listlessly back to their room. As soon as he saw his bed he took a few shaky steps before collapsing head first into it.

‘Buck, you wanna take your shoes off at least?’

‘No. Just leave me.’

‘You can’t take a nap with your shoes on.’

‘Just go away, Steve.’

‘I’ll go if you let me take your shoes off.’

‘Fine.’

‘Okay, they’re off. You still want me to go?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Alright. I’ll be nearby if you need me.’

‘Thanks, Stevie.’

‘No problem, Buck.’

* * *

  
An hour later Steve decided to head back to his room. He figured an hour was enough time for Bucky to be alone and he knew that if he stayed away any longer Bucky would begin to have tortured dreams of Helen. And that wasn’t good for either of them. The last thing Bucky needed was another breakdown and Steve didn’t know if he could handle another one. Bucky was in the early stage of grief and the blond knew from his own experience losing his mother that this stage was the hardest to overcome. If Bucky had another breakdown then Steve feared he would never get passed this stage and he didn’t want that for his best friend. He just couldn’t let him stay like that forever.

Which was why he was running faster than he had ever ran towards his room. He was so focused on getting there that he didn’t notice a familiar figure walking towards him. And he certainly wouldn’t have almost knocked her over if he had.

‘Oh, my god, Peggy! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to knock you over like that.’ Steve said frantically as he gently set the brunette back on her feet.

‘Oh nonsense, Steve. You didn’t hurt me.’

‘Still, I’m sorry though. I didn’t see you.’

‘Well, I figured that part out. You were running faster than an Olympic athlete going for gold. What’s got you in such a hurry?’

‘I left Bucky alone for an hour so I want to make sure that he’s okay.’

‘Your room isn’t that far away, Steve. I don’t think you need to run as fast as you were.’

‘I know. I just want to make sure that he doesn’t wallow too much.’

Peggy made a sympathetic noise. ‘How is he doing?’

‘Not good. I’m getting really worried about him. He cries all the time and sometimes he just sits there with a despondent look on his face. I’m afraid I’m going to lose him to grief and heartbreak.’

‘He’ll get better, Steve. You’re not going to lose him.’

‘I lost Helen even though I never thought I would. What if the same happens to Bucky?’

‘It won’t, Steve. Now you go check on him and give him my love.’

‘Okay, I will. Bye, Peggy.’

‘Bye, Steve.’

Steve entered their shared room five minutes later and found that Bucky was awake and sobbing silently into his pillow.

‘Hey there, Buck. How are we doing?’

‘Want Helen.’

‘I know you do, buddy.’

‘Where is she?’

‘You know where she is, pal.’

‘She with Peggy?’

‘No, bud, she’s gone.’

‘Gone where?’

‘You, uh, remember what happened a few weeks ago?’

‘Wha’ happened?’

‘We, um, got back from a mission and found out that Helen had...’

‘Had what, Stevie?’

‘Died, Buck.’

‘Died?’

‘Yeah, Helen died a few weeks ago.’

‘No! NO! You’re lying! She’s not dead, Steve! She’s not!’

‘She is, Bucky. You know she is. You saw her after she did. You went to her funeral. I know you don’t want it to be true and it’s easier to pretend that it isn’t, but it is true.’

Bucky let out loud, heartbreaking sobs at this. It shattered Steve to his very core seeing his best friend, his brother in all but blood so defeated and broken like this. He was at a complete loss over what to do. He had no clue what he could do to make Bucky feel better and he wasn’t sure that anything would. Except for maybe one thing.

‘Hey, Buck?’

‘What?’

‘Why don’t we talk about a happy memory?’

‘What happy memory?’

‘One of Helen.’

‘I don’t think I can ever be happy when it comes to Helen anymore.’

‘Don’t say that, Bucky. You love Helen.’

‘But now that she’s gone it’s like I’ve died too.’

‘Bucky, Helen wouldn’t want this for you.’

‘Really?’

‘She wouldn’t, Buck. All she wanted for you was to be happy just like you wanted her to be. You need to learn how to talk about Helen without crying all the time.’

‘How? I miss her too much.’

‘I know you do but we’ve got to keep Helen’s memory alive. She deserves to live on forever and we can’t do that if we never talk about her.’

‘You’re right, Stevie. I want to talk about her but I can’t without my heart aching. I feel like my heart is torn. One half of it wants to talk about Helen all the time so I can see her in my mind always. But then the other half is so broken that I can’t bear to talk about Helen. It’s like my heart is at war, Steve. And I’m afraid it’s never gonna stop.’

‘If you want to win this war inside of you, Bucky, then you’ve got to start talking about her.’

‘I guess so.’

‘Why don’t we talk about a really happy memory?’

‘Okay. What one?’

‘How about the day the three of us went to see Bambi together?’

Bucky gave him a small smile. ‘I like that one.’

‘Me too. I remember how shocked we all were when we found out that it was a sad movie instead of the fluffy happy cartoon we thought it would be.’

‘I know. Helen was so upset when Bambi’s ma died. I’d never seen her so upset before. It made me start crying.’

‘You were crying before that.’

‘Yeah, well so were you.’

‘Of course I was! That death was a tragedy and shouldn’t have happened. Poor Bambi losing his mother like that.’

‘Calm down, Steve. It’s just a movie.’

‘That’s not what you were saying while we were watching it.’

‘Oh, is that right?’

‘Yeah.’

\- Flashback -

_The weekend had finally arrived and Bucky was lookingforwardto relaxing with his best girl. Unfortunately it seemed that Steve had different ideas as he burst through the front door with an excited expression on his face._

_  
‘What’sgot you so excited, punk?’_

_‘I was out buying today’s newspaper and I saw something exciting in it.’_

_‘What’s so exciting in a newspaper?’_

_‘An advertisement about a new movie!’_

_‘What new movie?’_

_‘The new Disney movie. It’s called Bambi and it’s about a young deer who goes on an adventure with his cute animal friends.’_

_‘Sounds like a kids movie.’_

_‘Oh, come on, Buck. You know that Disney movies are made for all ages.’_

_‘This one sounds like a kids movie though.’  
  
_

_  
‘How?’_

_‘It’s a movie about cutesy forest animals. How is that not a movie for kids?’_

_‘Don’t be so uptight, jerk. It doesn’t matter if it’s made for kids. We’re gonna see it anyway. I bet Helen will want to see it.’_

_Bucky scowled. ‘Don’t use my Helen against me, punk.’_

_I’m not. I’m just saying that if you won’t go to see it with me then maybe you’ll go see it with her.’_

_‘I’ll have to hear it directly from her before I make up my mind.’_

_‘Fine. Helen! Can you come here please?’_

_‘What is it, Steve?’ Helen asked after she had emerged from her room._

_‘Do you want to go see a movie with me and Bucky?’_

_‘What movie is it?’_

_‘Bambi. It’s the new Disney movie.’_

_‘Sounds like fun. When are we going?’  
  
_

_  
‘There’s a showing at one.’_

_‘But that’s only an hour away!’_

_‘So?’_

_‘The cinema is twenty minutes away and I haven’t showered yet.’_

_‘Then you better get a move on then.’_

_’Fine but I’m only sitting through this stupid movie for Helen and not you.’_

_‘Noted.’_

_‘That’s sweet, Bucky.’_

_‘Anythingfor you, doll.’_

_‘I love you.’_

_‘I love you too.’_

_  
__Twenty minutes later Bucky was freshly showered and fully dressed so they were all ready to go. It took them a further twenty minutes to get to the cinema which meant that they had twenty minutes until the movie started. This led Steve to take ten minutes to decide which snacks he wanted. He would have taken longer but Bucky had yelled at him in frustration saying that they were holding everyone else in the line up and that he was getting bored waiting. After Steve had finally picked his snacks they found seats near the front row and waited for the movie to start._

_The first half hour of the movie was fun and typical of a cartoon but then ten minutes later something happened that shocked everyone in the audience. Bambi went into the meadow with his mother and it was heartwarming to see him enjoy playing with his mama. It was all very sweet until a gunshot rang out and hit Bambi’s mother. Most of the audience seemed to be in tears as Bambi called out for his mother, including Steve. Bucky turned to Helen to tell her that Steve was crying only to find that she was as well. In fact she seemed to be taking it worse_ _than Steve which was saying something since Steve was a complete sap when it came to things like this._

_‘Sweetheart, you okay?’_

_I’m fine. It’s just so sad that Bambi has lost his mother like that.’_

_‘I know, doll. It probably brings back bad memories of losing your mother, doesn’t it?’_

_‘A little.’_

_‘It’s okay, love. I’m here.’_

_Bucky pulled Helen closer and let her sob into his shoulder. He stroked her hair and whispered comforting things. Thankfully the movie got happier after a few minutes so he didn’t have to watch his love cry for much longer. Bambi and his friends had grown up and were experiencing their first crushes. It was all rather funny and even Bucky let out a few chuckles. The movie ended with Bambi having two little fawns which caused Helen to cry tears of joy, Bucky to smile like a loon at the thought of his and Helen’s future children and Steve to roll his eyes at them fondly but smiling as he was happy with the ending too._   
  


\- End flashback-

‘That was a good day.’

‘It really was. You feeling a bit better, Buck?’

‘A little.’

‘That’s good.’

‘I still miss her though.’

‘I know you do. I think you’ll always miss her, Buck. You loved her. You were going to marry her. How could you not miss her?’

‘Do you miss her?’

‘I do. She was my friend, Bucky.’

‘I know. Thank you for looking out for her while I was away, by the way. I don’t know if I ever did.’

‘You don’t need to thank me. I was happy to do it. I loved spending time with her.’

‘I loved her so much. I still do.’

‘I know.’

‘Do you think she’s watching us from heaven?’

‘You know she is, Bucky.’

‘Yeah, she is.’


	44. Remembering The Good Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky begins to recover from the worst of his grief and cherishes the memories he has of Helen. Meanwhile Steve decides to make something that will commemorate the relationship between Helen and Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to clear some things up since it’s obvious that some of you haven’t been paying attention. First of all, Helen isn’t actually dead. Her dying of pneumonia was a way of sending her back to her own time without raising questions of why she suddenly disappeared from existence. Second of all, Helen doesn’t use magic because she doesn’t have her wand on her. In the next story she will use magic as she gets her wand back.
> 
> Now that that’s over, enjoy the chapter :)

* * *

  
A week had passed since Bucky had made some progress with his grief and Steve was feeling hopeful. Since they had talked about Helen a week ago Bucky was more open to continue talking about her. He was also managing to do it without crying so that was a good thing. He just hoped that this would continue and they wouldn’t hit another roadblock.

So since Bucky was doing so well and fingers crossed he would stay that way, he figured he would use his artistic skills to make a series of memories for Bucky so he would always have Helen with him. Hopefully he would break down again when he got handed it.

All he needed to do was actually make it. Luckily Helen had brought all of her little mementoes with her when they first came here so he had enough stuff to make the little collage he had planned for Bucky. The only thing he needed to do was get the box. Unfortunately the box was in their room which Bucky was currently occupying. If he wanted to surprise Bucky then he needed to get him out of the room.

Which was easier said than done since Saturday was the day that Bucky liked to lay in bed all day and cuddle his favourite dress of Helen’s. It was a little weird but it was better than Bucky crying all day so he didn’t stop him from doing it. Well, at least until today.

He really didn’t want to take Bucky away from what he was sure was therapeutic for him but he had no choice. There was no way that Bucky would let Steve take anything that had belonged to Helen. In fact said box was under Bucky’s bed guarded by his trusty gun. So Bucky definitely wasn’t going to let it out of his sight. Which was why Steve needed to get it while he wasn’t there. And to do that he needed a really good reason for Bucky to leave. Because Bucky wasn’t going to abandon his routine for anything. Not when it included Helen.

Which was why he went to the best man for the job, or to be more accurate the best woman.

‘What exactly do you need my help for?’ Asked a confused Peggy Carter.

‘I need your help to come up with the perfect reason for Bucky to leave our room.’

‘And why do you need him out of the room?’

‘Because I’m planning on making him a collage of all the important memories and milestones he and Helen shared.’

‘Why can’t you just tell him you need the room for something important?’

‘Because he’s using the room for something important.’

‘What is it?’

‘He’s, uh, hugging his favourite dress of Helen’s while lying on his bed and thinking about the good times they shared.’

‘Ah, it’s Saturday.’

‘Yeah. The only day that Bucky will willingly think of Helen.’

‘Why can’t you just do it tomorrow then?’

‘Because it’s gonna take me three days and Phillips wants us back to work on Tuesday which means I have to start today or I’ll never get it finished.’

‘I see. That is a bit of a dilemma.’

‘Yes, it is. You got any ideas?’

‘You could pull rank on him and say you’ve got important work to do as the leader of your team.’

‘But he won’t leave if I say that. I always just do paperwork when he’s there.’

‘Oh. Well, maybe you could get Dum Dum to drag him out. You know that he can be very persuasive.’

‘That actually might work. Thanks, Peggy.’

‘Anytime, Steve.’

Leaving Peggy’s rooms he began his search for Dum Dum. Knowing the man rather well by now he figured that he would be at the local bar since that was were he usually went when he had a day off. Hopefully Dum Dum would agree to this plan. He knew how much he hated being dragged away from a drinking session but maybe he would be willing to help since he was rather fond of Bucky.

A few minutes later he opened the door to the pub and lo and behold Dum Dum was sitting on one of the bar stools with a pint of beer in his hand.

‘Hey, Dum Dum. I need your help.’

‘Hello, Captain. How can I be of assistance?’

‘That depends. How many pints have you had?’

‘This is my second. Why?’

‘I need your help in getting Bucky out of our room for a bit.’

‘Done. I’ll just drag him back here.’

‘Good. Let’s go.’

‘At least let me finish my beer first.’

‘But you’ll be coming right back with Bucky anyway.’

‘Still, you can’t waste a good pint, Cap.’

‘Fine. But hurry up. We don’t have all day.’

‘I’ll hurry but only because you promised I’d get to come straight back.’

Ten minutes later Dum Dum had finished his pint and followed Steve back to his room where Bucky was currently wallowing.

‘Hey there, buddy.’ Dum Dum greeted loudly.

Bucky groaned. ‘You brought Dum Dum? Why, Steve? You know that I like to be alone on Saturdays.’

‘Yeah, well that’s all changing now.’

‘No, it’s not.’

‘Yes, it is. Dum Dum is going to take you out for a few pints. It’ll be good for you to get out for a little while.’

‘I don’t want to.’

‘I don’t care. You’re going.’

‘And where exactly am I supposed to be going?’

‘I told you where you’re going. You’re going for a few pints.’

‘I don’t want to go to a bar, Stevie.’

‘You need to get out for a bit.’

‘You promised that you wouldn’t try to get me to go out today.’

‘I’m sorry, Buck, but it’s for your own good.’

‘You’re not going to give up, are you?’

‘Nope.’

‘Fine, I’ll go. But just for an hour and then I’m right back here.’

‘Deal.’

A few minutes later Bucky had managed to get himself out of bed and was heading out the door with Dum Dum after shrugging his coat on. As soon as the door closed Steve dived right under the brunette’s bed and pulled out the box of Helen’s things. After ten minutes he had all the things he needed and he shoved the box back into place. Hopefully Bucky wouldn’t go looking through the box before Steve had finished the collage.

An hour later Steve had made some good progress on the collage but he knew he had to stop there as Bucky would be back any second. Luckily he managed to hide everything under his own bed before Bucky came through the door.

‘Hey, Buck. Did you have a good time with Dum Dum?’

‘I guess so. He certainly knows how to cheer you up but an hour of drinking with him is definitely enough.’

‘That is true. Still, I’m glad you had such a good time.’

‘I did.’

‘Good. How drunk did Dum Dum get?’

‘Oh, he definitely out drank me. I think he’s under the table somewhere right now.’

‘So he’s completely wasted then.’

‘Yup.’

‘I’ll never understand how he gets that drunk.’

‘Of course you wouldn’t. You can’t get drunk anymore.’

‘Mm.’

‘So what did you do while I was away?’

‘Just some paperwork. It was pretty boring.’

‘Why are you always doing paperwork?’

‘Because I have to, Bucky. You think I like doing it?’

‘Well, it’s not that farfetched. You have become a bit of a stick in the mud.’

‘I have not!’

‘You have, Stevie.’

‘God, even when you’re grieving you’re such a big jerk.’

‘And you’re still a little punk.’

‘Yeah, yeah.’

‘Where’d you put Helen’s dress?’

‘Which one?’

‘Her engagement dress.’

‘That’s not the one you hug.’

‘No, I sleep with it under my pillow.’

‘That’s so tragic.’

‘Hey!’

‘Well, it is.’

‘Stop bein’ a punk and tell me where it is.’

‘Have you checked under your pillow?’

‘Yes, I have. Do you think I’m stupid, Stevie?’

‘I was just asking, Buck. There’s no need to be so defensive.’

‘Have you seen it or not?’

‘No, I’ve not.’

‘Then where is it?’

‘Relax, Buck, I’m sure it’s around here somewhere.’

‘Well, then help me find it!’

‘I will.’

After a few minutes of searching they found the dress. It had fallen from under the pillow and was sticking out of the mattress. They were lucky. If it had fallen any further then they wouldn’t have seen it. And Steve really didn’t want to be there if that happened. If they lost Helen’s engagement dress then Bucky would surely die inside. So the blond was glad that they had indeed found it. He couldn’t bear it if Bucky suffered an emotional death. Seeing him suffer from grief was bad enough. He didn’t want to have to see Bucky as a shell of his former self.

‘I’m glad we found it.’

‘Me too. I just couldn’t lose that dress.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because it reminds me that she was actually here with me. That I actually proposed to her and she said yes. This dress is a reminder of the future that we were gonna have. It’s stupid, I know but it’s all I’ve got.’

‘It’s not stupid, Bucky. It’s actually kind of sweet.’

‘Are you sure it’s not pathetic?’

‘No, it’s not. Remember when my ma died and I kept her silver brooch as a reminder of her? You didn’t think I was pathetic for doing that so I don’t think you’re pathetic for doing this.’

‘Thanks, pal.’

‘Anytime. You know I’m with you until the end of the line.’

‘Right back at you.’

‘You wanna here about the time Helen and I accidentally stole Mrs Lee’s milk?’

‘Okay, two questions. First, how have I never heard about this before? And second, what do you mean by accidentally stole?’

‘Well, you’ve never heard about it because it happened while you were away at boot camp.’

‘Why didn’t I hear about it after I came back?’

‘Because you and Helen were so happy together. It seemed stupid to tell you such a silly story when you were so in love and overjoyed to see each other again.’

‘Okay. And what’s the answer to my second question?’

‘Why don’t I just tell you the whole story?’

‘Fine but it better not be too longwinded.’

‘Shut up, jerk.’

‘Just tell the story, punk.’

\- Flashback -  
  


_A few days had passed since Bucky had left for boot camp and Helen was missing him like crazy. She was doing everything she could to keep her mind off of the fact that Bucky wasn’t here and wouldn’t be back for a few weeks. Luckily she wasn’t alone. She had Steve and she already considered the small blond as one of her best friends. So she was both glad and grateful for his company._ _In the times that she missed Bucky so much that it hurt Steve was there for her, whether it be to offer his shoulder to cry on or listen to her upset ramblings. He was always there for her and she loved him for it._

_‘Hey, Helen.’ Steve greeted one morning._

_‘Morning, Steve.’_

_‘How are you doing today?’_

_‘I’m okay.’_

_‘You still miss Bucky a lot, huh?’_

‘ _Yeah.’_

_‘It’s okay. I miss him too.’_

_‘I know.’_

‘ _Have you picked up milk?’_

_‘No. Why?’_

_‘Because we’ve ran out.’_

_‘Oh. Well, we better go get it then.’_

_‘If we want to have some any time soon then yes we better.’_

_‘You’ve spent too much time with Bucky. You’re starting to sound like him.’_

_‘I am?’_

_‘Yes. You’re teasing me like he does.’_

_‘Well, it’s fun.’_

_‘Hey!’_

_‘I’m just kidding, Steve.’_

_‘I know.’_

_‘Right. We better get the milk then.’_

_‘Yeah, I need it for my cereal.’_

_‘Let’s go then.’_

_Five minutes later they arrived at the store. Steve grabbed two pints of milk and they both headed to the till to pay for it. They greeted Mrs Lee who was also buying milk and left the store after paying._

_Unfortunately they had picked up the wrong pints of milk and they both apologised profusely when an angry Mrs Lee knocked on their door. They quietly exchanged milk bottles and went their separate ways._

_As soon as the door closed, however, both of them burst into hysterical laughter._

\- End flashback-

‘Why exactly was Mrs Lee so angry? It’s not like you stole the milk from her doorstep or anything.’

‘Apparently she special orders her milk. It’s a different kind of milk than regular milk. Something about Mr Lee’s allergies or something.’

‘Wow. I never pegged you as a thief, Stevie.’

‘Hey! It was a mistake.’

‘I know. I’m just teasing you.’

‘Well, at least that hasn’t changed.’

‘Don’t act like you hate it. After all you give it back to me.’

‘I know.’

‘Thanks, punk.’

‘For what?’

‘For sharing that memory. It was nice to know what Helen got up to while I was away.’

‘You’re welcome, jerk.’

* * *

  
The next day Steve continued working on the collage. Bucky was currently taking a nap so he figured it was the perfect opportunity to get some work done on it. He continued his hard work until Bucky showed signs of waking up.

‘Hey, Stevie.’ Bucky greeted sleepily, only minutes after Steve had shoved everything under his bed.

‘Hey, Buck. How’d you sleep?’

‘Fine.’

‘That’s good.’

‘Was I asleep long?’

‘Just an hour.’

‘Mm. So what have you been up to?’

‘Why are you asking me that?’

‘Well, I feel like everything has been about me lately. So I wanted to ask you, my best friend, to tell me what’s been going on with you.’

‘Nothing much. Just the usual.’

‘You made any progress with Agent Carter?’

‘No, we’re still just friends.’

‘Still?! Come on, Stevie, it’s been weeks! Ask her out already!’

‘Now’s not the time, Bucky.’

‘Why not?’

‘I dunno. It just doesn’t feel right and I want to ask her out when it feels right.’

‘You’re running out of time, punk.’

‘Hey, if she really likes me then she’ll wait.’

‘I know. I just don’t want you to miss your chance.’

‘I won’t.’

‘We’re at war, Steve. You never know what tomorrow could bring right now.’

‘I’m not asking her right now.’

‘Do you not like her anymore?’

‘Of course I do.’

‘Then why are you making excuses?’

‘I’m just not ready yet, Bucky.’

‘Well, don’t wait too long.’

‘I won’t.’

‘Good.’

‘Jerk.’

‘Punk.’

Later that night while Steve was fast asleep Bucky lay awake, thinking about Helen. He loved her so much and it still broke him to know that she was gone. He remembered their last date together like it was yesterday. They were so happy and in love.

\- Flashback -

  
  


_It was the day before Bucky was due to go out on another mission with Steve and the Commandos and he was determined to spend his last day with his fiancée, the love of his life, Helen._

_He had given Helen ten minutes to get ready for their date and he was brimming with anticipation. He couldn’t wait to see her. She always looked so beautiful when they went out on dates, even more than she did normally. How she did that he didn’t know. She was already the most beautiful woman in the world. He didn’t know how she made herself look even more stunning than normal._

_He was standing outside of their room waiting when the door suddenly opened and Helen was standing there looking more beautiful than ever. Her hair was in a fancy up do and her black dress was sleek and sophisticated but playful at the same time. The pink apple blossoms dotted around the dress made it stand out even more. He really was the luckiest guy in the world to have her as his fiancée._

_‘Wow, doll. You look absolutely beautiful.’_

_‘You always say that.’_

_‘Doesn’t mean it isn’t true.’_

_‘You mean that?’_

_‘I do. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.’_

_‘Thank you.’_

_‘I love you, you know.’_

_‘I know. I love you too.’_

_‘I wish I didn’t have to leave you again.’_

_‘It’s only for a little while. It’s not like you’re leavingforever.’_

_‘I know. I would just prefer it if I could stay with you all the time.’_

_‘I know, honey. I want that too but we’ll be together again soon.’_

_‘I wish we didn’t have to wait.’_

_‘It won’t be long, Bucky.’_

_‘I don’t want to be apart at all.’_

_‘Neither do I but we’re going to have to be for a few weeks. Now let’s just enjoy our last day together.’  
_

_‘Okay. I’m sorry I got all weird.’_

_‘It’s okay, darling. Now what have you planned for our date?’_

_  
  
‘It’s a surprise, babydoll.’_

_‘You’re no fun.’_

_‘Hey!’_

_‘I’m just kidding. But you know I hate surprises.’_

_‘Just give me this last one and then I promise I’ll stop.’_

_‘Fine. But you better keep your word.’_

_‘Cross my heart.’_

_‘I love you so much.’_

_‘I love you too, doll. So very, very much.’_

_Bucky silently offered Helen his arm, smiling as she took it right away, and led her to the place of their date. Ten minutes later they arrived at their destination and Helen gasped as she saw the grassy area littered with candles and flowers. A blanket was carefully laid in the middle with a radio and a picnic basket sat on top of it. It was perfect._

_  
‘Oh, Bucky. I can’t believe you did this.’_

_‘You like it, sweetheart?’_

_‘I love it.’_

_‘I’m glad you like it, doll. Shall we sit down?’_

_‘Yes.’_

_They sat down and fed each other food while kissing on and off. After they ate Bucky stood up and offered Helen his hand. She took it and smiled as he pulled her into his arms._

_  
‘May I have this dance, my love?’_

_‘You may, my soldier.’_

_Bucky leaned down and turned on the radio before spinning Helen around in a romantic waltz._

_‘I love you, Helen.’_

_‘I love you too, Bucky.’_

_It turned out to be one of their best dates and they both went to sleep that night with big smiles on their faces. The next morning Bucky got dressed and left their room after giving Helen a goodbye kiss._

_Little did either of them know that it would be the last time they saw each other._

\- End flashback -

The next day Bucky woke up and glanced at the clock on his bedside table. He cursed silently seeing that it was past one o clock in the afternoon. He looked to Steve’s side of the room and found the blond wasn’t there and it looked like he hadn’t been there for a while, judging by the neatly made bed.

Sighing loudly he pulled himself out of bed and got dressed. He knew that Phillips wanted them back to work tomorrow and he wanted to know what they would be doing. Knowing that Steve would have the information he put on his coat and headed out the door.

He was walking down the hall not really paying attention where he was going when he bumped into what felt like a brick wall. He smiled when he saw that it was just Steve though he felt a little bad for comparing his best friend to a brick wall.

‘Hey, Stevie. I was just lookin’ for ya.’

‘Really? I was looking for you.’

‘Huh. I guess we had the same thought then. What’s up?’

‘You go first.’

‘If you’re sure.’

‘I am. Go on.’

‘Okay. I was, uh, just wondering what we were doing tomorrow when we’re back to work and all.’

‘Oh. Phillips just wants us to patrol the camp border but you never know when a mission could come up.’

‘That sounds boring.’

‘The enemy could attack at any time, Buck.’

‘I guess so. Now what did you need me for?’

‘I, um, have something for you.’

‘What is it?’

‘I left it in our room. Come on.’

‘This better not be a prank.’

‘It’s not. Why would you think that?’

‘I dunno. It just sounds a bit like it, that’s all.’

‘Well, it’s not. Now hurry up so I can actually show you what it is.’

‘I’m coming, punk. No need to get bossy.’

They made the short walk back to their room and Steve grinned before pulling out a small parcel from under his covers.

‘Here you go.’

Bucky glanced suspiciously at the blond before carefully opening the parcel and what he saw took his breath away. Steve had made a collage celebrating his and Helen’s relationship. It was so touching and sweet. He couldn’t believe that Steve had done this for him.

‘You like it, Buck?’

‘Like it? I love it! God, Stevie, you didn’t have to do this for me.’

‘Yes, I did. You’re my best friend and I knew this would cheer you up.’

‘Thanks, pal. I don’t know what I’d do without you.’

‘Same here.’

Bucky gave Steve a small smile before turning his attention back to the collage. Steve had created a border of all their favourite flowers with all of their memories in the middle. A large photo of him and Helen sat in the middle, looking so happy and in love. It was one of Bucky’s favourite photos of the two of them. It was taken by Peggy on the night of their engagement. Dotted around the photo was little mementoes from all their dates. The tickets to the cinema, the ticket for the expo, the receipt from the fancy restaurant he had taken Helen to. It was all there.

Every important memory he and Helen had shared was a part of this collage. And he couldn’t be more grateful to Steve for doing this for him. Seeing all their memories laid out in front of him reminded him of the good time that he and Helen had shared and it eased the pain in his heart to know that they were happy together. It didn’t take away the burden of his loss but it made him more eager to win this war for her. Helen had wanted him to do his part for the war effort before they got married and had a future together and even though she was gone it wasn’t going to stop him from doing it. He owed it to Helen to do it anyway. He would do anything for the love of his life after all.


	45. Frozen in the Alps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple yet important mission to capture a man called Dr Zola goes wrong for Bucky who is finally at peace with Helen’s ‘death’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the last ever chapter of Finding Happiness. I just want to thank everyone who’s reviewed, subscribed and bookmarked. Thank you for reading this to the very end and I’m glad all of you liked the story. Just a little note, the first chapter of the next story should be out sometime next week. So keep an eye out.
> 
> That being said, enjoy the last chapter :)

* * *

  
A few weeks had passed and Bucky still couldn’t take his eyes off of the collage. Steve had been concerned at first but after Bucky had explained that every time he looked at it he felt Helen’s presence the blond shut up. The Commandos had been given a week off after a two week long successful mission to destroy a HYDRA base. The brunette was sure that another mission would come very soon but for now he enjoyed the time off.

‘Hey, Buck.’ Steve greeted as he walked into their room.

‘Hey, Stevie.’

‘Are you still looking at the collage?’ The blond asked in an amused tone.

‘Shut up, punk. You said you wouldn’t judge anymore.’

‘I’m not. I think it’s sweet how much you love it.’

‘Then why do you sound like you’re two seconds away from laughing?’

‘I guess I’m just happy to see you looking so, well, happy.’

‘Doesn’t explain why you’re laughing.’

‘I’m not laughing, you jerk!’

‘About to laugh then.’

‘I’ve just never seen you so mesmerised in a while. It’s almost like Helen was back the way you were looking at it. I was just remembering how I used to tease you about that.’

‘I told you that I feel her every time I look at it.’

‘I know.’

‘And as far as you teasing me for getting all mushy then I got revenge when I teased you for being the same with Peggy. And the best part is I can continue teasing you for it.’

‘Why the hell did I think cheering you up would be a good idea?’

‘Because I’m your best friend and you love me too much to see me so sad. Keep up, punk.’

‘I almost wish I’d just left you to rot in your despair but I’d feel too bad. I can’t do that to you. It would go against the code of best bros.’

‘Damn straight it would be. You can’t do that to your best pal.’

‘So if Peggy turns me down when I ask her out then you’ll help cheer me up, right?’

‘You mean if you ask her out.’

‘Hey! I told you that I would. Stop doubting me, jerk.’

‘I’m sorry. It’s just been ages since you said you’d ask her out and you haven’t yet. Forgive me for having doubts.’

‘I know. I can just never find the right time to do it.’

‘How come?’

‘Because every time I try I either get too nervous or our conversation gets interrupted by Phillips or Howard or somebody else.’

‘Then don’t get nervous.’

‘Easier said than done.’

‘My god, Stevie! You’re not some scrawny asthmatic anymore. You’re Captain America, for crying out loud! You’re a hero. How can your confidence still be so low after rescuing me and hundreds of other soldiers from a heavily guarded HYDRA base almost singlehandedly?’

‘I don’t know, Buck. I guess deep down I’m still the same Steve who got beat up in alleys and never got any dates.’

‘You’ve always been so much more than that, you little punk. Have a little faith in yourself. You always see the good in other people. It’s time to see the good in yourself now. Ask Peggy out. I’m sure the answer will be better than you thought it would be.’

‘Thanks, Bucky. You always know what to say to cheer me up.’

‘No problem, pal. It’s my job as your best friend after all. Just consider it a thank you for cheering me up.’

‘I know. Still, I don’t know what I’d do without you.’

‘Same here, pal.’

* * *

The next day Bucky surprised himself by waking up at the crack of dawn. He even gave Steve a fright when he came out of the bathroom.

‘Jesus, Buck. You scared me.’

‘Sorry.’

‘It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting you to be up this early.’

‘Neither did I.’

‘So, what’s got you up this early?’

‘I dunno. I guess it just happened.’

‘Huh. I guess miracles can happen.’

‘Hey! Stop making out like I’m a lazy slob. I can get up early. I’m a soldier after all.’

‘I know. It’s just you’ve slipped up a bit since you lost Helen.’

‘I know. But I guess I’m getting on top of it again.’

‘I guess so. You wanna go out for a run?’

‘Sure but as long as you’re okay with me whipping your ass.’

‘Bring it on, jerk ‘cause I’m about to leave you in the dust.’

‘Yeah, right.’

‘Fine. We’ll see who gets back first.’

‘We don’t need to ‘cause you know I beat you every time.’

‘That was before I was Captain America, jerk.’

‘I beat you last week, didn’t I?’

‘I was going easy on you.’

‘If that helps you sleep at night.’

‘Oh, shut up and let’s race.’

‘You’re on, punk.’

‘Get ready to lose, jerk.’

‘Nah, I’m getting ready to win.’

‘Okay. We better stop this. We’ll never get started if we keep this up.’

‘You’re right. You ready?’

‘You bet I am.’

‘Okay. On the count of three.’

‘One.’

‘Two.’

‘Three.’

The two of them took off at a breakneck pace, never stopping once. They constantly shoved each other out of the way and tried to outdo each other. In the end though they had such a good time that they decided that they weren’t going to argue about who won. They would argue for hours over who did and that would just spoil it all. After all who knows when they would have this much fun with a war going on.

After spending all day doing pointless work and then sneaking off to the pub for a few pints, Bucky was more than ready to go to bed. He stripped down to his boxers and practically fell into bed. He fell asleep a few minutes later with his hand over Helen’s locket.

Then something strange happened. He was awake, sitting on the edge of his bed fully clothed, which was weird considering he had definitely went to sleep in only his underwear. He glanced around the room and realised two things. One, Steve was nowhere in sight, which was alarming since they shared a room. And two, the room seemed much smaller than it usually was. It was almost as if he was in his old bedroom back in Brooklyn, which was impossible as they were all the Europe now.

Suddenly it hit him. This was a dream. A very vivid, very realistic dream.

What he was dreaming about he had no idea. Nothing interesting seemed to be happening at the moment. He wondered if this was his mind’s way of telling him that his life was boring and meaningless. But then out of nowhere the room was suddenly filled with lit candles, making the room seem ethereal and whimsical.

Just as he began to think that he was having another weird dream a figure stood in the doorway. He could not see who it was as the person was surrounded by white light. Then they began to walk towards him and he could see the person was wearing a white dress, which meant that it was a woman. Well, there was only one woman he would dream about.

The woman came closer and Bucky gasped as her face came into view. It was Helen.

Helen was standing right in front of him and he was stunned into silence. She looked like an angel. She was wearing a floor length white dress that had floaty long sleeves with gold and silver beading immersed throughout the dress. Her vibrant red hair flowed down her back like a waterfall. On top of her head was a golden circlet that resembled a halo.

She continued walking towards him until they were only a few inches apart. Her eyes roamed over his face before a wide smile graced her face.

‘Hello, Bucky.’

God it had been so long since he last heard her voice.

‘I see that you are shocked to see me.’

‘Helen.’

‘I’m here, Bucky. I’ve always been here.’

‘How?’

Helen gave him a loving look before sitting on the bed beside him.

‘Do you remember what I told you when I told you about my godfather?’

‘You said that he died when you were fifteen.’

‘No, not that. What I told you after that.’

‘What did you say?’

‘I told you what my old headmaster once told me. How the ones we love never truly leave us.’

‘Yes, I remember now.’

‘Do you remember why that is?’

‘I’m not sure.’

‘The ones who love us never really leave us because we can always find them in here.’

Bucky glanced down to find Helen’s hand pressed over his heart and he reached up and grabbed it with his own hand, holding his love’s hand for the first time in months.

‘You really never left me?’

‘No, I’ve always been with you. Even if you couldn’t see me. I’m in your heart, Bucky. As long as you love me then I will be with you.’

‘I’ll love you forever.’

‘Then I’ll be with you forever.’

‘Will I ever see you again?’

‘Yes. Someday.’

‘When?’

‘When the time is right.’

‘How far away will that be?’

‘Be patient, my love. For we will see each other sooner than you think.’

‘Then I’ll wait as long as it takes.’

‘I know you will and I’ll be right here waiting for you.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

‘Do you have to go soon?’

‘In a few minutes.’

‘Can I get one last kiss before you go?’

‘Of course.’

Bucky smiled softly before leaning in and capturing Helen’s lips with his own. He kissed her for as long as he could, savouring what was sure to be their last kiss.

‘I have to go now.’ Helen said after she broke the kiss.

‘Okay. I’ll miss you.’

‘I’ll miss you too.’

‘I’ll never stop loving you, Helen.’

‘And I’ll never stop loving you, Bucky.’

‘Please don’t leave me.’

‘I have to.’

‘Just stay with me until I wake up.’

‘I have. You’re about to wake up, Bucky.’

‘I am?’

‘Yes, you are. And before you do, will you promise me something?’

‘Anything, my love.’

‘Promise me that you’ll remember that this was real.’

‘What was real?’

‘This dream. It was all real, Bucky. And everything I told you in it is true. We will see each other again.’

‘But you’re dead.’

‘No, I’m not. I’m just somewhere that you can’t get to right now. But you will one day and then we’ll be together like we always wanted.’

‘You mean that?’

‘Yes.’

‘How do I know that this is real?’

‘You can feel me, can’t you?’

‘Yes.’

‘And when you first came here you thought you were awake, right?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then it’s real. I wouldn’t lie to you, Bucky.’

‘I know you wouldn’t.’

‘I have to go now, Bucky. You're seconds away from waking up.’

‘Don’t leave me.’

‘It won’t be forever. Remember that. We will see each other again. Promise me that you’ll remember that even if you forget everything else.’

‘I promise.’

‘Goodbye, Bucky. I’ll see you soon.’

‘Goodbye, Helen.’

‘I love you. Don’t forget that either.’

‘I won’t. Not when I love you with all my heart.’

‘Don’t forget, Bucky. Don’t forget.’

This was the last thing he heard before he was being roughly shaken awake.

‘Bucky! Bucky, wake up.’

Bucky blearily opened his eyes and saw the familiar shape of Steve.

‘Mornin’, Stevie.’

‘Mornin’, Buck.’

‘What time is it?’

‘Almost twelve. So much for getting up early again.’

‘Sorry. I guess I just needed that extra bit of sleep.’

‘I guess so.’

‘What’d you wake me for anyway? You usually let me get up on my own.’

‘Colonel Phillips wants to see us.’

‘Me and you? Or me, you and the Commandos?’

‘The second one.’

‘Yikes. It must be important.’

‘Seems like it.’

‘When are we meeting him?’

‘In ten minutes, which was why I woke you. Now get your lazy ass dressed so we won’t be late.’

‘Alright, alright. No need to be bossy.’

‘Just hurry up, Buck. I don’t want us to miss something this important.’

‘I’m hurrying. What do you think the meeting’s about?’ Bucky asked as he buttoned his slacks.

‘Probably something to do with HYDRA. Phillips only ever calls meetings like this when it’s about them.’

‘Hopefully they’ve figured out a way to get rid of them for good.’

‘Here’s hoping. Are you ready to go?’

‘Yeah, let me just grab my coat.’

* * *

Five minutes later everyone had arrived and the meeting began.

‘Captain, I called you and your team in here today because we’ve received intel that Dr Zola is about to take a train to be transported to an undisclosed location. If we can catch him then we take a huge step in defeating HYDRA once and for all. Which is why I want you and your team to capture him and bring him back here.’

‘Yes, sir. We will do so with honour.’

‘Good. You’ll leave first thing tomorrow morning for the Austrian alps. You should be able to get Zola fairly easily from that location.’

‘Yes, sir. We will prepare to leave right away.’

‘Excellent. You and your team are dismissed, Captain.’

‘I guess it really was important.’ Bucky remarked once he and Steve were back in their shared quarters.

‘Yeah. I just thought it wouldn’t be this important. This could be the key to winning the war, Buck.’

‘If it’s not then it’s certainly the key to stopping HYDRA.’

‘Then let’s stop those sick bastards once and for all.’

‘You don’t need to tell me, Steve. I’ll be doing this mission quite happily.’

‘I’m glad you’ll be with me, Buck.’

‘Until the end of the line, Stevie. Don’t forget that.’

‘I didn’t.’

‘I mean it, punk. I told you that after your ma had died and I meant it then just as much as I do now. I’m with you until the end of the line, no matter what happens.’

‘Thanks, jerk.’

‘No problem, punk.’

* * *

  
The next morning came all too soon for Bucky’s liking. Sure, he was eager to complete the mission. He just didn’t understand why they had to leave before the sun came up. Austria wasn’t that far away from the base. They didn’t need to get up so early. But sadly they had to and Bucky gave his bed one last longing look before heading out the door and joining Steve near the front of the line.

Before he knew it they had arrived in Austria, which just solidified Bucky’s point that they could have left much later and a little more rest before heading out. When he tried to point this out to Steve he just got shushed so he didn’t mention it again. He kind of got why Steve had shushed him. They had already left so arguing that they should have left later was pointless. But Bucky kept the fact that he was right about it firmly in the back of his mind. The train wouldn’t be arriving for ages so it totally would have made sense if they had left a bit later. Freezing your butt off on a snowy mountain top for a couple of hours wasn’t exactly the greatest thing to have to go through.

All too soon though the train was due to pass and Dum Dum and Dernier had set up the zipline for them to get onto the train. They had decided that only Steve, Gabe and Bucky himself would go on the train and get Zola. It was easier that way. Too many people could hinder the success of the mission and it was useful to have some men staying behind.

‘Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?’ Bucky askedSteve a few minutes before they were due to zipline onto the train.

Steve nodded. ‘Yeah, and I threw up?’

‘This isn’t payback, is it?’

‘Now why would I do that?’

Bucky gave Steve a look and was about to reply when Gabe spoke up.

‘We were right. Dr. Zola’s on the train. HYDRA dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he’s going, they must need him bad.’

‘Let’s get going, because they’re moving like the devil.’ Falsworth said as he spotted the train.

‘We only got about a 10-second window. You miss that window, we’re bugs on a windshield.’ Steve said grimly as he prepared to use the zipline.

‘Mind the gap.’ Falsworth told them jokingly.

‘Better get moving, bugs!’ Dum Dum said, joining in on the teasing.

‘Maintenant!’ Dernier yelled out.

Taking that as their cue, Steve, Bucky and Gabe all zip-lined onto the train and carefully walked on top of it. Once they reached the door that they were looking for, Gabe stayed on top to guard them while Steve and Bucky entered the compartment. After closing the door Bucky could see that there was no sign of Zola so he and Steve continued to walk through the compartment.

Bucky stayed behind Steve, his rifle cocked and ready as he watched his friend’s back.

They were both tense as they silently walked through the equally silent hallways. But that changed all too quickly.

Suddenly as Steve walked through an open door into another room a loud noise rang out and both doors closed, trapping Bucky and Steve in separate rooms. Steve gave Bucky a panicked look through the little window in the door and tried desperately to open it.

But they soon ran into bigger problems. The two soldiers both encountered some HYDRA agents and had to defeat them before they could get back to each other.

Bucky was currently facing several HYDRA agents at once and soon ran out of ammo in his rifle. Luckily he had also brought a hand gun with him and he prayed that he wouldn’t run out of ammo with this one before he could defeat all of the agents.

However it seemed that luck wasn’t on his side today as he ran out of ammo with a couple of agents still running around. He hid behind a crate and tried to catch his breath. All he could do was hope that Steve got to him in time. If not then he was surely toast.

It seemed that luck hadn’t completely abandoned him as Steve had indeed managed to get to him. The blond opened the door and threw him a spare hand gun before barging in the room and throwing his shield at the agent, knocking him backwards and allowing Bucky to take him out with the hand gun.

‘I had him on the ropes.’ Bucky panted.

‘I know you did.’

They both smiled at each other in relief that the other was okay. This relief was short-lived, however, as another trooper came and aimed a blaster at them.

‘Get down!’ Steve yelled, jumping to stand in front of Bucky.

The blast from the trooper’s gun created a massive hole in the side of the train as well as Steve to be knocked onto the ground. Thinking fast Bucky grabbed Steve’s shield and held it up to deflect the next blast from the trooper. Unfortunately the impact of the blast hitting the shield caused him to fall through the large gap in the train. Luckily he managed to grab onto one of the railings and he held on for dear life. Hopefully Steve would come and help him soon. He didn’t what to imagine what it would be like if he fell right now.

A few minutes later he saw Steve poke his head through the gap and the blond screamed his name in panic before carefully but urgently making his way across to help him.

‘Bucky! Hang on!’

Bucky felt a surge of hope as he watched Steve come closer to where he was hanging on for dear life.

‘Grab my hand!’

Bucky reached his hand out to grab Steve but then in a twist of fate the railing began to break and he just couldn’t hold on anymore.

‘NO!’ Steve yelled as he fell from the train.

Bucky screamed in terror as he fell at an alarming rate. As he got closer to the ground his last thought was of Helen and how they would be together again very soon.


End file.
